The Wideness of the Sea

by Katie Curtis

She pulled away from the house and headed toward Marie’s. As she drove, she thought about what Abigail had said, and could feel herself slowly coming around to the idea of showing in Miami. She had avoided calling Genevieve back, although she did send her an email saying she was still thinking it over but that she needed more time. She was able to drop all thoughts of it when she walked in, however. Her sister’s house smelled delicious, like roasted meat and vegetables and balsamic vinegar. A small part of her wished she could talk it over with her father. He knew so much about the art world and would no doubt have a strong idea about what she should do. But that was exactly why she didn’t want to talk it over with him.

  She took off her boots and scarf and jacket. She heard little feet running toward her before she even caught a glimpse of Henry. “Auntie Anna!” he shouted. She had only been away two days but he looked bigger than before she left. “Hi there, Henry! How’s my sweet boy? Hi, Marie,” she said in the direction of her sister, who was stirring something on the stove, her hair in a knot on top of her head, her tunic and leggings making her look like she would fit right into a dinner party in New York.

  Anna picked Henry up under the arms and swung him around the kitchen. He giggled happily. “Did you bring me a ’prise?” he asked, his eyes shining brightly.

  Anna thought quickly and remembered she had a piece of chocolate left from the bag she had bought in her pocket. “I do! Do you have a kiss for me?” She pointed to her cheek, and the little boy patiently gave her a peck. She knew it was extortion, but it was worth it. She gave him the candy, showing him how to unwrap it, and tousled his hair. He had managed to put her in a great mood, despite her angst over her big decisions.

  It was just then that her father brought up her other one.

  “Hi there, Anna, how goes it?” he said as he walked in from the family room. He was in tan cords and a red-and-brown plaid cotton oxford. Like usual, he was impeccably groomed. Aunt Catherine followed him in the room, her bright blue scarf matching the color of her eyes. She was glad she could ask her about the house and the photo in person.

  “Did you get my message yesterday about the house?” her dad asked. “The O’Rourkes called me two days ago begging me to talk you into selling it to them. I had no idea what to say other than I’d pass the message along to you.”

  “I did. Thanks for letting me know, Dad,” Anna said. “Sorry I didn’t call you back. I—I just had a lot come up all at once. I am surprised they called you.” She walked to the counter and poured a glass of wine. “Seems a little soon after Uncle Charlie died, don’t you think? I’m not sure right now exactly what I should do.” Anna was quiet for a moment. She took a sip of wine. “Just for the record, do you all have any strong opinions about it? Would you like the house to stay in the family? What about you, Aunt Catherine? Marie? Do you have any sentimental attachment to it?”

  Marie answered with her characteristic diplomacy. “I think you should do what you want, Anna. Yes, it holds family memories, but if it’s not something you want to take on in your life, you should have the right to back out.”

  Catherine nodded. “The house is not going to bring Charlie back. You should do what you want, dear. Though we would love to have you close, that is for sure.”

  “Well, if you need a place to live, you should keep it. If you don’t, sell it,” her dad said with his usual directness. “But where will you ever find a view like that, hmm?”

  “Right, good point, Dad, though do I detect the fact that you don’t want to worry about me, and if I have a roof over my head?” Anna joked, trying to make the moment light, surprised that she was able to find the humor in it. Marie chuckled while she ground pepper into a pot of mashed potatoes.

  “Well, that is amazing. You understood me perfectly. My, that feels novel, to get through to you for once,” her dad replied, joining in the jovial tone. Something had changed in him, Anna sensed. He wasn’t as heavy as he usually was.

  “By the way, I think Raphael is going to come up for the gala. Looks like we can make it,” Anna said, sipping her wine, waiting to see how the news would hit her dad.

  “That’s great!” Marie said. “You can find a flapper outfit if you want. I can help you find a ‘20s style suit for him too.”

  “It will be great for you to be there,” her dad said, seeming stoic but pleased.

