Saving Ever After (Ever After #4)

by Stephanie Hoffman McManus

  The ambulance came for her, Sadie rode with her and Ace followed the ambulance, but they wouldn’t let me go to the hospital. Spade and my brother had dragged me out of there and back to Spade’s place. I was so scared that she was dying and they wouldn’t even let me go to her. I knew what they thought I did, what Mia had said I did. I couldn’t even bring myself to correct them, to tell them she’d been lying. I didn’t even care that she had.

  I never should have let her force me to leave. I should have stayed and tried harder to convince her to go get help.

  I couldn’t help but think that there were a thousand things I could have said or done differently that would have prevented this. Everything I had done, had been too late. She was so far gone by the time I went to her. What if I had gotten to her before the coke did?

  What if I hadn’t tried so hard to deny for so long what was painfully obvious to me now. I loved her. I couldn’t place the exact moment that it had happened. It had been gradual and snuck up on me, but it had happened. I’d completely fallen for her, and in denying it, fighting it, I might have lost her.

  There was so much I needed and wanted to say to her now, but Ace and my brother were standing in my way. “I need to see her,” I reiterated desperately.

  “You can’t.”

  “Why the hell not? You know I didn’t do anything to her.” Mia had told Sadie the truth so I didn’t have to.

  “I know you didn’t, but you still can’t see her.”

  “That should be up to her!” I shouted.

  “It was,” Ace said solemnly. “Sadie asked her if she wanted to see you, man. She said no, and now she’s gone so you can’t.”

  “What do you mean gone?” I asked confused.

  “She left. She and Sadie got on a plane this morning as soon as she was released. I’m sorry. I know you care about the girl and that you wanted to see her, but I think it’s for the best. I saw the way she broke down when Spade brought her your message. She’s in real bad shape.”

  “I don’t just care about her. I love her,” I said, feeling numb. His words had drained everything out of me. She’d left. She was just gone. One of the last things she’d said to me was that she hated me, and even though I knew she hadn’t meant it then, that was the last thing to pass between us.

  She didn’t want to see me. She was at her lowest, darkest point, facing one hell of a battle and she didn’t want me there with her. That was hard to accept. Everything in me wanted to be at her side, refusing to let her go through it alone, but I couldn’t, because she didn’t want me there.

  I dropped onto Spade’s sofa, my head falling into my hands. I didn’t know what to do, what I was supposed to do. How do you just let the girl you love go? My mistake before was not fighting for her, not letting her see how much she meant to me. I couldn’t do that again.

  I lifted my head. “Where did she go?”

  “I’m sorry, man, I can’t tell you. She needs time, and if she wants you to know where she is, she’ll contact you. But don’t worry, where she’s going she’ll get help. Good help. Sadie will make sure of it. She’ll be okay, and then I’m sure she’ll come back.”

  But she didn’t.

  There were no phone calls, no texts, no letters or emails or carrier pigeons. Two months passed and I heard nothing from her. There were a few moments of desperation when I tried calling or texting her, but there was no answer. She never even signed into League of Legends. I know because I watched every day and asked all of our online friends if any of them had heard from her.

  The hardest part was seeing Sadie, knowing that she talked to her sister every day, and had been to see her several times. She would look at me sympathetically and tell me that Mia was doing good, but that’s all she would tell me.

  Everyone else told me not to worry, but they didn’t understand. Nobody understood what it was like for me. They didn’t know what she was to me, and that was my own fault for keeping it from everyone and denying it to myself for so long.

  Jaxyn was my angel, the only one who got it. The only one who didn’t ask me to be okay and accept things. She went to see Mia one weekend. I hated that I was the only one who couldn’t go to her, but Jaxyn’s words when she came back gave me the only peace I got for the next few months. She told me the same thing Sadie had been telling me, that Mia was doing great, but she admitted that Mia had struggled and had some difficulties in the beginning. Hearing that Mia had struggled was hard, but hearing that one of the reasons Mia had gotten off to a rocky start in her treatment was because she slapped a counselor when that counselor tried to tell her that loving me wasn’t healthy for her . . . well that left me a little speechless.

  That was my girl.

  At least it gave me hope that she still was my girl.

  Chapter 32

  4 Months later . . .

  Mia

  I stood outside the door to the ballroom more nervous than I think I had ever been. My heart was beating out of control and I was thankful to be in a dress without sleeves or I’m sure I would have embarrassing sweat marks as evidence of my frazzled nerves.

  All I had to do was push through the door, but I was rooted to this spot outside. I was dying to get to the other side, yet I was also terrified of what might be waiting for me. So many scenarios had been playing out in my mind the past week leading up to this moment. It could go so many different ways, and I didn’t know what I would do if it didn’t turn out the way I hoped. I was more intimidated than I had been facing my father six months ago. That day was the beginning of everything changing.

  Six months earlier . . .

  The car dropped us off outside my father’s building. It really was an impressive structure, a looming, twenty six story beacon of my father’s success, and staring up at it filled me with dread for what I was about to do.

