‘Sorry, I couldn’t help myself.’ Lawson smiled sheepishly at her and shoved his hands in his pockets as if he didn’t trust himself with them. He didn’t look sorry in the slightest.
‘Sure you are,’ she said, licking her lower lip and tasting him on it.
His gaze lingered on her mouth. ‘Don’t do that or I’ll do it again.’
‘And that would be a problem because …?’
He groaned and rested his forehead against hers—it felt, weirdly, even more intimate than when his tongue had been halfway down her throat.
‘Okay, I’m going now,’ she said reluctantly after a few long moments.
He nodded. Sadly, he didn’t kiss her again, although the expression on his face told her he wanted to. Instead, he grabbed her hand, gently pulled her away from the door and then held it open as she climbed inside.
‘Drive safely. Text me when you get there,’ he said and as she nodded, he shut the door. The thunk echoed through the car but Cane, who was already slumbering in the back, didn’t even flinch. She smiled as she turned the key in the ignition—if only he could hang out with Bonnie, Clyde and Ned every day maybe it would put a dent in his endless energy.
Megan lifted a hand in a final wave to Lawson and then drove off into the darkness, her high-beam headlights lighting the cattle in paddocks on either side of the long gravel driveway. At the road, she turned right in the direction of Rose Hill but had gone less than a kilometre when her euphoria faded; panic filled every little space where it had been.
Her hands trembled on the steering wheel. What had she been thinking letting Lawson kiss her like that? When she was with him and Ned her past faded into insignificance. She genuinely felt like a different person. A better person. But who was she kidding? She had to tell him the truth about herself. She’d be delusional if she contemplated any other scenario. Putting off that conversation had been the worst thing she could have done.
If only she’d told him right from that very first day.
When he introduced himself, she should have said, ‘Hi, my name’s Megan and I’m an ex-con.’ He’d probably have run for the hills, but at least he’d have known. But then he’d also probably never have allowed things to develop as they had between them and, despite the nausea now rising in her gut at the thought of facing him, she couldn’t entirely regret keeping the truth close to her chest. Because that would mean regretting his kisses, regretting getting to know him, Ned and Tabitha, and regretting spending the day with them as if she truly belonged.
He might reassess his desire to be with her when he found out, but they’d always have this day. She’d always be able to hold it close to her heart.
As hard as it would be, it was no longer a question of whether or not she should tell him, but rather when, where and how. It didn’t feel like the kind of conversation you should have with someone over the phone or via text message. Sure, that would be easier, but this was too important for her to be gutless about it. She needed to see his face. She needed him to see hers and to know just how much remorse and guilt she carried inside her.
The next time he came out to visit, she would tell him.
Having made this decision didn’t make living with it easy. By the time Megan arrived back in Rose Hill, she couldn’t be bothered parking her car round the back out of sight. Now that she was known in Walsh, it seemed pointless to try and hide out here. Cane woke up the moment she stopped the car, suddenly full of energy again, but all she wanted to do was crawl into bed and try and forget reality. She wanted to dream of Lawson, to re-live his lips on hers all through the night. Instead she lay awake until the early hours of the morning, listening for sounds of Eliza, simply wanting to hear the comforting presence of another soul.
Chapter Twenty-four
Feeling as if he were floating on air, Lawson watched until Meg’s car lights faded into nothing and then headed back inside to check on Ned. Hopefully he was already asleep so that Lawson himself could head to bed and bask in the glow of a glorious day. Bask in the glow of Meg. He hadn’t experienced such an intense attraction towards anyone since he was a hormone-filled teenager lusting after Leah.
‘Great day, hey?’ Tabitha’s voice floated from the lounge room as he entered the house.
‘The best,’ he replied, unable to stifle the massive grin on his face.
‘Do I need to give you the safe sex talk, big brother?’
He stuck his head round the door and poked his tongue out at her, before continuing down the hallway. He heard her laughing as he paused in Ned’s doorway to listen for the telltale sound of his deep-sleep breathing. Lately Ned had been needing the bedside light to settle, but once he was asleep Lawson always turned it off.