  “Oh, by the way Anna, Mike’s schedule for May was just put up and there are some Saturdays that he has free. Would you mind if I called Andrew and took him up on his offer to have Henry go out on the boat?” Her sister looked up at her, her eyes a mixture of guilt and hope. Anna could hardly blame her for asking a favor like that of Andrew. She knew Henry would love it.

  “No, of course not,” Anna said. Her face grew flush, though, thinking about him playing with her nephew for the day.

  “Do you want to go too?” Marie asked.

  Anna picked up a cucumber from Marie’s salad and munched on it nervously. “I’m not sure where I’ll be on the weekends, but I’ll think about it,” she said.

  Anna sighed as she realized she was no clearer on any of her dilemmas than she had been that morning. At least there was yummy food and delicious wine to enjoy tonight, and she and her dad had their first semi-pleasant exchange in years. The rest she would try to figure out in the morning.

  Anna remembered the other thing she wanted to ask her dad and Catherine about. “So, I was wondering about something and wanted to see if you could fill me in a little. When Marie and I were cleaning out Uncle Charlie’s house, we found a picture of you all with a younger girl in it. I never heard you talk about another sibling, so was it a cousin or something?”

  Aunt Catherine and her dad exchanged glances. “Yes, it was a younger sibling,” her aunt said quietly. “She died young.” Her tone indicated that she wasn’t willing to talk about it anymore.

  Her dad said nothing, but picked up his Scotch and finished it in one sip. “I think I’ll go check on Henry,” he said, walking toward the stairs.

  “Well, he didn’t say much,” Anna said to her sister and aunt when he had left.

  “It is a very difficult subject for him,” said Aunt Catherine.

  “Enough to keep it quiet for thirty years?” Marie asked.

  “Yes, I would imagine he would stay quiet for many more. It was Charlie who still talked about her. He was more open to sharing about her.”

  They all stood quietly, absorbing the news that seemed impossible.

  “So Uncle Charlie wasn’t the first sibling you lost,” Anna said, feeling a sympathy for her aunt.

  “No, he’s not,” she said, dabbing the corner of her eye with a napkin. She walked into the dining room and sat down at the table. They didn’t ask her any more.

  “Why don’t we all sit down at the table,” Marie called out.

  “Yes, great idea,” Anna seconded, and grabbed the wine she had brought and set it down.

  They tried to change the topic, and talked about the gala, and Sarah and Phillip, and how Uncle Joe would be retiring from his post at the Lobster Co-op. They might throw him a surprise party next month. Anna wondered where she would be next month. She didn’t have the faintest idea if she would be ready to leave Maine yet. They also filled Anna in on how large the Foundation had gotten. There were over 50 students who came up every summer, and had two weeks with some of the same art teachers who had taught Anna. She was heartwarmed to think of the opportunity for those kids. She thought of Miranda. She should get in touch with her, see how the high school decision was sitting with her mom.

  It was so good to be around her sister’s table, with her dad and her aunt and uncle. It was healing after the intense few weeks they all had to have nothing more urgent than a bread basket to share.

  As Anna left her sister’s house that night, she turned to Marie and asked, “So that was illuminating, right? They clearly didn’t want to talk about the girl in the picture.”

  “I know, they shut down pretty fast, huh? I wonder if Dad
would share more sometime, if I got him alone. But on a lighter note, have you noticed that Dad seemed semi-pleasant tonight?”

  Anna nodded, holding her keys. “I know. I was going to ask you about that. He must be mellowing with age. Or lightening up since Charlie’s death, maybe? Something’s changed in him.”

  “Or maybe it is because you’re here for longer than a weekend,” Marie said.

  “Maybe,” said Anna, smiling at the idea that her dad was happy that she was around. “All I know is I like the feeling of being in the same room with him and not having to be ready to defend myself. It felt like the old days, when mom was alive.” She hugged her sister goodbye, and walked out the door, thinking that maybe Maine wouldn’t be so hard to visit after all.

  Chapter 14

  Raphael was on his way to Maine.

  He had sent Anna a text late Tuesday night. He bought the ticket and would be waiting in Portland at six p.m. Anna was excited and strangely nervous. She planned to eat with him at one of the great restaurants in the Old Port. He wouldn’t feel too far from the city with the amazing chefs and lively residents of Portland. The whole city had a cool, funky vibe. It was a good strategy to ease him into Maine. Plus she could catch up with him without all the confusion she had here.

