by John Inman
Eddie turned to study the steep stairway leading up to the kitchen.
“Think I can haul this heavy motherfucker up the stairs?”
“I can help,” Gray said.
Eddie gave him a doubtful look. “Not with a broken leg, you can’t.”
“WHO KNEW they made pianos out of lead?” Eddie groused.
Eddie was sweating bullets by the time he’d tied ropes around the old upright and wrenched it up the basement steps. Taking his life into his hands more than once along the way, he finally got the piano into the kitchen, much to Gray’s amazement. Once there, still grunting and cursing because the damn Baldwin wasn’t any lighter on a flat surface than it was at a 45-degree angle, he rolled it through the house on squeaky wheels and shoved it against the living room wall—at the very same spot where it used to stand when Eddie’s aunt owned the house. Somehow the piano looked happier parked there than it had down in the dusty, shadowy basement, abandoned and forgotten.
“Golly, you’re butch!” Gray exclaimed.
Eddie laughed while flexing a few aching muscles. “Thanks.”
They both turned and studied the piano resting comfortably against the wall.
“See how contented it looks?” Gray cooed, breathless but happy. He silently dragged a fingertip over the rise and fall of black and white keys. “It didn’t like being alone.” He pinged a little triplet of high notes and listened as they happily rang through the house. “See? It’s laughing.”
Eddie rolled his eyes and plucked at his sweaty shirt. Then he settled a fond gaze on Gray Grissom standing there, flicking a speck of dust off the keyboard as adoringly as if the ancient upright were a Steinway baby grand and they were all standing in the middle of Carnegie Hall waiting for the concert to start.
Before Eddie could stop himself, he uttered the first words that crossed his mind. They fell from his lips before he even knew they were coming. “I didn’t like being alone either.”
A torrent of blood heated up the back of his neck when he realized what he’d said. To cover his embarrassment, he lowered himself down to the couch with a rather theatrical groan and rubbed his aching back. “That thing must weigh six hundred pounds.”
But Gray ignored the last comment. Those astonishing gray eyes were obviously riveted on Eddie because of what he’d said before.
“Do I really make you feel less lonely?” Gray quietly asked.
Eddie saw no reason to lie. He was pretty sure the truth was splattered all over his face anyway.
“Yes. I think you know that already.”
Gray glanced down at the keyboard again, then back into Eddie’s eyes. “Did you also know that I enjoy every minute we spend together? In bed and out of it?”
Eddie’s breath caught. “N-no,” he stammered. “I didn’t know that.”
With a secretive smile, Gray muttered, “Well, now you do.”
THE BEER was cold in Eddie’s hand. Fred and Lucretia were tucked under his chair, sound asleep. God alone knew where the cats were. Probably stalking lizards in the cholla.
The night wind, still desert-warm even at nine o’clock at night, lifted Eddie’s hair and caressed his face. Gray sat beside him, drinking his own beer, humming softly as his head lolled back and he studied the endless field of stars in the sky. Louie was sprawled across Gray’s lap, gnawing on a chew toy. With his free hand, Gray idly stroked the dog’s rump. Down below, Gray was dragging his healthy foot up and down the cast on his other foot, trying to relieve the never-ending itch inside.
Poor guy.
Eddie thought of the faraway light that came into Gray’s eyes when his fingers touched the old Baldwin upright now firmly ensconced against the living room wall.
Too lazy to actually sit up, he swiveled his head to the side and studied Gray’s profile in the light streaming across the yard from the kitchen window.
“Where did you learn to play the piano?”
Gray never lowered his gaze from the stars. “All us kids had to learn. It was sort of a prerequisite for living with my aunt.”
“You have siblings?”
“Yeah.”
“And you all lived with your aunt?”
“Yeah, our aunt and uncle. My folks died in a car crash when I was four. Mom’s sister took us in.”
“I’m sorry, Gray. Do you remember your parents?”
“Not much. I seem to remember sitting on my dad’s lap and playing with his pocket watch while he read the funny papers to me, but maybe that was just a dream, I don’t know. He worked for the railroad. At least that’s what my aunt and uncle told me.”
