We Interrupt This Date

by L. C. Evans

  “Really?” She turned to Jack. “I didn’t know you cared.”

  Jack laughed. “Dawn, this is my friend, Nic. Actually, her real name is Susan, but it doesn’t suit her, so I call her Nic. And, Nic, this is Dawn Akron, a designer for my firm. She’s helping with the house.”

  “Jack had plans to wreck this beautiful bathroom.” She shuddered. “He has the color sense of a baboon.”

  “Hey, don’t let her talk about me that way, Nic.”

  “First I want to hear what you were planning.” I pretended to frown.

  “Brown and orange with a gaudy shade of turquoise for accents, that’s what.” Dawn shook her head in mock sadness. “And I thought he had better taste than that.”

  “Tan and, uh, tangerine,” Jack said. “Tan and tangerine. And Teal. What’s wrong with that?”

  Dawn looked at me. “Trust me, Nic. Calling mustard and brick, tan and tangerine do not make them look any better in a room like this. And turquoise clashing with that beautiful stained glass would be a crime. Do you agree?”

  “Perfectly.” I may not have been the greatest when it came to decorating, but even I knew that Jack’s colors would make this room look like a budget motel. I playfully slapped his arm. “I’m disowning you if you ruin this gorgeous bathroom.”

  “Two against one. It’s settled,” Dawn said. “I thought a nice green marble for the floor.”

  “With purple and cream accents for the rest of the room?” I said hopefully.

  “I’d planned scarlet and cream, but purple would do fine. There’s purple in the window. Purple accents in the room should give it a nice color punch.”

  “But shouldn’t Kelly have the final say?” I meant this question for both of them, but I looked at Jack. “After all, she is Jack’s girlfriend.”

  Dawn blinked rapidly. “Jack? I didn’t know you—“

  “I don’t. I didn’t.” Jack waved his hands in denial. “It’s a surprise. My girlfriend will be happy with whatever you two choose.” Jack tromped past Dawn, through the master bedroom and out into the hallway.

  “Men.” Dawn raised her eyes to search heavenward for answers.

  “Yeah, men,” I echoed. I didn’t bother raising my eyes. Heaven hadn’t given me any answers yet where men were concerned.

  You’d have thought Jack would have told his designer he had a girlfriend, though. After all, her tastes in home decorating should be considered first. But then Jack wanted the house to be a surprise. I hoped Kelly The Girlfriend wasn’t fussy. Personally, I thought Dawn had done a terrific job in the finished rooms I’d already seen, but Kelly might, like Maureen, be consumed with a burning need to complain about everything. I wondered what would happen if she hated the house and hated that I’d given my opinion about the decorating. For just a few seconds I almost wished I’d sided with Jack and let him decorate his bathroom in the foulest of mismatched colors that would send Kelly running back to New Jersey in a snit.

  Dawn and I rejoined Jack downstairs in the kitchen. Unlike most of the rest of the house, the room was finished, the appliances installed, and, Jack had told me earlier, already in working order.

  “Nic and I are going out to dinner,” Jack said. “Care to join us?”

  “Thanks, but Zack will kill me if I leave him alone with the kids for another minute.” She swept out of the room, trailing a “nice meeting you” over her shoulder.

  “I enjoyed meeting you, too,” I called. I pulled out one of the kitchen barstools and slid onto the padded seat. “I can advise you on how to remodel your attic if you want. Insulation. Storage bins. Rustic, yet functional.”

  “I think I can handle it. So are you as starved as I am? I thought we could go to that new seafood place on Broad. What’s it called?”

  “I forget, but I know the place you mean. I heard the food’s fabulous, but there’s usually a line out the door. Look, the kitchen’s finished. If you want to just get some food, I’ll be glad to cook us something.”

  Jack was already shaking his head. “Not that you aren’t a fabulous cook, but you’ve already made me a meal this weekend. Tell you what--why don’t I order in from the Grotto? The food’s great, Italian, and while we wait for it to get here we can finish catching up on all the years since…” He paused and worked his mouth, fishing for words. “Since we lost touch.”

