Cutter: A Fight or Flight Novel

by Ashley Suzanne

  Our relationship isn’t as filled with turmoil as theirs, but Garrett seems to have done pretty well for himself over the years, keeping his and Rian’s marriage alive and kicking. I’m not sure there’s a better person to take woman advice from. And if we’re being completely honest, with the exception of the couple girls I’ve been with since Josette walked out of my life, not a single woman has sparked enough interest for me to want anything more than a quick fuck. It’s always been more than that with Josette. And it always will be.

  “Who would have thought, Cutter Greer a romantic,” she teases, then comes in on the Nicki Minaj spot and gives it her best go.

  “You couldn’t be more adorable if you tried,” I joke right back, listening to her screw up nearly every word, either too early or far too late.

  “I’d be more adorable if my ass looked like hers.”

  “Nope, sorry. You wouldn’t be nearly as sexy as you are right now.” Her cheeks heat at my compliment. It’s taking everything in me to not pull over and end the night before it even begins, but I keep reminding myself that just because I’ve never stopped loving her doesn’t mean she doesn’t need a little refresher course on why she loved me to begin with.

  When I take the first exit into Lexington, she turns toward me, eyes burning holes through me. “If we go to the gym on our first date, I’m liable to kill you. Fair warning.”

  “Well, please refrain from committing a capital offense until the end of the evening. Plans, Josette, they’re meant to be kept. Let me do my thing.”

  “Dead man walking,” she mutters with a shit-eating grin.

  “And you’re the executioner, killing me with your beauty.”

  “Oh Cutter, that’s so cheesy,” she says, scrunching up her nose in disgust. “You’re going to make me vomit.”

  “That’s why I love you, my ever-so-honest Josette.” Her face freezes at my declaration and I couldn’t care less. Why dance around what we both know to be true? Life’s really too short to pretend you’re not in love with someone when you are. Maybe she’ll get out of her own head long enough to remember what we’re like and knock her shit off.

  After I pull into the back parking lot, Josette stays in her seat with her arms crossed over her chest while I exit the car to open the passenger door. Luckily for me—and my plans—she gets out without too much delay and follows me into the side door of the gym. I flip on only one set of lights, illuminating the recessed fixture above the boxing ring, and pull her inside. When I lift the edge of the mats for her to crawl underneath the ring, she stares at me with eyes as wide as saucers.

  “You mean to tell me I shaved my legs and waxed all kinds of other places to crawl underneath a smelly boxing ring? Tell me you’re joking, Cutter.” Again with the crossing of the arms, and she pops out one hip; all that’s missing is the tapping of the shoe on the padded floor.

  “Can you just roll with me on this, please? I swear, it’ll all make sense.”

  “You’re lucky I think you’re cute, asshole.” Against her better judgment, she does as requested and drops to all fours to crawl under the mat. Following close behind—and not resisting the urge to lean forward a bit and bite at her ass, which earns me a quick swat—I pull the curtain down around us and push the touch lamp I had already placed here.

  “Okay. So. We’re here. Why are we here?”

  Taking her hand in mine, I pull her toward me and position her between my knees, letting her back rest against my front, this time actually resisting the urge to pull her into my partial erection.

  “This is where I was sleeping before Garrett found me. My stepdad was an abusive asshole, and my mom was no better. The night I finally worked up the courage to run away was the same night my mom let him beat on me and then left me alone in the ER. I had never questioned if she loved me until then. I found this place after a while on the streets and I felt safe here, so I broke in and this was my home for a few nights before Garrett scared the piss out of me.”

  Josette sniffles a little, turning her head to look back at me. “You don’t have to relive this if you don’t want to. I always knew you had it rough, but I don’t need specifics.”

  “I want you to know,” I say, wrapping my arms around her middle and squeezing her lightly.

  “Anyways, Garrett took me home after threatening to kill me and introduced me to his family. Unlike anyone I’d ever known, Garrett and Rian didn’t just send me on my way. They took me into their fold, made me one of theirs, and treated me with as much love and compassion as they did Gregory. They loved me and, God, I loved them too. They were my miracle. They saved me from a life of drugs and booze, and probably saved my life all the way around.”

