With the Band (With the Band #1)

by Natasha Preston

  Gripping the tops of her arms, I remove her from me and smirk. “I’m all for you ravaging me, but let’s get down to the good stuff first. Clothes off.”

  Just do it. You’ll feel much better after.

  No, you won’t.

  You’re hurting Texas.

  Fuck.

  I rear back, and the blonde looks confused.

  I can’t do this when I’m hurting the girl I care about. “Sorry, you need to go.”

  “What?”

  “You heard me. I can’t do this right now. I’m sorry. Do you need me to call you a taxi?”

  She scoffs and wrenches my door open. “You’re a fool.”

  Don’t I fucking know it?

  I wince as she slams my door so hard that the painting on the wall almost drops. I turn and jam my fist into the wall. Thankfully, I don’t put a hole in it.

  What the fuck? I should go to Tex’s room right now and tell her to stop whatever she’s fucking doing to me.

  But that’ll make things worse because then she’ll know I can’t stop thinking about her.

  So, I opt for whiskey. Lots and lots of whiskey.

  SATURDAY, MAY 9

  PARIS, FRANCE

  In the morning, I head to Cooper’s suite because he’s ordered everything on the room service menu, and I’m starving. Milo and Texas are already here. I still feel like absolute shit, and I’ve had a few hours of sleep.

  My head is banging so I head straight for water and to find something to kick this headache.

  “Morning,” Texas says loudly. She smiles, like she knows I’m suffering.

  Wincing, I hold my hand up. “Shh.”

  “What’s wrong?” Her voice is no quieter than before.

  She’s enjoying this, and she should. I’m an arsehole.

  “Tex, please. I think I drank too much.”

  I definitely drank too much.

  “Your after-the-after-party activities probably didn’t help either.” Her voice is full of accusation, and although she’s being nicer than I deserve, her eyes are cold and distant.

  “No, but that was a lot more fun than drinking.”

  Don’t tell her that. Tell her you sent the girl packing.

  “Whatever,” she mutters. She turns away, grabbing her coffee.

  I swallow regret.

  “Can you break your dick?” Coop asks.

  All eyes are suddenly on him.

  I look to Milo and Texas, but neither looks like they’re even going to attempt this one.

  “I’m sorry. Can you, what?” I ask.

  “Your dick. Can you break it?”

  “Are you asking me to?”

  “No, tosspot. This girl was rough the other night, and I’m a fan of rough, but fuck knows what she did. It doesn’t feel right.”

  “Oh my God!” Texas snaps. “We’re eating here, Coop! If your little slut broke you, go to a doctor. Or better still, why don’t you all show some fucking restraint? You don’t have to sleep with everything!” She slams her coffee cup down and storms out.

  We all jump as the door bangs shut.

  “What just happened?” Milo asks.

  I happened.

  “Er, I don’t know, but I nominate Kitt to go find out,” Coop says.

  “Seconded,” Milo adds. “Good luck, Kitt.”

  “Why me?”

  Milo folds his arms over his chest, making it clear that he’s not going anywhere. “Because you two are closer.” He gives me a pointed look. “She talks to you more.”

  I give him the middle finger. “I’m not handling an emotional woman before coffee and food.”

  He gestures to the food laid out on the trolleys. “Then, get to eating.”

  After consuming bacon rolls, pastries, and cereal, I suddenly find myself in front of Tex’s suite. I knew I couldn’t put it off forever, but I did eat very slowly.

  I raise my hand and knock on her door. I can perform to thousands of people with barely a care in the world, but one girl has me nervous as hell.

  In the two years I’ve known her, our friendship has been easy. Now, I feel like I’m walking a tightrope. Blindfolded.

  She opens the door and bites the inside of her cheek. Her eyes look slightly to my side, like she can’t quite meet my eyes.

  “Hi,” I say.

  “Hi.”

  “Can I come in, Tex?”

  She doesn’t say anything, but she takes a step to the side. I’m not sure if I want to have this conversation or not. Today should be epic. We should all be on a high, and this is doing nothing but bringing me down.

