I curl my hand around my phone and look away.
Bellend.
“Want that drumming lesson now, Tex?” Milo asks. His eyes are wide and speak more than his words. He’s asking me to go with him to talk because he knows more, and he’s worried about me and Kitt.
I’ve got nothing better to do. “Yeah, but we have nowhere to play.”
“First, you learn about the drums, and then you learn how to play them.”
I salute. “Yes, sensei.”
Milo and I walk upstairs to his room, and no one even looks up, not even Kitt. He’s far too involved in whatever he’s writing. My apology letter, I hope.
Milo is ahead of me and strides into his room with purpose. As soon as I’m in, he shuts the door and sits on the end of his bed. There is hardly any room in here, but we fit on the bed.
“Kitt can be a patient person. But he’s different with you. I know he’s acting like a dick right now, but cut him some slack. He’s just trying to work his way through this.”
“I don’t get him, Milo. He says he’s in, and then he won’t even acknowledge me.”
“He told me he’s been finding it increasingly difficult to pretend like nothing’s going on. Kitt is crazy about you, and he hates that he has to hide it.”
“I’m not exactly doing a happy dance over here either. But I thought we were in this together.”
“We are.” Kitt’s voice cuts through the room like razor blades against my skin. He grips the door handle, like he’ll fall without it.
“It doesn’t feel like it. Where were you last night? Where have you been today? I can count on one hand the amount of times you’ve looked at me since yesterday.”
“Cooper’s calling me,” Milo says, leaping off the bed and pushing past Kitt.
I want to be able to leave, too.
“Talk to me, Kitt.”
Groaning, he roughly rubs his hand over his face. “There’s nothing to say. Remember when you needed space? Well, this is me needing the same thing.”
“I also remember you chasing me.”
“And I also remember you telling me not to next time.”
“Oh my God, you’re so frustrating!” I snap, shoving myself to my feet.
“And you’re not? I love you, Texas. I don’t have the first fucking idea how to handle everything you make me feel. Couple that with the fact that this is secretive, and I’m lying to the man who opened the door to my dream…”
“Yeah, my dad. Think lying to him is easier for me? Really?”
“I’m not saying that. Jesus. Talking to you is like—”
I hold my hand up. “Oh, don’t finish that sentence. Come talk to me when you’re done being a twat.”
He moves to the side as I storm out. It wasn’t that long ago he would have followed me.
What’s happening to him?
This feels like the end. Dramatic, I know, but he’s never pulled away from me.
In the five fucking minutes you’ve been together…take a look at yourself!
I’m an idiot. That’s never been in question. God, I don’t know how to handle this with him either. I feel like I’m treading on thin ice sometimes, too. As incredible as this feels, it’s not been easy.
I spend the rest of the day sulking.
The guys go off to the show, and I stay behind—well, sort of. We’re parked outside, and Ted is here.
“You look miserable,” he says, stating the bloody obvious.
“This is quiet time, Ted.”
Laughing, he raises his palms and kicks back, watching the football match on TV. I’m not in the mood for anything, and I don’t want to end up snapping at him, so it’s best to do our own thing tonight, and hopefully, tomorrow will be better.
Can’t get much worse.
Unless Kitt ends things.
Great, think about that.
I wrap my arms around my stomach and curl on the sofa. He won’t do that. We’re a forever deal, but things are so shitty right now. One minute, we’re happy, and the next…
How do we get out of this back-and-forth habit?
Chill. It’s because your emotions are all over the place, and the situation is less than ideal.
But will that ever change?
Kitt makes me feel every emotion times a zillion. Can being out in the open magically fix that?
After two hours, Ted is falling asleep. His closely shaved head bobs, and then his eyes flick back open. He’s trying to keep himself awake but failing miserably.
“Ted, go to sleep.”
He rubs his eyes. “I’m okay. I’ll make coffee.”
“The door is locked, and no one can get around here, other than the guys. It’s fine. You’ve slept when we’ve been alone before.”
He gives me a long look that isn’t about safety.
I sigh. “I’m okay, I promise. You can go to bed. I won’t fall apart. Things will be okay.”
“Are you sure, Texas?”
“Totally. Good night.”
He gives me a smile and a nod, and then he disappears upstairs.
I bet I hear him snoring in under a minute.
I turn the after-football chat off because, no, and I blast through the channels without properly looking at what’s on. TV is a distraction and one that won’t work anyway. I turn it off, and I’m cloaked in darkness. The under-unit lights in the small kitchen area is all that will stop me from bumping into things when I get up.
The dark silence is oddly settling. At a time when everything is bright and busy, it’s nice to sit still. Of course, sitting still means overthinking and obsessing, so I decide to call it a night. I stand up when I hear a noise, and it’s not the soft snoring drifting down from Ted’s room above. It’s outside.
With my heart pounding in my chest, I clench my fists. It has to be one of the guys. They were all going to the after-party because a friend of Dad’s band is throwing it, but one of them must be here now.
I hope.
Unless it’s a stalker.
Okay, you’re ridiculous. You don’t have a stalker!