  I wanted to jump back in the cab that was already pulling away, and hide from this. Maybe I didn’t need my dad’s help. Maybe I could beat this on my own, but I knew that wasn’t really true. Sadie watched me patiently, waiting for me to accept that I couldn’t run and hide anymore, waiting for me to be brave and take that next step. I wasn’t brave, but I wanted to be. For her. For Chris. They believed in me. And I wanted to be brave for me, so for now I would pretend.

  I sucked in a deep breath and then blew it out, telling myself that no matter what happened, Sadie had my back. She strode confidently inside the building, moving through security like she owned the place, to the elevators. I followed behind her, slightly less confident, but still trying to pretend like I wasn’t about to make a run for the nearest exit any second.

  We rode the elevator up to the twenty-fourth floor, where the executive offices were. The top two floors made up the private penthouse and gym my father used. When the elevator doors slid open, Sadie immediately stepped out. I’m pretty sure that during the brief ride, somehow my feet had become fused the elevator floor, because no matter how much I willed them to move, they wouldn’t. The doors were about to close again when Sadie blocked them with her arm.

  “Come on, Mia.” Her voice was firm but encouraging and I managed to peel my feet up and move.

  The receptionist on this floor scowled at us from her post. “Can I help you? Did you girls get off on the wrong floor?”

  She was obviously new.

  Sadie barely paused to set her straight. “We’re here to see our dad.”

  His office was on the far side of the large space. Several other offices and desks occupied by assistants were between us and there. Before we could cross the room, the receptionist, thinking she was Cerberus or something, jumped up to block us, “I’m sorry, but if you don’t have an appointment you can’t be up here. I don’t know who allowed you access to this floor, but I’m going to have to ask you to go back down to the lobby and check in. If you do indeed have an appointment, which it doesn’t appear that you do, they’ll give you a visitor’s pass.”

  Sadie raised her eyebrows at guard dog lady, “We don’t need an
appointment to see our dad.”

  “If he’s not expecting you, then I’m afraid you will have to wait until I check with security and then his assistant,” she said condescendingly with the fakest smile ever plastered on her pinched face. “Now if you just give me the name of your father, and then have a seat right over there, I’m sure we can get this settled, otherwise I’ll be forced to call security and have you escorted out of here.”

  “Listen lady, we won’t be waiting to see our father. I don’t really care if he’s in the middle of a meeting, he’ll want to see us.”

  Thankfully, before Cerberus could get any more ideas, like calling security or attempting to show us out on her own, Mica, my father’s personal assistant for the last eight years stepped out of his office and spotted us.

  “Sadie, Mia? What are you guys doing here? Are you here to see your dad? Is everything alright?”

  “We’re trying to, but we were having some issues getting past security here.”

  Mica properly reprimanded Cerberus, whose real name was Chelsea, and informed her that if security saw no need to stop us, it wasn’t her place to prevent us from being here and that Mr. Pierce would not be pleased if she prevented his daughters from speaking to him about something urgent in the future.

  Chelsea sulked back to her seat behind her desk and Mica led us to Dad’s office. She poked her head in and announced that we were here. He sounded surprised, but told her to show us in right away.

  When the door closed behind us and we were suddenly standing before him, my throat felt dry and I was too busy freaking out to hear what he and Sadie were saying, but then they were both looking at me expectantly.

  It was time to make a choice, I could continue to be the scared girl, too weak to face her problems and deal, or I could not be that girl. I swallowed thickly.

  “Dad,” I squeaked, “I need your help.”

  Present . . .

  “You’ve got this.” Kris, who I had picked up from the airport just before coming here, squeezed my hand reassuringly.

  “I know.” I smiled, and I did know. I was not the same girl who had stood before my father and then fallen apart in his office. I was stronger. I knew I could handle this, but I was still nervous. So much had changed in the last six months, but some things hadn’t, and one of those things was waiting for me on the other side of those heavy oak doors.

  “Thank you for flying out here,” I told him. One of the things that had changed in the months since I left Boston was that he and I had repaired things. Once word got around about my expulsion and overdose, he found a way to reach Sadie. This time when he wanted to talk, I was ready to listen, and by that time I was two weeks into my treatment and had some things I needed to say to him as well. He ended up flying all the way out to Seattle to visit me in the treatment center. There were a lot of apologies on both sides.

  He’d had trouble separating his feelings of friendship for me with what we’d done that night, and by the time he sorted through it, he was afraid it was too late. I was slamming the door in his face and he thought our friendship was blown. The very thing we’d both been afraid of.

  I’d had to take responsibility for my part in it all, confessing most of the same things I’d had to tell to so many people by that point. Admitting how I’d unhealthily depended on him and our friendship, and that I’d let my feelings get all twisted up as well. After that we slowly started fixing things and building that friendship back up, but stronger.

  “Wouldn’t miss this, besides, who doesn’t love weddings?” He squeezed my hand again and then winked. Technically tonight was only the rehearsal dinner, but still it was a huge night.

  It would be my first time seeing Chris since Christmas day, when everything imploded.

