Saving Ever After (Ever After #4)

by Stephanie Hoffman McManus

  Mia was a wild card, an unknown. She could be unpredictable, and unpredictable could be trouble. We had these moments, like yesterday, where things just seemed to click between us, but I couldn’t forget or ignore the other times. She still had so much growing up to do. The turmoil inside of her made her behavior erratic and led her to those low moments where she acted out to the extreme. She was a troubled kid. I didn’t need that in my life, and dragging her into the spotlight with me would only add pressure to hers and make it more hectic.

  Our lives were in places that were just too far from each other, but Katrina, she was right beside me and I knew what I had with her. Thoughts of Mia had to go, but no matter how far back I pushed them, how deep I buried them, they repeatedly found their way to the forefront of my mind over the next two days.

  I tried to give Katrina my undivided attention, spending my time with her, trying to remember the feelings that had been there when I first met the beautiful and flirty photographer at a photo shoot. The problem wasn’t so much in remembering them, the immediate spark of attraction that had sprang up between us had been undeniable and memorable, but somewhere along the way it had fizzled out and I couldn’t find that place in me that still felt all those things I’d felt for her in the beginning. Our relationship hadn’t really grown beyond that initial attraction like it should have. We never went any deeper.

  The more I pulled away, the harder Katrina pressed in until I could actually feel the desperation in her actions. I hated that I was putting that strain on her, that my sudden uncertainty and misgivings about our relationship created this barrier between us that she felt like she had to break through. The tension and awkwardness hung in the air so heavily that even Jax picked up on it and cornered me before our show on the last night. And Jax was smart enough to see the reason for it.

  “Chris, there are two girls sitting back there,” she gestured further backstage where the girls and Abel would all hang out while we went onstage. “Both of them are confused and unhappy right now. Just choose one.”

  “I already have, Jax, and we both know there wasn’t even really a choice. Mia’s just a kid with a crush.” I felt like I’d just betrayed her and myself by saying that, by denying that there could be anything more to it, and it left a bitter taste in my mouth. “I’m with Katrina.”

  “If that’s true, then why did it look like it hurt you to say it?” She was giving me that concerned, mothering look. Her heart was so open that she couldn’t help but let everyone else’s troubles and pains in. She also wasn’t capable of not trying to do something about them.

  “You tell me how there’s any choice but the one I’ve already made. I’m with Katrina, and staying with her is the right thing to do.” I noticed some of the roadies and our crew walking past us with equipment, so I lowered my voice. “That other road won’t lead anywhere good. I shouldn’t even be thinking about it and we sure as hell shouldn’t be talking about it. We both know it’s wrong.”

  “Do we?” she prodded. “Because I don’t think I know that. Sometimes we try so hard to make what we think is the right choice that we miss the good choice. They’re not always the same thing. At some point Chris, your head and your heart are going to have to get on the same page, because right now it’s obvious that they aren’t.”

  The ten minute call came out and I knew I had to go take my place to get ready to go on stage, and I didn’t have the words to argue with Jax. Probably because she was right. My head and my heart weren’t even reading from the same damn book, let alone on the same page. I had no idea how to get them there, and I didn’t trust my heart not to lead me down that road paved with good intentions that too many people end up on, because they only follow their hearts. My mom followed her flighty heart right out of our home and into another man’s bed. At some point reason and wisdom had to come into play.

  Right now I couldn’t tell what was what. There were so many conflicting voices inside of me. The loudest one still insisted that I was doing the right thing, choosing to stick with Katrina and try to make that work for both our sakes. At the very least, I needed more time to think this through, when my head wasn’t clouded by Mia’s presence. I didn’t want to make any decisions rashly. And when she was around, I didn’t think I could help myself.

  Our flight back home further convinced me of that. It was two o’clock in the morning, Katrina and everyone else was passed out in their seats, except Ky, Jax and Abel who were in the bedroom at the back of the plane. I hadn’t been able to get a wink because of the thoughts weighing on me. Katrina and I were toward the back of the plane and I saw a little light flicker on up front. Then Mia rose out of her seat and slipped into the small bathroom up there.

  When she returned to her seat a minute later, something urged me out of mine. I quietly rifled through the bag that was shoved under my seat and I pulled out the turtle that I hadn’t found time to give her yet.

  The seat next to Mia’s was empty, and even though she was already curled up in her sleeping position with her eyes shut, I dropped down beside her and whispered, “Mia.”

  Her eyes fluttered open and she sat up so that she was facing me. “Hey,” she whispered, “What are you doing up?”

  “Couldn’t sleep and I, uh, I picked up something for you the other day and figured now was as good a time as any to give it to you.” Because no one was awake to see and question it. I held out the stuffed turtle.

  She stared at it for a moment and I started to worry that it had been a lame idea, but then she reached her hands out for him, taking him into her arms. “You found me a Crush.” Even in the dark I could see her warm smile shining up at me.

  “I just saw him and it made me think of you,” I told her, uncomfortable with the way her smile was making me feel. “I thought you should have him.”

  “Thank you,” she said sweetly.

