My Name Is River Blue

by Noah James Adams

  "Papa, I'd love to help out, and I agree I should sleep in the house. I need to run home for a few things, and when I get back, you can tell me what you need. This cheerleader knows how to cook and clean, and I'm willing to do any chores you give me. Also, just so you know, I took courses last summer to be certified in first aid and CPR."

  Papa and I were both impressed with Carlee's attitude. I was proud that she was doing her best to become a capable young woman.

  "Carlee, that's great," said Papa. "Thank you. See me when you come back, and I'll get you started."

  Carlee gave me a kiss and a brief hug before she left. The past week had been emotionally draining, and Carlee was exactly what I needed. She made me happy, and I was looking forward to camping with her after the boys were gone.

  ***

  By the morning that all the campers left, Papa and the coaches were satisfied that the summer football camp was a success. The junior high boys had improved their skills, established relationships with coaches, formed new friendships, and strengthened old ones. Most of them enjoyed the week more than they would have an expensive summer camp or a family vacation geared more towards their parents' ideas of fun.

  On the campers' last night at the farm, Papa and the coaches polled the boys to hear their opinions on what they learned and how the staff could improve future camps. The boys were enthusiastic, gave very little negative feedback, and were complimentary to all of the coaches and high school players.

  I enjoyed working with the boys in my group, who were hoping to play quarterback or receiver, and according to Coach Haney, I did a good job helping them. He told me that I communicated with them in a way that was both fun and effective, and that I had such a talent for coaching, that I should consider a college major that would help me obtain a position coaching high school football. I agreed to consider the idea. I didn't know at the time that Coach Haney and Papa had already discussed how they could get the school board to approve of me as an assistant coach while I went to college. Harper Springs High School coaches had always been college graduates and teachers, but my mentors planned to find out if an exception could be made for me.

  ***

  After all the visitors were gone, and the farm was nearly back to normal, Papa, Tyler, and I ate a quiet lunch. Tyler had grown increasingly solemn and distant as the day wore on, and I understood why. The boy dreaded returning to his uncle's home where he saw nothing but misery ahead of him. He had avoided discussing it, but after we all finished lunch, he decided that the mature thing to do was to make it easier for Papa to take him back to town.

  Tyler tried to act as if going back to his uncle's house was no big deal. "Papa, I'm finished eating. I guess I should get my things packed to leave when you guys are ready to take me."

  Papa offered a slight smile. "Funny you should bring that up. I was just going to tell you that Miss Martin is due here any time."

  "Why? Is she giving me a ride?" Tyler asked.

  "No. She's coming to give you an option. You have to tell her what you want."

  Tyler looked from Papa to me. "I don't understand."

  "Tyler, I would have told you earlier, but I hated to distract you from camp, especially when I wasn't sure how things might work until late last night.

  "Told me what?" Tyler was anxious and growing impatient with Papa.

  "When I stopped at your uncle's home to pick you up, I saw a man sitting in the living room. His name is Garner."

  "Yeah, he's some weird guy my uncle knows," explained Tyler. "He came over twice that I saw. My uncle made me go to my room once, and last time, he told me to wait outside for you."

  "Well, the man has a reputation as a drug dealer, and he's served time for that and some burglaries. I could smell weed from the porch, and when I looked inside, I saw all I needed to see on the coffee table before Garner could hide it. After we got home that night, I called the sheriff and told him that Garner was back in business. Two nights ago, they busted him and your uncle for possession with intent to distribute. With some checking, the sheriff discovered that your uncle violated his parole from Alabama, and along with the new charges, he will be serving a stiff sentence."

  "Dang, so what's that mean for me, Papa?"

  "Well, it means that you have to have another guardian and another home."

  "I'm going back to Tolley House?"

  Papa shook his head. "No, you were only there temporarily, and Miss Martin told me that they moved two new boys into your old room, so there's no spot for you anyway."

  Tyler was disappointed. "At least I know Jenny and Hal. It'll suck to get used to a new place."

  "Maybe not," said Papa. "Miss Martin is going to ask you how you would feel about living here."

  Tyler's eyes brightened. He was excited even though he knew that Papa only took boys on a temporary basis until there was a permanent placement for them. "That's awesome. I hope they don't find another place anytime soon."

  "Tyler, how would you feel about making this your permanent home?"

  Tyler's mouth hung open as Papa's words registered with him. "You mean live here and never have to move again? And you would always be my guardian?"

  "That's what I mean. This would be your home for as long as you wanted. I would be your guardian and after a few months, if we both were satisfied, I could adopt you and legally make you my son. Only if you wanted."

  Tyler sprang out of his seat, knocking his chair over backwards on his way around the table where he jumped into Papa's arms. I was glad that Tyler would have a good life, and I thought he would be good for Papa as well.

  Tyler suddenly looked concerned. He whispered something in Papa's ear.

  "Why don't you ask him?" Papa suggested.

  Tyler turned back to me. "River, are you okay with having me here?"

  "I guess I am," I said. "You've annoyed me for months, but I suppose as long as we're making a little family here that I could do worse for a little brother."

  "Gee, thanks for the endorsement, River." Tyler rolled his eyes and grinned.