  Small drops of moisture land on my forearm. Reaching up, I wipe away the tears on Josette’s cheeks with my thumbs and reposition myself so we’re face-to-face.

  “Had Jake not beaten me. Had my mom not left me. Had I not sneaked in here. Had Garrett not found me and given me a place to stay and a job, I would have never found you. Had I never found you, I would have never had Bethany. Everything happens for a reason, Josette. Everything. Just like if that nurse hadn’t fucked up, you would have gone through with the abortion and we’d be in a totally different spot. All the bad and all the good have led us right here, full circle, under this mat. This mat represents so much more than just a place where a bunch of dudes beat the shit out of each other. This mat is my fresh start and my new beginning. So when I think of how I want this next chapter in my life to unfold, it’s only fitting it starts under the same ring.”

  With tears freely flowing down her face, Josette reaches forward as much as the small enclosure allows and hugs me tighter than anyone ever has. I return the embrace and whisper in her ear, “You are the next chapter in my life, Jo. I have everything else I could ever want. I’ve achieved every dream I’ve ever had. You’re the one thing missing.”

  “I love you, Cutter. I always have and probably always will,” she admits, sending chills up my spine and thawing a part of my heart I thought died when she walked out on me.

  “Come with me,” I say, scooting out and extending a hand for her.

  “I’m excited for what’s next,” she offers as we walk up the back staircase to the apartment, finally getting to the good stuff.

  After unlocking the door, we enter and I kick off my uncomfortable shoes and loosen my tie. Directing Josette to sit on the couch, I maneuver into the kitchen and warm up the sauce I prepared earlier in the day. I know she’s stewing in there, wondering what’s to come, and I revel in it. It only takes a few minutes for the sauce to heat and I drizzle it over some noodles. Carrying two plates of spaghetti into the living room, I place one of them in front of Josette and the other in front of me.

  “I asked Rian to teach me to make something special for you, but…”

  “I know. It’s Rian. Unless it’s carry-out or a casserole, she knows nothing. I’m actually shocked she knew spaghetti.” Josette laughs and takes a forkful of spaghetti and shovels it into her mouth.

  “Movie?” I ask, and Josette nods with a full mouth.

  Turning on the TV, I press PLAY on the DVD player and Friends with Benefits begins. Josette bursts into a fit of laughter.

  “I see what you did there.” She giggles with a mouthful of noodles, sauce accumulating at the side of her mouth.

  “I figured it was fitting. Since we’re taking a trip down memory lane, we probably should watch the movie where our relationship started.”

  “So, are you telling me you wanna play some zombies?” she asks, her face flushed and eyes glassy.

  “Baby, I want so much more than zombies. I want it all. Every day, hour, minute, second, millisecond. I want all of you and all of this.”

  “What if it doesn’t work? Where does that leave us? And Bethany? We can’t give her hope of something that might not happen. I promised her the night that I gave birth I’d never do anything to hurt her. Cutter, if we try and it doesn’t work, she’s going to b
e hurt, and that’s one promise I can’t break.”

  “Do you trust me?” I ask.

  “Yes,” she responds quickly, without having to think.

  “Do you love me?” My heart stops beating while I wait for her answer, one that takes longer to give.

  “With all of my heart,” she finally states. I stare into her eyes, looking for any reason not to believe her, and for the life of me, I can’t find one. She’s being dead honest.

  “Do you want to be with me?”

  “I do, but…”

  “No buts. Do you want this? Us? Do you want our family?”

  She appears conflicted, wanting to say yes, but at the same time mulling over her reasons why we can’t. I’m not looking for excuses. I need to know what her heart feels, not what her head thinks.

  “More than anything else, I want our family.”

  “Then your wish is my command. I’m in, both feet, baby. Had we tried this when Bethy was a baby, I can’t say we would have made it, but after living without you for so long and finally getting to know Bethany, I can’t imagine a life without both of you. The thought of another man stepping into my spot, trying to fill my shoes, as both your man and her dad, makes me want to rip heads off without remorse. You and Bethany are my life. Let me give it all to you, Jo. Let me be yours.”