  “You look awesome, Mia, and you’ve been through so much that this should be nothing. You can face him, and he’d have to be an idiot to not see what’s right in front of him, but even if he doesn’t, you’ll still be okay, and I’ll be upstairs if you need me.” Kris wasn’t attending the rehearsal dinner. Only the wedding party and immediate family were, but like most of the guests coming from out of town, he had a room booked upstairs in the resort. He’d just flown out a day early for moral support. He gave my hand another squeeze and then left me, still standing at the doors to the ballroom.

  Nervous suddenly seemed like an extreme understatement. I wanted to see Chris desperately, but didn’t know what his reaction to seeing me would be. For the longest time after I entered treatment, all of my questions about how Chris was doing, were met with stubborn silence. The only person who wanted me to talk about Chris was the counselor I met with daily. She forced me to confront everything. Within that first week she had me opening up about my life going as far back as I could remember. She didn’t pull any punches and helped me to face the reality of the decisions I’d been making and the reasons behind them.

  She’d broken me down to the point that everything was out in the open. I’d felt raw and lost, and maybe that’s why I slapped her when she tried to take away one of the few good things I was hanging on to. The moment she’d opened her mouth and said, “Let’s talk about Chris,” I’d been on edge. Then listening to her twist the relationship and moments between us into some fantasy I’d concocted in my head was too much. She’d tried to get me to admit that it was an unhealthy attachment and fixation due to my vulnerability and emotional instability. I’d refused to accept that and had instead snapped and lashed out. That hadn’t gone over well, and ultimately ended up hindering my progress because it convinced her that I was even more unstable, and I became defensive.

  It took a long time to convince her and everyone else that I wasn’t latching onto my feelings for Chris just out of some naïve and desperate need for love. After weeks of reliving every moment with Chris for them, trying to make them see that he had never been the problem, they finally began to understand.

  My sessions with Jenna didn’t get any easier from there even though she no longer believed that my addiction and my destructive behavior were entirely linked to Chris. She helped me to see my triggers and how dangerous it was to my emotional and mental state to make any one person my entire world.

  My opinion of myself, my worth and value had always been shaped by what I thought everyone else saw in me, or didn’t see in me. Jenna was determined to tear down the lies and expose the sources of those lies until I could see past them. The sessions were rough and I had to face a lot of truths about myself, good and bad. Through that process, instead of trying to dissuade my feelings for Chris, Jenna helped me develop the tools that would allow me to enter into a healthy relationship in the future.

  That was another thing everyone wanted to talk a lot about. My future. Jenna, the rest of the staff, Sadie, even my father, who had taken to visiting me weekly, helped me to see that not only did I want a better future without the weight of the past dragging me down, but that it was possible for me. We spent a lot of time talking about what I wanted to fill it with and how I was going to build a life from this point. We talked about goals and dreams and coping tools, my strengths and weaknesses and the things that mattered the most to me.

  The one thing that was clearest to me was that no matter what my future held, there was only one person I could imagine sharing it with. Not once, during any of the times that they had tried to discount what I felt for Chris, had my feelings wavered. If anything, I loved him more now than before. I knew myself better than I ever had, and outside of the insecurity and self pitying that used to color my world, I could look back and see him so much more clearly.

  Every moment that he’d been there for me, and all the times he’d tried so hard to get through to me, meant so much more now. The way he showed me who I really wanted to be and allowed me to be that person was everything to me. He’d been saving me in little ways even then, and through it he’d been telling me what neither one of us could see then. He’d felt what I’d felt all along. It had been there between us, pulling us to on
e another, but he’d been fighting it and I hadn’t been ready for it. I hadn’t been in a place to let anyone love me or save me, because I had to figure out how to love myself and save myself first.

  I was ready now. I wasn’t afraid of who I was or what I felt. The only thing I feared at the moment was that it was too late. I was scared of opening this door and finding that Chris had let me go when I left. I’d given him so many reasons to.

  There was a very real possibility that Chris had not spent the last six months missing me the way I had missed him. It was one that Jenna and I had talked about several times leading up to this moment so that I would be prepared for whatever happened.

  Even though I’d been out of treatment for almost three months, I still met with her regularly to talk about how I was doing and to share any worries or struggles I had. The hurt I carried went so deep, healing didn’t happen in just three months. It was an ongoing process that I still struggled with. I had ups and downs and good days and bad days and I still didn’t trust myself entirely, which is why I’d listened to Jenna’s advice when she’d discouraged me from reaching out to Chris before now. I hadn’t wanted to wait, but more than I had missed him, I wanted to be sure that I was strong enough to face whatever the outcome was.

  I took a deep, steadying breath and then exhaled. I could do this.

  Chapter 33

  Mia

  The ballroom was seemingly organized chaos when I pushed the doors open and stepped through. At least two dozen people were moving about, set to different tasks, turning the already beautiful ballroom into a pale pink, ivory and charcoal dream. Some of them were familiar faces, some were obviously hired hands. There were people on ladders, wrapping, draping and hanging. Other groups were arranging and decorating tables and chairs. A sound system was being set up and tested in one corner, increasing the noise level of the room. A few wandered, overseeing and directing.