“Tell me about your siblings.”
Gray finally turned his head, still relaxed, returning Eddie’s gaze. “Not much to tell there either. A brother and a sister. Mike and Jennifer. Jenny, we called her. They were twins. A couple of years older than me.”
“Where are they now?”
Gray turned away then. “They live somewhere in Los Angeles. Why are you asking me all this?”
“Just curious. Do you keep in touch?”
Gray lifted Louie from his lap and set him on the ground at his feet. He rose from the chair and stepped across the grounds to stand by the fence at the back of the property. From there, on a clear night like this, far to the west, miles and miles away, the San Diego skyline lay visible in the distance. It shimmered like a string of diamonds draped across the horizon.
Eddie was beginning to wonder if he would get an answer at all. Then Gray cleared his throat and spoke into the night. Not turning. Not aiming his words directly at Eddie. It was more like he was throwing them into the emptiness of the desert landscape spread out before him. There was a slump in his shoulders that made Eddie realize it saddened Gray to talk about his brother and sister.
When he spoke, he sounded reluctant to do so. But still, he allowed the words to come. Or maybe forced the words to come would describe it better.
Eddie sat frozen in space, hanging on to every word.
“When I went to prison,” Gray said, “I broke off contact. I was—embarrassed, I guess. Ashamed. I didn’t want my family to know where I’d ended up. Mike and Jenny were decent people. They would never have understood. Anyway, it’s for the best. I don’t want them to feel sorry for me or, you know, hate me for what I did.”
Eddie really couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He pulled himself to his feet and walked slowly to Gray’s side. Once there, he laid a friendly arm over Gray’s shoulder.
He leaned in close, as if about to share a secret. Gray’s face in the starlight was so beautiful and sad it almost stripped Eddie’s breath away. After a brief struggle with himself to find the right words, and hoping he wasn’t butting in where he wasn’t wanted—well, no more than he already had—Eddie finally managed to say what was on his mind. He uttered the words fervently because they came from his heart. He believed them completely.
“Gray, you didn’t do anything that would make them hate you. You were just a kid. All you did was sit in a car, not knowing what was going on, while your idiot friend robbed a liquor store. You never should have gone to prison at all.”
Eddie spotted a sparkle in Gray’s eyes, then another. They mirrored the glittering skyline in the distance.
He edged closer, pulling Gray more snugly against him. “There is nothing for you to be ashamed of,” he whispered. “There never was. You need to stop beating yourself up over what happened. You’re a good person. And I’m pretty sure you always were a good person. What happened to you could have happened to anybody. Wrong place, wrong time. Things happen, and sometimes there’s nothing we can do about it. Still, if we’re strong enough, we survive. You survived, Gray. And you survived with all your goodness intact, and that’s an amazing thing. But now it’s time to move on. It’s time to put it all behind you. It’s time to let it go.”
A lone tear slid along the contours of Gray’s cheek. Eddie saw it clearly when Gray eased around in his arms to face him. Unable to stop himself, Eddie
leaned in and kissed the tear away. Gray offered him a tiny smile.
“Your brother and sister,” Eddie said. “You must miss them.”
Gray shook his head. His eyes were sad but determined. Stubborn. “They’re better off without me. I know they are.”
“You’re wrong.”
“Let it go, Eddie. Please.”
A sigh escaped Eddie’s lips. “All right. If that’s what you want.”
“It is.”
As one, they let their gazes travel back to the shimmering pinpoints of light in the distance. Scattered among those lights, a couple of million people were carving out their lives, some winning, some losing, some not making much of an impression on the world at all.
“I don’t miss the city,” Gray said, as if purposely drawing his thoughts away from other topics he’d rather not think about. “I lived there for a while after I… got out. But there were too many people. I felt trampled. Lost. I like being here better.”
“You mean in Spangle?”
Gray turned away from the horizon and trained his eyes on Eddie. They didn’t seem as sad anymore.
“No,” Gray said. “I mean here with you. We don’t compete with each other. We just are. I’m not sure why, but I feel I can be myself with you.”
