Dreams and Nightmares

by Shirley A. Roe

  Martha was light hearted and happy as she decorated her new home and the portrait of Lillian McGuire hung in the place of honor in the sitting room. She whispered a silent prayer to her mother, asking for her help with her new life. Lillian McGuire smiled down on her lovely daughter. Martha paused at the mirror in the entrance hall and smoothed her long chestnut hair. She was pleased with the reflection that looked back, not only her outer appearance but also the new more confident glow from within. One step at a time, I have my own home and my boys. I must not rely on anyone.

  Martha allowed Jeremy to help her with the arrangements for the house and introductions to the bankers in St. Louis. She was a widow with money and a home of her own. She had come a long way from Wyoming.

  “Max Smithson has forwarded a large sum of money that Jebediah left in English bank accounts and that, plus the money and gold in the church safe added up to a considerable sum, Martha. You are secure for the present,” Jeremy informed her. But she was concerned about the future. She was firm in her conviction the boys would want for nothing and would have to find a continuing source of income. Plus she was determined to do something useful with her life. “ I suggest that you buy a boarding house and become a landlady,” he suggested, but she had other ideas. Business was not open to women in England but things were different in the colonies and a woman could own and operate an enterprise. Martha was determined to make her own decisions, not relying on any one ever again. She realized that she was becoming very fond of Jeremy, against her better judgment but she had been controlled long enough and would make her own decisions from now on.

  Austin and Jeremy looked at several properties. “Many of the older buildings burned to the ground in the Great Fire of 1849 that destroyed most of the city. The new structures in the riverfront district are generally three to five stories in height with heavy brick walls faced with stone or cast iron facades. I'm sure we'll find one of them satisfactory.” Jeremy informed Austin as they looked at building after building. He finally purchased a three-story building down by the riverfront. The first floor would be used as his import/export office, with warehousing in back and the second floor was to be Austin's flat.

  “I insist that you take the second floor and I'll use the top floor myself.” Jeremy showed Austin through the new building and Austin was impressed.

  “I just know that Loretta will love this place. The riverfront is right across the street and the park is on the other side of the block. It is perfect Jeremy, thank you. I'll make you happy that you put your trust in me as a partner and will work very hard to make both of us a great success. I'll have a wife to care for and this job is just what I needed and now we have a home as well.” Austin walked to the window and took in the beautiful sunset over the river. Orange and pinks filled the sky and reflected on the water as Austin imagined coming home to the loving arms of Loretta.

  The third and top floor Jeremy used for his own living quarters. It was quite large and more than enough room for one man. He especially liked the view of the river and surrounding wooded area. Its location on the riverfront was ideal for shipments in and out of the city. Austin was a most efficient partner and the business was going well. St. Louis was fast becoming a busy commercial hub and Jeremy knew that there would be many business prospects in the future. It was also a pretty city with many green parks, clean streets and attractive buildings. Jeremy was not greedy and obsessive like Jebediah but he was a very good businessman and knew how to make money. He wanted only a secure future and one day a family of his own with whom to share all he had. He wondered if Martha, who was blooming by day in this environment, would be part of that family. Other than the one kiss, they had remained platonic in their relationship.

  Jeremy had sought membership in the Businessmen's Association of St. Louis. The secretary of the association was expected any minute. He tidied his desk and finished combing his hair just as the door opened. He was surprised to see a lovely young woman walking towards him. Her hair was black as midnight, her face round with a beguiling smile. Jeremy stammered his greeting. “I was expecting a gentleman, my apologies for appearing startled.” He rose from his chair and extended his hand. Clarise Graham fluttered her eyelashes at the handsome Jeremy and extended her hand palm down, hinting at a kiss rather than a handshake. Jeremy lifted her delicate hand to his lips. “Allow me to introduce myself, Jeremy Whittaker.”

