When he walks away far enough that anything said next won’t be overheard, Kayden turns to me, the confusion on his face obvious.
“He’s right. We do give a shit about you, but I get the feeling there’s something else going on here. You wanna tell me?”
“Not really.”
“Ever since that stuff with Tim the other day, you’ve been acting different. Something’s going on. I just wish you’d tell someone what the fuck it is so we can help you.”
“I don’t need your help, there’s nothing going on.”
“Alright. Go ahead and keep your secrets. Just remember something would you?”
“What?”
“The girl that you were at the bluffs with, she’s the one that burned my girlfriend. Belle is going to have a reminder of that moment forever and so will Cadence. Two people that you care about and who care about you even more. I have no idea what the hell is going on, but don’t forget that.”
Amelia
Not answering Tim back the other day when he sent me the picture of Eric, I knew it was only a matter of time before he showed up here again. So when he makes his way through the gate as I’m coming through the front door, more than a little eager to get to my appointment even though I’m early, it’s no surprise.
“You goin’ somewhere?”
“Yeah, gotta run errands for my mom while she’s at work. What’s up?”
Lying, after years of practice, I’ve become a master at it. It’s almost as easy as breathing to me, especially now.
“It’s been like a week since we hung out.”
“Yeah, and?”
“And I thought we could do it?”
“Sorry Timmy, I can’t today.” I say, heading down the final two steps and moving around him, hoping he’ll take the hint and follow me.
“Maybe I can run errands with you.”
“Nah, you don’t wanna do that. It’s just boring shit.”
“Boring shit is all I’ve been doing lately. Come on, Ames. I miss hanging out with you.”
It wasn’t supposed to be this hard to get out of here and away from him. He was just supposed to accept my explanation and screw off, not hang around and try and insert himself into things. The last thing I want is for him to find out where I’ve been going three times a week. What the real errand I’m running for my mom is.
I’m gonna have to come up with a better lie, one that will stop him so I can get out of here. I wanna meet up with Eric before we see Thompson and I can’t do that with Tim hanging around like a leech.
“Look, I’m gonna tell you something but it’s gotta stay between us.”
He nods his head and it’s not lost on me the way his lips lift up in a smile. He thinks he’s special now because I’m gonna give him some bullshit story and pretend its reality. God, why haven’t I seen how predictable and boring this is?
Because you never had a reason to see before.
“What happened at school, I got arrested. The errand I gotta run, it’s a meeting with CPS. Apparently Daniels called and got them on my mom’s ass so now I gotta do this in order to get them off.”
“Shit! That’s bullshit.”
“Yeah. Look, I’m not trying to be a bitch, but I gotta go. If I’m even a second late, it’s gonna cause shit.”
Understanding dawning in his eyes, I’m relieved. Maybe I can get out of here and meet up with Eric after all.
“I get it. Go, but uh, text me later okay? It’s been fucking forever since we hung out and I really mean it. I miss you.”
This is the second time now that it’s been weird with Tim. I tried not to read much into it the first time it happened but now, it’s harder to ignore. He’s acting strange. He’s never been like this with me and honestly, I’m not sure how I feel about it. If I didn’t know he had a thing for Eve even though they imploded after prom a few months ago, I’d think he liked me.
The last thing I want.
“Yeah sure. I promise. I won’t forget this time.”
Walking out through the gate with him, my phone buzzes in my pocket and pulling it out as I wave goodbye to Tim, I’m met with a text from the very person I’m on my way to see and it’s obvious he’s thinking the same thing as I am.
Are you coming early?
Walking toward the bus stop, I text him back, unable to wipe the smile that came when I saw it was him off my face.
Yeah. On my way there now. I forgot the yellow hat and had to go home.
When his response comes, it’s just three letters but seeing them, what they are, it’s everything.
LOL.
The way I feel seeing texts he’s sent, him calming me after I told him everything two days ago, it’s not like anything I’ve ever been through before.
I can only compare it to the way things were when I was with Kayden and then Dillon after him, but it seems wrong putting Eric in a category with them. I mean I’m not dating him for one thing, and for the other, he’s nothing like either of them. I think that’s what I like so much about my time with Eric.
It’s not like any time I’ve ever spent with anyone before. It’s as different as he is.
The things Dillon said to me months ago, after I attacked Cadence and ran off, as much as I hate admitting it, he was right. I was being irrational, out of control but not for the reasons he accused me of.
My behavior, the up and down mood swings, attitude changes and everything else, it wasn’t because I was just some hormonal teenage girl that was jealous of the attention her boyfriend was getting from other girls. It was because just like I’ve never been taught how to be a real friend to someone, I’ve also never been taught how to handle my emotions. I have no idea how to shut off the things I think and feel and eventually I explode.
