by John Inman
“Gray?”
“Hmm?”
“Can I still hold you while you go to sleep?”
“Yes.”
“Since you obliquely brought up the subject first, and since with age one acquires a certain disregard of niceties, or even patience, I’d like to ask you one more question. Just one. Then I’ll let you sleep.”
The hesitation lasted a little longer this time, but still it didn’t engulf more than a heartbeat or two.
“Shoot,” Gray finally said. His voice was tense, but there was a kindness in it too, a gentle patience in the way he waited for Eddie to speak.
The kindness gave Eddie courage. Still, it was almost painful to wrench the words from his throat, sort of like pulling Excalibur out of that fucking big rock. He took a deep breath and let the words tumble out.
“If I don’t make a nuisance of myself, can I fall in love with you a little bit?”
This time a heavier silence filled the darkness around them. Eddie held his breath, on pins and needles waiting for an answer. Wondering if he’d gone too far. Wondering if he’d ruined everything.
Then, astonishingly, amazingly, from inside what might have been a smile, or possibly even a quiet little laugh, Gray’s breath blew warm over Eddie’s skin and his lips tickled softly as Gray muttered a single word against his throat.
A single, wonderful word.
“Maybe.”
Chapter Eight
TWO WEEKS later, thanks to Tommy Wilson’s incessant moaning and griping about it, Ruth finally stepped in and wrote a check for Gray Grissom’s emergency room visit. She wasn’t any more thrilled about spending the money than her husband, but she did understand that as Gray’s employer, and since the injury was incurred on the job, it was the store’s responsibility to cover the costs.
Eddie rewarded her with a box of donuts on his way into work the next morning.
Ruth was effusive in her thanks since she liked sweets every bit as much as Eddie. The big new hole in his checking account clearly still irked the hell out of Tommy Wilson, so he refused to speak to Eddie at all. He did, however, help himself to a fistful of donuts before storming off.
It was a slow morning at the store. Spangle was in one of those desert heat spells where the empty streets lay smoldering and neighborhood dogs had secluded themselves under porches and parked cars, trying to stay cool. The only sound of life was the buzz of insects and the occasional happy squeal of a child roughhousing on the elementary school playground two blocks over. The hot, still air was redolent with the cinnamony smell of apple pies baking in the pie factory up the street. Ruth meandered out to the loading dock and joined Eddie while he ate his lunch. Tommy was no doubt slouched on the little stool underneath the cash register with his chin on his belly, gurgling and snoring and grumbling in his sleep as he had been most of the morning.
Eddie cowered under the awning that jutted out from the back of the store, praying for a breeze and trying not to drown in his own sweat. Not that he was fooled by any false promises offered by that ratty canopy hanging over his head. He had lived in the high desert long enough to know that any hope of relief from the heat would be a long shot at best, no matter what dark corner he tucked himself into. Yet while it might not be any cooler in the shade, at least the sun wasn’t deep-frying his brain like a burrito.
That morning Gray had surprised Eddie by handing over a fat bag of sandwiches and cookies as he headed out the door.
“For your lunch,” he said shyly.
Eddie thought of Gray’s hands on his body not two hours before.
“First sex, now food,” he said. “I could get used to this.”
Gray blushed and leaned in for a goodbye kiss. The kiss lingered as they always seemed to do lately. Finally Gray eased himself from Eddie’s arms, smoothing out the front of Eddie’s shirt as he did.
“Go,” he said. “Get out of here, old man.” His lips still shone with moisture as he bit back a smile and pushed Eddie out the door.
“Ageist asshole,” Eddie grumbled when the screen door slammed in his face.
“Moron,” Gray grumbled back.
Grinning, Eddie headed on out to the Jeep, clutching his sack of goodies like it was a bag of gold.
Eddie thought back on all this now as he eyed Ruth suspiciously. He knew she was about to get snoopy. He could tell by the sneaky glint of intrigue shining behind her bifocals. And truth be told, he might be willing to throw her a few nuggets of insight on his growing relationship with Gray if that’s what she was after. After all, she was the one who actually brought them together in the first place. Plus, he was so thrilled by how their relationship was progressing, he was aching to tell somebody. Anybody would do in a pinch. Even Ruth.
