by Susan Laine
“Did you hear me?” Adam asked, startling Evan out of his befuddled state of mind and reminding him starkly of the confession his friend had just made. Adam looked both hurt and upset, so Evan knew he’d taken too long to answer.
“I love you, Evan,” Adam repeated.
Evan didn’t want to cause Adam more pain. Though he now understood why Adam had behaved the way he had—the awkwardness in close quarters, the surreptitious glances, showing up as Evan’s blind date. Evan had a sneaky suspicion Adam was, in fact, mirroring Evan’s newfound gayness.
“Listen, Adam,” Evan said, using his most sensible tone of voice for both their benefit. “I think you didn’t want to lose me as a friend, so you… sort of concocted this fantasy in your head so we’d continue to have something in common. Maybe you feared a rift would form between us, so to prevent that you started thinking that you’re gay.” Adam opened his mouth, his expression resembling a storm cloud, but this time Evan waved him quiet. “Give that idea a moment to sink in, and you’ll see how plausible it is, okay?”
Adam snapped his mouth shut. He stared at Evan, clearly pissed off, but said nothing. He stayed that way for a minute or two. Evan had a bad feeling his rationalism had been blocked by a stone wall of denial. Adam certainly didn’t seem appeased or even more thoughtful.
Evan sighed in defeat. “I do love you, Adam. Like a friend. Come on, you know that. I just don’t want you to do something you’ll later regret and start hating me for it.”
That seemed to get through Adam’s defenses. He blinked, and his features softened as he kept looking into Evan’s eyes. Evan actually started to hope he’d gotten through to his friend.
Then Adam proved him wrong by saying, “If that’s seriously what you think—that I’m clueless about myself and what I want—there’s an easy way to test that theory.” Evan realized then and there he’d walked right into an ambush. Adam’s eyes flashed intently. “Let’s kiss and see what happens. You game? Or are you chicken?”
Evan snorted. “A dare? Really? What are you? Five?”
Adam straightened, his face a thundercloud. “I know exactly what I am. You’re the one who’s refusing to believe me. So come on, man. If you wanna prove me wrong, kiss me.”
Try as he might, Evan had run out of excuses. The only option left to close the book on this insanity would be him walking out the door and never seeing Adam again.
And Evan couldn’t do that. He didn’t want to lose his best friend.
But there was no denying that this day, this moment, was going to change their lives and their relationship for good.
“Fine.” Evan’s low grumble was met by a stoic, immediately calm Adam.
Evan leaned closer, their thighs touching as they sat side by side on the warm tile floor. The position was awkward, but Evan had a hunch anything more would be even weirder. Adam followed his lead, getting nearer to Evan. This close up, Evan smelled Adam’s natural body odor, an earthy and masculine scent he liked far too much for his own good.
Jesus, is that a sign? Am I starting to feel something for my straight best friend?
Cold chills ran up and down Evan’s back. But his groin burned hotter than the sun at the anticipation of intimacy. It was strange to feel so strongly about something he had no experience at doing. Yet he seemed to instinctively sense what was to come and relish the anticipated pleasure.
A breath away from Evan, Adam licked his lips. His warm breath tasted sweet as it blew over Evan’s skin, nose, and into his mouth. Adam didn’t wait. He pushed forward until his soft lips made contact with Evan’s, the kiss a little stiff and awkward. But Adam’s mouth soon grew warm and malleable against Evan’s, and he finally ventured a few luscious wet licks between their fused lips with a tentative tongue.
Adam made a hungry sound deep in his throat. It reverberated inside Evan. He hadn’t prepared for the contingency that kissing Adam would feel so good. Certainly much better than his failed attempt to get aroused by kissing Tawny. Her visage faded away as Adam filled Evan’s entire awareness and conquered his being.
Their heads tilted, and their mouths seemed to fit together perfectly. The kiss grew in intensity as they devoured each other. Evan moaned into the kiss, unable to contain the sound as sensation rocked him.
Adam wound his arms around Evan, and he pulled Evan to sit on his lap. Evan wrapped his arms around Adam’s neck until they were pressed together tight, a full-body embrace hindered only by their clothes. And damn, but Evan wanted to get naked now. The urge scared him, and yet he couldn’t ignore it.
