He frowned. ‘You’re married?’
‘No.’ She would have laughed if she wasn’t so strung-out.
‘You’re a lesbian?’
‘No!’ Couldn’t he feel the way her body reacted to him?
‘Then,’ he pressed his forehead against hers and whispered, ‘right now, what could possibly be more important than kissing me?’
Telling him the truth, declared that pesky voice in her head.
Nothing, said a much stronger one. It sounded a lot like hormones. Apparently, she said the latter aloud, because Lawson grinned and then put his mouth back on hers.
And the taste of his lips silenced her.
Within moments, his hands moved lower again, skimming down over her breasts and then skating under the bottom of her T-shirt. Megan sucked in a breath as he touched her bare skin. Her mind cleared itself of everything but him. Everything but how his hands and mouth made her feel. She wasn’t sure whether it was him or her who whipped off her T-shirt, but suddenly it was on the floor between them.
Her heart raced. They looked into each other’s eyes as he reached one hand up to undo her bra. She shrugged out of it and if fell to the ground too. Megan hadn’t been this exposed to someone in years, but she didn’t feel vulnerable or embarrassed as Lawson gazed down at her bare chest. She felt nothing but pure, unadulterated need. Nothing else mattered but the two of them.
‘You’re beautiful,’ he said and then he dipped his head and took a nipple into his mouth. A gasp burst from her and then she moaned as his tongue flicked her bud, creating a flood of wetness below.
She thought she might actually come as she looked down at the top of his head moving seductively while his tongue laved her tight nipple. Then, as if his mouth weren’t potent enough, he pressed his hand against her belly and slipped it down past the waistband of her shorts. Things were moving so fast but she didn’t want them to stop.
‘Lawson.’ She breathed out his name as he moved his fingers in her slick wetness. Within seconds she was a writhing mess of need and satisfaction. As waves of pleasure rippled through her, she reached between them and palmed her hand against his shorts, loving what she felt and the knowledge that all that delicious hardness was because of her.
He groaned, which only turned her on more.
‘I need you,’ she whispered.
She didn’t have to ask twice. He removed his hand from inside her knickers, whipped a small foil packet out of his pocket, then shoved his shorts down and sheathed himself. She couldn’t get her own shorts and knickers off quick enough. Megan leaned back against the desk as he stepped between her legs. Their gazes met in an explosive heat as he pushed inside and filled her completely. It was embarrassing (and surprising) how quickly she came, considering he’d brought her to climax only moments before with his fingers, but he was right there beside her every second of the way.
He cried out, ‘Oh, Meg,’ as he thrust hard one final time and she knew from that moment onwards she never wanted to be called ‘Megan’ again.
Afterwards they held each other, barely moving an inch, as her heart rate attempted to return to normal. Judging by Lawson’s erratic breathing, she guessed his might be trying to do the same.
‘Oh my goodness,’ she shrieked, when she finally glanced up and saw the wide-open door. ‘The door!’
Lawson’s eyes widened, but he chuckled as he extracted himself and walked over to kick the door shut. ‘Let’s hope Archie didn’t decide to go for a walk or he might have got an eye-full.’
‘Oh Lord.’ Meg dropped her hands into her face unable to believe what they’d done with the door wide open. She’d totally lost her head, as well as her clothes.
Lawson came to stand in front of her again. He put his thumb on her chin and gently lifted her face up to look at him. She swallowed, fighting back tears as she looked into his warm eyes.
How could she ever tell him the truth? She couldn’t bear for him to look at her differently.
‘That was amazing,’ he said, moving his thumb upwards to brush over her lips. ‘But believe it or not, I didn’t come here to seduce you—I just wanted to see you, maybe kiss you again—but you drive me crazy. I can’t think about anything but you right now. I definitely didn’t plan on consummating our relationship in the middle of a pile of old papers and photos.’
She forced a smile and he added, ‘I promise you, next time, we’ll take things slower … maybe even do it in a bed.’
