Neither

by Chelsea M. Cameron

  “Are you running away from something?”

  I thought about my answer. Yes, I was going to answer him. “Yes and no. Maybe I'm not running away. Maybe I'm running toward something else.”

  His hand tightened on mine for just a moment. He stopped walking and I stopped with him. He turned to face me.

  “What are you running toward, Brooke?”

  I smiled slowly to make sure I got it right. “Maybe it's you.”

  His breath hitched for just a moment and his eyes widened just a fraction. They were things a human probably wouldn't notice. But I did. I noticed everything about him.

  I started walking again, hoping he'd follow so I didn't start dragging him.

  “I don't think I've ever met a girl like you.”

  “With any luck, you probably won't ever again. That would be a good thing, Jamie.”

  I had to leave. I couldn't stay in his life. The longer I was in it, the better the chances were that I was going to kill him. I should have just done it when he pulled up next to my car. Those stupid blue eyes and that smile. They were going to be the death of him.

  “There's something else about you. Something... I can't put my finger on it,” he said.

  “Then stop trying. Why don't we just enjoy today?”

  He looked like he wanted to argue, but one look at my face and another smile and he caved.

  I saw the clearing long before we came to it, but played along with my act that I was in the dark about it.

  “It's just up here,” he said, stepping over a log. I stepped over, hoping I looked like a person.

  The clearing was lopsided, larger on one side than on the other, kind of like a kidney. It was not perfectly level, either, but there was a huge stump in the middle of it, covered in moss and at just the right height for sitting. Jamie and I could share it and still have enough space for a few people.

  “It's beautiful,” I said when we finally came within human view of it. The sun was somehow shining through the trees directly on the stump, as if it was magically drawn there.

  “I come here a lot. My family is a little messed up,” Jamie said, shoving his hands in his pockets.

  “Whose isn't?”

  He tugged on his ear. “I guess so. Some people have it easier than others.”

  “They're usually the ones who bitch the most about their problems,” I said, using air quotes.

  He laughed. “Exactly.”

  I stepped forward into the clearing and started walking toward the stump. I turned, knowing that he was watching me. “You coming?”

  He blinked, as if he was coming out of a trance. “You look amazing in the sun.” That made me smile. It was so much easier to smile being around him. He was like a happy drug.

  I skipped toward the stump and hopped up on it with a bit too much supernatural speed. Oops. I turned to see his reaction.

  He swallowed loudly. “How do you do that?”

  “Do what?” I hated playing the innocent dumb girl with him. I didn't mind when I was looking for someone to feed on, but lying to Jamie like that felt wrong.

  “You're not an idiot, Brooke. Stop acting like one. I know you were trying to pick someone up on that road. I don't know why, but I know you're not the kind of girl who gets stranded on the side of the road. So what were you doing there? Why were you trying to lure someone to come and help you? What is your story, Brooke? You can trust me, I swear.”

  His blue eyes looked up at me. So open. So innocent. He couldn't comprehend the things I'd done. Not if he had a million lifetimes.

  “You wouldn't believe me if I told you,” I said, sitting down on the rock. Part of me wanted to scare him. To freak him out so much he would run back to his truck and out of my life.

  That would be best.

  “Maybe I would. How do you know until you try?”

  No one had lived long enough to ask me what I was. I was a quick killer.

  “I'm a vampire. If I wanted to, I could tear open your neck right now and drink all your blood. I would enjoy it very much. More than anything else, actually.” I said it with no emotion, but I gave him a little smile at the end, showing him my teeth. We noctali had no fangs, but still.

  “Really? That's the best you could come up with? Why can't you be serious, Brooke?”

  “I am serious. You asked, I told you.”

  I leaped down from the stump, landing exactly in front of him with barely a sound. I could totally blow his mind and transform, but I wasn't sure his mind could take it. Besides, I'd shred my shirt, and I didn't want to find another one yet. Although, I could just take his. Wearing Jamie's shirt would be... Mmhmmm.

