Take Me With You

by Melyssa Winchester

  His eyes go soft again, a smaller version of his earlier smile starting to form on his lips, but before I can enjoy it, he moves toward me and his lips, the same ones that were just smiling at me so innocently are pressed on top of mine.

  Not liking the way it feels, I raise my hands up and start pushing at his chest, but it does nothing but make my fingers hurt as his body is even closer to mine now, his lips harsher than before, pushing down so tightly that I can’t even breathe. He’s got my nose blocked too.

  “No Daddy!” I scream inside my head, still using all the strength I’ve got to try and push him away. I can feel his tongue now. It’s pushing on my lips, trying to pry them apart and even though I don’t want it to happen, he’s gonna get his way as I can already feel them separating.

  “That’s right angel Amelia, you know just what Daddy likes.”

  ~*~*~

  “Ames! Earth to Amy!”

  Shit. It happening again.

  Shaking off the memory, I jump back once I see how close Tim is.

  “Hey, you alright?”

  “Not with you bending over me like that. What the hell dude!”

  “I called out to you, even talked to you a bit. Did you even hear anything I said?”

  Of course I didn’t hear anything, but I’m not about to tell him that. I’m gonna do what I always do when this shit happens and bullshit my way out of it.

  “Yeah, I heard, but as usual, it’s boring as hell so I zoned out.”

  “Funny.” He rolls his eyes before sitting down beside me. “You sure you’re okay?”

  “Yes Tim. Better than ever. Why?”

  “When I walked up, you were shaking and shit. It was weird. Just wanna make sure everything’s cool.”

  Damnit. Remembering, I’m used to it, but reacting, that’s different. I haven’t physically reacted to one of them since Dillon and I used to make out in the backseat of his car. I’m gonna have to do now what I did then. Blow it off like it’s nothing.

  “I think I’m sick or something. Been feeling like crap all day. Shivering and shit.”

  He nods and that’s all she wrote. He doesn’t need anything more than that. He’ll believe anything I say because it’s how he is. He asks questions first and thinks about it all later. It’s one of the things that I like about him. Tim being clueless right now is a godsend.

  “So how long are you out for this time?”

  “Daniels wants me expelled. So permanently if he has his way.”

  “Can he really do that shit to you so close to the end of the year?”

  I shrug and he sighs. This is another thing I like about him. He’s loyal. Not the brightest bulb in the box, but definitely loyal.

  “It’s bullshit, Ames. How many times have we all done that shit before and nothing ever got done. Now all of a sudden, he’s got his panties in a bunch.”

  “Honestly, I should have known it was coming.”

  “Why?”

  “With Dillon snitching on us, it means we’re under a microscope. He was right about that before, ya know? Whenever shit goes down, it’s smarter to run under the radar.”

  “So why didn’t you?”

  “I was bored and she was there.”

  “If the school was smart they’d stop letting them in. How many of them do we gotta beat down before they get a clue that we don’t want them here?”

  “Don’t know. So, what are you doing here?”

  It’s his turn to shrug and I laugh. We’re a pair, the two of us. It’s like when Dillon got a conscience and started dating the deaf chick, we lost our way. Neither one of us knows what the fuck to do with ourselves now.

  “There’s fuck all to do around here and honestly, it sucked balls not having you at school.”

  As much as I hate admitting it, it did suck not being at school today. Even if we’re just screwing around together, it beats sitting around here stewing over everything the way I have been. Ever since my mom went to work this morning, it’s been one repeated nightmare after another. School was like the one place they couldn’t get to me.

  “Well I hate to disappoint ya Tim, but there’s dick all to do around here too.”

  “Figured.” He laughs. “But at least we can do dick all together.”

  I can tell by the look on his face that he doesn’t get what he just said, so I struggle to keep the laugh that’s building down, but I fail miserably as it flies out anyway.

  “Thanks Tim, I needed that.” I say the minute the laughter dies and I find that I mean every word of it. I really did need the laugh, especially with what he walked in on a few minutes ago.

  “What did I say?”

  “You seriously don’t know?” I laugh again before slapping him on the arm. “Think about it.”

  After a few minutes of silence, his eyes locked on the ground in front of him, his forehead creased and eyebrows furrowed, deep in thought, he lifts his head and smacks himself.

  “Shit. It wasn’t supposed to come out like that!”

  “Sure it wasn’t. Like I said, thanks for the laugh.”

  “Can I ask ya something, Ames?” he asks, all earlier traces of humor gone from his voice as its deep and even again.

  “Go ahead.”

  “The reason you were all out of it when I walked up, is it cause of Dill?”

  Dillon Murphy is a sore subject for me. It’s only been a few months since he dumped me and we haven’t said two words to each other since prom night. There’s still a lot of unresolved shit where he’s concerned and I’m not sure Tim’s the person I wanna be spilling my guts too.

  “Nah, it’s not Dillon.”

  “So what is it?”

  God, he’s a persistent ass right now. What I said earlier was supposed to be the end of it. Now he’s no better than the stupid doctor that CPS is making me go see.