The lock clicks open, and I breathe a sigh of relief. Whoever it is has a key. The door swings open, and Kitt stares up at me. His eyes are blazing. I’ve never seen anyone so pissed off before.
“What?”
He growls and turns around, tugging at his hair.
He’s leaving? Um, no. I dash down the steps, off the bus and grip his arm.
“Texas!”
“What are you doing?”
Spinning around, he pins me to the spot with his hungry eyes.
Well, bugger.
“You know I’ve handled everything life throws at me with dignity and grace, including coming to terms with growing up without my parents. What I can’t fucking do is handle you.”
“You don’t need to handle me. I’m not your bloody pet!”
“Don’t I fucking know it,” he hisses.
“You can be a real arsehole sometimes, Kitt, and I’ve had enough.”
“You’re walking away from me?”
Throwing my hands up, I reply, “Yes!”
“Why?”
“Come on, Kitt, you’re not that stupid!”
“I don’t speak crazy, woman.”
“Crazy?”
Lifting an eyebrow, he replies, “Do you think you’re being reasonable right now?”
“Do you want a slap?” I snap.
How am I the unreasonable one here?
“What the fuck do you want from me, Tex?”
How is that not obvious by now?
“Nothing,” I reply.
“Bullshit!”
“What do you want from me, Kitt?”
His jaw flexes, and the muscles in his forearms bunch as he clenches his fist. He won’t hit me. I know that much. He’s angry though. Or frustrated. Or both.
He flies forward, knocking me back against the bus. My head hits the side with a thud as his lips slam down on mine.
He grips the hem of my
top and rips it over my head. I’ve lost all logic thought, and I do the same, ridding him of his T-shirt. I feel like a wild animal. My mind narrows until all I can see is him, and all I want is to feel him inside me. He fumbles with the button of my jean shorts, and they soon land at my feet.
“Kitt, I can’t wait.” I’m desperate. My body is humming, greedy for the epic release I know he’ll give me.
“That’s the hottest thing you’ve ever said,” he rasps, shoving his jeans to the floor. No boxers.
He steals my breath in a frantic kiss, and he pushes inside me. I cry into his mouth as he fills me completely.
Kitt grips my legs and lifts them up. I wrap my arms and legs around him and fuck his mouth the way he’s slamming into me.
I’m loud and free, not caring if we’re heard or caught. All that matters is each other and this moment.
Kitt grunts, angling me back, and I dig my nails into his neck.
Holy…
He’s deeper. This new position is everything.
Oh, fucky fuck!
“Kitt, oh my God. I need more. I need…”
He seals his mouth over mine, drowning out my pleas and moans, and drives into me hard and wild. My orgasm slams into me, causing my body to shake, as I clench around him. He groans into the kiss, pumping harder, while he empties inside me.
His kiss slows until he pulls away, panting. Pressing his forehead to mine, he smirks. “So…that’s what I want from you, Texas.”
“Sex?” I ask. I want more than that.
He tilts his head against mine. “That was just sex to you?”
“No,” I breathe. “That was everything.”
“Exactly.” He pulls out and helps me to get dressed. Quickly tugging on his T-shirt and pulling up his jeans, he chuckles.
I take a sweep of the area. It’s dark, and no one is around. Thank God. Shit. My face heats. We could’ve been caught.
Kitt wraps me in his arms and holds me close. Suddenly, I can’t remember why I cared about being caught.
“Let’s get inside. It’s getting cooler out here.”
It’s only when he mentions it that I realise I have goose bumps. Shorts were a bad idea. I’m even colder when Kitt moves away from me to open the door to the bus.
“Get in, you,” he says with a cute subdued and lopsided smile.
When it’s like this, I love it. I want to tell everyone, including my dad, because we fit together so well.
“Hey, do you think if the pressure of this being a secret wasn’t there, we’d get along like this all the time?” I ask.
He closes the door behind himself and snorts. “Probably not.”
I turn and cross my arms. “What? Why do you think that?”
“Experience.”
“Meaning?”
Walking up the steps in one leap, he cocks his eyebrow. “I’m kidding, sweetheart. Are you ready for that? Really ready for your dad to know about us?” There’s an unspoken, Because I am, there, too.
I want to say yes because I’m crazy about him, but I don’t think I’m ready for all the questions and not being able to get any alone time with him.
“No,” I say quietly. “I’m sorry, but I’m not ready.”
“I’m sorry, too.”
“It’s not your fault. I’m your dirty secret, so we’ve got to keep quiet.” I go for humour, but neither of us finds it funny.
“Don’t. That’s not what you are to me. We both know this industry, and everything will change when people know. Your dad has spent his whole life trying to shield you from as much of the paparazzi shit as possible, and that will end the second we’re public.”
I think I just fell in love with him even more.
“Look, I want more right now, and as much as it pains me to keep us hidden, I know, logically, it’s best for now,” he says.
“I hate being your secret.”
“All I’m trying to do is what’s best for you, Tex.”
“You’re what’s best for me,” I reply.
“I know,” he whispers. “That’s why I can never let you go.”
Yep, definitely just fell in love with him even more.
“Promise me, you won’t ever let me go.”