  I stepped closer to him and pulled him in with my eyes. It was simple to do. Humans were easily distracted. I held him for so long he forgot to breathe. I released him and his lungs heaved.

  “What the hell?”

  “I told you. I'm not what you think I am. Here,” I said, taking his hand and putting it on my heart. Far enough up so he wasn't touching my boob, but close enough that he could feel that my heart didn't beat.

  “Do you feel that?” I said.

  His face went a little red as he saw where his hand was. Boys.

  “Feel what?”

  “Exactly. And here.” I took his hand and moved it to my neck where there was no pulse. “I have no heartbeat, no pulse. Haven't you noticed that I don't breathe? Or blink?”

  He opened and closed his mouth several times, still looking down at his hand as if he'd forgotten he had one. “How are you doing this? Is it some kind of trick?”

  “No, it's not a trick. How could I do that?”

  “Brooke, stop it. It's not funny.” His heart pounded a frenzied beat.

  “I'm aware,” I said as he tried to take his hand back. It was time for drastic measures. I refused to let his hand go.

  “What are you doing? Let go.”

  If I had been human, he would have been able to pull away easily. Only I wasn’t human. I let him struggle a bit longer. I didn't want to hurt him, and the energy he was exerting was making him smell more appealing. So I let go. His arm snapped back and he stumbled.

  “You're... really strong,” he said, rubbing his wrist.

  “I know. It's because I'm not human.” I leaped back onto the stump, twirling as I did so. From his perspective, I probably looked like a stuntwoman or something.

  “How are you doing that?”

  “I'm immortal,” I said, turning around. “If you really, really want me to prove it, I can. We just have to go back to the ocean.”

  “I don't understand what's happening.”

  “I know,” I said. Maybe this was a bad idea. I shouldn't have told him. His bright face was drawn down in a confused frown. I'd done that. “I should have just let you go. Or killed you. I wanted to kill you. That's why I was on the side of the road. I was waiting for someone to try to rescue me, and then you showed up. I've tried to talk myself into killing you so many times. I just... can't.”

  “Why are you telling me this?” He was in shock, that was for sure, maybe moments away from catatonic. All my fault.

  “I don't really know. You remind me that I used to be human.”

  “When were you... not human?” He still didn't believe me, but he wanted to know more so he could try and decipher my real story.

  “I was changed two weeks ago. Since then I've killed fifty-seven people. You were going to be number fifty-eight.”

  “Brooke, I want to help you. I really do. But you've got to tell me the truth.”

  “Oh, Jamie. I wish this wasn't the truth. I was a normal girl, and I met what I thought was a boy when I snuck out of my house. He turned out to be what is called a noctalis. He gave me some of his blood and I woke up like this. Well, not exactly.”

  “Drugs? Did he give you drugs? Are you on drugs, Brooke?” He thought I was high. Well, blood certainly could make me feel that way.

  “I wish it were that easy.” It was time to bring out the big guns.
r />   “Bet you I can climb that tree in thirty seconds.”

  “What?”

  “Bet you I can climb that tree in thirty seconds. Time me,” I said, hopping back off the stump. He took a second, but got out his phone.

  “Go.”

  I made it in fifteen.

  “Holy shit,” Jamie said as I stared down at him from the swaying top of the oak tree. Now I was really going to blow his mind. I leaned out and let go of the tree.

  “Brooke!” Jamie called as I was already falling. He rushed to catch me and I adjusted myself so I landed right next to his outstretched hands, making a cloud of dust as my feet slammed into the earth.

  “Hey,” I said, giving him another smile. The shocked look on his face was so funny that I laughed. He stood, stunned, unable to comprehend.

  “Boo,” I said, touching his shoulder.

  “How did you do that?” His voice quavered. I didn't like scaring him, but I needed him to know. I was going to follow through with this. He was going to understand. Because then he would leave and he would be saved.

  “I told you. I'm not human. You believe me now?”