  “Parental bullshit. You know how it is.”

  He nods and I silently pray it’s the end of it. As much as I like Tim and how loyal he’s been to me after everything that went down with Dillon, he’s not gonna get anything other than lies and half-truths out of me.

  “You wanna do something tonight?”

  “Mom’s making me do shit with her for a few hours, but after that, sure.”

  “Cool. Text me when you’re done and we’ll hook up.”

  I casually nod my head and he stands, ready to head out, but not before he slugs me in the shoulder, pulling my eyes up from the ground until they’re resting on him.

  “Just say the word, Ames.”

  Huh? Say the word about what?

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “What Dillon did to you, it was bullshit. The school shit is even worse. So, just say the word and I’ll deal with it.”

  “It’s all good, Timmy.” I say, using my nickname for him in hopes that it will have the desired effect and chill him out. As sweet as it is, him wanting to deal with shit for me, it’s also extremely wrong. I don’t operate like that.

  If the way he was willing to go to bat for me wasn’t weird enough, what he does next completely blows my mind. Reaching out and grabbing my hand, he pulls me up and wraps his arms around me, pulling me into a hug.

  Another thing I don’t do. Touching, it’s off limits. If he knew what I’ve been through, he’d know this, but of course because I can’t trust anyone enough to tell them the truth, he doesn’t have a clue.

  Pulling back after a few seconds, content that the hug lasted long enough not to offend him, I smile weakly and he turns and walks away. Watching him make his way down the path and through the gate, I let my mind wander.

  Am I always going to be this way? Afraid of the most basic form of human contact? Will I ever let anyone get close enough to tell them everything I’ve been through and if I do get to that point, will I ever be able to let it go any further or am I destined to stay in this proverbial hell for the rest of my life?

  After all the horrible shit I’ve done, do I really deserve anything more than what I�
��ve got?

  Eric

  “Why don’t you tell me about your weekend? Did you do anything interesting?”

  I half expected when I got here today that Thompson was gonna dive right back into the whole Cadence thing, so when he brings up the weekend, I’m pretty sure the entire world could feel my relief.

  Being so against it in the beginning, I expected the entire weekend to be a bust, starting with the family movie night, but it turned out way better than I expected.

  Belle was there and for the first time in months, she didn’t have Kayden attached to her hip which made me a whole lot happier than it should have. It’s not that I think of Belle that way, like wanting to get her alone so I can get closer to her, but I’m just better one on one then I am when more people are added to the mix.

  It also helps that I missed spending time with her like this. Before she got with Kayden, even though it wasn’t that well known, we used to have movie nights together. Before I took the chance with Cadence, asking her to prom the way I did, hanging out with Belle was my first attempt at doing things with someone else. Stepping away from being alone all the time.

  “Saw the new X-Men movie with my best friend and my parents.”

  “How was it?”

  “Pretty good.”

  “Now, are you talking about the movie or the company?”

  “Both I guess.”

  “How are things with your dad? Is there still tension between the two of you or have things gotten better?”

  One time a few months ago, after hearing my parents fighting, I came to my appointment and unloaded about it, admitting things that until that point I’d kept to myself. My worries over being the reason my parents were fighting, my fear that it was gonna split them up and how it all made me feel.

  Biggest mistake of my life because now it’s a topic he can use anytime he feels like it.

  “It’s about the same. He doesn’t want to accept things.”

  “How does that make you feel?”

  “You already know, Doc. Their fighting, it’s happening because of me. If it was just Summer, I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t constantly be going at each other.”

  “You’re right. We have spoken about this at length in the past and I am aware of your thoughts on the matter, but I’m going to tell you the same thing I told you then. What is going on with your parents, it’s an adult issue and despite you acting older than you are, it is their issue, not yours.”

  “They’re fighting over me. Doesn’t that make it my problem?”

  “No. Your father’s inability to accept your diagnosis is his problem, not yours.”

  I don’t agree with him, but whatever. Arguing this is not going to get me anywhere.

  “Can we talk about something else?”

  “Absolutely, why don’t you tell me what else you did this weekend?”

  “I had a movie night with Belle.”

  “Ah, that sounds great. What movies did you watch?”

  “Since she was at the movies with me, we decided to go back and watch all the old X-Men movies.”

  “So she did something with you that you enjoy?”

  “Yeah. We haven’t done a marathon like that in a really long time. It was nice.”

  I’m not sure what he wants to hear, so I just go with telling him the truth. It was nice hanging out with Belle that way. In a way it’s like we got back to a routine again and doing it settled things inside me.

  We’re the same that way, Belle and me. We thrive on routine. For so long I enjoyed the routine of being alone, but after meeting her and hanging out with her outside of school, the routine changed and became something else. When Kayden came along, it changed again and it’s something I still haven’t been able to deal with right. It’s half the reason I stayed away from her for those weeks last fall.

  “Have you told her that?”

  “Told her what? That it was nice hanging out with her?”

  “Yes.”

  “Why would I tell her that? I’m pretty sure she knows.”

