“What was she like?” He asked, quietly, as if she were sleeping upstairs and he didn’t want to wake her.
“She was perfect, Coop,” tears were streaming silently from her face, and she let them fall onto her chest.
“She was… just this amazing, tiny, perfect, thing. Six pounds three ounces, eight and a quarter inches long. She had a little bit of hair and these incredible dark green eyes. As soon as I saw her I was in love. I almost couldn’t…” she took a breath to gather her strength, “there was this couple. They had been trying forever to have a baby and they couldn’t. The husband worked for a bank and the wife was a real estate agent at the time, but she gave it up to take care of the baby,” she waited for Coop to catch up to her.
“You gave her up for adoption?” The question wasn’t accusatory, but was genuinely concerned for Cynthia’s feelings and what she had gone through. He looked up and his green eyes were filled with sympathy and sadness.
“I had to, Coop,” Cynthia brought her knees to her chest and hugged them to her body.
“I’m sorry,” he said, “I’m so, so sorry I wasn’t there for you. We should have done this together Holland, we could have.”
“There’s more,” she said, cutting him off. She didn’t want to delve into what could have or should have happened. That was a conversation that could take a lifetime, and there were more pressing matters at hand.
“Coop,” she carefully thought about how she could relay her theory to him without sounding like a conspiracy theorist, “so, you’re going to think I’m crazy, but—”
“You know I would never think that,” he interrupted. She smiled, encouraged.
“Have you met the people next door?”
“The Southerners?”
“Yeah,” Cynthia hadn’t noticed that she’d stood up. She started to pace back and forth, wringing her hands.
“They’re from Texas. They adopted their daughter six years ago and—”
“And you think it’s her?” Coop stood up and ran his hands through his hair. He looked out the window toward the house that their daughter could possibly be living in.
“Seriously, you think that’s our kid?”
“Yeah, I know you don’t believe me, but have you seen her?”
“I’ve seen her, but…” he trailed off, still looking out the window.
“Go over there and look at her. Really look at her.”
“Holland, sometimes when people go through something…” Coop started, looking at the floor. He paused for a moment before continuing,
“I’ll do it,” he said, finally.
“Really?” Cynthia was relieved. She knew that if he just saw her, he would see it. He came toward her, slowly.
“You had our baby,” he said, “what was it like?”
Cynthia immediately put her hands on her midsection, where she had once grown a child.
“It was, I don’t know. I guess it was… a lot of things. I was scared a lot. Ashamed. I felt sick, constantly. I hated the feeling of it in the beginning. I hid it, and I was just always so aware that I was lying to everyone. By the end, though, I don’t know. It was so lonely for me, but… at the end when I could feel her, it made me feel like I had someone.”
Coop put his hands over Cynthia’s.
“I wish I could have been there for you. I wish you had told me.”
“I couldn’t, Coop, you…” she trailed off as he took a step forward.
“Stop, stop,” he said, closing his eyes and slowly running his hands through his hair.
“I fucked up a lot of things. I really did. But one thing I did right… Cynthia Holland I never, ever stopped loving you.”
As many times as she had pictured this very moment, she had never allowed herself to imagine how it would make her feel. Tears spilled freely from her eyes. Her body was paralyzed. She felt both nauseous and content. She couldn’t string her thoughts together.
She stayed frozen as Coop gently put one hand on her cheek and kissed her lips. He pulled back and looked her in the eyes. The depth of his eyes had always fascinated her. They spoke for him, whispering sentiments of longing, regret, and love.
Emotion that Cynthia hadn’t felt in a long time radiated through her body. She wanted to cry out of sadness, happiness, and relief. Overwhelmed, she couldn’t say anything to him, but she knew she had to kiss him again. She ran her hands up his body, feeling his strong chest and the warmth of his neck. She ran a hand through his hair and kissed him deeply.
It felt familiar in a way, kissing him again after all this time, but also completely new. Now, they were connected on a level that neither of them had ever experienced before.