‘Dad?’ Ned sat up straight and smiled his big cheeky grin. He didn’t look the least bit tired, but for once Lawson didn’t care. Nothing could dampen his good mood right now.
Still, he remembered his parental responsibilities. ‘It’s getting late, Ned. You need to get some sleep.’
‘I will, Dad, but,’ he shuffled over, ‘can you lie with me a bit?’
‘Okay, but no talking,’ Lawson said, careful not to step on Lego as he walked over to the bed. ‘We both need to rest.’
‘Promise. Cross my heart.’
Lawson shucked off his boots before he climbed in beside him. ‘Don’t tell Aunty Tab I forgot to leave my shoes outside,’ he whispered.
Ned giggled. ‘Your secret’s safe with me.’
He switched off the light and then snuggled down next to Ned, who was quiet for all of about ten seconds before his little voice broke the silence.
‘Do you like Meg?’
‘Of course I like Meg,’ Lawson replied.
‘No, dad, I mean really like her. Do you want to kiss her and do romance and stuff?’
Romance? Stuff? Lawson’s eyes widened and his cheeks burned—thank God he’d turned off the light. ‘Um …’
‘It’s okay if you do. I want you to know if you wanted to get married and make babies with her, I’d be okay with that because I really like her as well.’
Make babies? Lawson knew that one day he’d have to have the birds and the bees talk with his son but he hadn’t imagined it would happen like this. It felt like Ned was the grown-up and he the embarrassed teen. Somehow he managed to compose himself.
‘Thanks, little man. I appreciate that. And I’ll be honest, I really do like Meg a lot, but it’s early days. We’re just getting to know each other, so I don’t want you to get your hopes up about brothers and sisters just yet, okay?’
‘I’m not stupid, Dad. I know they take nine months to make.’
Lawson snorted; he couldn’t help it. ‘Geez, is there anything you don’t know?’
Ned thought a moment. ‘Well, I’m not exactly sure how the babies get in the mum’s tummy? Do you know? Is it the same way we insem’nate the cows?’
Lawson’s cheeks grew even hotter. He cleared his throat. ‘It’s … a bit different. Look we’ll discuss this later, okay. Time for sleep.’
‘Okay.’ Ned let out a massive sigh. ‘But you’ll kiss Meg soon, won’t you?’
Lawson smiled. ‘Shall I let you in on another little secret?’
‘Yeah! What is it?’
‘I’ve already kissed her.’
‘Really? Onya, Dad!’ Ned wrapped his arms around Lawson and squeezed him tightly.
Lawson laughed and then kissed his forehead. ‘Good night, Ned.’
‘Good night, Dad. Love you.’
‘Love you, too.’
Within two minutes Ned was asleep and Lawson slid out of bed, tickled pink at the thought that his son had just given him his blessing. Ned liked Meg, Tabby liked Meg, there was just one more person he needed to talk to and one more thing he needed to do before he could truly throw himself into this new relationship. He went into the bathroom, brushed his teeth, washed his face, ran his fingers through his hair, called out ‘good night’ to Tabitha and then retreated into his bedroo
m.
He went across to his tall boy, where a framed photo of Leah sat in pride of place on top. It had been taken on their wedding day. Her skin was glowing and all her blonde hair curled and piled up on her head—she looked radiant. He’d always loved it because she wasn’t looking directly at the camera; she’d been looking at him, and he vividly remembered the feeling her smile had given him. He’d loved her so much. He still did, but she was gone and, for the first time since her death, he finally felt alive again.
‘I’ve met someone,’ he told her. ‘She’s great with Ned and I think things could get serious between us. I hope that’s okay with you.’