  “You’re welcome. I’ll let you get back to sleep now.”

  “Good night Chris.”

  “Night, Mia.” I slipped inside the bathroom before returning to my own seat. When I came back out, the automatic light from inside the bathroom cast a soft glow over Mia briefly before the door closed again and the light went out. In that moment, her eyes which had been shut again, popped open and found me watching her. That sweetly tender and affectionate smile touched her lips again and I could see that she had traded her pillow for the plush turtle she now rested her head on.

  Then the door clicked softly behind me and the dark stole the moment back. I returned to my seat.

  Chapter 20

  Mia

  “What do you mean I shouldn’t worry about coming home for Thanksgiving? It’s in two days. I already bought my ticket. My flight is tomorrow. Why wouldn’t I come home?”

  “Everything is still unresolved with your mother. Our lawyers are trying to work out who gets what and who will live where. Between that and all the projects at work and expanding the company, no plans have been made for the holiday. Right now it’s difficult for the two of us to even be in the same room and maintain any level of civility. Your mother certainly won’t be putting together the usual gathering this year. I don’t believe she’s even staying at the house. I’ve been living in the penthouse of my office building until things are sorted. I just don’t want you to fly out here for nothing, Mia.”

  “But I haven’t seen you in months,” I protested weakly. For once I’d actually been looking forward to seeing my family. I knew things wouldn’t be the same, but I at least thought . . . I thought my Dad wanted me to come home.

  “I’m sorry. I realize I’ve let a lot of time go by and still haven’t been out to see you like I promised. As soon as this acquisition goes through and we’re able to launch our new program, things will settle down. Then I promise you Mia, that I will fly out and spend a whole week in Boston.”

  “Maybe you could just fly out here for Thanksgiving day. Surely, since you’re the boss, you can give yourself that one day off to come out here. We can do our own Thank
sgiving. You, me, Sadie and Ace.”

  “That sounds wonderful Mia, but I just don’t think it would be practical for me to fly across the country for one day. That wouldn’t even give us much time together before I’d have to turn around and fly back to Seattle. Soon though, Mia, I promise. Now, I’ve got a little bit of time before I have to get back to work. Tell me how your classes are going.”

  Like you actually care.

  I didn’t say that out loud, but I wanted to. Instead I told him all about how I was doing in my classes until he was satisfied. I may have exaggerated just slightly about how well I was doing, but he accepted my response without question. Then it was time for him to return to his corporate duties, able to mark off the little note his secretary had no doubt put in his daily agenda. Monthly chat with Mia. Check.

  I plopped backward on my bed, my head hitting the mattress, and grabbed the turtle lying next to my pillow, clutching it to my chest. I’d only been back from Australia one day and already it felt like things were piling up on me again. I wanted to rewind.

  At least Dad took the time though, even if it wasn’t enough. I’d stopped trying to reach my mother weeks ago. After Chris and I talked about his parents’ divorce that night, I decided that, like him, maybe I should just get used to how things were. Really, I just couldn’t stand to feel so pathetic anymore, calling and leaving messages that I knew she would get but not return. I couldn’t do it anymore. Every single time it made me feel like absolute shit.

  Other Kris had actually deleted her number out of my phone when I told him that I was done. He’d seen me upset too many times after trying to call her, and had been telling me for a while just to say “fuck her.”

  It wasn’t like I didn’t still know her number, but he said it was supposed to be symbolic, deleting the shit out of my life. He was a good friend, and as much as I regretted most of the night that we met, I couldn’t regret meeting him. He was the one person that I trusted with everything, partly because I didn’t have a choice. He met Chris that night and figured out that I was desperately and pathetically in love with him and then had refused to leave me alone. It was actually a relief that he had. It was nice to have someone to be able to confide everything in. He was also good for my health, as much as I pretended to hate his workouts, and he was quickly converting me into a hockey fan.

  I’d been to two of his games so far, and was pretty much hooked at this point. It was just so fast paced and intense. I cringed every time I watched him get slammed into the plexi though. Hockey was brutal, but that might have been part of why I loved it. The other part was the entertainment I got from seeing all the girls holding signs and wearing shirts with his number on them, screaming his name like groupies. Apparently that’s pretty much what they were, only they weren’t called groupies, but puck bunnies. I thought they were hilarious.

  Kris was teaching me all the lingo. I still hadn’t figured out all of the rules and dynamics of the game, but enough that I found myself standing in my seat when I thought the ref made a bullshit call, or cheering my ass off when they completed an awesome play and got the puck in the net.

  Kris gave me one of his jerseys to wear at the games and made sure I had good seats, but that earned me all kinds of negative attention from the bunnies. I worried that after a game I was going to get jumped for the jersey. It was like that sometimes on campus too. The more time I spent with Kris, the more attention it garnered me from his female fans on campus, and there were a lot of them.

  Jillian also didn’t like it, and things had actually grown somewhat tense between us because of it. I never hung out with her group anymore, and she rarely stopped by or texted to invite me to parties. I needed to keep my distance from all that, especially the drugs. I needed the chance to get out of that party trap that continually sucked me back in. Kris gave me that.