Coop’s cell phone rang from the armchair where he had left it, interrupting them. The caller ID read Rose’s name and there was a tiny rose next it. Coop dropped his hands.
“I should go,” he said. Cynthia didn’t reply. She knew he was right; as good as it felt, there was a lot more than the lust of this moment that needed to be considered.
“You’ll go over?” She wanted him to commit to it one more time before he left.
“I’ll go see her,” he promised.
The next day, Cynthia woke up late to the sound of someone slamming cabinets in her kitchen. With Glen was still asleep next to her, she got up and snuck to the top of the stairs where she had a view of the kitchen. She heard her mother’s voice.
“Okay, I found the mix. I’m dumping it in. Well you should have said that before I just dumped it in there, Roberta, I can’t measure it now, can I? You know what? Forget it. Can you come over here and do it? I’ll just—”
Nancy saw Cynthia, who had started down the stairs.
“Good morning sunshine! I thought I’d surprise you with some breakfast, but then I remembered I could barely boil water, so I called in the reinforcements. Roberta will be here in a few.”
“Mom, Roberta does not have to make me breakfast. Really, just call her and tell her not to come.”
“Well you’re no fun,” Nancy replied, picking up her phone.
“Never mind, Roberta, we’re fine here. Well then go back in the house. Then go back to sleep. How was I supposed to know she was going to come down here and refuse this nice gesture? Well good, I’d rather eat out tonight anyway.” She hung up the phone.
“You see what I mean?” She said to Cynthia.
“Mom, you’re impossible. Even you know that. Roberta’s a saint.”
Cynthia loaded up the Keurig while Nancy sat on a stool and pulled herself into the breakfast bar.
“So, what did he say?” She whispered.
Cynthia checked her phone, although she knew he hadn’t called or texted.
“Nothing yet. I don’t know. I only told him yesterday.”
“I saw him over there last night. He and Rose brought a tray of something that was probably gluten-free organic and terrible.”
“What?” Cynthia’s pulse quickened. So he had gone. Why hadn’t he called her?
“I didn’t hear from him. I wonder what he thought.”
“Well, he’s right down the street, Cynthia. Go find out.”
Cynthia could hear Glen in the shower when she got back upstairs. She got dressed as quickly as she could and ran out before he had a chance to talk to her. She had pretended to be asleep when he got in last night. She wasn’t ready to face him after what had happened with Coop.
She got in her car drove the thirty seconds to Coop’s house. She didn’t want to be seen by anyone walking over there. It was the smallest house on the block and needed some work, but it was still nice. The warm red brick facade gave it a welcoming feel, and the garden out front was well cared for. She parked at the end of the cracked driveway, which was full of cars she didn’t recognize.
Rose answered the door only seconds after Cynthia rang the bell. She was wearing a crown of flowers on her head and a flower patterned dress that danced gently along the floor. Cynthia hadn’t expected to be confronted by Rose and was a bit surpr
ised, but it wasn’t anything she couldn’t handle. She knew how Coop felt, and that made poor Rose’s presence irrelevant.
“Cynthia, hey, come in, what great timing,” Rose’s eyes were sparkling. She looked as if she had been crying, but had a blissful expression on her face. There were a few people milling around the living room. It looked as if one of Rose’s yoga classes had just ended or everyone was gearing up for some sort of commune meeting. She scanned the room for Coop and finally saw him down the hall in the kitchen digging through cabinets.
“Mom, this is Cynthia, can you pass her a glass?”
“Hi sweetie, welcome! Welcome to this fantastic moment,” a delicate hoop stuck in her button nose, which was covered in freckles, and her thick auburn hair was pulled back into dreadlocks. She was wearing some sort of festively patterned sheet. Suddenly, so much about Rose made sense. Rose’s mother grabbed both of Cynthia’s hands and held them close to her own chest. The welcome that Rose and her mother were giving her filled her with guilt. They were being so kind, and she was about to tear apart their family.
