Jesse

by Jan Irving

  “Morrison, he wanted to make sure I wasnt like you or Mac.”

  Jesses face tightened. “Yeah.”

  “So he… I had to pass a test.”

  “What the fuck?”

  “Easy, Jess. He’s opening up to us. Let him talk.”

  After an awkward pause, Kyle made a silent motion for Jesse to keep the conversation going, and Jesse cleared his throat. “It doesnt matter to me who you date, as long as youre safe and happy. And, uh, I guess you shouldnt be doing too much stuff yet anyway.” Jesse flushed as he tagged on the last bit. Kyle gave him points for tackling a difficult topic.

  David fiddled with the sheets of his homework. “I just want things to be normal. Sams parents are really into church stuff. She wants to invite me over to her place, but I need to make a good impression.”

  “I remember feeling that way when I was your age, wanting normal,” Jesse said. “Living with Morrison was like living in an earthquake zone. Never knew when the ground would shake.”

  “One night I got to missing Mac and Kyle really bad,” David confided, his voice softening to a whisper. “I didnt know why you didnt come and get us back then. You know, I was just a kid.” He looked at Kyle, and Kyle refrained from pointing out it hadnt been that long ago. Instead he reached out and gripped Davids shoulder. “Im sorry,” he said simply.

  “Davy, weve been over this; Kyle couldnt come get us,” Jesse said. “It about killed him, but he…he had no rights.”

  “Thats fucked.” Davids voice cracked.

  “Yeah, its fucked,” Jesse agreed.

  Davids posture was rigid, and Kyle held his breath. This was it. “Jess, you had that bartending job, remember?”

  Jesse nodded.

  “Morrison was real pissed I was thinking of Mac. He didnt want me to turn out that way, so he…” Davids gray gaze touched on Jesses boots and then Kyles.

  “You can tell us, Davy,” Kyle encouraged.

  David picked up his pen, flipping it over and over and over again. “He hired someone. I had to… I didnt know what to do.”

  “Jesus Christ!” Jesse was on his feet.

  David flinched.

  Kyle wanted to ram a fist through the wall. He hung on to his composure by his fingernails. “It doesnt matter. Whatever happened, it wasnt your fault—”

  “No, it was that son of a bitch Morrisons!” Jesse growled. “Goddamn it!” He looked at David. “You were safe. Tell me you were safe like I taught you?”

  David swallowed. “I… Yeah. I knew youd get mad if I didnt do like you told me, so thats why I snagged one of the condoms you put in my bedside drawer. It was over…real fast. No big deal.”

  Jesse didnt say anything. After a moment Kyle reached out and squeezed Davids shoulder.

  “I didnt want Jess to know about Morrison.” Davids voice was choked. “I knew sooner or later hed rub it in Jesses face, how Im not like him.”

  “He really is a dumb asshole,” Kyle agreed. “Because if Jesse didnt kill him, I would.”

  “I said it wasnt a big deal.”

  Kyle inhaled deeply. “Do your homework. Sam is welcome here for a hayride anytime. Just let us know so we dont have takeout that night, okay?”

  “I like Sam and, uh, Thomas too,” David confessed in a rush, face as red as the proverbial tomato. “Toms a guy on the football team, but not an asshole like Michael. Hes…he, uh…”

  Kyle saw that Jesse was still strung out like the Christmas lights he decked the pine tree with every year. “I imagine thats confusing.”

  “I dont want him to know how I, uh… But I thought Id maybe invite both him and Sam?” David asked in a rush. “We all kind of hang out together.”

  Jesses gaze met Kyles, and he saw parental apprehension living there. Crap. Theyd have kids here in a couple of days. Kids who were important to David.

  “Thatll be fine, David,” Kyle said calmly, praying it would be.

  Chapter Fourteen

  “Orchids. Did you just order orchids?” Jesse asked as he entered Kyles office off the kitchen in the ranch house. Kyle was looking tired, rings under his eyes despite his deep tan. Jesse noticed him rip a pair of glasses off and put them on the desk.

  Jeez, he was acting like he didnt know how hot he looked to Jesse, giving rise to familiar exasperation. As it was, Jesse had to look away from Kyle for a moment and take a deep breath, because Kyle had stripped down to a black wifebeater since the AC was on the fritz. It showed off his muscled arms and deep chest.