And then, he picked up the frame, lifted it to his lips and kissed his wife one final time. A lone tear trickled down his cheek and he didn’t wipe it away as he opened the bottom drawer, shoved his clothes aside and buried the photo. He swallowed the golf-ball-sized lump that had formed in his throat and gazed down at the gold wedding band still sitting on his finger. So many times over the last four years he’d thought about taking it off, but he’d never been able to bring himself to do it.
Tonight, with Meg’s face clearer in his head than Leah’s, he easily slipped it off. And it felt surprisingly good. He felt lighter, as if he’d not only removed the ring from his finger but also a heavy weight from his shoulders, a burden that had been keeping him down for years. He put the ring into the drawer next to Leah’s photo, covered it over with clothes and then closed the drawer gently.
When he straightened, he looked into the mirror, almost not recognising the face that smiled back. It belonged to a man ready to live in the present, finally hopeful for the future, no longer chained to the past.
Chapter Twenty-five
Megan let Cane out for a pee just after dawn and then crawled back into bed. She felt like she’d been on an all-night bender and hoped that perhaps she’d finally be able to get some rest. But it was wishful thinking. After another few hours of tossing and turning, she admitted defeat and was just climbing out of bed again to go for a run when her phone beeped with a message.
Only the day before she’d have snatched up the phone with excitement at the thought of a message from Lawson, but today her stomach lurched as she reached over to pick it up.
He’d sent her a selfie—himself by the rotary platform with a load of cows’ bums in the background. The words It was more fun with you here accompanied the photo.
‘Oh!’ The one word slipped from her lips on a sigh and she pressed the phone against her chest. Before she could reply another beep arrived. Slowly, she lifted the phone and looked at the screen.
You busy this morning? I want to see you again.
A war raged within her. While her heart and her hormones wanted to see him, her mind reminded her of the conversation that had to be had. Still there was no point putting off the inevitable.
She typed back, her fingers trembling. No. I was planning on some more research.
Can I keep you company for a bit? Once I’ve finished the milking.
Sounds great, she lied, knowing that what was about to happen would probably be anything but great.
She climbed out of bed, pulled on her running gear and traipsed downstairs with Cane under her arm. She let him outside to pee again while she threw on a load of washing, and then when they were both done, they set off. Today, however, running didn’t calm her at all and so she returned home sooner than she usually would, collected the eggs Archie had left on the front door step and then jumped into the shower.
After that, she spent a ridiculous amount of time trying to make herself presentable. Heading downstairs again, she tried to stomach some dry toast, all the while rehearsing in her head over and over all the different ways she could tell Lawson the things that had to be said.
After eating a few bites, she gave up on breakfast, choosing instead to head on over to the historical society and try and distract herself with research. Not wanting to abuse Archie’s dog-sitting generosity, she tied Cane to a post outside and tossed him a bone to chew. She was also scared that if she saw Archie this morning, he’d take one look at her and know something was wrong. She couldn’t fall apart until after her conversation with Lawson. By then, nothing would matter any more anyway.
Inside the building, she flicked on the light but didn’t open the blinds; she’d worked out that keeping them down helped to stop the heat from building up inside. Lawson’s generator and fan had been such a blessing and, as she turned the fan on now, she wondered if he’d take them both back after today. Then she shook her head and got to work—that was the least of her worries.
Focusing on the far past and thinking about Eliza was a lot easier than worrying about Lawson, and Megan soon found herself lost in old photos and documents from the 1930s. There weren’t a great deal of photos—back then people didn’t take the thousands of snaps they did today—but the few she found were fascinating. She loved seeing Rose Hill back in its heyday and imagining what life would have been like here decades ago. This morning, one particular photo caught her interest—it was of a group of young people. They were all dressed as if they’d been out riding and were all men except for one woman. She recognised the woman immediately as Eliza. Every person in the photo was looking directly at the camera, except for Eliza and one of the young men, who were looking at each other instead. From the expression on their faces it was clear to see they had the hots for each other.
