by Blythe Stone
We'd have to see something, speak with someone who runs one of the current youth programs. Do more than just say hello.
“Someday. We’ll go one summer,” she said.
“One summer,” I repeated. My skepticism slipping underneath my hopes. A wave knocked us and I had to stand. My hand found hers and I took it. “Come on, you owe me pancakes,” I said.
If we stayed in longer I'd probably cause us both to get sick. We'd spend Christmas day sneezing and groggy and my mother would laugh at me.
“Okay, let’s go,” she agreed. “Food sounds amazing actually. I could eat a whole turkey.”
“I think they actually sell that,” I teased.
We walked out of the waves, sand fighting us, water trying to steal us back and keep us inside.
The wind was intense and the cold started to bite as soon as the water dropped below our waists. In my mouth was that salty aftertaste of the sea.
“Come on,” I laughed, starting to speed up.
The car had heat inside. We could be warm faster if we just fought the evil wind.
I jumped over some seaweed on the way to my dress and my keys.
Avery wandered behind me, definitely able to overtake me in speed should she wish to.
We slowed up the hill and I unlocked the doors even though mine was still resting open. I always kept a blanket in the trunk so I popped it and walked around to get it, choosing to sit on my back seat and dry off with the thick fluff barely wicking water from my legs.
“This is terrible,” I laughed.
“It'll get better,” Avery said, sticking her head through the open door.
I reached up and pulled her down on top of me, laughing. “Much better,” I smiled breathlessly.
“Told you,” she said.
She grinned, putting her hand on the seat and pushing me back.
“I can get you warm,” she offered.
“I do like when you do that,” I reminded, exhausted now from trying not to freeze.
I put my hand on her wrist and swallowed beneath her. In the moonlight her eyes were exceptional, they sparkled like magic. I forgot it was Christmas because it really didn’t need to be.
My mouth hung open a little. I had half the mind to say something but I stopped myself and just thought about her.
“What?”
“Nothing,” I said, shaking my head as my eyes traveled down to her lips.
I'd already told her she was beautiful. I always worried about saying it too little or too much.
The blanket had sandwiched between us and I internally longed for her skin.
“Okay, well, I think I know what you were thinking or an approximation of it so I'm going to kiss you- get dressed- and then take you to get food,” she outlined.
She followed through on the kiss and pushed herself back up when she’d finished. It was fleeting, too short to express more than affection.
I kind of liked it sometimes, when I knew she was saving me for later.
When she got up, I followed. And I was no longer concerned with how cold I was or how much I wanted pancakes.
Avery was mine. This perfect girl.
I put my dress back on and stripped myself of my wet underwear afterward.
Avery dressed and we drove through the night to the drive-thru that was oddly popular on a random holiday night. People sat outside at the awkward round tables and laughed too loud in their Santa hats. At least half of them were most definitely drunk. Some of them looked like they’d just come from a very rowdy party.
“Get us some nachos!” One of the drunk guys begged us.
“Don't do it. He's dumb,” a girl yelled back at us. “He's so stupid he doesn't remember he's full! Shut up Dev,” she growled at him more secretly. He was obviously embarrassing her.
“I'm not stupid. I'm starving!!!” The same guy whined.
“Don't mind him ladies. He just downed a full bottle of jager.”
“Right,” I said, trying not to watch them. This guy must’ve been the obvious spokesperson of the group. At least one of the girls was upset with him. I could tell by the way she sat and made sure to never meet his direction with her eyes. Her dress was short and she looked cold. This guy was still wearing his jacket.
“You don't believe me?” The- more serious- jacketed guy laughed.
“I believe you,” I muttered so that only Avery could here. The drive-thru was taking too long and I hadn't intended on being harassed the whole time.
“God you're pretty,” another guy said, walking up to the car window, which was down. He was talking to Avery. “We should hookup,” he said. “What are you doing right now? Do you like to party?”
I scoffed a laugh. I would never get used to sitting right next to Avery while she got hit on by everyone. I hated not having any control. Plus a situation like this made me think of what the old Avery might do. Could this have been her clan in the old days- her Christmas night? Not that these people were necessarily bad. They just obviously weren’t having much fun, minus the one extra drunk boy who wanted nachos like he wanted life.
The man near the window was a little bit older than us, good-looking and obviously drunk. He came up to Averys window and leaned onto my car obnoxiously. I knew she was about to be mean so I sat right beside her and waited. Even through the distance I could smell the alcohol on his tongue, definitely beer.