  “Are you okay?” I ask when she closes the door behind us.

  “Yeah.” She sighs. “I’m sorry about before.”

  “What was that?”

  “Um, I don’t really know.”

  I give her a look. “Don’t lie to me, Texas.”

  I step closer, and her eyes widen. She looks like she wants to run. I’m not going to give her the opportunity to run from me. She backs up until she’s pressed against the door. There’s nowhere else for her to go.

  “I’m not,” she whispers.

  “You did it again. Don’t. Fucking. Lie.”

  Why the hell does her honesty mean so much to you? People lie about shit all the time.

  “I think you should go,” she says, straightening her back.

  I’m so close to her now that I can feel her rapid breath. She’s just inches away. Her body trembles, as if she’s afraid, but I know that she’s not.

  “I’m not leaving.” Why am I not leaving? Why can’t I just leave? “I don’t like it when things are like this, so let’s move past it. I’m tired of this shit.”

  “Fuck you,” she whispers.

  “Fuck me?” I lift my eyebrow. “Is that the problem, Tex?”

  I push my body against hers, and her mouth opens.

  I groan, and she closes her eyes.

  “Kitt, you can’t. What are you doing?”

  Good question. It’s one I don’t have an answer to because I usually know exactly what I want and what I need to do to get it. With her, I don’t have a clue. I don’t know what I’m thinking, what I’m doing, or what I want. She makes my fucking brain short-circuit. She takes away all logic and reason, and all that’s left is what my goddamn body wants.

  I step closer, and her body is flush with mine. She feels like heaven.

  Her eyes flutter open, and she breathes long and deep, like she’s trying to control herself. I clench my fists and grit my teeth so hard that they almost crack.

  If I sleep with her, there’s no going back, not even if it’ll help with all this sexual tension. The guilt will still be there. I’ll still know I betrayed Mark even if he never finds out.

  “What’s wrong? Finding it difficult to admit to yourself that you want me to fuck you?”

  Her expression falls, and she looks devastated.

  Fuck. I’ve hurt her. Again.

  She sucks in a breath, and her eyes fill with tears.

  I step back, like I’ve been shocked, and I shake my head. “I shouldn’t have…I’m sorry, Tex. I didn’t mean that. Shit, I don’t know what I’m doing here. I don’t know why we do this.”

  It’s more than that. We could never just shag.

  “You should leave.” Her voice is low and thick with emotion that she won’t allow herself to embrace in front of me.

  I should leave, but I don’t want to because I know she’s going to cry as soon as I do.

  “No.” I feel desperate. Everything inside me is screaming for me to fix this, to find some way of taking it back. “I can’t leave it like this.”

  “Fine. I forgive you. Now, please leave me alone.”

  That sounds more permanent than I can give her. A few hours, I can do, but she sounds like she wants me out of her life. Not only is that impossible in our current situation, but I’m not willing to even try. My life without her isn’t a life I want.

  I rub my forehead. “What is happening? What ar
e you doing to me?”

  Using my moment of confusion against me, she slips around me, and now, there’s a lot of distance between us.

  She’s stronger. Her back is straight, her head held high. “I’m not doing anything. I had a moment back there, and I apologised for it. Let’s blame estrogen.”

  “I don’t want to blame something that isn’t at fault.”

  “Then, blame me or yourself. Whatever, Kitt. I don’t really care anymore.”

  “Yes, you do!” I explode, shocking myself. “Oh my God, you’re frustrating.” Gripping my hair, I take deep breaths and pace. I don’t know if I want to kiss her or kill her.

  “You need to leave.”

  “You need to stop lying to me!”

  “Why? It doesn’t matter. I don’t have to tell you every little fucking detail. You don’t need to know everything about me.”

  “Yes, I fucking do!” I snap.

  What? No, you don’t. Friends can keep secrets. You don’t need to know everything.

  Yes, you do.

  Fuck.

  “I don’t know what you want from me,” she says.

  “Neither do I,” I whisper.