  “Great plan.” There was a little catch in my voice. His tone made it sound like we were more than friends. But we weren’t, much to my regret. “We can talk without my family taking center stage the way they did last night and without sitting in a crowded restaurant trying to hear over the sound of everyone else.”

  Jack nodded. “Not that I don’t like your family, but I’m not in the mood for that much input this evening.”

  He placed the order and poured us glasses of red wine. We went into the living room, still unfurnished, but with a working fireplace.

  The air was unusually cool for September, probably due to the earlier rain. Jack lit a fire and we sat together with our backs against a box that had “Shelving” stenciled on the side.

  I stared into the flames, watching the golds and reds and oranges dance on top of the logs. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d sat in front of a real fire with a friend. We were supposed to be talking over old times. Instead we drank our wine in a companionable silence.

  After a while, Jack said, “Nic? Last week you talked about your broken marriage and your job. What about your social life? Didn’t you say you have a boyfriend?”

  My first impulse was to describe Steve, but the words wouldn’t come. I tried on and discarded several thoughts. And knew it was time to stop playing my silly game and come clean. The new improved me had promised to get a life. I was quite sure that getting a life didn’t mean having an imaginary love interest or telling lies to my friends.

  “The truth is,” I said, not looking at him, “there isn’t a boyfriend, there’s only a blind date that went terribly wrong and a guy from yoga class I enjoyed having coffee with. But we never went out and he’s seeing someone now. Sorry I misled you. Guess I didn’t want to seem pathetic and alone or anything like the shell-shocked divorcee you imagined.”

  “You’re not pathetic. Or shell-shocked. Thanks for leveling with me.” Jack squeezed my hand.

  I squeezed back. He’d made everything okay. He always made everything okay.

  The food arrived and was, as promised, fantastic. Jack’s phone rang while we were finishing our cherry cheesecake. He powered the phone off without looking at the caller ID. He leaned in closer and put his arm around me.

  “Nic, there’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you.” He half turned and put his fingertips under my chin. Our eyes locked.

  Oh, God, the baby goosebumps were back and if he didn’t move at least ten feet away I was going to forget he was taken. “You. I mean, okay what is it?” My heartbeat was so loud I was sure he could hear it over my breathing.

  “It’s about Kelly. Things haven’t been going that great and we’ve both had second thoughts about continuing our relationship. In fact--”

  “Hold that thought.” I held up my hand. The shrill ring coming from the phone in my pocket was so loud I couldn’t have heard him over the sound.

  Caller ID indicated home. My stomach dropped toward my knees and all thoughts about Jack and Kelly dissolved. “I have to take this. Only the gods know what will happen with Mama and DeLorean on their own in my house for the evening.”

  “I’m sure it can wait.” He grabbed for the phone and I snatched it out of reach.

  “Stop it, Jack.”

  “They haven’t killed each other or burned down any houses yet, Nic.”

  “They wouldn’t call unless it was an emergency. Maybe something’s happened to Christian.” My fingers shaking, I pressed a button on the phone. “Mama?”

  “It’s DeLorean. Susan, you have to come home right away. I borrowed Mama’s Cadillac and went out with Cole for just a few minutes, I swear, just five
minutes to pick up some diapers at CVS.”

  “What happened? Is Mama okay?’ I shrieked, envisioning her falling off the couch and cracking her skull because DeLorean had left her alone.”

  “Calm down. She’s fine. Physically, I mean. But while I was gone, my father showed up and had this big ugly scene with Mama. Thank God he was gone before I got back and I didn’t have to deal with him. Anyway, Mama’s sniffling like somebody with major allergies, and it is so getting on my nerves. It can’t be good for her heart, either. Don’t people her age have weak hearts? And Cole is screaming and all the dogs are barking.” Her voice skirted the edge of hysteria. “I swear, Susan, I simply can’t deal with this. I’m about ready to toss your TV through the nearest window if it will get everyone to calm down and shut up and give me five minutes of silence.”

  “It won’t. Don’t toss, I’ll be right there.” I rang off and turned to Jack. “There’s a crisis at home with DeLorean and Mama. I have to go.”

  “And they can’t handle it themselves,” he said in flat tones.