  Papa explained why he was in a better position to keep a foster child than he had been in the past. "I used to worry about having a permanent foster kid because of times I would be gone on business. Now River can help me in addition to Manny and the rest of the farm staff."

  "Thank you. Both of you," said Tyler. "I was thinking last night about how cool it would be to live here with you guys and be part of a family that we all wanted."

  "I couldn't be happier," said Papa. "Manny and the rest of the staff feel the same way."

  Tyler and Papa hugged as if they were trying to squeeze the life out of each other, and the expressions of happiness on their faces made my eyes water. When Tyler turned to hug me, I warned him to go easy. Before he let me go, he stood on his tiptoes and whispered something only I could hear.

  "Don't worry, River. I'll still take care of you when Papa is away on business. It'll be our secret."

  I did my best to look threatening but it didn't work.

  ***

  Tuesday afternoon, Papa looked on as I did the farm supply order on his office computer. I was trying to get as much work done as possible that day because Carlee and I were going on our camping trip the following afternoon. I had just submitted the order when I heard a car crunching the gravel of the circular drive in front of Papa's house.

  "Sounds like we have company," I said. I stood up from my chair at the desk and looked out the window. "It's Coach Haney and Principal Wilson. Were you expecting them?"

  "Yup," answered Papa. "You take your seat, and I'll get the door. They're here to see you."

  "Me? Why?"

  Papa answered me with a sly smile. He opened the door for my visitors who were there to open a much bigger door for me.

  ***

  Wednesday afternoon, I enjoyed Carlee's reaction to our Deer Lake campsite and its surroundings. Lewis and Tyler had just left after hauling the camping equipment and supplies to the lake and setting up our
camp. They pitched the tent and then gathered rocks and wood for our fire so that there was no strenuous work left for me. We had all used the farm's golf carts to reach the lake, as it was easier to carry supplies and less stress on me than riding Ace or walking the long distance. When we were ready to go home, we would call the farm so that Lewis and Tyler could return and break down the camp.

  For three days, Carlee and I would be alone at the lake, and I was happier that afternoon than I had been at any time since the accident. If it were true that a person who had passed could somehow watch over people, I knew that Ant Jefferson was laughing at me. Ant had insisted all through high school that Carlee would eventually get her way, because it was his theory that men were defenseless against a female who was both intelligent and hot.

  Carlee and I quietly shared a large, smooth rock on the bank of the lake. We heard the songs of wrens and sparrows, flitting from perch to perch in the pines to our right and the manic chattering of two squirrels chasing each other around the huge oak that shaded our tent. Behind us, a steady rustling of leaves and limbs heralded a light breeze sifting through the woods and cooling us as it passed. Every few seconds, a fish made a soft plopping sound when it sucked down an insect from the surface of the lake.

  Enjoying the clean, pine-scented air, Carlee suggested that we build a small cabin and live together at the lake year round. I smiled and told her it was a good idea. So good that I had the same thought a second before she suggested it.

  "Could you do without electricity and indoor plumbing?" I asked.

  "Would I be with you every day?"

  I smiled and kissed her nose. "Definitely."

  "Then those other things aren't a priority." She kissed my lips lightly, pulled back, and then teased with her naive, little girl voice. "Do I need electricity to watch Oprah?"

  I laughed and hugged her closer to me. As much as I loved her at that moment, it was difficult to understand how we could have wasted so much time apart. One thing I did eventually admit is that our fights were not all Carlee's fault. No matter how much I wanted to feel like the victim, I was not blameless.

  During all the hours she stayed with me during my long recovery from the accident, I grew to love the new independent Carlee, who had fearlessly ditched her parents' influence and determined her own path to the future she wanted. Her parents had not yet admitted defeat, but Carlee had won the battle against her domineering father and her snobbish mother. Her parents needed only to decide if they wanted to be a part of Carlee's new life. I was proud of Carlee, and I could easily admit that she had worked much harder to overcome her background than I had.

  I realized that I had been as judgmental as Carlee had. I grew up with a natural resentment for rich kids whose parents spoiled them in ways that were not possible for a kid in state care. When I discovered that they were living in a ritzy neighborhood, I was even jealous of my own half brothers because their parents gave them much more than I ever had. Was it fair of me to judge all advantaged kids the same way when they had no more control over the circumstances of their childhoods than I did?

  When I glanced at Carlee, who acted perfectly content to be alone with me at the lake, I wondered if she really wanted me as much as I wanted her. I needed her to want me the way she did that first time, long ago, when we kissed under the gazebo behind her house. There were times when I worried that the accident had changed things too much and that she would eventually see that I wasn't good enough for her.

  I was staring across the lake when Carlee took my right hand into both of hers. "River, thanks again for sharing this place with me. I know this is where you and Ant went to get away from town, football, and probably bratty girls like Tina and me. I hope being here is not too hard for you."

  I gently squeezed her hand. "In the beginning, I was trying not to think of him so much, but it's okay now. When I visited his grave, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I think it even helped. I want to remember the good times I had with Ant and coming back here makes me appreciate how special our friendship was. I was wrong to try to forget that."

