My laughter, it’s stronger now. So strong that I can feel the tears falling from my eyes, completely unable to stop them. It’s just further proof that I like him. No one’s been able to get me to do this in years.
“Do you remember what I told you the first day we were out here?”
“Depends.” I say. “You said a bunch of stuff.”
“Your laugh.”
“I remember that. I also remember you blushing really deep after you said it too!”
“Well, now it’s your turn to do me a favor.”
“What’s that?”
“Don’t ever stop laughing.”
Chapter Fourteen
Eric
When Amelia told me that she had a meeting today, she didn’t tell me what time, so the first thing I did when I got off the bus was head to the office, hoping that I would be able to catch Principal Daniels before he started making his rounds.
Greeted as usual by Ms. Owens and her warm smile, I motion toward his office and before I can ask her if he’s in, she pushes a button on the phone in front of her and the room is filled with the nasal sound of his voice.
“Yes, Barbara?”
“There’s a student here to see you. Eric Carmen. Do you think you can spare a few minutes?”
“Of course. Send him back.”
I hate believing this because it seems wrong, but having special needs, especially in a school like this, it has its benefits. The principal because of what happened last fall and then again in the spring with Dillon, has an open door policy for me and the others in my class.
It’s sort of like being a movie star and having access to the best parties, only in our case, it’s having access to the people that run everything and I don’t mean the popular kids.
Making my way back to his office, I go over what I’m about to do. It seemed like the only thing to do last night when I came up with it, but now, I’m wondering if maybe I’m stepping into something that I shouldn’t be. I want to make things easier for Amelia so she can come back to school, but at the same time I worry that maybe doing that will only bring about my own destruction in the end.
Trying to rewrite history is probably the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.
“Have a seat, Eric.” Daniels says the minute I knock on the door and slip inside.
Closing the door behind me, I do as he says and when he seats himself, leaning across the desk the way he has the other times I’ve been in here with him, I know it’s do or die time.
“What brings you here this early?”
“I need to talk to you about something. Well, it’s not really something. More like someone.”
I’m nervous right now, I can feel my foot starting to tap and it’s only going to be a few seconds before I start shaking all over, but for some reason I’m not stuttering the way I expect to. Maybe it’s because I’m doing the right thing by someone that lessens the nervousness that way, but it’s definitely a surprise.
“Does this have something to do with Dillon or the others?”
“No—yes. Maybe a little.”
“Well son, I’m all ears. Why don’t you tell me how I can help?”
“It’s about Amelia Evans.”
“Who?”
Crap. I forgot that she doesn’t go by her given name. I’m pretty sure he knows it, but just like Dr. Thompson, he’s called her Amy for so long that it’s become second nature.
“Amy.”
“What about her?”
“I know you’re supposed to be meeting with her mom and Hannah today.”
“How do you know that?”
Do I admit how I know this? Come right out and tell my principal that I’ve been spending time with her before we see the doctor we share in common or do I just play it off some other way? I didn’t really give this as much thought as I should have obviously if I’ve even gotta question this.
“She told me. I’ve been spending time with her lately.”
“Alright. Well, I don’t see how the meeting is any of your concern, Eric.”
“Principal Daniels, I don’t mean any disrespect. I know the things she’s done and why you did what you did, but I thought that maybe coming here and talking to you about this, it might change things. The girl that did those things to Hannah, she’s not the same.”
“Would you like to tell me why you feel that way?”
“I can’t. It’s not my story to tell, Sir. I just think you need to know that there’s more to Amy than you know and I just want to make sure that before you go into the meeting, you know it. When she does what you want her to do, she means it.”
“Why are you so invested in what happens to her?”
“I’ve gotten to know her. She’s my friend and I just want to make sure that she’s not judged for her mistakes when she’s doing everything she can to make it better.”
“Alright.” He says before leaning back in his chair, the conversation clearly over. “Thank you for bringing this to me. I appreciate your candor. I’ll take what you’ve told me under advisement.”
“Thanks. That’s all I want.”
When I’m out of the chair and a few steps from the door, I hear him clear his throat before calling out my name.
“Yes?”
“I hope Ms. Evans realizes what a good friend she has in you and that your friendship and loyalty isn’t misplaced.”
Not having an answer for him, I slip myself back out of the office, giving Ms. Owens a small wave before exiting completely out into the hallway.
It’s only when I’m completely out that I think about his final words and I realize that the way he thinks, it’s the same as me. I really hope that my friendship isn’t misplaced either because the last thing I want is for all of this to come back and bite me in the ass.
For Amelia to turn back into Amy and break my heart.
Amelia
I worked on this all night. I erased a whole bunch of it, replacing it with better sounding words, before erasing those and trying again and I finally think I got it right.