  “Don’t be angry.” I put my hand on his arm and he shook it off. “Jack, I wouldn’t go if I didn’t have to.”

  He hauled himself off the floor and strode toward the door, shoving an empty carton out of his way so hard it went airborne and bounced off the wall. “Let’s go.”

  I scurried to catch up with him. “It’s family, Jack. It’s not like some random strangers are interfering in my life.”

  “Right.” Jaw set like stone. “Two grown women sitting there totally helpless until you show up to wave your magic wand.”

  “It isn’t like that.” I was speaking to his back.

  By the time I’d settled myself next to him in the car, I was feeling a little anger of my own. Who needed a friend who was too selfish to understand that you had to be there for your family, even it if it interfered with your own plans?

  Neither of us spoke on the way back to Mount Pleasant. Jack pushed the button to the radio. When some singer with a nasal voice started whining about love being the answer, I had to fight with myself to keep from hitting the off button. Love song. Hah!

  Jack skidded the car to a stop in my driveway, got out and opened my door and walked me to the porch. Then, without a word he stormed back to his car and left. I wanted to turn around to look, to wave and say that I’d call him, but I couldn’t do anything except stare at my front door until DeLorean yanked it open.

  Chapter Fourteen

  She stared at me as if she expected me to break out a magic wand and when I didn’t, she said, “What are you waiting for, Susan? Do something. Mama is about to have a cow, and I couldn’t deal with all the noise. This evening has gone off the stress charts, and I almost wish I was back with Baldwin. No, not really. I couldn’t handle any more of his putdowns. But still. I expected peace and quiet and a little sympathy at your house. God, I need meditation time, not a circus.”

  “Sorry I fell short in the peace and quiet department. Of course, I don’t have any stress of my own.”

  Ignoring my crack, she grabbed my shoulder and pulled me forward so hard I almost tripped over the doorsill. “I called that boy, Kenny, to take Brad for a walk because he wouldn’t stop barking—Brad, not Kenny. The Chihuahuas finally shut up after I gave them some leftover ham, and Cole is napping, though that won’t last. You have to see to Mama because I simply can’t get any sense out of her and I have had it up to here.” She put her hand about a foot over her head. I could see that her hair needed combing and there was a swath of yellow baby drool smeared across her left shoulder.

  I smiled insincerely. “Why don’t you make us a pot of tea while I get started soothing Mama?”

  Her eyes widened. I’d just given her the keys to unlock the serenity secrets of the galaxy. “Super. Yes, tea would be great. I knew you’d know exactly what to do.”

  She trotted off to the kitchen while I went into the family room and found Mama and her Chihuahuas. Tiny was so traumatized by the evening’s events that he didn’t even bother to shoot me a dirty look when I sat next to Mama and put my hand over hers. A second later I realized it wasn’t trauma, but a tummyache that troubled the little hellion. He suddenly dipped his head over the side of the couch and deposited a pink mess onto the rug. No doubt the ham DeLorean had bribed him with had done a number on his digestive system.

  Mama appeared faintly troubled. “Oh, dear. Susan, would you—“

  “I’m on it.” I gathered the Chihuahuas and put them on the porch, where they could vomit as much as they wanted, and I could hose away the mess later. I returned with a wad of paper towels and some carpet cleaner and took care of the rug. After I washed my hands about six times, I marched back to Mama. This time there would be no distractions.

  “What did Philip want? And don’t tell me he was here to see his long-lost daughter and his grandson. Something’s going on and I need to know about it if you expect me to help you.” I crossed my arms over my chest to let her know I wasn’t backing down this time.

  Mama sniffled and rubbed the end of her nose until it turned scarlet. DeLorean wasn’t kidding about her coming across like an allergy sufferer. Then she went quiet until I thought the ticking of the mantel clock was going to make me scream.

  DeLorean came in balancing the teapot and assorted cups and saucers on a tray. She’d managed to find time to smooth her hair and wipe the baby drool off her shoulder.

  I poured us each a cup and turned to Mama. “We’re going to sit here all night until you tell us. I can be stubborn, too, Mama.”