  “Do you swear it’s forever?”

  “And ever.”

  “No, Cutter. I’m dead serious. Before Bethany, I could do what I wanted with who I wanted. I had nobody to hold me accountable for my actions. Now I have this little girl who I love more than myself, and who I’d kill to protect. This isn’t just because it’s you. This would be a requirement for anyone I dated. There’s no in-between. It’s all or nothing. You’re all the way in, or you need to be all the way out and focus on being a father. I can’t get into something that isn’t forever. I deserve it, and more than that, Bethany deserves that.”

  “I already said I’m in with both feet. There’s no second-guessing. No what ifs. I’m all yours, if you’ll take me. I’ll marry you tomorrow if you let me. God knows I want to more than you’ll ever know.”

  “You mean to tell me you’d go to the courthouse and marry me Monday morning if that’s what I wanted? You’d give up the rest of your single life to be completely domestic? Go from being single one day to married the next?”

  “Without a shadow of a doubt.”

  “I love you, Cutter,” she whispers, pushing away her still full plate and scooting closer to me on the couch.

  “Never as much as I love you,” I respond, pulling her into my arms and kissing the top of her head.

  With her cheek resting on my chest, my heartbeat fills her ears. Hopefully she can hear how it beats only for her and Bethany. They’re my reason for living.

  “I’m ready when you are,” she whispers again, looking up at me with tear-stained lashes.

  “For all of it?” I need to make sure she’s really in. I can’t be a part of a relationship where I’m the only one working at it, and if she doesn’t love me as much as I love her, I can wait. As much as I want her and all that I’m offering, I won’t push her. In a frame of mind much like hers when she almost had that abortion, I don’t want her resenting me in a few years because she wasn’t ready and made the decision under duress. I’ve come to terms with my pro fighting career being over. I knew it couldn’t last forever and I’d much rather step out undefeated than go on when I know it’s not where I want to be.

  “There’s not been a single moment since I’ve had Bethany that I wasn’t ready. I prayed for this, Cutter. I prayed you’d come back and it would all be perfect. I’ve never had a prayer answered before, and if I only get one in a lifetime, this is the best one I could ever get.”

  “God, I fucking love you. Come on.” Dragging her back to the bedroom, I’m already aware, and I’m sure she is, too, where the rest of the night’s going. It’s been far too long since I’ve had my woman and now that she’s agreed to be everything to me that I am to her, I don’t want to waste another second. Time to consummate this relationship.

  Chapter 20

  Josette

  “Oh fuck,” I moan as Cutter drags his expert tongue between my lips and up to my clit, circling slowly and applying the perfect amount of pressure. Between his mouth and his hot breath, I’m ready to explode around him.

  Fuck, it’s been way too long. I’ve not been celibate since having Bethany—I’ve given myself a few orgasms since, and maybe bought a vibrator just to keep my vagina in good working order—but I guess I might as well have been. I tried doing a one-night stand soon after she was born, but because of how my heart felt about Cutter, it wasn’t worth it. I couldn’t even think about it. All I wanted was Cutter. After that, I swore off all men until I could find one who was just as good to me as Cutter always was. I thought for a while I could make myself feel for Colton, but it never progressed past a good friendship, even though he wanted more. Now that Cutter’s back and I’m in his bed at the mercy of his miraculous mouth, I can see why nothing else ever worked.

  Because…Cutter.

  “Get there,” he demands, mumbling around my pussy.

  “Oh, I’m fucking there. Don’t you dare stop.” I should have remembered that if I issued any kind of directive to him, he’d do the exact opposite, and this time’s no different.

  “What? Stop like this?”

  “If you don’t put your face back in my pussy and get me off, I’m going to squeeze your head off with my thighs,” I yell, willing the muscles in my thighs to cooperate instead of staying splayed wide. It doesn’t help that Cutter’s hands are holding me open.

