by M. T. Pope
I pulled up to Owings Mills Mall, parked my car, walked through Sears, and headed for the food court. I had described myself to him, and what I was wearing, so he could find me.
As I walked toward the table, I noticed a guy waving me over. Shit! That dude was bawling his eyes out at the funeral.
I sat down at the table across from him. This dude wasn’t bad-looking. He was well dressed and had on some fly shit. His eyes were bloodshot red, and he had the look that said, “I just lost my best friend.”
The James I knew was incapable of love, so how could this nigga be this fucked up over him being gone? Well, the ass was good.
“Ah. Hi, Wallace?”
“I’m just…sh-shocked mostly.” He was falling all over his words again. Tears escaped his eyes and hit the table as he held his head down.
This nigga is fucked up. James musta put it on his ass good. There is no way I would be acting like this for no nigga. “Look, I’m sorry to hear about your loss.” I had to say something semi-sympathetic to get this over with.
“Thanks,” he said, now looking off into the distance, like he was in a trance.
“So, uh, anyway, you needed to ask me some stuff about James?” I said, reminding him why we were there. I still had to go and visit my mom and Li’l Shawn.
He slowly turned back around and stared at me for a minute.
I was getting uncomfortable by the second. For some reason, he started to look good to me. I knew I had to hurry up and get the hell out of here, not wanting to go down that road again.
Seriously, I wasn’t, but he sure looked like he can ride it good. I felt my manhood rising.
“I really have somewhere to be soon, so can we make this fast? I’m not trying to be rude, I just have some stuff to take care of.”
“I just needed to know if James ever talked about anyone from his past that might make someone want to hurt him? I went to the police, and they were like, since I wasn’t family, they couldn’t release the information about the killer.”
“Oh, is that all you want to know?”
He shook his head yes.
“It seems like it was a double murder and suicide. They say whoever this dude was, he was crazy. He killed James and his cousin in a fit of rage. The motive seemed to be about some scorned-lover type of shit.”
“Did they give you the name of the guy?” he said bright-eyed.
“Yeah, but he’s dead.”
“I just want to know,” he said, a little furious that I was withholding information.
“His name was Tyrone Jenkins, and he was from California.”
He looked at me, shock written all over his face. His fists balled up and he looked like he was about to explode. “My muthafuckin’ cousin,” he mumbled, his jaw twitching.
“He was your cousin?” I said, looking around. “You sure?”
“Yeah, man, his ass called me a couple of weeks ago saying he was going to be in town on business and shit. We even hung out a little bit. I can’t believe this shit. My fuckin’ cousin killed my baby.” He just got up and walked away.
Just like that, he was gone. That’s some messed up shit. His cousin, James’ first love, killed his lover, James. Crazy. I got up and walked away myself, shaking my head in disbelief.
Chapter 46
Mona
Second Time Around
February 14th, 2019, 12:04 A.M.
This was it, the day I was waiting for. The day I was going to marry the man of my dreams again. Valentine’s Day. And we had a packed house.
I know it seems cliché to be getting married on that day, but I thought it was the perfect time.
I was in the back dressing room in my off-white wedding gown, which was nontraditional but elegant. I wasn’t about to drag a train down the aisle again.
Other than that, I was so happy to be closing the doors on some very ugly chapters in my life. James was dead. I was happy and sad. But I knew it was for the good of the kids. I could tell them now who their biological father was and not have to worry about them wanting to meet him. Well, they’d already met him, but they didn’t really know who he was.
“Mom, you look sooo pretty in your dress,” Diana said in a loving voice.
I loved my little angel. She was the flower girl, intent on being the best she could be. Many times I’d watched her have a play wedding with her dolls, and she’d walk around the house with a flower bouquet, practicing her little heart out.
I turned around to see what Ashley was doing. She looked radiant in the dress I had picked out for her to wear. She didn’t seem too enthusiastic about being here, and she looked preoccupied with something, every so often talking on the phone.
“Ashley, baby, you okay over there?” I said as I pinned the veil onto my hair.
“Yeah, Ma,” she said like she was annoyed or something. “I’m fine.”
Ashley had been so moody lately, and I know it wasn’t her time of the month, because ours usually ran around the same time. I had to make a mental note to have a one-on-one with her just to see if she wanted to talk. It was past due, and I was usually on top of my girls, but I was preoccupied with setting all this up, and running the house. My job was never done.
“All right, girls, go out there and head to your posts. It’s almost time for me to come out.”
As they walked out, my mom came in with a big smile on her face, just like she did the first time around.
“How’s Mama’s baby?” she said, tears flooding both our eyes.
“Well, Mama, I’m good. Just a little nervous,” I said, though I remember being a wreck the day me and Shawn got married the first time, and today was just the same.
“Oh, baby,” she said as she put out her arms and embraced me.
My mother’s love was something I needed, and I was glad she was here to share this moment again.
Tears again flooded my eyes. I was marrying the man of my dreams again. I was so happy that things would be going back to normal now and I would be able to let the children know the truth.
“You are so beautiful, just like you were the first time.”