Dillon, like everyone else, has no idea what I’ve been dealing with so I could never admit to him that the reason I turned out the way I am is because it’s the only way I know to cope with everything going on inside me. He also had no idea that I was burning myself either.
Being with him was easy because he didn’t care. Kayden didn’t care either. They were both so disconnected that me just doing things to them in the backseat of their car was enough. It never had to go further than that. There was no reason for them to see under my sweater. To see the real me.
It’s not like that with Eric. For some reason, I want him to see the real me. The part of me that I haven’t even allowed myself to see since all of this started so long ago. With him I don’t have to fear his reaction because he’s always so blunt with how he thinks and feels. He would never sugarcoat things to my face and talk shit behind my back. I can’t say the same for the others.
I like the way I feel when I’m with him. The way he can smell like something as mundane as peanut butter and it’s the most natural thing in the world. The lopsided awkward grin he wears after he makes a joke. The way his eyes are when he’s telling me what he thinks. When he tells me the truth.
Nothing is fake with him, which really does make him different than both of the guys I’ve been with before. He’s different because this time, I genuinely like him and I don’t just want to use him in order to forget.
Holy fuck.
I like Eric Carmen.
Chapter Thirteen
Eric
There’s something different about her today.
I’m not sure why I think that, because really, she’s not doing anything strange or all that different from every other time we’ve hung out this way, but it’s smaller things, one’s most people probably don’t pay a lot of attention to that clinches it.
Like what happened when she got off the bus.
I got here before her. I was here when I texted her earlier, asking if she was showing up early. So when she stepped off the bus, I started making my way over to meet her. I’m not an outgoing person. I don’t go out of my way like this usually, but with her there’s this force pushing me toward her, so I just go along for the ride.
When we managed t
o meet in the middle, she hugged me.
If that wasn’t enough, when I passed her the coffee I grabbed while I was waiting, I swear her cheeks went bright red, but she shifted her face away from me before I could totally be sure of what I saw.
Sitting down on the bench, both of us silent as we sat and watched all of the cars speeding by, she shifted and I was hit with a scent I’m coming to see as uniquely hers. Bubble gum.
My sensory issues, I don’t get overwhelmed by different smells the way some people do. I mean if they’re strong enough, I’ll react, but for the most part it doesn’t happen, but with Amelia, all I can do is react. It’s powerful, but not overwhelming and the more of it I breathe in, the more it tickles my senses and makes me even more aware.
Her shifting, it was her way of leaning her body into mine. A move I have no experience with but one that I don’t mind. It feels nice having her close, which is so freaking weird to me because normally, anyone being this close is too much. Even when I’m outside with Belle and the others, I’m always directly across from them so personal space doesn’t become an issue.
I like having Amelia in my personal space.
She’s not the only one that’s different today.
With how hyper aware I am of her and every single move she makes, even the small releases of breath she does, it’s obvious I’m different too. I want to stop focusing on this, say something to get the conversation going before we have to split apart again for me to head inside, but I don’t have the first clue where to start.
All of the things we’ve said to each other before, a lot of it heavy and serious, it’s hard to find a safe conversation starter. I could bring up the Curious George thing again, the way she did earlier mentioning the hat, but I don’t want to overplay the same thing.
“So, I’m coming back to Wexfield tomorrow.”
What?
I’ve been there every day she’s been out and people talk. It’s hard not to overhear things when I’m slinking my way down the hall, but nothing that I’ve heard has been about her coming back. When did this get decided and why is she waiting until now to tell me?
Because it’s not of your business.
“Daniels is letting you come back?”
“No. Well, not yet anyway. I have to come back for a meeting first.”
“What kind of meeting?”
“I have to sit down with Hannah and her parents, Daniels and my mom. They want me to apologize to her.”
She seems upset by this. It’s in the way her body tenses and her voice, which is normally so strong, fades away. I have to know why this is a bad thing.
“That’s not so bad.”
“No, it’s not.”
“If that’s true why don’t I believe you?”
“Gee, I don’t know. Maybe because you know me?”
“Yeah I do.”
“I’m not against apologizing,” she starts, her eyes meeting mine, the look in them confusing. I want to say she looks sad about what I said, but I’m not sure that’s the right word. I’m not sure there is a right word for the way she looks like now. “I want to apologize because the way I was a couple of weeks ago, it’s not the same as it is now, but who’s to say that when I do, it makes any difference. They don’t have to believe me. I’m not even sure I’d believe me.”
“If it helps, I’d believe you.”
There she goes with the pink cheeks again. What am I saying that’s making her blush so much? I’m just telling her the truth, but the way she’s reacting it’s like it’s something more.
“Really?”
“Yeah.”
“I’m sorry, Eric.”
Well if I wasn’t confused by pretty much every move she’s made since she showed up here today, I am now.
“For what?”
“Everything I did to you. It’s not exactly an excuse, but the things I said, what I did, it wasn’t because of you at all. It was all me. I took my shitty life and made other people pay for it.”