Megan turned the photo over, hoping to find names on the back indicating who the others in the picture were, but there was nothing but an old yellow stain. Dammit. It was frustrating to have all this history at her fingertips, yet not be able to find the answers she wanted. With another glance at the mystery man, she put the photo to one side and went back to some of the newspapers from around the same time. If she found a photo of this guy in the paper, there would likely be a name alongside it.
She flicked through a few editions and was feeling disheartened at not finding anything when Cane started barking, alerting her to the fact they had a visitor.
Her heart flipped. Lawson had arrived. While she’d been lost in Eliza’s world, she’d managed to forget her own worries, but now … Both her stomach and her grip on the photo tightened as she shot to her feet. For some reason this felt like a conversation she wanted to have standing up.
She heard him stop to talk to Cane, giving her a second to collect herself. This was it. Do not chicken out. And then suddenly he was standing there in the open doorway, looking so sexy it should be illegal in a checked shirt pushed up to the elbows and knee length khaki shorts. Her mouth went dry.
‘Hi there,’ he said, his voice low, as his lips curled into a smile and he unashamedly looked his fill from the top of her head right down to the red-painted toenails that poked out of her sandals.
‘Hi,’ she managed, although that one word came out more like a puff of air.
He stepped into the room and came to stand right in front of her, so close she could see he hadn’t bothered to shave that morning, and it only made him more sexy. ‘I couldn’t sleep last night,’ he admitted.
‘Oh?’ Her fingers started to tremble around the photo.
He nodded, his eyes searching hers. ‘And it was entirely your fault. You refused to get out of my head.’
His beautiful words were intoxicating and she tried desperately to keep her head. ‘I couldn’t sleep either,’ she said, ‘so I finally gave up and came in here.’ She thrust the photo up between them, almost like a shield. ‘Look what I found!’
His brow furrowed a little as he looked down at the photo.
‘There’s Eliza,’ she explained, pointing first to the young woman and then to one of the men, ‘and look at that man.’
He scrutinised the face she pointed at. ‘What about him?’
‘You don’t recognise him by any chance, do you?’
He half-chuckled. ‘Sorry, but I wasn’t even a twinkle in my grandfather’s eye back then. Why the interest in him?’
&nb
sp; Megan’s heart sank. Of course Lawson wouldn’t know who the guy was any more than she did. Still, she pressed on. The truth was, she was stalling. Talking about anything but what she knew she needed to talk about. ‘Look how he and Eliza are looking at each other? Not at the camera at all. I think they were lovers, or at least interested in each other.’
‘Is that right?’ He glanced up from the photo and refocused his gaze on her; she could tell he wasn’t really listening.
‘If I could just find out who he was—’
Lawson cut her off, taking the photo from her grasp and gently putting it down on the desk behind them. He smiled down at her in a way that sent her heart galloping. ‘This is truly fascinating, but, to tell you the truth, right now, I’m more interested in the present.’
And then, before she had the chance to say anything in response, he pulled her into his arms and kissed her. Hard. Hungry. Like they hadn’t seen each other for weeks.
Megan felt her body melting, along with her resolve, as he pushed her back against the desk. The back of her thighs slammed into the hard wood, but she barely flinched as desire burned within. Compared to that first kiss in the dairy and then the next against her car, this one was X-rated, and she kissed him back, unable to stop herself. Tongues duelled and hands wandered. His fingers drew tantalising patterns on her face and neck before trawling lower, igniting her skin wherever they went.
Megan moaned as his thumb found her nipple. The sensations were so strong, it felt as if the material of her bra and T-shirt wasn’t even there. She arched up into him, her body acting of its own accord, ignoring the warning sirens blaring inside her head. When he cupped her whole breast, she gasped into his mouth with a pleasure stronger than anything she’d felt before.
He tore his mouth off hers and looked into her eyes. ‘You all right?’
No, said a barely audible voice in the far depths of her mind. You may be enjoying this, but it is not all right.
‘Yes, but …’ She stumbled on her words, not wanting to say them. ‘There’s something I should tell you.’
Talk of the Town Page 25