“Cynthia, I’m Melody. I’m so thankful to have you share this emotional space with us,” Melody let go of Cynthia’s hands and reached to the table to grab a glass of champagne, “please, take this, and join us in the celebration of our new journey.”
“A journey? Where are we going?” Cynthia asked slowly and somewhat sarcastically, trying to get her bearings. Her resolve to execute her plan was slowly waning.
“We’re bringing life, my child, we’re bringing life,” Melody put one hand on Rose’s stomach and raised the other to the ceiling, tilting her head up. Cynthia followed Melody’s gaze for a moment before the weight of what was happening hit her.
“Holy shit,” Cynthia roared, half because of her frustration with the hippy display of weirdness that was surrounding her, and half because Melody was implying… her champagne glass slipped from her hand and bounced on the threadbare area rug that lay over the scratched wood floors.
“Found the ice bucket!” Coop came in, looking disheveled, as Cynthia bent to get her glass. Coop noticed her for the first time and a fleeting look of panic crossed his face. He knelt to help her with her fallen glass, grabbing napkins from a side table.
“Cynthia, I—” he started, slowly.
“Did you—” Cynthia interrupted him, stopping just short of asking if he had knocked Rose up, because she figured that wouldn’t go over well. She stood up.
“Wow,” she deadpanned to no one in particular, “congratulations. I…” she paused to glance down at her gold oversize Michael Kors watch, “would you look at that, I have… okay,” she took a step backwards.
“Thank you,” she said awkwardly, waving both hands as she exited the house.
“It was so lovely meeting you, sister,” Melody called as Cynthia shut the door behind her.
Chapter 5: Tara
Cynthia retreated into her bedroom. She drew herself a bath. Sinking into it, she tried to make sense of what had just happened. She couldn’t quite comprehend it. She had been so close to a happy life with Coop, but now it was falling apart. Well, Coop was in another relationship. She shouldn’t have expected his to be as dysfunctional as her own. Maybe now that Rose was pregnant he would want to stay with her. And even if Tara were biologically theirs, and that wasn’t a sure thing, what could Cynthia do about it? Legally, there were no options. Even as a first year law student, she knew enough to know that when she signed that contract she had signed away all rights she had to be in her child’s life. She would have to watch her grow up from across the street.
She got in bed and stayed there until the next day. Glen had come home late and then got up relatively early to go to the office. Usually Cynthia would protest him going in while they were closed for Holiday break, but not today. Today, she was thankful he was gone. She needed all the space she could get.
It was around 2:00pm when the phone rang. It was her mother. She didn’t answer. Five minutes later, she heard her front door shake. She’d asked Glen to lock it on his way out, specifically to prevent her mother from barging in. She heard the scraping of her flower pot along the porch as her mother looked for a spare key. Apparently it wasn’t hard to find, because seconds later footsteps made their way up the stairs.
“You heard?” Nancy cut right to the chase.
“Yeah,” Cynthia managed. She could barely speak.
“And now what, you’re lying in bed?”
“Yeah?” Cynthia responded.
“Well, you had all day yesterday to feel sorry for yourself. Now it’s time to pick yourself up. Is this how I raised you?” Nancy paraded around the room, throwing open the curtains and picking dirty clothes up off the floor. She glanced around the room, looking for a hamper. It was clear she wasn’t used to picking up after herself, let alone cleaning up in someone else’s house.
“You really just give up like this?” She dropped the clothes onto the chaise lounge in the corner.
“One bump in the plan and that’s it? Hell, you got a law degree while you were pregnant. I’d like to think you’re a little more resilient than this. Get up, get dressed, and get over there. But put some make up on first, for the love of God. You look terrible. No one’s leaving their fiancé for that,” Nancy waved her hands in her direction before placing them on her hips and staring at her daughter.
“I’ll turn on the shower.”
Nancy disappeared into the bathroom and started the water. She came back out and crossed her arms again, staring at Cynthia in bed.
“Are you going to stand there until I get in?” Cynthia said weakly.