He watched the woman carefully arrange her old bones on a bale of hay. She sat there smiling, swinging her legs like a nine-year-old, watching Eddie with admiration as he stuffed three cookies into his mouth at once.
Chewing away, Eddie waited patiently for what he knew was coming. He didn’t have to wait very long.
Ruth tried so hard to sound casual, it was almost comical. “So how are you two boys getting along out there in the desert all on your own with no other humans for miles around? Bonding nicely, are you?”
Eddie cocked an amused eyebrow. “I think you know the answer to that already.”
Ruth flicked a speck of lint off her trouser leg while her lips puckered up all prudish and coy. “Maybe I do, maybe I don’t. Haven’t thought much about it one way or another, as a matter of fact. I try to mind my own business, I do.”
Trying not to look too smug, Eddie snorted, “Yeah, right.” With his cookie supply depleted, he went to work on another sandwich.
Ruth watched him, clearly impressed by his appetite. Finally, she squinted her face up into a look of fresh concentration and went back to the business at hand. “It’s been almost six weeks since the two of you met, you know.”
“Has it?”
“Don’t play the innocent, Eddie. I’ve seen the way you look at him.”
“I’m pretty sure I look at everybody the same way.”
Ruth spat up a grumpy little cough. “Hardly.”
A silence ensued that was only broken by the sound of Eddie’s molars grinding bologna to mush.
“You boys are good for each other, I think.”
“I think so too.”
“I fell in love with Tommy after only three days. Admitted it too. Told him outright. Almost scared him to death. It was the best day of my life.”
Eddie grinned. “But every day since has been a pain in the ass.”
Ruth gave a shrug. “Okay, well, maybe that wasn’t the best example for me to throw in your face.”
At that, Eddie laughed out loud. After a couple of beats, even Ruth joined in. But her laughter didn’t last long. Her eyes sobered as she studied Eddie sitting there in front of her. He was stuffing all the sandwich bags and napkins back in the paper bag he’d brought his lunch in. His lunch hour was almost over, and Ruth knew it.
“You look happy,” she said kindly.
“I am happy.”
“You never used to be.”
“Well, I am now.”
A car backfired out on the street, and Ruth jumped. Her gaze found Eddie again. In those ensuing few seconds, she appeared to have gathered the courage to get to the point.
“I don’t want you to hurt him, Eddie.”
“I don’t want to hurt him either.”
“Listen to me, Eddie. Please. There’s a sadness in Gray. I don’t want you to do anything to make it tear at him any more than it already has. I don’t think Gray Grissom is as strong as we make him out to be. Strong inside, I mean. Strong in the heart.”
Eddie slid closer to Ruth and took her hand. It was bony and fragile resting in his great paw, like if he squeezed too hard, it would explode in his hand like a puffball. He cradled it as gently as he might have held a baby bird.
“I’ll say this to you once,” Ed
die said softly. “I would no more hurt Gray than you would hurt Tommy.”
A tiny smile curled the corner of Ruth’s thin lips. “That’s probably not a good example either.”
But Eddie didn’t return her smile. He leaned closer and lowered his voice to a whisper. Even more delicately, he cocooned her hand in his, smiling inwardly at the way she relinquished it so easily. Her skin was as thin and dry as rice paper. “Trust me with him, Ruth. Please. It’s not just Gray’s happiness I worry about. It’s mine too. The two are joined, you know. One is connected to the other.”
Ruth reached up and laid feathery fingertips to Eddie’s cheek. “Yes, honey, I know.” Even in the heat, her touch was cool. “I only ask one thing of you, Eddie Hightower.”
“What’s that?”
“He needs you just as much as you need him, I think. He may not know it yet, but he does. So make him love you back.”
Eddie blinked. “I didn’t say anything about love, Ruth.”
“You didn’t have to.”
Eddie looked down at his feet. “Are my feelings that obvious?”
With a lazy smile wrinkling her cheeks, Ruth softly said, “They are to me.” She leaned in, her eyes burning into Eddie’s, the smile melting from her face like wax. “Don’t let him get away from you, Eddie. If you do, you’ll regret it for the rest of your life.”