  Jesse swallowed, feeling heat that had nothing to do with the temperature. He wanted to lick Kyles skin, suck his nipples through the thin cotton until they pointed into his tongue. “Are orchids wrong?” Kyle gave him an abstracted look and closed the file hed been working on, but not before Jesse saw that this month theyd just break even in the carriage business between vet bills and lack of drivers. Hell. No wonder Kyle looked so worn down.

  Jesse reached out and closed the door and then locked it. Kyles eyes widened. Oh yeah, he had his attention now. “Orchids are for weddings.” “I saw them at Mary Ellen Danverss wedding, yeah. Thought…might be less a cliché than roses at this picnic.”

  Jesse fought a smile, seeing Kyle was deadly serious. “Its two teenagers visiting the ranch. Not the president.”

  “Overkill, huh? But David told me today more kids are coming. I guess the horses are a draw.”

  “Yeah, of course the horses are a draw. But just remember you dont need to impress anyone. Youve got the finest spread in the state,” Jesse said, feeling tenderness tighten his chest as he looked at weary Kyle. “You do, since the owner is barely ever around. You built this place, Kyle.”

  “I, uh, actually have a partnership with him. I put in the sweat equity and…” Kyle shrugged.

  “Fuck.” Jesse blinked. Kyle was land-rich, not that you could never tell from the plain leather belt and jeans, the battered cowboy hat resting on the desk beside him. “Lucky for us white-trash Coulters.”

  “What?” Kyle sat up abruptly. “What did you say?”

  Jesse swallowed, looking away. “Never mind.”

  Kyle got up from his chair and put a hand on the door, crowding Jesse. “I never want to hear you call yourself or David that name again. Youre both honorable men, like Mac. You work hard for a living.”

  “Morrison is—”

  “Morrison is trash,” Kyle said. “And I want to kill him for what he did to David.”

  “Yeah,” Jesse said, on the same page with Kyle now. “I couldnt ask David for more details, though I know I have to. I was too sick to my gut. I did make that call to the social worker.”

  “Its smart to get this one on the record and find out what she recommends. I was thinking we might arrange for him to talk to someone.”

  “Like a counselor.” Jesse nodded. Hed already thought of this.

  “Hes yours now, Jess,” Kyle told him, cupping his cheek. Jesse rubbed his face against that calloused hand. “Morrison cant hurt him anymore. Youll keep him safe.”

  “And you have nothing to do with keeping him safe, with giving him hope?” Jesse scoffed.

  Color touched the tops of Kyles tanned cheeks. “Uh, do you think sushi is over the top for dinner?” he asked, obviously wanting to drop the topic.

  “Sushi.” Jesse blinked.

  “Yeah, I ordered it from that fancy place in town that caters to tourists. Cant eat the stuff myself since Im usually still hungry afterward—”

  “You being a working man.”

  “Right.” Kyle was smiling, and Jesse was enjoying himself. They were talking about the spread Kyle was putting on for David and his friends, which he knew the other man had been sweating. But at the same time they were also flirting, the pull between them heating inevitably.

  “I cant believe how much old Pigeon has evolved since we lived here. Sushi and orchids.”

  “Cosmopolitan. But we are still sadly lacking gay massage parlors.”

  “Would you patronize such an establis
hment?” Jesse teased.

  Kyle blushed. “Depends on who was working there.” His arm was stretched above his head, so Jesse had no problem nuzzling his face into the lusty tuft of dark armpit hair, smelling man and leather and musk.

  “Jesus!” Kyle exclaimed. He shivered, and Jesse laughed before opening his lips and sucking where Kyles inner arm was pale, the flesh looking oddly vulnerable. “Jess!”

  “Youre doing too much for this party. You need to relax, dude,” Jesse said.

  “Let me spoil my Coulter men,” Kyle said. “Id have given a goddamned kidney to do it when you were gone.”

  “If thats how you feel, then its okay for me to worry about you.” Jesse put his hands on Kyles shoulders, digging in and finding tendons strung tight under silky skin. He instantly hardened just from caring for Kyle. He wouldnt leave this room without being inside him. He felt something shift inside himself, and something between the two of them, something that seemed as natural as the leaves turning color outdoors.