  He swallowed a few times and shook his head back and forth, like he was trying to shake everything I had told him out of it.

  “I guess I have to.”

  “See? Now you know why I came to see you this morning. Because I can never see you again.” The words pierced me as they came out of my mouth. I wanted to break them, shatter them and take them back.

  “What are you?”

  “A fairy. Or faerie. However you want to spell it. I'm also a vampire.”

  “No, really.”

  “Really. I have a genuine set of wings hidden back here,” I said, pointing to my back. Maybe I was going to have to bust them out.

  Jamie scoffed. He was a tough nut to crack. “I have a really hard time believing that.”

  “I can show you, if you want.” He crossed his arms and jerked his chin up.

  “Go ahead.” Even though I'd raced up a tree and leapt to the ground without any effort, he still didn't believe me. I guessed a pair of white wings was in order. Luckily, I had some.

  “I'm going to have to take my shirt off. I don't want to ruin it. Unless you don't mind giving me yours.” He hesitated, and then stripped it off, tossing it to me. I had to fight the urge to inhale his smell. “So here I go.”

  I pulled the shirt over my head, watching his face the entire time. His pupils pulsed and he swallowed. I smiled inwardly with satisfaction. I wasn't anything special, but that didn't matter to Jamie. He looked at me as if I was the first girl he'd ever seen. Or like I would be the last. The sun hit his hair, and for a moment, he looked like an angel. I forgot for a moment about my wings.

  “You ready for this?” I said one last time, just to make sure.

  He shook his head back and forth, and his face went red. “Not really. I think I'm still hallucinating.”

  I wasn't sure if he was talking about the other stuff I'd done or taking my shirt off. Maybe both. I grinned at him and let my wings come out. They made a strange sort of tearing that freaked me out the first few times it happened. I turned my head and watched them come, like little flags popping out from my skin. I seriously didn't know where they went when I wasn't using them, but then I had no idea why my heart didn't beat, either. I turned to the side so he could see them. They reached about three feet from my back, curved, and reminded me of moth or butterfly wings. Or fairy wings.

  I finally looked at Jamie. “Has your mind been blown?” I said, fluttering them.

  His mouth was wide open, and he blinked a bunch of times as if he had something in them.

  “It's real,” I said, turning my back so he could see them full-on. “You can touch them.”

  I glanced over my shoulder and he swallowed again. His heart was racing as if his life was in danger. His blood pumped so loud and quickly, it was all I could do not to lunge at him and sink my teeth into his jugular. Why did humans have to be so irresistible?

  “I can't believe you're real. How is this possible?”

  He put his hand out and lurched forward, stopping just short of touching them. I flapped them once and he gasped. The sound made me giggle.

  “Go ahead, don't be shy.” I moved backward until one of my wings bumped into his hand. He flinched back. I smiled at him and moved my wing slowly so it brushed his hand again. His skin was so warm. He stroked my wing and looked at his fingers, as if something had rubbed off on him.

  “How are they attached?”

  “Right here,” I said, pointing to the spot where they met my back. He couldn't completely see them because my bra was sort of in the way. Sighing, I reached behind and snapped it off. I tossed it to the ground and wrapped one arm around my front. His heart picked up. Boys.

  I bent forward so he could see better.

  “See? They go right into my skin.” Moments later his hands prodded the spot where my wings met my back, looking and searching. Still unconvinced. “Go ahead and yank on them. They won't come up.”

  “I don't want to hurt you.” That really made me laugh.

  “Jamie, there's no way you can hurt me. I dare you. Come on. You know you want to.” Either the teasing or the curiosity got the better of him, and he took hold of my left wing and gave it a tug. I barely felt it.

  “Harder,” I said. Really, he hadn't tried. He yanked again. Nope. He couldn't even throw me off balance.

  “How do you do that?”

  “I told you. I'm immortal. I'm a predator, so I'm stronger than my prey. That would be you.” I winked at him and his eyes bulge again. Somehow, he made even that movement attractive. He was one beautiful boy. His fingers went back to work on my back, and he peered at my wings from every angle.