“You can.”
“And no matter what I tell you, you never seem to judge.” A smile twitched at the corner of his mouth. “You preach, but you don’t judge.”
Eddie slid a thumb over one of the old tear tracks shining on Gray’s cheek. “Gray, I keep telling you, you’ve done nothing to be judged about.”
“Thank you for bringing the piano upstairs.”
“You’re changing the subject.”
“Eddie?”
“Hmm?”
“I want to go to bed with you now.”
“You’re changing the subject again,” Eddie pouted. Then he perked up. “But hey, since I’m so happy with this particular subject, I’ll let it slide. Are we talking about sex?”
Gray laughed. “I certainly hope so. You can do anything you want with me, you know.”
“Can I slide a yardstick under your cast and try to relieve your itching ankle?”
“Oh God yes. That would be even better than sex!”
Eddie frowned. “I’m not sure I’m too happy about that.”
“NOW,” GRAY breathed. “Please, Eddie. Now.”
Eddie pressed a kiss to the inside of Gray’s knee. Gray’s legs were folded high, held aloft by Eddie’s strong hands. Gray’s cast rested on Eddie’s shoulder and somehow the unforgiving solidity of it comforted him. Lost in passion, Eddie even kissed it a time or two, as if it were truly a part of the man beneath him.
As Eddie moved, every tendon in Gray’s neck stood out, clearly defined, stretched tight. He trembled under Eddie’s weight. His mouth and eyes were wide open, his hands at either side of Eddie’s face, caressing the stubble on Eddie’s cheeks. Eddie hovered there, smiling down, frozen at the deepest point of entry, motionless, his cock hard and thrumming in the very depths of Gray’s delicious welcoming heat.
“Now,” Gray breathed again. “Please. Do it now, Eddie.”
But Eddie refused to move, refused to rock his hips and begin again the long strokes that had brought both men to such a heightened sense of desire. He liked having Gray impaled beneath him. He liked staring down into the hunger that burned in Gray’s eyes. The way his tongue touched his lips, the way his back arched with need. Wanting more from Eddie. Always wanting more.
“Oh God, please, Eddie!”
Gray gripped Eddie’s hips. Groaning with the effort, he lifted his head and buried his face in the sweat-dampened hair on Eddie’s chest. Eddie’s lips were still buried in the soft heat at the inside of Gray’s knee.
A wicked smile twisted Eddie’s kiss, but his mouth never left Gray’s skin. “Beg me,” he all but gasped, so lost in the sensations of Gray’s sheath gripping him below that he could barely speak, barely think, barely not do what Gray was begging him to do. To move, to stroke, to fuck.
“Asshole,” Gray moaned.
“Yes,” Eddie said, dredging up a grin. “And it’s a beauty.”
Laughing, Gray collapsed back onto the bed. It was at that moment that Eddie finally began to move, began to resume the long slide, easing his cock almost free, then once again driving forward, burying it deep. Gray tensed beneath him, the laughter fell from his face as if swept away in a flood of ecstasy. The tendons on his neck once again stood out as he tilted his head back. He emitted a sexy groan that quickened Eddie’s heart. Eddie let himself go. Any thought of being gentle fell by the wayside. Eddie gripped Gray’s legs, lifted them even higher, cast and all, and with his eyes locked on to Gray’s, he thrust his cock brutally forward. Gray cried out, but there was no pain in his cry. He trembled and writhed with Eddie deep inside him, but not once did he release his grip on Eddie’s hips. Not once did he try to free himself from that delicious piercing.
At the moment when Gray’s juices spilled out between them, Eddie arched forward and spilled his own. Both men clung to each other as their seed exploded from them. Gray’s mouth lay buried at Eddie’s throat. Eddie’s heart pounded like a jackhammer.
When every single muscle in Eddie’s body finally relaxed and he collapsed over Gray like a dead fish, he still had the presence of mind to carefully rest Gray’s cast on the bed before gathering Gray tightly in his arms and cradling him close.