  “Clarise Graham, I am happy to make your acquaintance. I am here about your appointment to the Businessmen's Association.” Clarise was besotted with this handsome, sophisticated man. Seating herself gracefully in the large leather chair, she stared at him coquettishly, demurely adjusting her gown to show her best features. Jeremy returned to his chair behind the desk, feeling foolishly nervous in Miss Graham's company. He watched in silence, her hand moving unconsciously to her hair. Wanting to dispel the tension, Clarise turned the conversation to the Businessmen's Association, explaining that her father, Morris Graham was the president. As the conversation progressed, both occupants of the room were sizing up the other. Clarise thinking that this was a man she could pursue; Jeremy enjoying the sparkle in her eye and the soft tone of her voice. She was very attractive, providing a pleasant distraction.

  Not wanting her to rush away, Jeremy offered her a glass of brandy. “I would prefer Sherry if you have it.” Clarise moved towards the table where Jeremy was pouring the drinks. She moved closer than would be deemed proper, brushing her hand against Jeremy's as she took the crystal glass from his hand. She looked up at him through her lowered lashes as she delicately sipped her sherry. Jeremy watched her full pouty lips on the crystal rim. Feeling the heat rising in his neck, Jeremy did not move away. He admired her features and her curvaceous body. He could not help but think that it had been a long time since he had lain with a woman. Suddenly the door opened and in fluttered Loretta, who stopped dead in her tracks at the cozy scene before her.

  “Loretta.” Jeremy turned and walked towards his desk, away from Clarise who looked very perturbed at the interruption. “Miss Graham, this is Loretta Langley.” Loretta glared at the young woman before nodding her head in acknowledgement.

  “Jeremy, Austin asked me to drop off these papers.” She gave Jeremy a scowl as she handed the papers to him. It was very obvious that Loretta was not happy with the situation at hand. Jeremy thanked her, missing neither, the look or the tone. Clarise took her cue to leave and slowly walked towards the door, setting the crystal glass on the table as she passed.

  “Thank you for your time Mr. Whittaker, the association will be holding their next meeting on Tuesday, we shall expect you. Nice meeting you Miss Langley.” Jeremy quickly moved to hold the door for Clarise. Loretta waited just long enough to be sure the woman was gone, before bidding Jeremy farewell and heading straight to Martha's.

  “I'm telling you, she is after him, the brazen hussy. If you want Jeremy you had better make your move soon.” Loretta fretted and fussed as she paced Martha's kitchen.

  “Loretta, Jeremy is a free man. He can see whomever he wants. You know I am not ready to make a commitment.” Martha was more disturbed by this news than she was letting on. “Loretta, please stop pacing you are making me nervous.”

  Loretta stopped and plopped herself into the kitchen chair. “I know all that but you can't let him start seeing that strumpet. You should have seen the way she was looking at him. Just give him a little encouragement, I know it is you he wants.” Martha would not take the bait, but Loretta was not about to give up. She and Austin were both hoping that Jeremy and Martha would get together. Finally exasperated with Martha's unwillingness to make a move, she left for home but this would not be the end of it as far as Loretta was concerned.

  “I'm home Mama.” Ezekiel called out as he dropped his schoolbooks on the kitchen table. The kitchen was bright and sunny and the smell of apple pies filled the air. “Abraham went to the blacksmith shop again. Can I have some pie?” Martha appeared in the doorway of the kitchen, a smile forming
on her lips as she looked at Ezekiel. She could not help but feel pride and deep affection for this impish and charming boy. He was growing taller every day and his love of books served him well in his studies. She had been preoccupied with the previous conversation with Loretta and welcomed the distraction.

  “Abraham might as well move his bed over to the blacksmiths. I'll never understand how he can spend so much time cleaning horses stalls. When I was a girl I avoided the horses in father's stables at every opportunity. Smelly creatures, horses.” Martha scrunched up her face as if a bad odor had just wafted past. Ezekiel giggled at Martha's obvious distaste for the horses. Abraham had a part time job cleaning the stables and although he was paid a half dollar a week, he did it purely for the love of the horses. Knowing the hound dog at the blacksmith shop was expecting pups any day now; Martha was dreading a discussion of all of the benefits of owning a dog. The boys were each settling in and St. Louis seemed to have something for each of them. Isaac spent a great deal of time fishing in the river and hunting with Austin. The two of them were very close and Martha was happy that Isaac was spending time with him. Isaac never mentioned his father and it was as if Jebediah Whittaker had never existed. Ezekiel and Abraham very seldom mentioned him and Martha never did. These were her sons now and Jebediah was no longer of any consequence.