  In the last week, Anna worked hard to finish the painting she was working on before Raphael got there. She’d had a few days of solitude to focus, and she took advantage of them. She loved the piece—it was one of her best, she felt. It was a landscape out her uncle’s window, and even though it had simple elements, she gave the sky and the pine trees an injection of her feelings about being back here. It felt vibrant and powerful.

  She managed to put Genevieve off, saying she needed more time to decide. Genevieve decided to spin this to the organizers of the show, saying her gallery would be there, and the new artist was trying to decide if she had enough for a show. If not, she would have other works to show from her gallery. “C’est vrai, ma chérie,” she said to Anna. “Though you know I want it to be you.”

  Anna changed into jeans and a black sweater. She realized she was out of clothes, and hoped that Raphael didn’t mind. She made a mental note to go shopping soon. In New York, she picked up pieces at the amazing boutiques or at Barneys on her way home, but here, she had been too busy, and her only choices were Maine tourist sweatshirts at Reny’s, the chain of discount stores beloved by all who traveled through Maine, or the overpriced knit sweaters at the boutiques in town.

  She borrowed the truck again, and drove the hour and twenty minutes to Portland, and stopped by their hip and trendy shops to grab a few outfits. She changed into one, watching her jeans and sweater fall to the floor, staring at herself in a gray A-line dress and bright tights she had pulled off the racks. Her ballet flats would do with this. She threw a big cozy scarf over the whole thing to ward off the chilly wind from the ocean, and drove to the airport.

  Not long after she pulled into arrivals, her phone rang.

  “Hey, sweetie, I am walking out now,” Raphael said.

  “Great, I’m right outside,” she said. “I’m in the large beat-up pickup truck.”

  “You’re in what?” He laughed. “A truck?”

  “You’re in Maine now, honey. The truck works.” She laughed back.

  She saw him walking toward her. His perfectly groomed soft brown hair, his olive skin, and his dark eyes. She knew girls turned their heads when he walked into a room. He wasn’t overly tall; at five feet eleven he was just a few inches taller than Anna. But he was very fit, and his muscular physique gave him the illusion of being bigger. He smiled when he saw her, and Anna smiled back, glad to see him, like laying eyes on a long-lost friend.

  They drove downtown, the skyline scattered with cranes, barges, and bridges under construction. They wove through the city streets to the Old Port, and could hear the seagulls crying out as Anna parked the truck on a cobblestone street. Anna self-consciously noted that the pedestrians all looked interesting, artistic. It was a good call to bring Raphael here first.

  In a red brick bistro in the Old Port, they settled into their table next to a warm fire and ordered their meals. They sipped an Argentinean red that Raphael had selected, which was, of course, delicious. The chef here had won a James Beard award, and they eagerly awaited their curried crab bisque and lamb meatball appetizer. After a lull in the small talk, Raphael asked, “So how was the funeral?” He held his glass at the bottom of the stem and looked at Anna.

  The question brought Anna back to a reality she had pushed away the last few weeks. “Depressing. Sad and cold. At least it was good to see my brother and my cousins,” Anna said. She felt like it had happened months ago. “How’s work?” she asked, trying to divert the subject away from the awful feeling in her chest that was by now familiar.

  “It is crazy as always. The European banks are a mess. They are scrambling to come up with money to pay for the debt facing Greece, but it’s like blood from a turnip. The Euro is looking like it was not the best proposition for many Europeans. Could’ve told you that years ago, but no one was listening to me.” Raphael’s eyes twinkled with enthusiasm, which made his accent more pronounced. “Anyway, everyone’s sitting on the sidelines until the uncertainty goes away. Once Europe decides on a plan, things will probably settle down. But until then, we are trading on commodities and currencies and getting by. Avoiding the bloodbath. But enough of that, how have you been here? Do they have electricity and running water yet?”