Before Evan knew what was happening, he was lying on his back on the nonslip mat on the floor with Adam above him, grinding his body down onto Evan, practically causing sparks to fly.
And Evan had absolutely no trouble recognizing Adam’s excitement: his hard dick, even encased in jeans, dug into Evan’s hip, rubbing alongside Evan’s own erection, also contained behind a barrier of fabric.
Evan spread his legs to accommodate Adam’s slightly bigger build without conscious thought, running on autopilot. He was surprised at the extent to which his actions were based on instinct born of lust, as if his body were separated from his mind and capable of acting on its own. The lack of control frightened Evan. But not enough to make him want to stop.
God, Adam tasted so good. Evan hungrily gorged himself on Adam’s unique flavor as their tongues dueled, savoring, becoming entangled, licking, nuzzling. Adam was growing more ferocious and more excited by the moment; Evan could feel it. Or was it his own craving he sensed?
Adam slid his hands underneath Evan’s T-shirt, causing it to ride up and reveal his abs. Adam wasn’t being tentative or hesitant. He touched freely and with definite purpose, his fingers tracing the curves of Evan’s chest and sides, gripping and fondling until Evan was on the verge of losing his mind.
Then Adam gripped Evan’s dick through his jeans and rubbed.
“A-Adam, s-stop.” Evan tore his mouth away from Adam’s.
Adam merely grunted, sounding displeased, and then he sank his teeth into the juncture between Evan’s neck and shoulder and sucked hard enough to leave a mark. He licked around the sting and then glided his lips up and down Evan’s throat. His determination blew Evan’s mind and rattled his senses.
Finally Evan had to forcibly push Adam’s hand from his cock. “Adam, stop.”
But Adam actually growled and mumbled, “No,” then continued to kiss Evan’s neck with single-minded purpose.
Evan had to give it to Adam. If Adam wasn’t gay, he was the best and most convincing actor in the world. Adam’s sizable erection wasn’t Evan’s imagination. Tawny had let Evan feel her up in the darkness of the car. But that one experience didn’t adequately prepare Evan for being felt-up, groped, and fondled himself, especially by a guy he knew, loved, and, annoyingly, now wanted too.
“Adam, no.” Evan shoved Adam off forcefully, at long last able to get a decent breath.
Evan felt hot and sweaty all over, and his horniness knew no bounds. It had never felt this compelling when he’d jacked off by himself. Not that sex alone wasn’t nice too, ’cause it was. But apparently with another person, it rose to a whole new level. Absolutely no pun intended.
Adam had moved off and was leaning against the linen closet, staring down at Evan, his brow scrunched. “Why? Still think I’m imagining this? My feelings for you?”
Evan inhaled to calm himself and drew himself up to find composure, then leaned against a plastic laundry basket standing by the wall. “Adam….” Evan struggled to entice some blood back into his brain from below his belt.
But Adam didn’t let him finish. He threw up his hands, clearly upset and wounded, and released a frustrated puff of air. “What, Evan? What? Why can’t you trust me? I mean, why can’t you believe me, just this once? Why can’t you… love me? Even just a little? Am I that unlovable?”
The suffering in Adam’s tone opened something equally painful inside Evan’s chest. The epiphany hit him like a
freight train, impacting him with a force he didn’t know how to combat or deny.
Try as he might, Evan couldn’t picture life without Adam in it. To even think about losing Adam, in any capacity, shook Evan to the core. It was as if he’d lost something precious and priceless and irreplaceable. The mere notion was too hard to bear.
Somehow he had to get that across to Adam.
“Adam, please just shut up for a second and let me think, okay?” Evan waited for Adam to react in any way, but thankfully Adam remained silent and patient. Evan decided that was a good sign. “Okay. Thanks.” Evan knew damn well he couldn’t stall forever, but the words he needed evaded him. Perhaps he had no choice but to blurt out some word vomit and hope some of it made sense. “Do I believe you now that you do in fact… want me? Yeah, sure, okay. After all, you made a pretty big impression on me. I’m surprised I’m not permanently dented.”