This apology that I have to give to Hannah, I want it to be sincere, but because I’ve never had to do it before and the only real use of the word sorry came in the form of the curious boy that I apologized to the day before, I’m not so sure it will be. I suck at opening up, admitting to things even though I have no problem owning them in my own head.
Saying sorry to Eric was easier than I thought it would be, but I’m learning with each passing hour why that is. It’s because with him, everything is just easier. He’s such a good person that it’s impossible not to be good when I’m around him.
Being in Daniels office though, I’m not going to be around him at all. He’s only going to be up the stairs and down the hall from where I’ll be, but still not close enough for that goodness to completely engulf me. Maybe the smartest thing to do was ask to have him with me instead of my mom.
“Ms. Evans, Amy, please come in.”
He moves out of the way and allows us to go through and the minute I’m in the room, I see that we’re not alone. Sitting together, all three chairs damn near on top of each other are Hannah and her parents and none of them look at all excited to see me. In fact, they look like they don’t even wanna be here at all.
So much for making them believe I actually feel remorse.
Taking one of the two empty chairs on the other side of the room, I stretch out, attempting to get somewhat comfortable before doing what I’m here to do and I watch as Daniels shakes my mom’s hand before coming around to his desk and sitting in his seat.
“I am aware of how uncomfortable this situation is for all parties involved, so it is my hope that we can get right into the reason we’re here.”
The reason we’re here.
Me.
Sliding the paper out of my sweater and looking down at it, seeing all the scratch marks and indents in the paper from the incessant erasing I did the night before, I read over my words, taking one last chance to make sure
they’re right before I repeat them in hopes of beginning to make things right.
“Amy, is there something you would like to say to Hannah?”
“No.”
“Excuse me?”
I notice her parents sit up in their seats, their posture even more rigid then it had been when I walked in a few seconds ago and I know they’ve taken my response wrong, which considering that I didn’t follow it up with anything, is understandable. Time to fix this too.
“I have something I want to say to Hannah and her parents.”
“Well, the floor is yours.”
With one last glance at the paper in front of me, I take a deep breath and start.
“I’ve been doing the things that I did to Hannah for so long that I didn’t even realize at the time just how sick it really is. Your daughter didn’t so much as look in my direction, let alone say anything to me and I chose to make her feel pain in order to give myself pleasure. I was wrong. I’ve been wrong every single time I’ve done it. I don’t want to say sorry because that word alone isn’t ever going to be enough to make up for the things I’ve done, but I am sorry. It never should have happened and there’s nothing I can say that will ever change the fact that it did.”
I stop, feeling my mom’s fake attempt at understanding as her hand comes across my shoulder and I resist the urge to shake it off.
“Hannah,” I start again, this time turning in my seat so that I’m facing her, really looking at her. “I’m sorry for what I did to you a little over two weeks ago. I didn’t understand at the time that you’re not all that different from me. I saw your diagnosis, the class you’re in and not the real you.”
The rigid posture that was obvious when I came in, it’s still there, but there’s no denying that it’s lessened a little since. It means that while they might not believe a word I’m saying, it’s at least getting to them, which is a whole lot more than I deserve.
I meant what I said and it’s because of Eric that I’m able to say it at all. I picked her because of the class she was in, her obvious difficulties, her diagnosis in a way. I didn’t give a second thought to the person that is in there, the one that isn’t a title on a paper, but a real person, just like me. A person with real feelings.
I see it now and even though it’s probably too late to make a difference, at least in terms of me coming back to school, I want to change it. I want to see the real her, the way I see the real Eric.
The way he sees the real me.
Eric told me something before he went in for his appointment yesterday. Hannah, she doesn’t talk. She hasn’t spoken at all since she was 2. He said that sometimes, kids that start out hitting all their milestones will regress and they will lose all that they’ve learned. That’s what happened to Hannah, which makes me feel even worse for what I did.
I remember that day in the bathroom even though I don’t want to. She didn’t speak. She cried, she forced out a scream the same way Isabelle did before, but she never said a word to me, Charlotte and Eve the entire time we had her in there with us. I should have known she couldn’t speak but I was so hell bent on making someone else pay for my pain that I didn’t give a shit.
Dillon and Kayden may have been total assholes, but I was the queen bitch.
“Thank you.”
It’s quiet and completely unexpected, but I know I didn’t dream it. Hannah’s father, he’s looking at me now, searching me it feels like, trying to gauge whether or not I’m telling the truth. There must be something in my eyes that gives him what he needs because that simple thank you, it means that what I wanted to do today, it’s happening.
For the first time in four years, I’m making things right.
Eric
Ms. Taylor’s class. I love it, but right now it’s the last place I want to be.
Ever since Isabelle came into class, Kayden walking her to the door like usual, sitting down and telling me that she saw Amy and her mother walking through the front doors right after she did, I’ve wanted to ask to be let out of class so I can go down there.