  “Fish for dinner tonight, Martha.” Isaac appeared on the back porch carrying a large catfish and grinning from ear to ear. “What's in the box?”

  “Yes, what was that box I saw on the porch, Mama?” Ezekiel asked, his mouth full of apple pie. Crumbs falling on his shirt as he spoke.

  “That is my new sewing machine. I bought it yesterday and I'm waiting for Austin to come and carry it upstairs for me. I'll be able to make my dresses and your shirts much quicker now and Mrs. Langley asked if I would sew Loretta's wedding dress.” Martha announced proudly, impressed with her new purchase. Her sewing skills were becoming most proficient and her sense of style cultured by designer, Charles Worth in England, gave her dresses a most flattering look and wide appeal. Jeremy imported all types of fabrics and accessories and was sure to bring her samples of beautiful, materials unknown to the colonies; including silks from the orient and ostrich feathers from Australia.

  “Austin's coming? Good we have enough fish for all of us so he can stay for supper. I'll help him carry your machine up stairs when he arrives.” Isaac wandered into the yard to clean his catch, most confident that Martha would have no problem with his decision to have Austin join them. Isaac was very fond of Austin and could relate to him with ease. Isaac did not relate to many people well but his relationship to Martha had improved considerably since that fateful day in the church. They seemed to have developed an unspoken understanding and a shared desire to forget Jebediah Whittaker. Now when Isaac dreamt of his mother, Alicia, she was smiling and happy, the way he remembered her. Blond hair blowing in the breeze and the corner of her eyes creased with laughter lines as she and tiny Isaac played on the lawn. He was no longer tortured by nightmares of his mother screaming and of the dark unidentified shadow throwing his mother down the stairs. Isaac had pushed all memory of the incident in the church to the back of his consciousness and considered the matter closed. Although he could not bring himself to call Martha-‘Mama’ as the younger boys did, he was very fond of her and particularly impressed with the way she had set up house for them all. He regretted that he had not been pleasant to her in the past but she seemed to have forgotten those days and treated him the same as the others. Many conversations with Austin allowed him greater insight to her past. Martha was no- nonsense and determined and Isaac admired that. He had seen the way she would appear frightened and unsure one minute and confident and determined the next. He took comfort in her ability to overcome her fears and often copied her, using the technique on himself. Isaac too had demons to battle but every passing day seemed to give him hope.

  “Mama, I brought some eggs from Mrs. Johnson's.” Abraham arrived home, sweaty and smelling of horses. The basket of eggs was deposited on the porch and he went out back to wash up at the well pump. Martha didn't allow him in the house without washing up; he couldn't understand what she found so offensive about the smell of horses. He thought they smelled wonderful. He pondered how he was going to talk her into a puppy, as he pumped the water into the bucket and washed his face and hands.

  Austin finished his ledgers and closed the office for the night. Martha had asked him to stop by. Austin was impressed with Martha's resolve and determination. She had made her decision to stay in St. Louis and had purchased a home for the boys within weeks. She had taken to her role as mother with enthusiasm and purpose. Austin initially felt guilty about his choice of Loretta over Martha but soon realized that Martha had matured during her time with Jebediah and grown away from him in her interests and ambitions. Loretta was much more suited to Austin's desires and dreams and he loved her with all his heart. Perhaps Jeremy and Martha would have a future together, but for now he knew that his dear friend was determined to do things her way and without interference from anyone. He smiled when he thought of Loretta's anger over finding another woman in Jeremy's office. Upon seeing Miss Clarise Graham, Austin could understand how a man would be attracted to her. Loretta was determined to make sure there would be no relationship between Jeremy and Miss Graham. He laughed to himself, with Loretta as her champion, Martha wouldn't have to worry about Jeremy. He walked the short distance to Martha's house.