  The look he gives me, like he’s about to tell me something I should already know, it bugs me. I’m pretty good at picking up on people, but I’m not a mind reader. If he’s got an opinion one way or the other about me and Belle, I have no clue what it might be.

  “You said on Friday that you felt like you were on the sidelines and I said that you were more than that. I think telling Belle how much you enjoy the routine of spending time with her might change things. She can’t change it if she doesn’t know.”

  “She shouldn’t have to change the way she does things for me.”

  “Isabelle is your best friend, correct?”

  “Yeah, we’ve been over this already.”

  “Then don’t you think as your best friend, she might want to know that there are times where you are uncomfortable around her? She knows your struggles as well as she knows her own. It stands to reason she would want to do everything in her power to fix things if they were broken.”

  “Nothing is broken.”

  That’s not exactly true. He does have a point. If I did tell Belle how I felt when I hang out with her and Kayden, she would go out of her way to fix it. It’s just the way she is, but I still don’t believe she needs to do it. This is my issue, not hers.

  “I suppose I used the wrong choice of words, but there is no doubt that when you spend time alone with her, you’re happier then when you’re in the group. I think she needs to be made aware of it so that it can be fixed.”

  Just like Friday, I’ve had enough of this conversation now. I don’t feel like talking anymore. I’m not gonna tell Belle how I feel, end of story.

  The way I cross my arms over my chest and sit forward in the chair, it tips him off somehow to the way I’m feeling because he stands from the chair and places the notepad he’s always got in his lap back on his desk before turning to me.

  “How about we leave it there for today? I’ve given you some things to think about and you’ve told me how you’re feeling. It’s a good place.”

  “Okay.”

  “I’ll see you Wednesday, same time.”

  Nodding my head, used to the routine of our visits, I grab my backpack and head for the door. Keeping my head up this time as I head down the hall, I shuffle along slowly until I come around the corner and see the waiting area.

  This is where the routine changes. Today, instead of taking the bus home, my mom is gonna come pick me up after she’s done running her errands. So catching sight of the empty seat in the right hand corner of the room, I head for it, slumping my body down, pulling my phone out of my pocket, ready to kill some time with some game apps while I wait.

  It’s only when I hear the front door to the office open, expecting my mom to run through, realizing she’s running late that I see her again.

  Amy, and if the look on her face is any indication, she wants to be here about as much as I do.

  Amelia

  For all her talk about this being what I need to do in order to change things, she sure didn’t think it out all the way. After harassing her for well over an hour, repeatedly telling her what time my appointment was, she took her sweet ass time getting up and moving and now I’m pretty sure I’m late.

  I shouldn’t even care about this, but after the way the last appointment went, I do.

  It sucks admitting it, but Dr. Thompson has a way of asking questions that you don’t even realize until it’s too late that you’re giving away too much information. You’re giving him access to the deepest, darkest parts of yourself, the things you want to keep buried.

  Admitting that things were going to get worse if I didn’t get out of there, it opened the door for him to ask what I meant and for me to admit that I’m haunted by the past, by things I’d much rather forget.

  ~*~*~

  “Explain to me what you mean by haunted.”

  “I thought that was obvious.”

  “In my line of work, individuals experience things in di
fferent ways. What your definition of haunted is, may not be the way I would experience it.”

  Is he serious right now? Other than talking about ghosts or something, there’s no way it can be all that different from what anyone else might experience.

  “The way you looked at me a few minutes ago, it’s a trigger.”

  “A trigger for what?”

  “It reminds me of someone that I would much rather forget.”

  “Who?”

  “My dad.”

  Shit. I need to stop talking. If this keeps up I’m gonna end up spilling everything out and that’s the last thing I want.

  “Does this also have something to do with the reason you no longer go by your given name?”

  “Ding. Ding. Ding. Give the old geezer a prize.”

  Where I expected him to react to me, what I said, he didn’t. Well, he didn’t unless you consider his laughing a reaction. Since it wasn’t what I was going for, expecting him to be more angry than happy, I’m not sure what to do with it.

  “Sorry.”

  “For what?”

  “I shouldn’t have called you that.”

  “I’ve heard worse, I assure you. Your reaction, it’s quite common believe it or not. I was expecting that kind of response.”

  “Why?”

  “You’ve admitted more than you wanted, so in an effort to deflect, you resort to what’s most comfortable. Name calling.”

  Let the head shrinking begin. He’s right though. I was admitting too much.

  “I’m going to ask you a very pointed question and I want you to answer me honestly. Whatever the answer is, believe me when I say that it will never leave this room unless you speak of it yourself.”

  Shit. This doesn’t sound good. If he’s giving me the confidentiality warning, it means whatever he’s going to ask is gonna be huge. I already feel on edge just being here, the last thing I want to do is take the leap off.

  “Has anyone every told you that you had to keep things a secret? Threatened that if you told, bad things would happen to you?”

  No. No. No. No. I’m not doing this. The guy hasn’t even spent an hour with me and he already knows a hell of a lot more than he should. If I answer this the way he asked me to, he’s going to know even more and all hell is gonna break loose.