His words were so seductive, they rode right over the top of any doubts that were trying to creep through. ‘I don’t have any complaints,’ she whispered, ‘but I do have a question.’
He smiled. ‘Yes?’
‘If you weren’t planning all that, then why did you bring a condom?’
He laughed and the sound rippled through her limbs, relaxing her. ‘Caught. Okay, I’ll admit I was hopeful, but I didn’t envisage it exactly like this. I was hoping to wow you with my powers of seduction, make you scream in ecstasy and last a lot longer than an adolescent boy desperate to get his rocks off.’
Now she laughed. ‘Well, two out of three ain’t bad.’
‘Speaking of which …’ Lawson indicated his nether regions. ‘I better deal with this. Are there any tissues in here?’
She bit her lip and shook her head. ‘Sorry.
‘No worries.’ He grinned sheepishly. ‘This is going to be interesting then. Which of these old papers aren’t really important do you think?’
She grimaced. ‘How about you come back to my place to have a shower?’
He leaned in close. ‘Will you be sharing the water with me?’
She swallowed, the image of water, soap and the two of them naked landing in her head and making her blush. ‘Do you want me to?’
‘Sweetheart, that is the most stupid question I’ve ever heard.’
‘What was that thing you were trying to tell me?’ Lawson asked, when they were finally sitting down at the kitchen table drinking coffee after the raunchiest shower of her whole life.
‘What do you mean?’ she asked, her mind void of pretty much everything except what they’d just done.
‘Back at the historical society. You said you needed to tell me something, but then I persuaded you it could wait.’ He leaned back now in the chair as if he was all ears and her heart clenched. The steadfast belief she’d had that morning that she needed to tell him about her past wavered.
Was this really a post-coital kind of conversation?
‘You mean … about Eliza?’ she stumbled, her grip tightening on her mug.
He shook his head and she suddenly noticed he was no longer wearing his wedding ring. The floor felt as if it moved beneath her. When had he taken it off? She racked her brain, trying to remember if he’d been wearing it yesterday. If circumstances were different, she’d be overjoyed by this development, but it only made her heart sink further.
‘No, I don’t think so,’ he said. ‘I got the feeling there was something else on your mind and I want you to know, I care about you a lot, and if there’s anything you want to talk about, I’m here for you.’
Oh Lord! Guilt flooded her at his kind words and tears burst from her eyes. She retrieved her hand. ‘I’m so sorry,’ she said, trying to wipe them away. ‘I shouldn’t have slept with you.’
‘What?’ Lawson’s head snapped back as if she’d slapped him. Then, he looked into her eyes and his face fell. ‘Oh, shit.’ He skidded his seat closer to hers and pulled her into his arms. ‘What is it, Meg? Did someone hurt you? I’m so sorry if I rushed you into anything. The last thing I wanted to do was make you cry.’
‘No!’ She shook her head and pulled away from him, not wanting Lawson to feel bad. She was the villain, not him. ‘No, it’s nothing like that.’ She sniffed. ‘You’ve been nothing but wonderful. It’s just that … I don’t … deserve you.’
‘Now, that’s bullshit,’ he said, his voice more forceful than she’d ever heard. ‘What could possibly make you think such utter n
onsense?’
His absolute faith in her only made her feel worse. ‘You know how I told you I lost the plot a little after my parents died?’
He nodded. ‘Totally understandable.’
‘Well, the thing is, I turned to the wrong people and the wrong things to try and block out what had happened. I got messed up in drugs for a bit—getting high was the only thing that would allow me to forget. At least for a little while.’
He nodded slowly and then rubbed his lips together. It pained her to imagine the thoughts that must be spinning through his head. She already felt him slipping away and couldn’t bring herself to say another word. She was definitely not going to get through the whole story in one go.
‘What kind of drugs?’
She swallowed. ‘To start with, just a little weed. But later, pretty much anything I could get my hands on. Then I got hooked on crystal meth?’
Lawson frowned. ‘Ice?’
She nodded, a lump forming in her throat.