“Mmm, there’s two,” he said bending down and looking in on me. My face scrunched up in annoyance. The last thing either of us needed was an abusive drunk guy hitting on us who obviously thought he was god’s gift to the women of this planet.
“Are you always this much of an asshole?” I asked. From behind him all of his friends busted up laughing. Not subtle laughter, the kind of laughter that only comes from pure undiluted pleasure at what has been said.
“Listen, Bro,” Avery mocked, “We aren't interested.”
She moved her body so she was between us.
“Whoa-ho-ho,” the guy smiled and leaned in to look in on us again. “Feisty, I like it. Come on, you two have to be going somewhere after this. How about a bar, with us? Huh? I know I come off cocky but I’m really just drunk and bored. We all are. You probably are too.”
“I’m not bored,” I said.
The car in front of us moved up so it was our turn to make our way to the speaker and order our food.
Avery sat back and ignored the guy as we pulled forward.
“I can't believe this. Why does it happen everywhere we go?” She asked.
“Aw, it's my fault for picking the establishment,” I tried. Drunk people, late nights, and fast food. It all fit.
“Are you ready to order?”
“They'll have nachos,” the guy said sneaking up to the side of the speaker.
“No we will not,” I said loudly. “Chocolate chip pancakes please.”
“The side or the dinner?”
“Just the side with an iced coffee and some French fries and ranch dressing and, what are you getting sweetie?”
I'd leaned over her body to order, knowing if anything it would help to calm her down. The guy couldn't bother her if I was literally in her lap. I put my hands on her thigh nearest the door and made a point in being all over her.
The rogue drunk one finally got the hint and wandered back to his table but I could still hear him talking to his friends. They were making fun of his lack of game. I think he got that we weren't into it. I could get out and yell at him but apparently I was hot when I got mad.
“Now, I want nachos because of that asshole,” Avery muttered.
“Then get nachos,” I laughed, looking over at her adoringly. Our faces were way too close for public. My eyes stared down at her lips.
“I'll take nachos, extra jalapenos, and a side of blueberry pancakes,” Avery said, watching me.
“Oh my god, our orders are amazing,” I smiled.
The car in front of us moved and we got far enough away from the loud drunk group to have quiet.
“They certainly are,” I concurred. “I can't believe if I never met you I'd be out at some white table-clothed establishment right now possibly drunk on wine and rudely slurring my words to my parents just like that dumb guy.”
“Doubtful, you would have Nat to keep you company,” Avery replied.
“I dunno,” I muttered. “I was pretty self-destructive with her before you and something tells me Nat would've gotten tired of my shit. Rightfully so.”
I would've kept driving my train right into the dark. Till Nat tried everything and came out of it sick with me. No longer able to see any light.
“I'm glad we don't ever have to find out,” Avery said.
“Are you okay?” I asked, backing up a little until my ass was in my chair again and I could touch her hair and see her face.
“Yeah, I'm good. I don't like when people mess with us but I'm calming down and I am about to eat so all will be good,” she said.
“Want me to fuck him up?” I asked with a straight face.
She looked at me, lips pursed and eyes widened. Then she let out a breath. “I'm not sure if laughing at this juncture is going to insult you,” she ventured.
“So mean,” I sighed. I shook my head, moved off of her and sat up.
Our car had to move behind the building. Out my window was an abandoned lot.
“Hmm, and yet you love me,” she teased.
“Of course I do,” I said. “It’s unrelated. I was trying to cheer you up,” I laughed darkly. “Not get you to actually make fun of me.”
We finally rolled around to the side of the building near the window. It got dark and we were trapped together in the small space between two structures.
“I'm not making fun of you. I didn't mean anything by it,” Avery said.
I reached over in the dark and pulled her to kiss me.
It was maddening sometimes how much I loved her, not knowing exactly why just knowing that it was constant and stirring, all the time churning up.
I wanted her lips on my lips, her tongue on my tongue, her skin on my skin. Since that's what it took to remind me that I was so so very lucky.
She found my lips easily in the dark and kissed me in that hungry way she had sometimes. Time slowed and nothing mattered. Silence was everywhere but I listened to our sounds, our secret song.
“I love you so much,” I whispered huskily once she pulled away.
“I love you too,” she said.
She stayed close, putting her head on my shoulder.
“This is the best Christmas,” I laughed. A little emotional somehow.
“Agreed and it's only Christmas Eve. We still have Christmas day,” she said.
“I know,” I whispered, holding her.
A heard the scratchy noise. The old drive-thru speaker reflecting the voice of the man inside holding our food hostage for the time being.