  He was the closest thing to a real best friend that I think I’d ever had. That was a tiny bit depressing considering we hadn’t even been friends all that long, but it was true. A lot of people on campus thought we were dating. They actually came up to me all the time when I wasn’t with him and asked, but we weren’t.

  Even though he was insanely attractive, and on occasion caught me spacing out and staring at him like one does a juicy burger, fries and milkshake when they’re on a diet, there was no pressure or desire for anything more on either side. That connection wasn’t there, but still he seemed to get me and was there for me. He pulled me out of my shell, made me socialize and go out and do things. And I introduced him to his nerdy side, getting him hooked on League of Legends. He probably wouldn’t admit it though.

  I checked the time on my phone, expecting him to show up any minute. Right on time, the door to my room was shoved opened in a dramatic gesture, “I’m ready to fuck some minions up and destroy towers.” He stopped bothering to knock weeks ago, even after my insistence that he should in case I was naked or something. Apparently that didn’t deter him, and he entered like he owned the place, his lap top tucked under his arm.

  I just rolled my eyes. He talked a lot of trash, but he was still grappling with the basics of the game. “I’m serious. I’ve got this now. You should definitely let me join your team.” He set his computer down on my desk and started booting it up. I plopped down into the chair in front of mine and logged into the game.

  “It’s not happening until you get some more experience,” I told him. It was a player versus player game, and our match ups were five on five. I’d been playing for about two years now and had reached max level thirty over a year ago. Some weeks I logged in every day and played multiple games. Then there were entire weeks that, with trying to balance classes and homework, I only managed to get in a few games. Kris was still fumbling around at level eight.

  Over the years I’d built up a group of friends in the game that I regularly teamed up with. I didn’t think they would welcome Kris’ lack of experience and skill. There were a couple guys that I was so used to playing with, that when we were on the same team we were one unit moving through the game working in tandem with each other. You didn’t usually get that kind of cohesiveness with beginning players who were just learning how to strategize within the game.

  “Oh come on. I played for like four hours last night. I gained two more levels. I’m ready to gank some bitches.”

  “I’ll see who’s on, and maybe we’ll let you be our jungler.”

  “Oh, hell yell. I’ll be like a damn ninja in the jungle.” See, he was hooked.

  I smiled when I logged in and saw that XCrossAshes was online. Nobody else in the game knew that it was Chris, not even this Kris. I quickly invited him to join a match, including Kris, or PuckMasterKris, as he called himself in the game, and two other online friends I knew only as MatttyD16 and JaggerBombr. I suspected the first was a sixteen year old kid named Matt. I had no idea about Jagger, other than maybe that was his last name. They all accepted, and then the game matched us up with an enemy team. Kris was the only one not on our level, but other than Matt and Jagger questioning who the newbie was, nobody complained.

  I chose my character from my top 4 assassins, they were the ones I played with the most, and waited for everyone else to make their picks. The four of us – me, Chris, Matt and Jagger – all had characters and roles we were the most comfortable with, so we almost didn’t even need to discuss who would take which lane. The map was divided into three lanes, or paths through the game, with jungle areas in between. I quickly informed them that Kris was going to take the jungle, and get his experience attacking in there, while the rest of us attempted to push the opposing team back in our lanes and take down their towers, and hopefully, ultimately destroy their Nexus.

  Once the game started, I got in the zone, occasionally turning my attention to Kris’ screen to help him out and give him advice.

  “Remember to watch your mini map and keep an eye on the lanes to see what’s going on in the rest of the game.” Junglers weren’t just good for killing the creatures in the
in between space, but they were also good for popping out in the different lanes and surprising the enemy. A few times throughout the match he appeared in my lane to assist when I was being flanked by two players from the other team.

  “Let our minions do most of the work,” I reminded him. “Just make sure you get the last hit, that way you’ll get the kill and the gold.”

  I continued to give him little tips about which spells and attacks to use, until we’d taken out both of the enemy players in our lane. Then we quickly pushed back their minions before they re-spawned. Kris returned to the jungle and I managed to take out a tower.

  So far my team was just barely ahead in kill ratio, but we’d taken out two of their towers and they’d yet to take one of ours. Throughout the game, little text messages would pop up on the screen from Chris. I had to force myself to keep my face neutral so other Kris wouldn’t start asking why I was grinning like an idiot. It wasn’t like the messages were flirty or anything, just friendly game banter, but I ate it up. It felt like everything was different since Australia.

  It had been too easy during that first day there, to pretend that he was single, that possibility and hope actually existed for the two of us. Katrina’s arrival had shattered that. I’d been so disappointed and embarrassed for letting myself get caught up in a fantasy, but then things seemed strained and off between them. It confused me and gave me hope all at the same time. I thought maybe, just maybe he was finally seeing me. We had that moment on the flight back when he gave me the turtle. But he was still with her as far as I knew.

  “Damn it. I got killed again,” Kris muttered next to me. I looked at the game stats and saw that he’d actually made a lot of improvement. He’d only been killed six times this match, instead of the ten or fifteen deaths he’d usually have accrued by this point in the game.