“Honey, I’ll strip you naked if I have to.”
Reluctantly, Cynthia dragged herself out of bed and into the shower.
Maybe this wasn’t that bad. Maybe he just hadn’t called because he was in shock. It’s a lot to process, going from having no kids to two in one day. Maybe he would still leave her—wait. He had never actually said he would leave her, did he? Cynthia had just assumed. But that was implied, right?
Cynthia got out of the shower and wrapped herself in one of her bath towels. They were luxurious, something she had talked Glen into spending extra money on. If Coop left Rose, which at this point was doubtful, she would have to leave Glen. She looked around. The house was beautiful. Her closet was full of amazing clothes… would she ever have all this again if she went to live with Coop? And what would everyone think? They’d only been married a couple of years. Cynthia shook it off. If she really wanted all of this, she would be happy. And she wasn’t. She had been stuck in an unhappy state of complacency for too long. She couldn’t settle for this house, these belongings, or Glen. This was as good as it was going to get here. With Coop, her happiness had no limit.
Throwing on a pair of jeans and a sweater, she started downstairs. Smiling, she remembered her mom’s advice. She went back to her vanity and put on a little make up. Couldn’t hurt.
Her stainless steel travel mug was steaming on the counter when she got down to the kitchen. There was a note from her mother scribbled on a scrap of paper next to it.
Cynthia Holland –
You can do this.
Now go get what’s yours, go reclaim your life!
Love,
Mom
P.s. I was serious about the makeup.
Cynthia walked down the street to Coop’s house. She didn’t care about spying neighbors. She needed the air and she wanted a few moments of peace before she changed her life forever. The driveway was empty.
The door swung open as she was reaching for the doorbell.
“Cynthia, I was just coming to find you.”
Coop looked like he had been up all night.
“Hey—”
“Please tell me I didn’t miss my chance,” he said.
“I wanted to—”
“It’s not mine.”
“What? What do you mean?”
“The baby. It’s not mine. Some guy came by last night
. A yoga client. I recognized him; Rose would have him over for lessons every once in a while and… am I the most oblivious guy ever?” He laughed. “Literally they would be drinking together when I came home,” he said, almost giddy, “I guess part of me just didn’t care.”
He paused for a moment and brushed his hair from his eyes, looking at Cynthia.
“Anyway, he threw a wine bottle at the house from the street, the guy has a strong arm,” he gestured to the bushes next to the front door, where broken glass lay on the ground.
“And he was screaming for Rose. He had papers. I guess they had a test done yesterday. But to be honest, I don’t care.
“Cynthia, you have to believe me. Even if it were, I wouldn’t… I couldn’t stay. I couldn’t stay with her knowing there was even the smallest chance in the world that I could be with you.”
Cynthia didn’t know what to say. She had come over planning to do all the talking. Planning to lay it all out on the line. But now that Coop was doing it first, she was caught off guard. For the first time in a long time, she was happy. It was a foreign feeling.
“I meant it the other night Cynthia, I love you. I really do. I have all these years. It was so hard for me, having to move on. Having to settle for someone else. But it just felt… it all felt so temporary. It’s like I knew the whole time, through everything, that I was waiting for you.”
He stared at her for a moment, his green eyes sparkling with tears. Cynthia tried to say something but her throat closed up, not allowing her to. Coop started to speak, but Cynthia put a hand up and forced her words out.
“I know,” she said, “I know, I do. I know all about waiting and settling. Believe me, that’s all my life has been since you left. And I don’t want to do it anymore.”
“You don’t have to,” Coop replied, reaching for her hand. He gently pulled her in closer. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him. He kissed her back, gently at first, and then harder. Cynthia ran her hands over his body, gripping his biceps and his chest. She loved the sturdy, muscular feeling of him. Meanwhile, he was doing the same to her; exploring her with his hands. They had missed so many years together that it felt new and strange to be together again.
Romance: The College Bad Boy: A Young Adult Romance Page 51