“Thanks, Ma,” I said, checking my makeup in the mirror. “All this crying gonna mess up my makeup.”
“All right, baby. Let me get to my seat. I can hear the musicians warming up. I ain’t trying to miss my baby come down the aisle again.” She eased out the door.
I looked at myself in the mirror one last time, turned around, and made my exit out to the foyer of the church.
As I made it out, various family members were just arriving. They stopped and whipped out cameras and took a few quick shots. I took a couple then shooed them away.
I watched as the ringbearer made his way down the aisle, followed by the maid of honor. I know, I know. I overdid it. It was just supposed to be a renewal ceremony, but it was so good the first time, I had to do it up again.
Alex stood at the door, all smiles, even though he still couldn’t quite look me in the eyes that long yet. He had some shame in his eyes ever since I’d seen him naked in the basement. I tried to reassure him a couple of times, but I was going to tell Shawn what happened, and let him deal with him. It was a man thing, as they say.
I had asked him to walk me down the aisle, since my father was dead.
“You ready, Ma?” he whispered into my ear.
“Yes, baby. And don’t be trying to trip Momma up and have her fall in front of all of these people.” I laughed lightly.
He laughed too. “Never that, Ma.”
The music started for me to make my way down the aisle, and a smile crept across my face. Everybody stood up and turned toward us as we made our way down the aisle. Under my veil, I could see my husband-to-be smiling as he stood at the altar.
We finally made it down the aisle, and Alex handed me over to Shawn. I saw a couple of tears roll down his face. He, too, smiled that goofy-looking smile.
“That’s my baby,” I said to myself. With all the stuff we’d been through, I knew it wa
s God keeping us together, and nothing could tear us apart.
We went through the ceremony in a breeze, but something happened that almost made me run out of the sanctuary and never look back.
When the minister got to “Does anybody here object to these two being together?” the room was silent.
I knew everyone here loved seeing me and Shawn together, and quite frankly, they couldn’t do a thing about it because we were already married.
But, out of nowhere, a little boy pops up and yells, “No, Daddy, you were supposed to marry my mommy!”
It was like the movie, The Matrix. Everything stood still. The look of shock covered everyone’s face as they turned around to see who this little boy was that had just dropped a bombshell on the ceremony.
I turned and looked at Shawn. He looked like he wanted to run. Then his mother quickly yanked the boy back down, as if the outburst didn’t happen.
Okay, so now what the hell do I do? was the thought that flashed across my mind. Run or stay? Or fuck him up for GP? I stood there like a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming car. I couldn’t move, but staying in the spot felt like it was going to kill me.
“Baby,” Shawn said as he shook my hand that he was still holding.
I looked at him with pain in my eyes. He was pleading with his eyes for me continue on with the service, but was I woman enough to handle this? How can I stay? Who is the mother? How long did he know? What in the hell? All of these questions floated through my head in those few seconds standing there.
I awaited Ashton Kutcher to pop out with his camera crew, telling me that I was being punked, that I could go on with the ceremony. But no Ashton, no camera crew. Just me, Shawn, and both of our families here staring at us.
Okay, so I turned back toward the minister and nodded my head, giving him the approval to continue. I know. How could I stay? But, then again, how could I leave? This family needed me, and I needed them. Walking away wasn’t an option. The devil was a liar and a defeated foe. All those Sundays I spent on my knees in His house were not going to be in vain. This was one black family that was going all the way. Through hell and high water. We were going to make it.
The ceremony was sealed with a kiss. And, boy, did I kiss my husband! He was mine, and I wasn’t giving up on him. Ever. God didn’t, so why should I? We walked down the aisle and out of the church to the limo waiting for us outside.
Oh, don’t get me wrong. I was mad as all get out. As soon as we closed the door to the car, I sat back with my arms folded. “So?”
He was sitting across from me, sorrow on his face. “Well, um, where do I start?” He paused.
I just looked at him. There was nothing for me to say.
“I have a son by James’ cousin, Sherry. The condom must have broken when I had sex with her.”
“How long did you plan on hiding him at your mother’s house?”
“I was just buying time, trying to figure out a way to tell you. I just didn’t want you to leave me, Mona. I put you through enough, and I thought this would be the straw that broke the camel’s back.” He broke down and started crying.
I got up and sat next to him and pulled him to my chest. There is nothing more heartbreaking than seeing a forty-five-year-old man cry. He was my baby. I couldn’t stay mad at him.
“Shawn, all these secrets and lying have to stop right now. Our family is not going to make it if we can’t be honest with each other. I love you, Shawn. There is nothing too big for us to handle, with God on our side. It’s time for us to be examples for our children. All five of them.”
He popped up with a smile on his face. “Five?”
“Yep, I’m pregnant again. I found out about a week ago, but I wanted to wait to tell you.”
“Wow! I’m too old to be going through this again.” He laughed.
I laughed along with him. “You sure are.”
Shawn pinned me down on the seats of the stretch limo, and we made out, until the limo driver signaled us that we were at the reception hall.
After we spent about a half-hour in the hallway, some commotion broke out at the door, putting everything on pause.