  “I did not ask for your help, but you seem to determined to interfere.” She lifted her chin. “It is none of your business, Susan. Or your sister’s. Or maybe it is. But since I am staying in your house, and Philip says I have until Wednesday evening and then he will be surely be back--well, I have decided to tell you every detail of his latest scheme to send me to an early grave.”

  “Let me guess,” DeLorean said. She was still hyperventilating. If the tea didn’t calm her, I’d probably have to give her a paper bag to breathe into. “He wants money. Just tell him no and be done with him. Honestly, Mama, he can’t force you to give him money.”

  “I’m afraid he can.” Mama worked her hands like she expected to be petting a Chihuahua. She frowned at her empty lap, and I wondered if she even remembered that the babies were on my porch purging themselves.

  A Mama-is-in-real-trouble gene suddenly kicked in and my heart started skittering in my chest. If my expression was anything like DeLorean’s, then anyone who saw us would offer us all tranquilizers or a stiff drink.

  “Suspense, Mama. Suspense.” I made come on motions with my free hand. “Do you owe him alimony or half your possessions or does he maybe have a video of you prancing around naked in front of Reverend Whitfield and he’s threatening to put it on the Internet?”

  My mother owing alimony to the world’s worst deadbeat former husband would be a real twist. But I was sure that if some mixed-up judge had issued such an order, we could find a lawyer to take her case and see that belated justice was done.

  “Susan, there is no need to be flippant. I would never prance naked or any other way with Reverend Whitfield, especially not with a camera trained on me. He is married, after all and I am a lady.” Mama stared over my head. A red flush spread across her face.

  “But alimony would most likely mean that there was once a marriage and now there is a divorce. I’m afraid that is not the case.”

  “No divorce?” DeLorean nearly tipped over the teapot. “You mean you and my father aren’t divorced? Why in the world would you stay married to someone like him? Mama, he may be my father, but he’s not a good husband. Get rid of him and move on.”

  “No, dear, that is not what I mean.”

  Wheels turned in my head. A thought formed on top of a pile of other thoughts, flattening the whole pile with its weight, and then I felt my eyes try to bug out of my head. DeLorean was a fraction of a second ahead of me.

&n
bsp; “You never married,” she said, speaking while I was still trying to formulate a coherent response.

  I bobbed my head up and down. Taking in that kind of news was like finding out the pope was Jewish. “Mama that’s impossible,” I added stupidly.

  DeLorean held out her hands and gazed at them, as though she’d just discovered her real identity. In a way, I supposed she had. “Why didn’t you tell me?” she wailed. “Is he even my father? Oh, God, the postman we used to have, that guy who looked like a fat frog with glasses and wore postman shorts a couple of sizes too small. He has hair the same color as mine. Tell me it isn’t him. Please, Mama.”

  Mama sent DeLorean the most withering look I’d ever seen. “I will expect an apology from you after you are done hearing me out, young lady.”

  DeLorean shifted in her chair so much I wondered if she’d sat on a pin. I braced myself for more hysterics, but she managed to get a grip. The need for answers apparently outweighed her need to emote.

  “I always intended to explain, to tell you girls the truth and yet the right time never arrived.” Mama sipped at her tea. She still avoided looking directly at DeLorean. Maybe she feared a death ray would shoot out of my sister’s eyes and nail her. By now, I was fearing the same thing.

  “How could you do this to me? Time doesn’t arrive, like a package at the door or something. You schedule time. Don’t you know anything, Mama?” DeLorean jumped to her feet and balled up her fists.

  She whirled and flounced out of the room like a little kid who’d been denied a treat. I turned back to my mother and raised an eyebrow. “I must say, I’m shocked.” Okay, I didn’t mean to turn one of Mama’s pet phrases on her. Shock made me do it.

  “I thought Philip and I were married, Susan. I really did. I mean, there was a ceremony, a cake. You remember, don’t you?” Mama pleaded.

  I’d gotten sick after eating three pieces of wedding cake. Mama and Philip had left for their weekend honeymoon in Savannah and I’d stayed with one of Mama’s church friends who’d spent the evening complaining about the mess I’d made. “Uh, yeah. I remember.”