  Kyles brown eyes were heavy-lidded as his breathing picked up. “I did come in here to relax,” he admitted in a drowsy voice.

  “Doesnt look like it to me.”

  “Looks can be deceiving.”

  “No kidding. Who knew such a vanilla cowboy would be so sexy?” Jesse was chewing slowly on Kyles earlobe, making him shudder. Kyle took a step back into the larger part of the room and stumbled.

  “Wha…?” Jesse looked at the floor. A round, hand-beaten brass bowl with a carved wooden utensil and a plum-colored pillow that was shaped like a flat, open daisy poked out from beside the desk. “Huh?”

  Kyle reddened even more than he had when Jesse was teasing him sexually. His gaze fell shyly from Jesses.

  Jesse finally put the pieces together. “Oh. You, like, meditate?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Is this what you have concealed in your closet? Youre kind of funny about anyone seeing inside it.”

  Kyle gave a rueful grin. “You noticed that, huh?”

  “That pillow looks a little uncomfortable.”

  “Its hard. I actually use it as a bolster for—”

  “For what?” Jesses eyebrows rose.

  “For, uh, yoga.”

  “Yoga.”

  “Yep.”

  “Wow, you are a man of deep, dark secrets.”

  “Jess…”

  Jesse put his hands up. “Sorry. Im being a dick. Its just not something I remember you doing when we lived with you before.”

  Kyles lips tightened. “No.”

  “Is there a reason why?”

  “Cant we just say I want to remain flexible, and leave it at that?”

  “Nope.” Jesse moved closer, nuzzling Kyle, feeling the primal sensation, the rasp of his whiskers against Kyles, the smell of his skin, lime blossoms from the soap he used. “Although flexible is good, for obvious reasons,” he purred.

  “I got hurt,” Kyle said, very succinctly, as if he didnt want to go into detail.

  Jesse just stared at him, pulling back to cross his arms.

  Kyle sighed. “All right. It was just after Mac died and you and David were taken from me. I was out riding, and I wasnt paying attention. I got thrown, and I fell wrong.”

  “Jesus, youve never been thrown as long as Ive known you, and you always pay attention! Its the first thing you drummed into me and David when you taught us to ride.” Jesse was driven to run his hands over Kyles arms again, wanting reassurance he was okay.

  Kyles eyes when he finally looked up and returned Jesses gaze were the saddest shade of brown Jesse had ever seen them. “It was a bad time.”

  Kyle rubbed his jaw, feeling the burn of shame grip his throat. It was a moment before he could speak, could knock down the clay feet of the hero he knew Jesse still saw in him and reveal the very fallible man.

  “I had a beer…” “Oh God, Kyle… One beer and you always fall asleep.” Jesses face became expressionless, and Kyle dropped his head. Morrison drank; hed beaten all his kids while drunk. “You hardly ever drink.”

  “I did the night we buried Mac and Morrison took you away from me,” Kyle admitted. “I got some stupid-ass idea Id go back to the accident site where Mac died, that somehow Id make sense of the before and after of my life.”

  Jesse was supposed to step away. He was supposed to have disgust in his eyes, hearing this, something Kyle had never wanted him to know, but instead the blue flame gaze had softened to leaden gray, the color of the sky when it was crying.

  “What happened?” Jesse prodded.

  Forcing himself to hold Jesses eyes, Kyle continued, “I took out Holiday, Macs horse.” “I miss that horse,” Jesse said. “Mac was so proud of her. Miles told me she had to be put down. Oh shit.”

  Kyle raised his hand again, covering his eyes and just breathing. “Im not the man you think I am,” he whispered. “I killed that horse.”

  “I dont believe it! Theres more to the story. Tell me what happened.” Jesse peeled Kyles concealing fingers away, and Kyle was ashamed to see they were shaking. But Jesse continued to hold his gaze, confusion and demand in his eyes— but not the condemnation Kyle knew he deserved.

  “I went back to where the mudslide went down. You were gone. I didnt care what happened to me.”

  “Fuck, Kyle…”

  “I prodded Holiday to climb a hill, and suddenly we were sliding backward. It was loose rock, loose so she lost her footing and she fell.” Kyle swallowed. “I hit my head. When I came to, she was fighting to breathe. I had the rifle I always carry in case I run into a cougar.” He squeezed his eyes shut. “I shot her. I shot Macs horse.”