  Anna laughed at his joke, and noticed how interesting it was to be around the New York pace once again, the idea that the whole world revolves around where you stand. Anna hadn’t been around that intensity for a few weeks, so she noticed it more. She was reminded of his drive, focus, and intelligence, all things that drew her to Raphael. She just wondered if he would be able to melt into the Maine pace, to relax with her just a bit this weekend.

  She took a sip of wine and enjoyed sitting by the fire with him. She had missed him. Her face was warm and she smiled.

  “So how are the guys from work?” she asked.

  “They’re the usual. They swear you’re going to leave me and move here for good.” His eyes were suddenly serious, and pierced into hers. The waiter appeared, and set down their appetizers and refilled their wine. The glimmer of the fire danced on Anna’s glass, making the red liquid look like a jewel.

  “Should I be worried, Anna?” He was smiling, but his eyes were serious. “Is there something here that you want?”

  Even though his question was so open, Anna felt her heart pounding. Her mind flashed to Andrew’s eyes. She worked at keeping her expression even and met his gaze. “What do you mean, Raphael? You know why I’m here. What are you afraid of?”

  “Not afraid,” Raphael said. “Just confused. But I am here now. We’ll visit, you can show me the house, and we’ll spend some time with your family. It’ll be fun.”

  Anna smiled and put her hand in his. “I don’t know if I would call my dad fun, but my sister and her family, sure. Of course it will,” she said. “You’ll love it here.”

  After their ride up to New Harbor, she begged Raphael to go to Shaw’s Wharf with her for one beer, even though he said he was exhausted. Anna wanted to see him in her element, show him her Maine. “It’s my favorite bar. You have to go to someone’s favorite bar when you visit their hometown. Besides, tomorrow night we’re going to the gala, so this is your only chance.”

  She couldn’t wait to show him the harbor, and she had calculated that Liz bartended Saturdays, so if she wanted to fly under the radar with Raphael, they should go tonight. She thought about the possibility of Andrew being there, but he was tied up with exams. They pulled into the parking lot and Anna made him stand behind the painting of the giant clam with its face cut out, a photo op for tourists that would have a line next to it in a few more weeks. She laughed out loud while he stood sheepishly, his face resting in the circle cutout, the rest of him a painted blue and gray mollusk.
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br />   “You can show this to the guys at work when you get back!” Anna said, laughing as she pulled him up to the bar. She double-checked the bartender and didn’t recognize the older man with gray hair pulling the tap.

  “Oh, right, like they will ever let me live that down,” Raphael replied. He grabbed her hand as they stood waiting for their beer.

  Anna found two stools and made herself comfortable at the bar. He ran his fingers through her hair. “So this is where I grew up,” she said.

  “Your parents raised you in a bar? Wow, must have been some childhood,” Raphael said, grinning, his voice dripping with sarcasm. Anna slapped his arm. It was working; Raphael was relaxing with her.

  They ordered two Pemaquid Ales, again in plastic cups. Anna was glad to share the local brew with Raphael. “Cheers,” she said as she tapped his glass, beer spilling gratuitously down the sides. She took a sip, and then lifted up her eyes. There, sitting at a table at the edge of the dock, was Andrew. Their eyes met for an instant, and she knew that he had assessed the situation already. His expression was taut, not sad or angry but full of emotion. Oh Lord, she thought. Why did I come here? I am an idiot!

  Raphael didn’t seem to notice the expression on her face. “This beer is good,” he said. “It definitely tastes better next to the ocean.” He looked out at the harbor, the lights from the houses and docks glistening onto the water. The waves made the lights move constantly; it was easy to get hypnotized staring at them. The harbor bell called out, its low iron drum soothing.

  Anna sat frozen, wondering what she should do in this moment. She didn’t have to wait long. Raphael said he had to run to the bathroom, and while he was gone, Andrew got up to leave. He came over to Anna, who was sitting alone with empty seats on either side of her. His cheekbones were pulled tight, and Anna could see the restraint he was using. “Hi, Anna. Just wanted to say you two look great together.” He waved, then put his hands in his pockets and walked up the ramp to the parking lot.