  Carlee approved. "I think that's a healthy way to deal with your grief. You know, to focus on the good memories."

  I grinned. "More Oprah."

  Carlee giggled and leaned into me, placing her head on my shoulder. "Don't make fun of my shows. They're very informative. Just be glad I'm not into those shows about husbands impregnating their mothers-in-law. Tina loves it when the women fight in front of an audience."

  "I haven't watched many TV shows of any kind," I said. "I never had a TV in any of my rooms. At Tolley House, we watched rental movies or borrowed ones from the library. At the farm, Ant and I used to watch football with Papa and Manny. Sometimes we watched a movie, but it was rare."

  "You should buy a TV, Coach Blue. You can afford one now."

  "The job doesn't seem real yet. I tried to find some reason that it wouldn't work, but between Papa, Coach Haney, and Mr. Wilson, they had all the answers. I just hope I can get my degree, or I'll always be stuck as the lowest paid assistant coach and aide to the shop instructor. I want to grow as a coach and have a goal. Head coach would be nice one day, but all that depends on my physical progress. For now, there's no way I could handle long work days."

  "River, you'll do fine in college and in the mean time, you'll get a lot of experience coaching so that when you get your degree, you'll be prepared for other opportunities that come your way. I'll help you any way I can."

  "When will you tell your father that you're not going to Vandy?"

  Carlee frowned as if she had swallowed a fly. "I guess I'll tell him when they come back from Hawaii. He'll blow, especially when I say I'm going to BCC with you. I hope Papa was serious about letting me live with you guys. I have money in savings, but I don't want to waste the money on rent, and I'm not sure I would like living alone either."

  "Papa was serious, and I want you with us no matter what your father says."

  "We'll have to see about that." She smirked and abruptly changed the subject. "Is the water cold?"

  "Not when the weather's warm like it is today. Ant and I used to skinny dip here sometimes when we camped. Max swam with us a few times. He claimed that the water was no colder than his swimming pool at home."

  "He told me a hundred times how much fun he had with you guys." Carlee threw on a phony pout. "That's not fair that Max got to have all that fun and not me."

  I couldn't help grinning as I made her an offer. "I agree, but you're here now. If you want to go skinny dipping, there's nothing stopping you."

  Carlee pulled her head away from my shoulder and met my eyes. "And I suppose you think I won't?"

  I intended my comment as a tease, but Carlee didn't take it that way. "I wasn't trying to goad you into anything, Carlee."

  "I think I would like a new experience, and it's all we have for a bath, right?"

  My mouth was instantly dry. "Yeah, but I can stay in the tent or walk down the trail while you bathe. You can have your privacy."

  "I think we'll skinny dip," decided Carlee. "It sounds fun and liberating, but I'm not trying to goad you into anything."

  "My PT assigned exercises for me to do in the therapy pool. Maybe you could help me."

  Carlee taunted me. "Whatever I can do to make you feel better. If you're not too shy."

  I grinned and stood when I saw the little devil behind Carlee's eyes. I was surprised to hear her daring me as if she didn't know me. In less than fifteen seconds, I lost my clothes and stood naked in front of her. Carlee was not as prepared for the reality as she had pretended to be.

  "Hey, Carlee, I believe I met your bet and raised you. Are you folding already?"

  Carlee didn't fold. She stood and tossed her clothes on top of mine before taking my hand and walking with me into the water. I heard no other sound but the pounding of my heart.

  ***

  It was dawn when Carlee and I wrapped a red blanket around us and sat just a few feet in front o
f our tent. I held her to me, and she nestled her head between my shoulder and chin. The whole world seemed perfectly quiet as we watched a deer drink from the lake. For both of us, the moment was perfect just like our play in the lake, the meal we fed each other by the fire, and our lovemaking in the tent. It had all flowed naturally, without hesitation or question as if we had always known the right time would come for us.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

  Big Bill was upset when he discovered that Carlee had spent every day at the farm with me while he was in Hawaii, but he felt worse when Carlee informed him of her college plans. She told him that instead of going to Vandy, she was going to Bergeron County Community College with me. After two years, we planned to transfer to nearby Ackers State so that we could still commute from home to college for our last two years. With her grades, she could get a scholarship to any school she wanted. I had no financial problems preventing me from attending school with her because of the money from my mother, the foster kid scholarship, and my part-time jobs.

  Carlee never wanted to brag about money to me, but there was a good reason why she was willing to risk her father withholding his financial support. Prior to her paternal grandmother's death, the woman had set up funds for both Billy and Carlee that they could access after their eighteenth birthdays. Carlee wanted to save it for the future, but she had more money than she needed for living expenses until long after she finished college. She didn't have to have her father's money.

  Big Bill tried his best to make Carlee change her plans on college and blamed me for influencing her. When she told him that her decision to attend BCC with me was final, he blew like one of the volcanoes he had visited in Hawaii and then gave her the ultimatum that I had expected. He told her that she would go to Vandy and that she would break up with me, or she could leave their house and forget she had a family. Carlee's mother tried to reason with him until he grew tired of her and slapped her face. When Carlee announced that she was leaving and suggested that her mother do the same, Big Bill cursed them both and stormed away from them.