  His hands skated across the bare skin of my back. If I had been human, I wouldn't have been able to stay still. As it was, all I could think of was turning around and letting him touch me everywhere.

  “It's not possible. It can't be,” he said when his inspection was over and I was able to compose myself.

  “How is anything possible? I don't know. I just know that it's real. I'm real.”

  I leaned down and got my bra, snapping it on before he could react. I sucked my wings back in, threw his shirt over my head and turned around. He stepped back and I could sense that his legs weren't going to support him. His knees buckled and I caught him, lowering him until he was sitting on the ground.

  “Easy, tiger.” I sat next to him and waited a second before I said anything. “It happened three days after I swapped blood with this guy. Well, he wasn't a guy. He was this thing called a noctalis.” I went on to explain meeting Ivan, being changed and waking up as an immortal. He listened, his eyes fixed on my face.

  “I just can't believe this is real. So you're a vampire fairy?”

  “Pretty much. It's a weird mishmash of mythology, isn't it? If it wasn't my life, I'd say it sounded ridiculous.” I lay back and closed my eyes, listening to him think. Funny how many sounds humans make that they aren't even aware of.

  It was like I could hear the clicking of his mind. His scent was all around me, and I fingered the material of his shirt. It was ginormous on me, but I didn't mind. I liked having something that had touched his skin, touching mine.

  “Vampire?” he said. I knew what he was asking. I wasn't sure if he wanted the answer, though. “Was that what you were doing on the side of the road?”

  “Yeah, I was going to use you for your blood. Everything I told you is true. I was trying to lure my prey.”

  “You want my blood?” His fear spiked again, and I opened my eyes and turned my head so I could look at him. He tried to pretend that he wasn't scared of me, but he was. Everything else about him betrayed the lie.

  “Yeah, I do. I want everyone's blood. It's part of the immortality deal. Can't get anything for free.”

  He shifted, propping his elbows on his knees. “Why haven't you taken it? Not that I'm complaining, but
it doesn't make sense.”

  “I know.” I'd forgotten how to sigh, or else I would have. “It's complicated, Jamie, and I don't know if I have enough time to explain it right now. I don't know if I can explain it.”

  I moved over to my stomach, propping my chin on my hands. Jamie watched me, as if I was going to dive at him.

  “So, you're not afraid I'm going to rip your throat out?” I asked.

  He shook his head, as if he was coming out of a trance. I hadn't meant to pull him in, but I couldn't really control it.

  “I'm sorry. It sounds so unbelievable. You just don't look like you could hurt anyone.”

  “Oh, Jamie. I have wings. Anything is possible.”

  “I guess so,” he said, squinting at the sun, which was behind a veil of clouds, at least for a moment.

  “I'm still not sure if I believe you, even though I don't have any more reasons not to.”

  I sat up, moving a little bit closer to him, testing to see how close he would let me get. Like a frightened horse, you had to move closer slowly so as not to scare it. Something about horses triggered a memory.

  There had been a farm down the road from my house in New Hampshire and sometimes the owner let me ride if I mucked out stalls and stuff. The memory sparkled like a shiny stone and flooded my brain. I grabbed onto it, making sure it would stay.

  Jamie watched me, puzzled. I moved closer again until our shoulders were touching.

  “That's okay. You don't have to. I just wanted you to know.” I bumped my shoulder against his, and it sent him off balance. I grabbed onto him again, but I didn't let go. We stayed like that, with me holding him for several heartbeats.

  “Will I ever see you again?” He asked the question I didn’t know how to answer.

  I let go of him. “I don't think so. It's too hard to be around you.”

  “The... blood?” He had a hard time saying the word, as if it choked him.

  “Mostly. There are other things I need to do, and I can't get involved with anyone.” I moved away from him.

  He raised one eyebrow. So sexy. “More secrets?”

  “Just a few. A girl never shares them all,” I said with a smile. “Not even an immortal one.”