  Inside, I’m raging with myself. I hate not knowing what’s going on in my own head. I hate how much she can get to me. It shouldn’t be possible. Right now, I have everything going for me, and here I am, allowing a girl to get so deep inside my head that I don’t have the first idea how to get her out—or if I even want to.

  I feel like smashing something, then grabbing her, and burying myself so deep inside her that I’ll forget everything.

  “Okay. Then, can we leave this? I would really like for us to go back to normal now,” she says.

  “Until you ran out a few minutes ago, I wasn’t aware that we weren’t.” I’m lying now.

  She folds her arms. “Really, Kitt? When I’m telling you I want things to be okay between us, you come back with that?”

  “Sorry.” I hold my hands up. “I’m sorry, okay? I don’t know why I’m being a dick.”

  “Have you eaten?”

  “Yes,” I reply.

  “Then, I don’t know why either.”

  Lie.

  We both know. Deep down, we both fucking know.

  “I know that I need some space though…” She lifts her eyebrow and looks at the door, giving me my cue.

  Leaving feels wrong even though I’ve done a bang-up job of screwing this up.

  “Right. I’ll see you later?”

  “Sure,” she replies, not committing to anything.

  If she had any intention of seeing me again today, she would be a little more enthusiastic, so I don’t expect anything.

  She won’t have a choice tomorrow. She’s accompanying us to some bullshit chat show we have to do. I get that we have to do all these appearances, but I’d honestly rather just play music.

  “Okay. See you later,” I say as I turn around. My hand hovers over the handle.

  This is so wrong. I don’t want to leave her. There is so much I want to say, but I don’t have any clue what or in which order. I don’t know what any of it means.

  She doesn’t reply, so I walk out, having no idea if I’ve screwed things up permanently or if I can fix this.

  TEXAS

  SATURDAY, MAY 9

  PARIS, FRANCE

  I’m in the green room, waiting for Filthy Sound to appear on a chat show here in Paris.

  Last night and this morning was horrible, and I’m done.

  So, I’m sitting here, pretending I’m not completely focused on Kitt.

  Milo is distracted on his phone, so I’m chatting with Cooper—or I’m pretending to. It hurts to watch Kitt, but I can’t stop looking. It’s like witnessing a car crash. Only, I feel like the car is going to plough into me.

  “These things are piss boring,” Coop complains.

  “Piss boring?”

  Lazily shrugging one shoulder, he adds, “Why do we have to do it at all?”

  “Er, to promote the tour.”

  “It’s already sold out, Texas!”

  “So, talk more about the album, Coop. You’re not a complete rookie anymore.”

  “I feel like it. All I want to do is play music and get my end away.”

  Charming. I really wish there were female members in Enigma or Filthy Sound. Being the only one is tough.

  Coop grins at my expression. “This isn’t news to you.”

  “No, it’s not. I think I’d enjoy it more if one of you were a gentleman rather that sex mad animals.”

  “Kitt’s the closest. Go sit with him.”

  Yeah, fucking right! I’d rather stick needles up my nails and rub bleach in my eyes than talk to him at the minute. And that man is no gentleman.

  “No, thanks. I’m happy here.”

  “Oh, Texy, he’ll ditch that chick to chill with you.”

  He makes a face, and I turn my nose up.

  “So not what I mean.” Lie. It is, but I don’t want anyone to know Kitt’s flirting with other women bothers me. I don’t want to have feelings for him. I’m working on getting rid of them. Only, I don’t know how to do that.

  The girl Kitt is talking to laughs.

  I know her name, but I don’t wish to acknowledge it, so I’m going to refer to her as Slut Y because that’s about where we are on the alphabet. Kitt has slept with way more women than that, but I’ve not had to endure all of them.

  Turning my head, I make sure I can’t see them at all.

  It’s fine. You’ll be fine. You’ve been through this many times. You’re a seasoned pro.

  But just because I’ve done this time and time again doesn’t mean it hurts any less. As soon as I’m over him, the better. He makes me feel weak, and I hate that so much. My dad brought me up to take on the world while giving it the middle finger, and one guy can bring me down.

  What the hell is up with that?