She’s apologizing to me for everything she’s put me through over the last year. Other than name calling and a little bit of shoving, most of the fault fell with the guys as far as the physical stuff went, but it means a lot that she’s lumping herself in with everything I’ve been through.
It’s life altering, not only for her, but for me because it’s just something I never expected to ever hear from her and just like I said a few minutes ago, I believe her apology. She means every word.
“It’s okay, Amelia. You’re forgiven.”
“Can I ask you for a favor?” she asks, not missing a beat.
“Sure.”
“Don’t ever stop calling me Amelia.”
Before I can say anything her cheeks flush again but this time, I’m not even going to question the reason for it. I’m just going to enjoy it. For whatever reason, this is her attempt at being a friend, being genuinely nice and the flushing in her cheeks, I’m pretty sure is happening because this is a way she’s never been before.
She’s awkward and has a terrible poker face.
“I won’t. Not ever.”
She leans her body into me more, until her head is resting level with my shoulder. Sliding my hand out from beside her, I wrap it around her until my hand rests around her own shoulder and she adapts to the change by curling into me even more.
This feels right.
I’ve never done anything like this before. Had my arms around a girl this way. I’ve never felt the need to, but with her, it’s like the most natural thing in the world.
She sighs and it’s so heavy that not only do I hear it but I can feel it as her arm rises and falls under mine. It’s only when she shifts her face away from my chest that I hear the reason for it.
“Why do you accept me so easily?”
She doesn’t know this but I’ve been asking myself that same question for two weeks now. Why of all people, she’s the one that I seem to gravitate toward and be completely unable to walk away from.
“Everyone deserves to be accepted.”
“Yeah, I’m starting to see that. But do you really think it’s possible for someone like me?”
“I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t.”
Silence surrounds us again and I can’t help wondering what I said that caused it. I know I’ve got a habit of just speaking the first thing that comes to mind without really thinking of the consequences, but this time, I didn’t think I had to worry about that.
“Eric, I like you.”
“Wanna know a secret?” I say as I lean my head in closer to hers until my lips are practically resting on the side of her face.
“Sure.”
“I like you too.”
Amelia
I don’t know why the hell I said that but since it’s out there now, I can’t take it back.
Admitting how I feel, especially after finally ridding myself of the constant burning sensation in my cheeks, it’s bound to take a really great moment and twist it into something not so great. It’s what always happens. Nothing can ever stay beautiful all the time, at least it can’t when you’re me.
The strangest thing happens though. Instead of going completely silent or worse, pulling away, he leans in closer and says the four best words in the entire world.
“I like you too.”
There’s only one problem with them. They can mean multiple things.
Two days ago he said we were friends, so him liking me, he could mean it in the friendship way and I suppose me saying it, I meant it that way too, but there’s more to it. The way I somehow managed to find myself curled into him and how desperately I want to stay this way for a really long time, it makes what I said mean something more than just friendship.
I think it’s been this way for a while now. A few days at least. It’s the reason I ended up telling him everything. Sure, it was also because he’s so open and honest with me, real even, but a lot of it has to do with the fact that even though it’s the craziest thing in the world, I really l
ike him.
I want him to like me the same way.
“Can I ask you something?”
“No.”
“What?” I ask, raising my head off his shoulder, confused by his response.
“You can’t ask me anything because I need to say something first.”
“Okay…”
“It’s nothing bad, Amelia.”
“It doesn’t feel that way.”
Reaching his hand across, he lifts my head up and once my eyes meet his, I see why. He wanted me to see his smile. Sure, he couldn’t maintain the eye contact for more than a couple seconds, but the smile, I saw it on his lips and in his eyes before he looked down.
“We keep doing the same thing and I think we need to stop. We’re asking each other if we can ask each other things. With as much time as we spend talking, don’t you think we can stop asking that now?”
His words are like a riddle and it takes me a few seconds to catch on to what he means, but when I do, I can’t stop the smile that comes, or even the laugh the minute it escapes.
“Yeah, I think we can stop asking that now.”
“What was your question?”
“It’s silly now.”
“If it’s silly now it means it was silly before, so I wanna hear it even more.”
“Did you have bananas today?”
He laughs and I lean my head back down on his shoulder, enjoying the sound, but also enjoying the way his entire body seems to shake with the simple action.
“Yeah. It was a yogurt drink my mom packed me for lunch.”
“So, I’ve got another favor.”
“Shoot.”
“Don’t ever stop smelling like food.”
He laughs again but this time I join him. I can’t believe that I said that, but it’s true. I don’t want him to ever stop smelling like random foods because it’s starting to become familiar and I don’t want to get used to it only to lose it again.
“I’ll do you one better. I’ll make sure Summer dumps her food on me at least once a day.”
Take Me With You Page 12