He was quiet a few long moments and her heart beat heavily, anticipating doom. Then he finally asked, ‘Do you take anything now?’
‘No!’ She shook her head vigorously. Kicking her addiction hadn’t been easy but she’d been determined. ‘I’m completely clean. I have been for over four years.’
‘That must have been tough,’ he said, ‘breaking that habit. Did you get help? Like counselling? Treatment?’
‘Yes.’ Being thrown into prison had actually been a good thing—it wasn’t easy to access drugs unless you knew the right people, and she’d kept to herself, not wanting to make waves. Following the hell of withdrawal, she’d been a model inmate—working hard when required, using the courses and workshops as a way to distract herself from the urges, and attending counselling. ‘Eventually I did. On the surface the counselling was to help deal with my addiction, but I also finally had an outlet to talk through and deal with my grief. Until then, although my grandparents tried to get me to open up, I shut myself off—I think I was scared to feel too close to them in case I lost them as well. But I finally realised that my drug problem wasn’t just hurting me.’
He still didn’t say anything so she kept on talking. ‘I thought of how ashamed and heartbroken my parents would have been if they saw me travelling down such a destructive path, and realised that if I didn’t change, I may as well have died with them.’
At the mention of her parents, more tears prickled the corners of her eyes, but she blinked, not wanting to cry again, not wanting him to think she was trying to manipulate him into feeling sorry for her.
‘I’m glad you didn’t die,’ he said, reaching out and taking her hands again. When he brought them up to his lips and kissed her knuckles, her stomach turned over.
‘Really?’ she whispered.
Lawson nodded. ‘I won’t pretend I’m not shocked by this but I’m in awe of you, Meg. You’ve been through so much and it’s hardly surprising you needed something to get you through all that tragedy. If I hadn’t had Leah and Tabitha to get me through Mum’s death, and then Ned to keep going for after Leah died, I might have done something similar. Lord knows there were many times I just wanted to be able to stop feeling anything.’
He squeezed her hands and continued. ‘But despite all you’ve been through, you’ve come out the other side, stronger. I wish I could erase all that pain you went through, but all that’s in the past now. I want to explore this thing between us, I want a future with you.’
Meg blinked. She couldn’t believe her ears. How could she not want a future with this wonderful guy? She’d never wanted anything more. But she hadn’t told him everything yet. Her heart trembled in her chest at the thought. He’d been so understanding about the drugs, but that was only a fraction of her story.
Lawson raised an eyebrow and his lips quirked up at the edges. ‘Although maybe I’m being a little presumptuous? Maybe you just want me for hot sex?’
At his attempt to lighten what was the darkest conversation they’d ever had, a nervous laugh escaped her mouth. A place low in her belly quivered at the mention of hot sex, but she most definitely wanted more than just that. Until that moment she hadn’t known the power the word ‘future’ held over her. But being in Lawson’s arms, feeling so cherished by him, filled a hole that had been gaping inside her for far too long.
What he was offering was too damn tempting and maybe she was simply chicken, but she couldn’t bring herself to strike a match and throw it on it all. Not just yet.
‘Thank you,’ she whispered. ‘I do want more than just hot sex. I want it all.’
As Lawson leaned forwards and kissed her, as his tongue teased open her mouth to close the deal, Meg promised herself that she would have the rest of this conversation. But it could end up being the most important conversation of her life, so she needed to choose the most perfect moment to have it and to spend a little more time working out the perfect words to say.
Chapter Twenty-six
Lawson’s head spun from Meg’s confession. For a few moments following, he’d sat in disbelief. Would it have changed things if she’d told him before now? Would he have kept his distance? Stopped her from getting close to Ned?
She’d tried to tell him earlier when they’d been in the throes of pre-sex passion but he’d been too drunk with lust to listen. Still, surely there’d been opportunities before today? All those times they’d sat together pouring over the newspapers at the historical society, the day they’d driven to the tip, yesterday when they were alone together in the dairy. This was a huge revelation.