  Cooper kicks his feet up onto the coffee table and grabs a handful of chocolates. He lies back and shoves them in his face, having no idea about my inner struggle, not that he would.

  I’ve not exactly told anyone about how much I like Kitt.

  Except for Peyton. I miss her now more than ever.

  Behind me, Slut Y laughs.

  Because I can’t see them, I’m imagining what’s happening, and I don’t know what’s worse.

  Just keep smiling, and keep breathing. You’ll be out of here before you know it.

  I need to put some distance between me and Kitt because this isn’t healthy for either of us. I constantly feel like my stomach is in knots, and I’m exhausted—physically, mentally and emotionally.

  If I could have any wish right now, I’d wish to be completely over Kitt.

  Actually, that’s a lie. It would be for him to want me as much as I want him.

  This. Sucks.

  Filthy Sound is called out. They won’t need luck. The show will. Cooper is kind of a loose cannon, and when they’re all together, they’re not easy to control.

  “Don’t swear, Coop!” I remind him.

  “Don’t try to change me, baby!” he shouts over his shoulder, raising his arm in the air.

  Kitt swings his arm out and slaps his stomach. Then, the door closes behind them, and I breathe a sigh of relief.

  I’m left with Ted, Slut Y, and her security team. I have Ted with me, and she has five bodyguards. Five.

  How incompetent are the first four?

  Whatever. It doesn’t bother me.

  “Are you enjoying the tour, Texas?” she asks.

  Perfect. She knows who I am.

  “Yep. Congrats on the movie, by the way.”

  It’s recently been announced that she’s a lead in something I no longer want to see.

  “Thank you,” she replies.

  Ugh, she’s even sincere. Why can’t she be bitchy, so I can hate her?

  Oh God, I’m the bitchy one.

  Fuck you, Kitt Daniels.

  She’s not doing anything wr
ong. She doesn’t know what’s been happening between me and Kitt.

  I put on a smile and engage in conversation. “So, are you coming to one of the shows?”

  “I think I might have to now!”

  Slut.

  “Yeah, that’d be great. I’m sure the guys will love to see you there.”

  Kitt will. Obviously. Because he’s incapable of keeping it in his pants, and he sleeps with everyone who isn’t me.

  She flicks her shiny rusty-red hair over her shoulder. “I hope so. There any gossip you can tell me about him?”

  Herpes. That’s all you’ve got to say to make this problem go away.

  “Well…” I pause, weighing up my options. “Um…”

  She purses her lips as she waits. Lips that will be on Kitt later.

  “He has herpes.”

  All right, I never claimed the high road was for me.

  Her mouth pops open, making a gross smacking sound.

  Oh, shit, I can’t actually do this. Kitt does not need that rumour floating around.

  I make myself laugh. “I’m kidding!”

  “Oh God! I thought you were serious. I should’ve known. You’ve got quite the rep for being funny and playing jokes.”

  Hurry up, guys, I want to leave.

  Standing up, I give her a fleeting smile. “I need the bathroom. Please excuse me.”

  “Of course.” She turns to talk to one of her security guys, who looks like Johnny Bravo with his massive blond quiff.

  As soon as I’m in the corridor, Ted is right beside me, watching me as I walk. I really hope he bumps into something.

  “If you keep staring at me like that, I’m going to fire you.”

  “You can’t fire me. You didn’t hire me.”

  I grit my teeth. “I fixed it, Teddy. You saw that, too, right?”

  “Oh, I saw it all.”

  “I hate you.”

  “I’ll be right outside.”

  Gripping the door, I turn to him. “Oh, don’t worry. I’m never coming out again.”

  I hear him laugh as I go inside the bathroom. Wanker. This isn’t funny.

  Nothing about me and Kitt seems very funny anymore. I miss that.

  After the interview, which I hid in the bathroom for most of, we head back to the hotel to prepare for the show tonight, which will involve beer and food. For me, it’s going to be drinking my body weight in alcohol, so I won’t think about Kitt or what he and Miss Movie Star Slut Y will be up to later.