  Jesse grabbed his shoulders, shaking him. “You did right by her. You didnt let her suffer, which is what you taught me.”

  “It was my fault she was out there in the first place!”

  “Youd just lost your partner,” Jesse said, pulling Kyle close. “First chance I got after wed gone to live with Morrison, I borrowed the old mans motorbike. I nearly creamed myself over the highway, taking too many chances, but it hurt, just hurt to be alive. Mac gone, you gone. The only reason I got home that night was Id promised you Id take care of David.”

  “Jess.” Kyle cupped his cheek. “I hate that bike.”

  “Im much more careful now,” Jess promised, covering Kyles hand with his, knitting their fingers together. “I swear. I even want to take you out soon for a moonlight ride, just the two of us.”

  Kyle leaned his forehead against Jesses. “It would kill me—something happening to you.”

  “Same goes,” Jesse chided. “So you were hurt that night?”

  “Busted ribs and one of my hands was fucky for a while. I actually had to do some physical rehabilitation work, but I was lucky to walk away. Doesnt make up for what happened to Holiday.”

  “No, Kyle, but it was an accident. I havent noticed you drinking much since then.”

  “No, sir,” Kyle said.

  Jesse sighed, still rubbing Kyles arms. “So the yoga and meditation were something you got into when you were working on your hand?” Jesses voice was extra gentle, as if he sensed how raw Kyle was feeling.

  “Started out that way.” Kyle shrugged. “I didnt want anyone to know. A cowboy doing yoga.”

  “But it does mean youre flexible,” Jesse reminded him. “Mmmm.”

  “The meditation was so I could stop thinking of you,” Kyle admitted. “I couldnt ever stop thinking of you, so I had to learn to shut that off so I could do my job around here.”

  “Kyle.” Jesse pressed his face against Kyles neck. “I did the same thing with men. I had so many…”

  “Dont make me jealous.”

  “I can do that?” Jesses tone was a little delighted.

  “Yeah, you can do that,” Kyle said, annoyed. “When you leave me, I dont want to hear about who youre with. I dont want to meet him.”

  “Kyle, what the fuck? Who said therell be someone else?” Jesse growled.

  Kyle shrugged.

&nbs
p; “Well talk about that another time,” Jesse said. “Meantime, I want… You know what I want.”

  Kyle had to clear his throat. “Yes.”

  “Is that an all-encompassing yes?” Jesse asked.

  “It is as long as David isnt around. I dont want… Id never—”

  “Davy knows that were both adults.”

  “He doesnt know were adults together,” Kyle pointed out. “Hes got enough on his plate.”

  “Agreed. Maybe we tell him after his friends have been here, break it to him gently.”

  Kyle knew Jess was right. It was better coming from them. They couldnt expect David to be honest with them, to confide in them, when they were keeping secrets.

  “Dont worry about David; hes doing a three-way,” Jesse said, his open mouth against Kyles neck in a way that made Kyles nipples stab against the damp cotton of his tank top.

  “Excuse me?”

  “I meant hes texting with his friends while he works on his homework in the barn,” Jesse said. The gleam in his eyes said hed been trying to tug Kyles chain, lift his mood.

  “Damn. I should punish you for that,” Kyle said. “Id be into that.” Kyles eyes widened, and he flushed again. Jesse laughed. “I love how shy you are.” “Im forty-four,” Kyle reminded his young lover gruffly.

  Jesse cupped Kyles erection, stroking him through his jeans until Kyle thought his eyes would cross. God, it felt so good! “Squeeze it harder,” he rasped. “I want to see your hand on it.”

  Jesse obeyed, squeezing firmly, on the edge of pain, just the way Kyle liked it.

  “You like it rough, cowboy?”

  “Sometimes,” Kyle admitted.

  “Maybe not this time,” Jesse said.

  “What do you have in mind?” Jesse tugged at his black tank, and Kyle raised his arms, letting Jesse strip it off. He liked the gleam of awe in Jesses eyes as he touched Kyles bare skin, tracing his muscles first with his fingers and then with his tongue.

  “Jess!” Hed come just from that if they didnt get down to it. He was a simple man, and when Jesse touched him, he was easy, like a bull that needed to rut.

  “Show me some yoga,” Jesse demanded. “Strip and show me just how flexible you are.”