by Judi Nolan
"No, thanks. You go first." Kate closed her eyes as he moved past her, heading for the shower. The sight of all that glorious naked male flesh at this hour of the morning was simply too much for her senses. If she gave in to such wanton temptation, she would follow him and they would be here all day. If Spencer wanted to repeat the events of last night. He'd given no indication that he did.
Kate breathed deeply through her growing sense of disappointment. She felt tears prick at the backs of her eyes and she blinked them aside. She'd practically seduced the man last night. Thrown herself at him shamelessly.
But last night she'd become a woman she didn't recognize. With Eric she had always been forced to measure her responses, gauge his uncertain mood and make adjustments. She quickly learned exactly what to do and how to please him. But their lovemaking had always left her feeling unfulfilled and empty.
Last night, with Spencer, pure instinct had been her only guide. Perhaps, in her need to please him, had she caused some kind of offence? Eric had never failed to vocalize his disappointment if she did anything he didn't like.
"I wish I knew what to do." The heat in her cheeks deepened as she padded through to the kitchen on bare feet.
She mentally reviewed her behavior as she made the coffee and came no closer to any satisfactory answer. But she wasn't about to ask. She never expected the morning after feeling to be so awful.
"Shower's all yours." Spencer appeared ten minutes later, his gaze searching hers with slow intensity.
"We need to talk." He frowned. "Kate, last night, I—"
Kate swallowed. Suddenly she didn't want to hear his confession. To listen to the words of how much she'd disappointed him.
"Thanks for the shower. Can what you have to say wait until later? The coffee's hot." She ducked away from his frustrated gaze before he could start asking questions.
She was fresh out of answers.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
After showering she dressed in record time. Bracing her shoulders she returned to the kitchen. But just as she re-entered the room, holding herself together to encounter Spencer's strange mood, the telephone rang.
Kate knew a large amount of relief as he reached to answer it. "Dr. Stelanos." He listened intently for a moment. "Fine. Give me ten minutes, I'll be there."
He hung up and turned to Kate. "That was the police. Spencer Person's been found dead at his home. I have to go."
She felt as if, in some way, she had failed Spencer. Kate blew a thoughtful sigh. She wanted to run away. Go over the events of last night in private and try to discover the depth of her mistake. But instead she replied, "I'll come with you. Who found him?"
"A neighbor. The police think he died some time last night. I have to go and certify the death."
His eyes flicked over her face. "Spencer lived his life by his own rules. He wouldn't want anyone to feel sorry for him."
"I know." Kate lifted her shoulders in defeat.
It wasn't Spencer she was feeling sorry for. He'd finally been released from all pain. Today she felt more sorry for herself that thought possible. She pulled herself back from the stew of self-pity.
Spencer jerked his head towards the door. "Come on, we'll have to skip breakfast. Maybe we can get something on the way to work."
They got into his vehicle and drove to Spencer's house in silence. Spencer looked across at Kate several times, as if trying to find the right words. He finally spoke as they turned into the driveway on Peake Road. "This won't be easy."
"I know." Kate unfastened her seatbelt. "Don't worry, I'll be all right."
And she knew she would be. For the first time, in a very long while. After this morning they would talk.
The police were waiting for them when they got to the house. The old man's body was slumped in his chair in the sitting room. All the windows had been opened, but the air in the room was still close.
While Kate spoke to the constable in charge, Spencer sank to his haunches beside the body. In Spencer's hands was a framed picture of a pretty, dark haired young woman. The colors were faded as if it had been taken more than fifty years ago.
"This was his wife, Fiona," Spencer said, as Kate approached to kneel down beside him. "Perhaps he felt unwell and decided to sit down."
Spencer looked peaceful, as if he had just fallen asleep. There was an untouched cup of tea on the small table beside the old man's chair.
"Looks like he went without a fight." The young constable who had been left in charge of the scene stood to one side. "Just sat down and closed his eyes."
"We can only hope it was quick," Spencer said quietly.
He checked for a pulse before opening his bag and pulling on a pair of gloves. He drew out his stethoscope to listen for any sign of a heartbeat and then shining a torch into Spencer's unsighted pupils to see if they were fixed and dilated.
"I'm sorry he had to die alone." Kate sighed, thinking of Wirimu Rangi surrounded by all his loving family. "I know he was afraid of that. I hope he and Fiona find each other."
"Spencer wouldn't want anyone to mourn for him."
Kate nodded. "But, it doesn't make it any less tragic."
Spencer straightened. "He never wanted anyone's help. He was a fiercely independent old man. He's at peace now. We can't do any more here."
"The coroner's car is here, Doc. Okay to move him now?" the young constable asked.
"Yes." Spencer nodded. "I know he didn't have any family. But, is there anyone we can notify?"
"Not that we know of." The constable frowned. "I can ask around his friends at the RSA."
"Please. Someone needs to take care of the funeral arrangements."
"He's where he wanted to be," the young man replied on a shrug. "Whatever we do with him now, I guess old Spencer isn't going to care anymore."
Spencer was forced to leave it there.
"I feel I could have done more when I saw him," Kate said later in the car, after helping Spencer complete the necessary paperwork.