Thankfully, my urge to get out of class isn’t noticeable to anyone else, especially Belle because if it was, I’m sure she would be warning me off the same way Kayden and Dillon tried to the other day. I’m just not in the mood for another go round.
Her being here now reminds me of what I didn’t talk to her about when I had her alone last night. I didn’t even bring it up when she texted me before bed. I don’t know why I let it slip my mind when my memory is better than most people, but I did and now that she’s here I feel like I need to warn her.
People have seen us together. Sure, it’s only her ex-boyfriend and the new addition to my social group, but it’s still someone other than us. We’ve never talked about whether or not she’s embarrassed to be around me so I have no idea how she’s gonna feel when she finds out people know.
I just know that I can’t keep it from her. Even if her keeping me a secret would pretty much rip me apart.
It’s only after I’ve spent the last twenty minutes fidgeting in my chair that I finally give up the fight. Sliding out of my chair and making my way to the front of the room, I do the one thing I’ve been dying to do since Isabelle told me Amelia was here. I come up with an excuse to get out of class.
Once I’ve gotten the okay, I slip myself quietly out of class and practically run for the stairs. I don’t know how long the meeting is supposed to go on for, but I’m hoping that she’s still here and I haven’t missed my chance.
It’s not just about finding her and telling her what Kayden and Dillon told me yesterday. I need to see her because I need to know if anything I said to Daniels worked and she’s going to be able to come back to school.
I need confirmation that my words actually got through to someone and that I might be able to change things.
Coming to a complete stop the moment I reach the office, I slide myself down onto the benches against the wall, prepared to wait for the door to open and someone to come through.
After waiting what feels like forever, beginning to think I’ve already missed her and thinking about what Ms. T is gonna say when I finally do make it back to class, my whole bathroom excuse blowing up in smoke, the door slides open and I see the shadows of two people come through.
“Eric?”
If it’s possible, the minute I hear my name, I think my heart pounds straight through my chest and stops at the exact same time.
I didn’t miss her.
“Y—yeah. Hey.”
“H—hey.” She repeats, adding in her own stutter for effect. It might have upset me before, but with the way I catch her smiling the minute I get the nerve to look up at her, upset is the last thing I feel.
“Mom, go get the car. I’ll meet you out front in a minute.”
The other person with her, the woman I now know to be her mom, the woman that knows nothing about the horrors her daughter has been living with, takes the easy getaway for what it is and takes off down and around the corner so fast I barely have time register that she was even there.
“What are you doing out here?” she asks me the second we’re alone.
“Belle told me that she saw you come in. I wanted to be here for you.”
Her cheeks, they go that familiar shade of pink and before I know it, I’m joining her. I might not understand what set her off before, but I’m pretty sure I do now. She’s reacting to me wanting to be here.
“I’m glad you’re here.”
“Me too. So, uh, how did it go?”
“I’m not sure. Hannah and her parents are still in there. I guess they’re gonna talk about it and I’ll find out later.”
“Do you think they believed you?”
“Yeah. I mean I’m not sure and I still think that if I were them, I wouldn’t believe anything I have to say considering I burned their kid, but they did thank me, so I guess they do at least a little.”
“That’s great!”
It comes out a whole lot louder tha
n I want it to, but when she laughs, the need to kick myself lessens.
“I should probably go, but after school, do you wanna do something?”
“Like what?”
“A movie?”
I’m not going to admit it out loud, but her wanting to go to the movies with me, knowing that there are going to be other people there, probably people we go to school with, floors me. I have no idea what to think, much less say in response to this.
“Eric, did you hear me?”
“Yeah…”
“So do you wanna go to the movies?”
“Are you sure you wanna be seen with me?”
Moving quickly until she’s sitting beside me on the bench, her bubble gum scent making its way across and straight up into my nose, she reaches her hand out until it’s on top of mine.
“Is that really what you think?” she says, her voice barely an octave above a whisper. “That I don’t want to be seen with you?”
“Well, yeah. I mean no one else wants to be seen with me.”
“You’re the only one I want to be seen with, Eric.”
“Why?”
“Easy. You’re the only one that sees me.”
Chapter Fifteen
Amelia
It’s been a really long time since I’ve had a great day.
A good day for me really doesn’t consist of much. If I wake up in the morning and I’m not riddled with nightmares, that’s a good day to me. If I get to hang out with my friends, at least the way we were before, it made it even better.
I really can’t remember the last time I had a great day though. I know I’ve had them, it’s just been so long that pinpointing a time is impossible.
When Eric said he’d go to the movies with me, especially after everything that happened before I got out of Daniel’s office, a good day turned into something great. The only part that wasn’t was what he said to me after I asked him.
His question though, it’s valid. There was a time not that long ago where being seen with him at all was basically committing social suicide. I wouldn’t be caught dead doing it because of the embarrassment factor alone, but things are different now.
Take Me With You Page 13