His heart gave a tug, a funny little thump, as if one of his spark plugs wasn’t firing right. Eddie returned Ruth’s pleading gaze with a look of honest admiration. For her courage. For her honesty. For the fact that she had more balls than most of the men he’d ever met. But mostly he admired her for making him see what should have been right in front of his face.
Kindly, she said, “You understand now, don’t you.” It wasn’t a question, it was a statement of fact.
And Eddie obediently nodded. “Yes, Ruth. I understand.”
She eased her hand from Eddie’s and stood up, dusting the hay off the seat of her slacks.
“Go on home,” she said, shooting him a wink. “Take the afternoon off. And don’t worry, I’ll not dock you for it. Nobody’s going to buy anything today anyway. It’s too blasted hot. Don’t let Tommy see you sneaking out. He’ll throw one of his hissy fits.”
Eddie gave her his best smile. “Thanks, Ruth. I’ll work twice as hard tomorrow.”
Ruth sniffed and offered a sarcastic cluck. “How many times have I heard that, I wonder?”
Eddie grinned and, unwinding his long legs, rose up to give her a peck on the cheek. He tried not to laugh when she blushed like a schoolgirl.
“Go,” she said with a phony glare that didn’t fool Eddie one little bit.
Popping her a crisp salute, he happily announced, “I’m gone, boss!”
And two seconds later, he was. Jumping into his Jeep, Eddie heard Tommy bellowing from inside the store.
“Where in blazes is the help goin’?”
And from farther back in the store, he caught the strident tones of Ruth crying out at the top of her voice, “Hush up, you old fool, and go back to sleep! And wipe that drool off your chin! It makes you look senile!”
Grinning, Eddie goosed the Jeep and headed home.
EDDIE NOTICED he and Gray had been dancing a delicate waltz lately. Physically, they were as free with each other as two humans can be. When they made love, they held back nothing, eagerly enjoying each other’s bodies and not being afraid to show it. They always cuddled afterward, and those were without question Eddie’s favorite times of all. He learned more about the way Gray looked at the world, and how Gray looked at him, in those quietly sated moments while their heartbeats calmed and they clutched each other close. It was then, in the way Gray fit so perfectly in Eddie’s arms, that Eddie found himself the happiest. For those were the moments that made it crystal clear to Eddie how deeply he was falling in love with Gray. And hopefully, at least in Eddie’s imagination, how Gray was beginning to feel about him.
Often in those quiet moments, Gray would open up to Eddie. Even talk about his past a bit, although he never delved very deeply into the time he spent in prison. Eddie knew Gray was still ashamed of that time in his life, so Eddie did everything he could to make Gray understand it didn’t matter. Not to Eddie. He was simply crazy about the man Gray had become. Not the man he used to be.
While Ruth had given him no actual pointers on how to go about making Gray fall in love with him, which was what Eddie wanted more than anything in the world, she did give him a glimpse of what it would be like if he failed to do so. And that was an image Eddie continually tried to push away, because frankly, he couldn’t bear to look at it.
Still, he was encouraged by the way Gray had begun to share himself during those intimate moments. And at other times as well. To Eddie’s way of thinking, their closeness, their casual sense of everyday intimacy, had also surpassed simple friendship. At least he hoped it had. Around the refuge, they continually sought each other out. For a simple touch, maybe, or the casual sharing of thoughts. A quiet joke. A laugh. And many of those simple moments inevitably led to a touch, a hug, a kiss. Then, with their immediate need to see each other appeased, they would go back to what they were doing before. And so it went until the next time they came together.
Eddie admired the way Gray had bonded with the animals in his care. He showed them unwavering kindness, never growing impatient, always ready with a kind word or a pat on the head. Except for one. The last remaining boa constrictor Gray left entirely in Eddie’s care. As he told Eddie every chance he got, “I won’t go near that fucker with a ten foot pole, and there’s nothing you can do to make me.”