Spencer slanted her a sympathetic glance. "Spencer wouldn't want you worrying about him. His independence was very important to him. He lived his life on his own terms."
Kate shook her head. "But it seems such a lonely end."
"Yes, but now he's no longer alone. He's back together with Fiona."
"I hope that's true. Do you think they will meet again, somewhere out there?" She waved her hand at the sunlit morning beyond the windscreen.
"We all hope that those we love will come to us again," Spencer said in a slow, meditative tone.
Kate wondered who he was thinking of then. If they parted now, after one night and no promise of tomorrow, would they meet again somewhere? The idea gave her no satisfaction.
She sent up a silent prayer that he was right in Spencer's case. That, out there in the world beyond, two halves of one soul were being reunited. It gave her a tiny measure of comfort.
She looked across at Spencer. "I want to go back to the cottage."
"Fine, I'll take you." Spencer put the car in motion. "You'll need to get changed. We must talk tonight. We have to sort out what we're going to do."
His face was closed and set. It gave nothing away of what he was thinking or feeling. Kate gave up trying to understand this strange new mood. Did he still want to marry her after last night?
"Thanks." She leaned against her door.
Her mind refused to function, her head aching from too much thinking. Sitting miserably beside the man she loved with all her heart, she'd never felt more alone in her whole life.
Marriage to the man now seemed as unobtainable as the moon.
Spencer's four wheel drive was in its allotted space when Kate arrived at the practice later that morning. She expected to feel awkward after their night of shared passion, but not this deep pit of confusion and heartache.
She'd asked for what happened between them. Begged for Spencer to take what she was offering. She'd been intent on erasing Eric's memory from her mind and flesh, but she had
n't expected to lose all her inhibitions.
"You look awful." Edith greeted her with concern. "Is it your hand?"
"No, my hand is fine." Kate had decided to remove the bandage and snip the sutures out herself. The wound had healed cleanly with no evidence of infection. It was only the rest of her weary body that felt awful.
She felt like bursting into tears. Everything inside her intensified. She found a much-needed release in telling Edith the tragic news. "Spencer Preston died this morning."
"Oh, Kate, I'm sorry." Edith shook her head. "How did he die?"
"We don't know. There will have to be an autopsy."
Edith took her arm. "Come and have a coffee. You look like you could use a strong, black."
Kate allowed the other woman to tow her into the kitchen. Edith made her sit down at the table as she made the coffee.
She placed a steaming mug before Kate and sat down opposite her. "I know this may sound hard, but Spencer wouldn't want you to feel sorry for him."
Kate looked up. "That's what Spencer said."
"Well, he's right." Edith nodded. "Spencer made his own rules." Her brown eyes studied Kate's face closely. "But it's not old Spencer you're crying for now, is it?"
"No, it isn't." Kate sighed, unable to keep the denial inside anymore. "I don't know what to do for the best."
"So it is Spencer," Edith said with undeniable certainty. "I just knew it. The way the pair of you have been looking so down recently. Like you're both carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders. So, how does he feel about you? Like, has he said anything to give you any kind of hint? Has he said the three magic words?"
"No, I have no true idea." Kate shook her head. "I…it's complicated, a real mess. Sometimes I even think he feels sorry for me."
"Pity, ah huh." Edith grimaced. "Men, sometimes they can't see what's right in front of them. That boy of his needs a mother and Spencer needs a wife. A real woman, not some fancy cut-out woman with more make-up than brains and a mercenary heart to boot. Don't think I don't know what's going on. And you'd be so perfect for those two."
"So I once thought too." Kate shook her head. "You can't tell him you know anything, Edith. You mustn't breathe a word. He would hate it if he thought anyone knew when everything is in such a mess."
"Ah, I see." Edith studied her in frowning silence for a long moment. "The man did ask you to marry him, didn't he? Don't try and deny it, I can see it in your face. You did say yes, didn't you?"
"Oh, Lord, please, none of that was supposed to come out," Kate implored softly. "It's something we still have to work out. It's not what you think. It's too complicated and I don't know what I can tell you. I don't think I could take anything more right now."
Edith nodded. "Okay, not a word. But you can't stop me from thinking about it. About how great you two could be together. If Spencer would only loosen up a little and talk to you. The man needs you, any fool can see that. He needs to marry you and make an honest woman out of you. Before it's too late."
"It may already be too late," Kate said unhappily. "I must go. I have patients waiting." She hurried away before she said anything more. Or broke down and cried.
The long day ground on. Spencer watched Kate from across the reception area. He'd been avoiding speaking to her all day. He saw her push a curl behind her ear as she listened to what the receptionist was saying. His lower body cramped painfully.
He couldn't stop remembering how soft her hair had felt beneath his lips as he had taken her with him over the edge. The look in her startled blue eyes had almost been one of surprise, as if she'd never experienced such fulfillment before.
Spencer thought of the absent Eric Waters and his hands flexed into fists. He wanted to reach out and throttle the man, not a good impulse for a doctor, but the green-eyed monster raging inside him didn't care about the ethics of the medical profession.