Adam actually blushed at that but then offered an irreverent grin. “Thanks.”
Evan considered that a win. The mood had gone up, even if just a tad. “I admit, I wasn’t expecting that.”
Adam nodded, growing serious again. “Guess you should’ve given me the time of day yesterday and listened to me.” Evan was about to reply when Adam snorted to himself. “Of course, if I’d gotten hard in the restaurant, I’d have been kicked out or arrested for, like, indecent exposure.”
Evan chuckled. “Yeah, that sounds about right.”
Adam shrugged, but he kept grinning. “Wouldn’t have been the first time my dick’s got me into trouble.”
Evan laughed, relaxed. “Yeah, no. We’re not talking about that swimming pool locker-room incident. Like, ever.”
Adam inched closer, his leg once again touching Evan’s. “Don’t I always do as you suggest? I listen to your advice, babe.”
Evan went breathless, as if he’d been sucker punched. “Adam, I….” He cleared his throat, knowing this was it, the time to come clean and be as honest as he could without hurting his best friend’s feelings. “You’re my best friend, you moron. I don’t wanna lose you.”
Adam stared back morosely before ducking his head. “Me neither. Dickwad.” He bit his bottom lip and tore at the frayed seam of his jeans. “But I can’t help it if I feel differently about you now. I didn’t mean to, but….” He shrugged, but the gesture was far from casual. He looked defeated, and Evan hated seeing it.
Not only that but Evan began to fathom his relationship with Adam was special whether it stayed the same or not. No, Adam was special. Evan was pretty damn lucky to know him and to have him in his life.
Evan was gay. Whatever Adam was, well, that remained to be decided.
“You know,” Evan said, “I still sort of think that maybe you only believe you’re in love with me because you don’t want to lose your best friend.”
Adam went stiff but stayed silent. Evan felt the shift in mood as clearly as a touch on his skin and knew he was walking on eggshells. Could there be a middle ground between friends and lovers, or could only one state of being exist at any given time? Could Evan ever say he loved his best friend without Adam misconstruing it for something more until the mere words became a lie?
Could Evan love Adam like a… a lover?
He didn’t think he could magically, in the span of a few days, suddenly fall for his best friend, who until a week ago had still been very much straight, or at the least just bi-curious. Transforming a good friend into a great lover wasn’t a simple process; one didn’t automatically follow the other.
“Maybe we should go out on a date to find out if… this could be… something.”
Chapter 7
A WEEK later Evan still couldn’t believe he’d uttered those words.
Plus, the past six days had been full of Adam flirting and teasing him, brushing casually against him, putting an arm around his shoulders, and kissing Evan on the neck whenever he could. If it hadn’t been for the quick smooches, the lingering glances, and the touches that lasted a bit too long on sensitive body parts, Evan would have thought Adam was just being himself. He’d always been a friend unafraid of physical closeness.
Adam was pushing the envelope in his attempt to break Evan free from the friend zone.
By Friday night, Evan was ready to pull out his hair. And he was constantly hard, unsatisfied, and frustrated. Adam kept him on his toes, never letting it slip Evan’s mind that he was being seduced. Carefully. One step at a time.
And, God help him, Evan was falling into the deep end, falling hard and fast….
When the hell had Adam become so goddamn irresistible? Evan had to fight to keep his hands off the guy all week. The itch to do something, anything, about this situation was driving him mad. How did people resist the lust?
“Hey, gorgeous. Ready to go?”
Evan started at the sound of Adam’s voice. He’d somehow managed to sneak up on Evan and now stood by the window, grinning, with a sexy swagger and looking awesome in his T-shirt and tight jeans with a noticeable bulge in the front.
Evan blinked and looked away in a rush, his cheeks heating up. “Y-yeah.”
Adam chuckled, a hushed seductive little sound that told Evan Adam knew exactly what effect he was having on his friend.
Evan huffed out an annoyed breath. “Shut up.”