He’d met her gaze, not sure what he wanted to say. But one look at her vulnerable, tear-soaked eyes and it had hit him. Who was he to judge? They hadn’t known each other long, and he hadn’t walked in her shoes.
This wasn’t about him—this was about Meg. As hard as it had been to hear about her addiction to drugs, he knew it had to have been even more difficult for her. Not only to experience all that—to fall so low and then all the motivation and determination it must have taken to recover—but also to open up to him, to admit what she’d once been. And he found himself glad she’d trusted him enough to come clean.
If he had any suspicion that she still dabbled in drugs, he’d have been out of there faster than a bull at a gate—he couldn’t risk Ned being close to anything like that—but he believed her. He’d always suspected she’d come to Rose Hill to escape something and now he knew what it was, her desire to open the tea room and make a new life for herself only impressed him more. He’d been honest when he told her that he was in awe of her.
But now time was marching on. Lawson needed to head back to the dairy soon but he hated the thought of leaving Meg alone after the conversation they’d just had.
His face still only inches from hers, he tried to take her mind off all that, to let her know they were okay. ‘Want to hear something funny?’ he asked.
‘Desperately,’ she admitted on a half-laugh.
‘Last night after you left, I went to check on Ned and he was still awake. We ended up having a heart-to-heart. He told me how much he likes you and he gave us his blessing.’
‘He what?’ A full smile finally blossomed on her face and he knew he’d made the right decision not to dwell on her past.
‘I know, right?’ Lawson grinned. ‘It was hilarious. He was so earnest. I think he likes you almost as much as I do.’
‘The feeling is entirely mutual. On both accounts.’ She pulled back a little. ‘Do you have time for another coffee?’
‘Unfortunately, no.’ He pushed back his seat and stood, feeling as if they’d been sitting there for a lot longer than they actually had.
She nodded. ‘The cows wait for no man?’
‘Something like that.’ He pulled her to her feet and then into his arms. Although his body immediately reacted to the feel of her against him, this embrace wasn’t sexual. ‘Thank you for talking to me,’ he whispered into her hair.
She nodded as they broke apart and, then hol
ding hands, headed out of the kitchen and down the hallway towards the front door. On the side table near the stairs, he noticed the photo she’d tried to show him when he’d first arrived at the historical society. He vaguely remembered her carrying it back and she must have tossed it there right before he’d pulled her into his arms and ravished her again.
‘Hey,’ he said, picking it up and looking down. ‘What was it you were saying about these people?’
‘Oh.’ Meg leaned close and pointed to a woman. ‘That’s Eliza.’ Then she slid her finger across the image and landed on a young man. ‘And check out the way that guy is looking at her.’
‘He’s looking at her the way I look at you.’
She blushed, then whispered, ‘I know. I’d really like to find out who he is. It looks like he and Eliza had something between them and so I’m wondering if maybe he’s a key to the mystery of what happened to her.’
‘You think he killed her?’
She shrugged one shoulder. ‘I don’t know what to think. But I’d like to know who he is and what happened to him.’
Lawson took another look at the photo; something about the man in question felt a little familiar. He frowned.
‘What is it?’ Meg asked.
‘He’s the spitting image of one of Adeline’s brothers.’
‘You think maybe he’s one of her ancestors?’ Meg sounded excited at the prospect at a possible discovery.
He shrugged. ‘I’m probably wrong, but if he is, then I doubt he had a thing with Eliza. The Walshes and Elverds founded this region and they’re, well, they’re what people call blue bloods. None of them would have ever looked twice at a townie like Eliza.’
‘Eliza was very beautiful,’ Meg said, pouting.
He smiled. That he had to concede. ‘Maybe she committed suicide because they did have a fling, but he wouldn’t acknowledge it. Or maybe …’
Before he could offer another speculation, a door on the second storey by the stairs slammed shut, making them both jump. He dropped the photo and it floated back down onto the side table. They glanced upwards.
Talk of the Town Page 26