  “I got you, baby. Don’t worry.” He chuckles and gets back to work. As soon as he comes down onto my clit again, I implode. Rainbows shoot out of my ears, a choir of angels begins singing, volcanoes erupt, Olivia Pope fixes a problem, Jacob says fuck the world and imprints on Bella, and world peace is achieved. To say this is the greatest orgasm of my life is a complete understatement. I’m pretty sure Santa delivered Christmas early, too. It’s that fucking good.

  “If you don’t quiet down, someone’s gonna call the cops,” Cutter jokes, and I slap my hand over my mouth.

  “Oh my God, was I that loud?” He nods and I grab a pillow to pull over my face. I knew the orgasm was spectacular, but I didn’t realize I was waking up the neighborhood.

  “If you weren’t so good at that, we wouldn’t be having this problem, now would we?”

  “Are you for real blaming me?”

  “I am. Yes. Seems plausible. This is all your fault, Cutter.”

  “Fine, I won’t do it that good anymore.”

  Sitting up straight, I grab his shoulders and look him square in the eyes. “Don’t ever say that dumb shit ever again. You just need to learn how to muffle me or something. Ya know what…fuck it. If the cops come, I’ll just answer the door naked and tell them how great you are at eating pussy. They’ll either forgive it or arrest you for making me come so hard. Either way, I win.”

  “You’re gonna answer the door naked and let some other dudes see what belongs to me?” Cutter growls, crawling up my body and positioning himself on top of me. “You gonna let them see your body all soft and flushed?” Cutter’s cock aligns perfectly against my core and in one fell swoop, he buries himself to the hilt.

  “No,” I moan. “Hell no. This is all yours.”

  “You’re fucking right it is,” he groans, pulling his hips back and slamming forward. My legs wrap around his back for leverage as I lift my pelvis to meet him thrust for thrust. Each time his skin rubs furiously against my already sensitive clit, inciting another orgasm that quickly washes over me when I wasn’t expecting it.

  “That’s right. Give ’em to me. Another,” he demands, and again, I shoot off like a rocket, my insides feeling overused already. I’ve heard of girls getting “dick drunk” though I, personally, had never experienced it, but now, after each orgasm, my body becomes more and more lax until I can�
��t even hold my own legs up. Thankfully, Cutter takes it upon himself to hoist one over his shoulder and go to town.

  By the time he finishes, I’ve achieved more orgasms than I can count, my eyes can’t stay open, and I can’t move to wash up. Cutter, ever the gentleman, brings back a washcloth and soothingly runs the damp cloth over my sensitive flesh and pulls a sheet over my naked body, then curls his body around mine.

  The last thing I remember before passing out for the best night’s sleep I’ve had in years is him whispering how much he loves me and how he can’t wait for me to have his last name.

  Then I have the best dreams. Mostly of Cutter and me raising Bethany in a loving home, with great sex on the regular and the most perfect husband any woman could ask for. But my dreams aren’t just dreams—they’re my reality. I’m a blessed woman.

  —

  Sunday morning Cutter and I go together to pick up Bethany from the sitter. For the next few hours, she explains to us all about the animals of the jungle, complete with noises and impressions. Cutter brings over the last of his things to the house, and together we drop the extra key off with Garrett, explaining that Cutter now lives with me and Bethany.

  Bethany is incredibly excited when we tell her that her daddy is moving in. Somehow, that little girl knew before either of us that we were going to be a family and that Cutter and I would get married, giving her officially the family she more than deserves.

  Monday, however, I didn’t expect to be woken up by Cutter dragging the blankets off my naked and sated body. “What the hell? I don’t have to work today. I want sleep. I need sleep. Let me sleep,” I beg, but he refuses to give in.

  “It’s Monday,” he tells me and I can only roll my eyes.

  “Yes. I’m happy you now have a calendar. Now let me sleep. No work for me, no work for you, no school for Bethany. Why are you being a douche?” I try to grab the covers, but he’s too quick for me. All I know is his energy level is all the way at full blast and mine is barely at “alive.” He’s going to have to bring it down until he gives me some coffee or a shot of adrenaline. Something.