NATURALLY, AFTER all the years they’d known each other, Adam knew to take Evan right to his favorite place: a Thai restaurant that delivered takeout too. Adam ordered for Evan, and though Evan wanted to be pissed off about that, in the end he couldn’t because Adam got him what he would have ordered himself—namely, spicy beef salad, vegetable spring rolls, chicken dim sum, pineapple fried rice, and jasmine tea.
As they ate, Adam talked constantly, a total chatterbox. He gabbled on about everything and anything, from lighter topics like movies, music, and books to serious ones like gay marriage, climate change, and nature and water conservation. Evan hadn’t thought Adam would be interested in even half the stuff he yapped on about.
But Adam seemed well aware of the real point of the evening, which wasn’t two old friends hanging out. This was a date, and Adam’s feet did a lot of nuzzling with Evan’s under the table. In fact, he didn’t let up once, ensuring that Evan had a difficult time focusing on anything coming out of Adam’s mouth.
“Would you please stop?” Evan hissed after yet again yanking his feet away from Adam’s reach.
Adam merely grinned. “Why? Your feet felt lonely and cold. Just warming you up.”
“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” Evan muttered, praying for patience.
Adam laughed with a purr. “Yeah, Evan, that’s exactly right.”
Evan began to wonder whether either his resolve or his tolerance would fail epically before the night was over. In truth, he was certain he was fighting a losing battle. Adam was winning him over with each word and act.
“Adam, aren’t you… I don’t know, insecure in the slightest?” Evan asked in a hushed tone, leaning over the table to reach Adam better while lowering his voice. “Don’t you have any… doubts about what we’re doing here?”
Adam’s self-confident grin softened into a smile full of love. “No. I love you, Evan.”
Evan wasn’t sure if what he felt was desperation and panic or desire to yield and give in to the inevitable. “What if we screw things up and can’t go back to being friends?”
Adam paused, appearing thoughtful, and grew serious. “I think we’ve already passed that point. I don’t think I can go back to seeing you only as a friend. But I’m also not getting into this with the expectation we’re gonna fail miserably and break up.”
Evan hadn’t considered either possibility: that they were already more than friends or that they might end up being perfect for each other. He had to give Adam points for both since Evan hadn’t thought of either.
What Evan did know, however, was that being the target of Adam’s relentless seduction was wearing him down. He’d only ever observed Adam’s flirtation game from the sidelines.
Now he got the full-frontal assault—and would undoubtedly get full-frontal nudity if he just asked for it.
Evan couldn’t say he was in love or falling in love with Adam for the simple reason that he wasn’t. Love and being in love weren’t the same thing. “Would you be amenable to something, like a… friends with benefits type of deal?”
Adam’s brow furrowed as he straightened up, rigid and tense. “No.”
Evan had only made the suggestion in search of middle ground because he wasn’t sure he could declare his love for his best friend and be honest about it. “Why not?”
Adam’s frown deepened. “Because that type of deal, as you said, is two people who get along but who aren’t dating. They just fuck each other. Zero emotions come into play. You think that description fits me after I told you how I feel about you?”
Wincing at the crudeness, Evan deflated. It had been a long shot at best. “No.”
Adam leaned forward again, reaching for Evan’s hands resting on the table. “Why are you trying so hard to make this less than it is, or worse, like it’s nothing?” Evan had a tough time answering that, so he waffled and fidgeted. Finally Adam released a tense breath. “You know what? Dinner’s over. Time to go.”
Evan didn’t so much as get a chance to stop Adam, who was already calling out for the check from the waitress passing by. Resigned to the fact that he’d mucked up again, Evan silently followed his best friend out of the restaurant.
ADAM DIDN’T drop Evan off at his own doorstep, however. Instead, he took him back to his place. Evan kept his mouth shut all the way up to Adam’s bedroom despite his misgivings. He didn’t know how to end the date night gracefully.
But Adam surprised Evan again by behaving as though nothing was wrong or as if he wasn’t mad in the slightest. He even whistled a lively tune on his way up the stairs, confusing the hell out of Evan—who only recognized the song when Adam hummed the lyrics, talking about two best friends being fortunate enough to fall for each other. It was “Lucky” by Jason Mraz and Colbie Caillat.