He bends his head to look in my eyes. I feel like I’m falling.
“I promise you,” he says.
And I believe him. It makes me feel a whole lot better about what’s to come.
My life isn’t very private at the minute, but I know that will get a whole lot worse when the whole world knows that Kitt is mine. I like that I can go out, depending on where I go, and not be hassled. Kitt can’t do that.
We fall into my bed, and I curl into him.
He kisses the top of my head. “I want everyone to know how I feel about you, Tex. I want every guy to know that you’re off the market, and I want every one of my fans to know that there’s no chance of me shagging them. It happens at every after-party, Texas. Do you know how uncomfortable it is to have women hitting on me?”
I deadpan. Like I haven’t been through the discomfort and downright pain of having to watch him with other women. And most of them, he took back to his room. So, yes, I’m somewhat fucking familiar with that feeling.
“Er, yes! Have you forgotten how freely you shared your man parts with everyone? And if you think women will stop making a move because you’re taken, you are very mistaken, Kitt.”
“This is heading somewhere neither of us wants it to, so let’s move on. I want you and no one else. I want to be able to tell a person exactly why I’m not going to share my man parts with them.”
“Didn’t mean to get off track there. I’m sorry. I’m just saying that, even after we’re out in the open, things are still going to happen. We’re going to be followed more closely, our relationship is going to be under the microscope, we’re going to be judged on whether or not we’re deserving, and people are going to make things up if there’s no new gossip.”
He shrugs his shoulder, as if none of it matters, as if it will all be easy and we won’t soon learn new things about our relationship every time we open a newspaper or click on the Internet.
I’ve had it my whole life. I’ve read things that I supposedly have done a million times over, and although I can laugh it off, it’s different when people are making things up about someone you love. I detest the stuff written about my dad.
I’m not looking forward to Kitt being accused of cheating when he poses for a picture with a fan or people deeming me unworthy of him because I’m only a somebody, thanks to my parents.
Stop it. He chose you, and his opinion is the only one that counts.
“Three weeks, Tex.”
“I can’t wait to officially own you,” I say, giving him a sly smile.
He cocks an eyebrow. “I would argue that, but I can’t. You do own me, same as I own you. And it works out in my favour because you are minted.”
“You’re not doing too badly yourself now, you know.”
“Yeah, I know.” He looks like he’s still having a hard time with accepting his wealth. Growing up, he didn’t have much. His grandparents earned a decent amount, but they weren’t even in a position where they could wall made of gold.
Kitt still struggles with his new wealth.
He’s so sweet. The first thing he did when he signed with the label was pay his grandparents’ mortgage off, so they owned their home. It was his way of thanking them for putting his needs before their own. They’d only had a small mortgage because they’d borrowed extra to extend the house and make room for a growing boy.
“You deserve it,” I say.
He responds by kissing me until we’re breathless.
KITT
FRIDAY, MAY 29
COPENHAGEN, DENMARK
“We have a huge problem!” Milo says.
Tex and I look up from her bed.
“Don’t worry about knocking, mate.”
“You have a sex tape!”
Texas bolts upright. “We
have a, what?” Her voice is about a hundred octaves higher than usual.
“Sex. Tape,” Milo repeats, as if she didn’t hear.
She heard. And so did I.
I sit up because I cannot have this fucking conversation lying down. “We don’t have a sex tape.”
“Poland. Bus. Ring any horny bells?”
“What? But we…oh.” I snap my jaw shut. Yeah, CCTV outside the venue.
Texas is whiter than Casper. “Oh-my-God,” she mutters in one breath.
“Now, good news is, I’ve watched it, and—”
“You, what?” Tex’s voice is back up there.
I wince.
“Milo, what the hell is wrong with you? You’re like a bloody brother. It’s completely unacceptable of you to watch something like—”
“Texas,” Milo says, leaning forward, “take a bloody breath. You can barely see anything on the tape. It looks like arguing, which was hot, and then Kitt kisses you, and you disappear from sight.”
Her eyes flick up to the ceiling. “Oh, thank you. But it was obvious that…”
“That he was balls deep in you? Yeah, babycakes, it was.”
She turns her nose up at his colourful choice of words.
I give him the middle finger. “Cheers, mate.”
“My dad is going to freak. Kitt, we have to tell him now. He can’t find out like that. Oh my God, he’s going to kill us both.”
Grabbing her hand, I squeeze to offer her some comfort. “Way to stay calm, Tex.”
She grips her fingers around my hand like a vise. “Why are you calm?”
Inside, I’m not. I feel sick, and my stomach has bottomed out. “We can’t change it, so all we can do now is limit the damage. You’ve told him you have feelings for me, so we’ll tell him now that we’re together.”
“And the tape?” Milo asks.
Sighing, I look up at the ceiling. How could I have been so stupid?
“We’ll have to tell him that, too.”
“Why is it even common knowledge?”
“There was an incident that night. A girl was mugged, so the CCTV was examined. Ted and Hank were with security reviewing the tape.”
“So, my dad won’t find out then?”
“He’s in there now to review the tapes and see if he recognises anyone.”
With the Band (With the Band #1) Page 23