“Oh,” I said, moving back so Avery could sit normally. She moved the car forward and I pulled some cash out to hand it over to her.
“Thanks,” I heard her say. After, she grabbed the food and carefully handed it over to me.
We got our change. Avery pulled the car past the drunk people who were still talking and laughing.
“You wanna go home and eat this or stop?” She asked.
“Home please. I like you out by the pool. And I want to listen to loud music.”
It was still pretty early, enough time to have our own Christmas party.
“Will you dance with me?” I asked.
“Always! I love dancing with you,” she said.
“Did you miss this? All this time alone with just me? Or does it drive you mad?
I don’t think I even had a chance to ask her yet. We’d been so busy doing Christmas things and fighting.
I missed this terribly. All the college classes, all the stupid papers, all the time without her. I hated the distance.
“I do miss it. Everything goes so fast when we’re at school. I got really busy this semester. I don’t want to do that again. Something has to be different,” she said.
“Our lives as they are- I don't know if we can help it,” I explained. Avery wanted to be the best swimmer in the world. You don't just become that by accident.
The food was warm on my lap. My cold thighs appreciated the fragrant heat pressed against them.
“Yeah, but I want to make sure we get more time together than we did this semester. Maybe we can take a class together,” she suggested.
“I'd rather be with you outside of a class,” I reminded. “But you're right, I guess.”
I looked out at the empty road.
“Sometimes I think I can't ever get enough of you,” I explained, heart heavy. “I didn't realize how accidentally lucky we were a few months back when we had all that time. Eventhough it was stressful. That luxury then. To wake up with you and have full days…”
I'd make myself cry if I remembered too much.
“Are you unhappy?” She asked.
I looked over at her, scared. “I miss you,” I said, so full with it I ached.
There were times at night where I was lonely and I felt mean for being this way.
“I miss you too. What can I do to make it better? Should I quit?” She asked.
“Baby, What? No,” I said, even sadder now. “Please, no. I want you to have the things you want. Fuck… I'm sorry,” I said, chin quivering now.
We were pulling into my drive past the open gate. It made me feel sick to want to steal all of her. It wasn't right or nice or healthy.
“I'm sorry,” I said again, looking down at the food in my lap and noticing the plastic denting where my few secret tears were dropping ontop of it now.
“I didn't mean to make you cry. I just want us to be good. You’re way more important to me than… anything,” she said.
Avery reached over and rubbed a tear away from my cheek with her thumb.
“I’d give up everything,” she said.
“I want you to have everything too,” I reminded, looking over at her. “I mean it. I think there might be something wrong with me.”
“Baby, we’ll make it work. I promise,” she said.
I didn't want to tell her what I was thinking. That I was ruined for people, doomed from the start. What I wanted was her constant attention; I was eternally love-starved. Vivi probably had a lot to say about it that she’d been purposefully holding back under the guise of being nice.
“I’m gonna be messy and eat these pancakes in the hot tub,” I said, changing the subject. “I just have to put on a suit first. Incase Nat and Layla decide to climb down from their tower. Or should I be smart and eat first, in the house, like a normal person? Maybe we should just watch a documentary,” I laughed. “God, I’m a mess. I’m so sorry Avery.”
I rolled my eyes at myself as she parked the car. The second we were stopped I moved to get up and go inside the guest house.
“No apologizing, we’re going to go put on suits and eat like heathens in the hot tub,” she said.
I stopped and stared at her a moment. My lips twitched into a loving smirk. “I kinda wanna fuck you up a little,” I laughed all emotional. “How is it we go to the beach and swim in the night and you come out of that water looking even more beautiful?”
“I have no idea but I’m glad because I love it when you get like that.” She leaned over and got close enough that I could feel the heat from her skin. “Will you fuck me later, baby?”
“What do you think,” I said, happy she'd ask. Trying to hide my amusement from her was a fulltime job. Every word that she uttered tended to please me in some way. My heart beat quicker and I suddenly became hungry again.
“Come on,” I said. Needing to be comfortable and fed.
The night was young and we didn't have to think about January now. We could be together, have our several perfect days. We could shoo-off strangers and match-make our friends. Joyride with Brian and Jacob. Get the
best coffee where my nemesis Skylar lingered nearby.
Being back, I loved doing all of these things. Having memories that weren't tainted at all, it was also a luxury. Normalcy, for Avery and for me.
When we got in the house I dropped the huge bag of food down on the coffee table, throwing my dress off and finding my favorite black two-piece to hurry it on.