Chapter 47
Ashley
Front and Center
February 14th, 2019, 1:33 P.M.
We were in the champagne room in Martin’s West. I watched my parents as they were doing the last-dance thing in the middle of the reception hall. Everybody was watching them, and they were giggling, making the best of it, as if it was the first time. I could see my father whispering in her ear, and she was grinning from ear to ear.
Out of nowhere, there was a commotion at the front door, and I heard someone yell, “Ashley!”
Again, “Ashley! Where the fuck you at?”
It was Tony. Everybody looked at me, surprise in their eyes. I was mortified. How could she do this? She must have been following me the whole time.
“You thought you could just leave me, and that would be that?” she said as she walked up to my table. “I love you, girl.”
By this time, my mom and dad were standing there next to my table as well. I could smell the liquor on her breath, and she was glassy-eyed and wobbly.
“Ha-ha, Tony, stop playing.” I laughed, trying to play down the situation. I looked at my parents’ faces and lowered my head in shame.
“I thought Tony was a guy,” my mom chimed in.
“I thought she was your mentor,” my father said.
Then they both looked at each other, probably wondering how they could have missed this.
“Um-hmm.” Tony nodded. “Your little princess likes to be licked by a bitch.”
By this time, everything had stopped. The music, the dancing, the drinking. Everything.
I looked at my grandmothers across the room, and their mouths were flung open in shock.
Alex, who was sitting next to me, eased out an “Oh shit! You’re a lick-’em girl.” He chuckled.
I didn’t find it funny. I felt the tears of shame flowing, and then the shaking and trembling came. I wanted to crawl underneath the table and disappear. My mind was spinning with excuses, but nothing could cover this one. My ass was caught red-handed, and I couldn’t do anything about it.
I was threatening to run for the door, but my legs wouldn’t cooperate with me. I was stuck. I had played the game and lost.
“Look, Tony, you gonna have to go, before I call the cops,” my father said, walking up to Tony. “I’m pretty sure you don’t want to go to jail tonight, and if you leave now, we won’t press charges against you. You do know it’s a crime to have relations with a minor.”
Tony nodded. I could’ve sworn I saw a tear slide down her face, but I could care less. I had already come to the conclusion that sleeping with women was nothing but trouble.
She left without another word.
My parents looked at me, pain all over their faces, and just walked away. I knew this wasn’t over, that I would be having a long talk with them ASAP.
The music was now back on, and everybody was back in party mode. After a few of my cousins got drunk, the focus was no longer on me.
I, on the other hand, sat in the back and made it my business to stay to myself.
Chapter 48
Shawn
The Black Family
February 18th, 2019, 2:54 P.M.
It was a few of days after the wedding ceremony. My entire family sat in the dining room around our large cherry oak buffet-style table. I looked around the table. Mona was at one end, I was at the other. To my left sat Alex and Ashley, and to the right sat Li’l Shawn and Diana, all with a look of wonder on their faces.
I was nervous. My palms were sweaty and I had no clue how I was going to say what I needed to say. I looked around at my family once again. We made it!
I broke down and cried right then and there. The tears and snot ran freely as I thought about the past ten years of my life. Not just what James put me through, but for what I allowed.
I could no longer bl
ame him for my demons. In a way, he helped bring me to terms with myself. I was a fool to think I was going to get away with my deceitfulness.
I cried for me, my mom, my father, my whole family. Mona came to console me, but I politely shooed her away. I needed to get this out. I hadn’t cried in a long time.
After a few minutes, I got myself together and cleared my throat. I was ready.
“I want to start off by saying I’m sorry for all that I put this family through. I was supposed to be the man of this house and I wasn’t acting as such. I am asking you all for forgiveness, while I learn to forgive myself.” I swallowed the lump in my throat, as my wife and children looked on attentively. I really didn’t expect Li’l Shawn and Diana to understand, but I figured Alex and Ashley were old enough.
“I would like to confess to you all that I have been dealing with homosexuality for most of my life.”
Alex and Ashley’s eyes were big as saucers, and they said nothing.
“Ashley, you would not have had to deal with this if I had dealt with this the right way. I’m sorry. I knew I wasn’t her biological father, but she still would have had a better chance at being as normal as possible if I would have dealt with my demons head-on. Her biological father did have the same issue, so she was predisposed to being sexually imbalanced.
“As the head of this household, I am declaring that from now on we share our feelings and problems as a family, like we should have been doing a long time ago.”
Everybody nodded in agreement.
“Well, that was the easy part.” I sighed and looked at Mona, who was in tears. “What I am about to tell you, Alex, Ashley, and Diana, will never change the way I have felt about you. From the moment I laid eyes on each one of you, I knew I was a blessed man. You are my crowning achievements and I love you all very much. I—I—I am not—”
Mona cut in, “What your father is trying to say is, Mommy messed up a long time ago.” Her tears had stopped flowing, and she spoke with confidence. “Alex, Ashley, Diana”—She looked them in their eyes one at a time as she called out their names individually—“the man at the head of the table is not your biological father.”