Sometimes, and Eddie really loved this, Gray would soften the blow by pushing Eddie against a Quonset hut wall, or a tree, or a rock, and drop to his knees in front of him. From that point on it was a matter of loosening Eddie’s fly, peeling Eddie’s jeans down around his ankles, and happily tackling another chore that needed to be done. Which pretty much erased the sting of rebuke from Eddie’s mind about the frigging snake. Yessiree.
On this steaming hot day after Ruth gave him the afternoon off, Eddie found Gray sitting on the ground at the edge of Hut 2 with a crowd of pussycats swarming all over him. Twenty-three of them, to be exact, for Eddie knew exactly how many animals resided in each hut on the premises. Eddie could hear these particular pussycats purring and meowing from fifty feet away. The dogs in Huts 1 and 3 were watching and whimpering from their respective kennels, clearly jealous that the cats were getting all the attention.
Gray’s face lit up when he saw Eddie coming home early. “Uh-oh,” he said. “They fired you.”
Eddie groaned. “I wish.”
Gray was wearing nothing but one work boot and an old pair of Eddie’s swimming trunks. The trunks were too big, of course, and barely clung to Gray’s slender frame. Eddie didn’t mind. Besides, it was too hot for anything else. Gray’s legs and arms were splattered with mud—or worse—and he had a smear of something truly horrifying on the side of his neck. He had wrapped his cast in a large garbage bag to keep it clean, which also explained why he only needed one boot.
“You’ve been mucking out the huts,” Eddie said.
Gray beamed. “How can you tell?”
“Don’t ask.”
Gray had to shuffle a couple of cats around to pat the ground beside him. “Come sit with me.”
Apparently an impromptu blowjob wasn’t on the menu for today. Darn.
Eddie did as he was asked. While the cats started climbing all over him as well, he gazed around the compound. “Where are Louie and Fred and Lucretia?”
Gray pointed to the stand of cactus by the back fence. “They’re in the cholla, chasing field mice.”
“They’ll never catch them. Only Madam Ovary ever catches the field mice.”
Gray’s mouth curved into a lazy smile. “I know. But they keep trying. Persistence in the face of adversity. That’s their motto.”
Eddie tucked a particularly friendly kitten under his
chin and gave it a kiss on the head. Casually, almost too casually, he said, “As of today, you’ve been living here for two weeks.”
“You talking to me or the cat?”
“You.”
Gray gave him a sharp glance. He looked surprised. “Really? Two weeks?”
“Yes.”
“Seems longer,” he said, but Eddie could see he was joking.
They bumped knees. “Jerk,” Eddie groused.
Again casually, and again almost too casually, Gray’s hand came to rest on Eddie’s leg. He stroked the denim there lazily, as if he wasn’t even thinking about what he was doing.
Eddie watched Gray’s hand as if he had never seen anything so fascinating in his life.
Gray cleared his throat. “As soon as the cast comes off, I’ll start looking for a place to live.”
Eddie’s heart did a somersault inside his chest. Afraid of what his face would show, he never looked away from Gray’s hand.
The sudden silence was deafening, so Eddie decided to end it. “If I break your other leg, will you stay longer?”
“Don’t even joke.”
One of the cats had perched on Eddie’s shoulder and was now purring in his ear. “Are you in a hurry to leave?” Eddie quietly asked, his pulse quickening, reaching up to stroke the cat. The other kitten was still tucked under his chin. It had fallen asleep.
Gray’s voice was barely a rumble. “I have to leave sometime.”
By the time Gray had uttered those words, his face had sobered. He didn’t look happy, but he did look like he’d made up his mind. That more than anything shattered Eddie’s hopes.
It took all Eddie’s strength to utter the words. “I guess I thought you’d be staying for a while.”
Gray cast him a sad little grin. “It’s not like I’m leaving tomorrow. Besides, you must be getting tired of having me around. And I know you’re tired of working at the store again.”
Eddie didn’t answer. Instead, he stroked a finger down the back of Gray’s hand. Gray’s skin felt like satin beneath his touch. It always did. Eddie could feel a big ball of emotion pressing at his throat. He had to swallow hard to make it go away. He turned to Gray and their eyes at long last met.