Spencer replayed the thought and ducked his head in shocked surprise. Where on earth had that come from? Last night had been a big mistake—a huge error in judgment on his part. He should have been stronger. Said no and meant it. He'd been forced down this torturous path of needing a wife, a warm and caring mother for his son, but he didn't need a woman in his life any other way.
But the look of helpless confusion in Kate's eyes when she'd begged him to make love with her had been his undoing. Eric must have really done a number on her. He couldn't refuse, couldn't compound every wrong thing her ex-fiancé had said and done to Kate and live with himself afterwards.
She got to him in ways he couldn't begin to explain. But it wasn't just Kate's feelings he was playing with, there were his own as well. Every minute he spent in her company was going to make it much harder for him to stick to the terms of his proposal.
Last night could never be repeated. It was for the best, for both of them. He had his life, he'd constructed a place where he was comfortable and could function. If they could get around the complications that one night had created, maybe there was still a future for them together. His brain kept circling back to that fact, but in his heart he knew it was all falling apart and he was helpless to keep it together.
Spencer grimaced. He studied the rigid cast of Kate's back as she walked away and he wondered how long it would've been before he weakened and took her into his bed again. Before he begged her to stay, on whatever terms she wanted. Broke down and told her everything that was in his heart. That he loved her so much he could no longer think straight. He would only feel half-alive if he had to live without her beside every day.
But that truth could only be buried beneath the other secret he couldn't bring himself to share with her. A secret that would shatter everything wonderful they could ever have together. And now he'd left it far too late for confession time.
Not when Katerina was already on her way back to town.
Spencer lifted his face to the ceiling and blew a sharp breath. She'd telephoned him last night, just before Kate had appeared on his doorstep. His ex-wife told him that her fiancé had thrown her out. Nic had accused her of having an affair when she told him she was pregnant.
His lips stretched into a taut line. He would be forced to deal with the consequences of his actions the moment his ex-wife and Kate came face to face. Kate would feel betrayed all over again and she would demand to know why he didn't tell her about her striking likeness to his ex-wife and why he didn't have the courage to tell her in the first place before they became intimately involved.
She would accuse him of all sorts of things he couldn't deny.
He knew he would never be able to reply to her question because he didn't know the answer himself. He just knew there was no way out, no way to explain that would make any difference to the certainty that Kate would walk away from him the moment she knew he hadn't been honest enough to tell her the whole truth in the beginning.
And he was well aware Kate needed honesty above everything else.
On Saturday afternoon, Kate went into town to do some much needed shopping. Most of her clothes weren't suitable for the long spell of hot weather, so she spent a pleasant hour mooching around the shops and buying a few necessities.
It was when she was coming out of the clothing store that she saw them. Across the street Spencer was sitting with a woman at an outside cafe table. They appeared deep in conversation. As Kate watched the woman leaned sideways, impulsively reaching up to kiss Spencer's cheek, her burst of laughter carrying clearly on the hot still air.
Kate felt stunned into immobility. It was the other woman's facial features that shocked her the most. It was deeply unsettling to see your own face on another person.
Spencer's table companion wore her long copper hair in an elegant chignon and Kate could never hope to match her confident air of cool self-possession and chic sophistication. But the woman's face echoed her own so closely she could have been looking into a mirror.
Snapping out of her trance, she slipped away before Spencer looked up and saw her, but Kate's heart squeezed
with worry and fear. Who was the woman with him, sitting so close with her hands wrapped tightly around his as if she was staking her claim for everyone to see?
On Monday morning Kate logged onto her computer. As yet there was no sign of Spencer. He'd obviously been enjoying the attentions of his glamorous table companion, she decided, prey to a strangely restless mood. He'd definitely been avoiding her over the last few days, so maybe she would never know the answer. Her heart contracted. Did she want to know the whole truth?
Now she was being silly. Whoever the woman was with him in the cafe, Kate couldn't hope to compete. She was grateful to Spencer for changing her phone number at the cottage. To her relief Eric had made no further attempts to contact her. She couldn't have handled another acrimonious confrontation on top of everything else. But she still jumped a little whenever the phone rang.
She was sitting at her computer, staring at the screen, when Cheryl popped her head around the door. "That medical catalogue you were looking for, Kris says it's on Spencer's desk. I can get it for you if you're too busy."
Kate shook her head. "No, it's all right, I'll go and get it."
She needed something to distract her mind. Crossing the reception area and knocked on Spencer's closed door, waited a moment, before letting herself in. She saw the catalogue immediately, beneath a large brown envelope.
She picked it up. The envelope, which bore Australian postage stamps, had been opened, and the contents spilled out as Kate shifted it to one side. Her eyes dropped automatically to the photograph on top of the pile. For a brief moment her heart seemed to stop. It was the woman from the previous day outside cafe. With Spencer; sitting together as if they were a committed couple.
Was the woman in the photo his ex-wife? A multi page report was attached to the photograph. Seeing the name of a Sydney firm of private investigators brought a hand creeping to her throat. She flicked the pages in quick succession, seeing both her own name and that of Spencer's ex-wife. The report was comprehensive and thorough. It outlined everything about her past in graphic detail, leaving nothing to chance. Even Eric's abuse of her was mentioned.