  After a delicious catfish supper, Martha carried a letter from Margaret Brown to the table. She unfolded the letter and was about to begin reading aloud when her gaze settled on Isaac. She could read the questions in his rigid face and nodded to assure him that his father was not mentioned in the letter. You have not recovered either have you my son? How long will he haunt us? Isaac's facial features relaxed and she began:

  Dearest Martha: Motherhood suits me to a tea. I have never been so happy as I am now. The baby, Sarah June is doing well and growing bigger everyday. Unfortunately, the Grimes’ baby was not as lucky and passed away last week of pneumonia. The Mueller's store is bringing in more and more items every week and a feed store is now opened on the main street. The sawmill is up and running and most of us have log homes at last. You remember Arnold Swartz. Well he returned to town and opened the sawmill. It is a shame about his wife's terrible death at the hands of those savages, but he seems to be adjusting. Next we anticipate the opening of the new bank, which will be needed in the coming winter. The pastor and his family are blending in well and life goes on in Whittakerville. It has been a good year and most of us were blessed with large harvests and healthy cattle. The cattle auction is next week and we are hoping for a sizable amount from the sale of our cattle. As you experienced, the past winter was very hard for many of the homesteaders and this good crop and cattle auction will ensure our futures here. We are most concerned about the unrest with the present Indian Treaties. James says that the Lakota, the branch of Sioux in this area, are no longer happy with the treaty arrangements and he worries about an uprising. Fort Laramie has a large contingent of soldiers but there are many Cheyenne and Sioux in this area and we are concerned for our safety. James is very sympathetic to the Cheyenne, Sioux and the Arapaho. After meeting with Chief Red Cloud, he seems to understand their concerns. The new white settlers traveling the Bozeman Trail, cutting through the buffalo grazing grounds, are determined to run the Sioux off and take all of their hunting territories for homesteads. Many conflicts have exploded south of here and many people both white and Sioux have been killed. The buffalo herds are already showing drastic declines and some of the Indians are finding it difficult to find food, covering for their dwellings and raw materials for many of their tools. James spends much time at Fort Laramie trying to convince the officials that new treaties must be written before it is too late.

  I must admit that I'm envious of you being far from this danger. I'm not ashamed to say I fear for our lives and pray that we'll have an une
ventful winter. The constant struggle with the snow and freezing cold is enough for any of us without this added burden.

  I send you my love and affection and wish you well in your new home. I'm happy to hear that you have decided to stay in the colonies. I hope this letter finds you settled and happy. Give my regards to the boys.

  Yours sincerely, Margaret Brown.

  Martha looked up from the letter to find the boys staring wide-eyed with deep concern for their friends. She was more than relieved to be as far away from Whittakerville as possible, but she too was most concerned for her friends’ safety. Thank God we escaped before we all died. It was not just the savages that threatened us. She felt a cold chill down her spine. Austin looked from Martha to the boys and sensed the tension growing.

  “Looks like we got you out of there just in time, Martha. Now is there more pie?” Austin promptly changing the subject smiled at the boys and held his plate up for a refill of Martha's delicious apple pie. “Now Isaac where did you catch that delicious catfish?” The boys were quickly distracted but Martha continued to worry about her dear friends.

  Tuesday evening, Jeremy arrived at the Gentlemen's Club a few minutes early. He hadn't admitted his desire to see Clarise again even to himself, but here he was scanning the room for a glimpse of her. “Why Mr. Whittaker, how lovely to see you again.” Suddenly there she was right in front of him. His eyes were drawn to the plunging neckline of her gown and the ample bosom displayed there. He quickly averted his eyes to her face and bowed to kiss her extended hand. She giggled flirtatiously, as an older gentleman appeared to her right. “Father, this is Jeremy Whittaker. Mr. Whittaker, this is my father, Morris Graham.” Graham could not help but see the definite mutual interest in the eyes of the two young people before him. He directed Jeremy to the boardroom where the meeting would soon begin, taking stock of this young man as a possible match for his impetuous daughter. Morris noticed as Clarise's eyes followed the handsome young man. Another business associate of Morris’ had asked for Clarise’ hand but she put him off, stating she was not ready for marriage. Morris was more than anxious to find her a husband before people considered her an old maid at twenty-three. She had many suitors but always discouraged a permanent alliance. Perhaps this new chap was the one. Taking her arm, he escorted her into the boardroom, seating her next to Jeremy.