For long moments they remained motionless. Spent. Through the open windows, the desert stillness spilled into the upstairs bedroom where they lay. The scented air blew lazily over them, caressing their heated skin as they lay huddled together on the crumpled sheets.
As their breathing quieted and the thump of their galloping hearts began to slow, Eddie pulled back far enough to focus his gaze on Gray’s young face. A tiny smile was playing at Gray’s mouth. His hair was standing on end. There was a forgotten splatter of his own come sparkling on his cheek. Eddie was pretty sure he had never seen anyone so sexy in his whole life.
He opened his mouth to speak, but Gray laid a finger to his lips, silencing him.
“No, Eddie,” Gray said. “Just hold me. Please.”
There was such pleading in the words that Eddie closed his eyes and lowered his head to Gray’s chest. Still, there were words that needed to be said. If Eddie couldn’t say them to Gray’s face, he would say them to his heart.
His lips moved against Gray’s nipple as he began to speak. As the words began to flow out of him. Gray grew rigid beneath him, but he seemed to have given up trying to silence Eddie. Or maybe he wanted to hear what Eddie needed to say after all. Eddie certainly hoped he did.
“You have no idea what it means to me to have you here,” he began.
“Eddie,” Gray whispered. He tried to ease himself from Eddie’s embrace, but he didn’t try very hard. He seemed to know that even if he had, Eddie wouldn’t have let him go for long. Gradually he relaxed once again in Eddie’s arms and fell quiet. Listening.
“I never wanted a younger guy, Gray. I wanted somebody my own age. Somebody I had things in common with. Somebody I could talk to.”
He paused, and for a moment the only sound to be heard was the distant hooting of an owl somewhere out by the Quonset huts. Sometimes they hunted the cats, but thanks to the chicken wire they couldn’t get at them.
“I used to wonder when I’d gotten so old,” Eddie went on. “I’m only four years away from fifty, you know. I’m almost twice as old as you.”
A soft exhalation of breath. “Hush.” The gentle muttering of the word felt like a kiss to Eddie.
Still, Eddie ignored the interruption. He had things to say, and he intended to say them. “After a while I sort of figured that too much thinking and too much dreaming was simply a by-product of being alone too long.”
“And isn’t it?” Gray softly asked.
“I don’t know if it is or not,” Eddie frowned. “Sometimes I think the older I get, th
e less I know. About living. About life. As time passes, a lot of things seem less important than they once did. But loneliness isn’t one of them. Day after day, year after year, it’s the loneliness that always gets worse. Never better. A day never comes when you wake up and say, oh, I don’t feel lonely anymore.”
Gray’s voice was the voice of a little boy. Innocent. Interested. Questioning. Trying to understand. “Are you lonely, Eddie?”
Eddie pondered the question silently. But he didn’t ponder it very long. “Not anymore,” he said. “Not when I’m holding you. Not when I see you across from me at the breakfast table. Not when I do your job at the store and wonder constantly what you’re doing here on your own, if you’re okay, if you’re happy. If you’re thinking about me too. Somehow the doings of one young Gray Grissom has become somewhat of an obsession with me.”
“Has it?”
“Yes.”
Eddie smiled when Gray pressed a kiss to his chest.
“You can stay as long as you want, Gray. You know that, don’t you? You’ll be safe here.”
A tiny tremor shook Gray’s body. A warmth touched Eddie’s skin. Eddie wasn’t sure, but he thought it was a tear spilling from Gray’s silver eye.
“Will I?” Gray quietly asked in a fragile, hesitant voice.
“Yes,” Eddie said, not hesitating at all. “As long as you’re under my roof, I’ll let nothing get at you. I promise.”
Eddie fell silent, wondering if he’d said too much or not enough. Had he let Gray understand how he felt, or had he simply confused the issue of where they stood with each other?
Before Eddie could think of a way to ask, Gray answered the question for him with a question of his own.
“Are we doing what I think we’re doing, Eddie?”
Eddie’s heart quickened. “What do you think we’re doing?”
But Gray simply shook his head. He refused to speak.
“Are you crying?” Eddie asked.
“No.” It was a lie. Eddie knew it. Gray probably knew Eddie knew it.