Angel Series Books #1-2.5

by Tracy Lorraine

  “Better than we thought. I think he was aware that his dad was getting frail and it wasn’t going to be long. Mum seems to be worse than Dad, actually,” Abbi explains. “Molly, could you grab the milk out of the fridge, please?”

  Once everything is on a tray I follow Abbi and Liv to the living room. I hang back by the door again though. I can’t help but feel like I’m intruding on this very private family moment. I watch both Ryan’s sisters comfort him. They are all so close that I feel a wave of jealousy wash over me like I do when I’m at the Morrisons’.

  They all chat for a few minutes while Mrs. Evans pours tea for everyone. I see the moment she notices there is one too many teacups, then watch as her head snaps in my direction and her lips press into a hard line. I inwardly groan. Here we go.

  “What the hell are you doing here? This is a family matter. You’re not welcome here, so I suggest you go home.” I feel my eyes pop open and my jaw drops at her words. Well, that was worse than I thought it was going to be.

  All of a sudden, a series of voices break me from my shocked state, “MUM,” “KAREN, please,” Mr. Evans, Ryan, Abbi and Liv all shout at once and look mortified by her words.

  “No, it’s okay. She’s right, that’s why I was hanging back out here. I don’t want to intrude on such a tragic time for you all. Mr. Evans, I’m so sorry to hear about your dad. From what I’ve heard, he was an amazing guy.”

  “Thank you, Molly. But please, call me Dave.”

  “Mum, I asked for Molly to be here. She drove because she could tell I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to get myself here safely.”

  “I’m very grateful she got you here safely Ryan, I am. Thank you for driving him here, Molly,” she says unconvincingly.

  “You’re welcome,” I say with my brightest smile.

  “But you can go now. Ryan will be fine, he has his family around him.” She turns and starts sipping her tea like she is already bored of me.

  “Mum, I’m sorry, but Molly is staying. You either need to accept that or we will be finding ourselves a hotel for the night as I want to be here for Dad and my sisters.”

  Mrs. Evans looks like she has been slapped across the face. “Fine, but I suggest she keeps herself scarce because this is about family. If she were so concerned about family, maybe she should sort her own out.”

  “Mother, that is enough. I didn’t come here to fight. I will show Molly up to my room so she can get herself settled.” Thank God, get me out of here.

  “Ryan, she is not sleeping in your room with you. Have some respect in my house,” she scolds.

  “Mum, Molly is my friend. She will sleep in my bed-”

  “Oh no-” she interrupts.

  Ryan throws his mum a death look. “As I was saying, she will sleep in my bed and I will sleep on the floor. Unless you would prefer we went to a hotel right now?”

  “No, I want you here,” she says making it quite clear what she really means.

  “Come on Molly, let’s get our stuff out the car and you can get settled upstairs.”

  A few hours later, I’m laid in Ryan’s bed in his childhood room that looks like it hasn’t been touched since the day he moved out. There are posters of old indie bands on the walls, all his sport trophies and medals, along with a few photos of friends and family. I love looking at old pictures of him. He has always been good-looking but he used to be tall and lanky. His muscles didn’t really come until he was about eighteen. I look down at the floor where Ryan has laid out some bedding for when he comes up later and sigh.

  He tried to convince me to come back down, but I refused point blank. I’d had enough for one day. I just wanted to curl up in bed. The aches and pains from my earlier activity are getting worse by the minute. So I’m lying here trying to sleep, listening to the rumble of the conversation downstairs, whilst being completely covered in the smell of Ryan. Eventually, I drift off.

  Sometime many hours later, I’m aware of Ryan coming in. After he’s stripped out of his clothes he comes over to me, kisses my forehead and thanks me for coming before apologising again for his mum. I feel his hand caress my cheek gently and him kiss my head again before he lies down on his makeshift bed. Once I know he’s down, I can’t help the smile that breaks across my face, and touch my hand to my cheek where he did a few moments ago.

  A few minutes go by as I try to get back to sleep, when I suddenly hear a sob fill the room. I open my eyes and look down at Ryan. The moonlight that fills the room allows me to see his back and shoulders shaking. I quickly climb down onto the floor with my pillow, get under his covers, and slide myself up behind him. I feel him jump slightly, but he relaxes when he realises it’s me. I wrap my arm around his waist and kiss his shoulder before putting my head down next to his. I listen as his sobs eventually fade and his breathing evens out, telling me he’s drifted off. After an internal battle, I decide to stay where I am, just in case he wakes up upset. I want to be here for him.

  I spend most of the next day in Ryan’s room working. Luckily the IT guy came to the office yesterday morning and networked our laptops so I can get to everything. I do make appearances for breakfast and lunch; everyone is lovely to me apart from Mrs. Evans, not that I’m surprised. Throughout the day, Ryan comes up to check in on me and brings me drinks. I’ve heard a lot of coming and going downstairs but I keep out of the way unless Ryan begs me to come down.

  I’ve spoken to Jax a couple of times this afternoon as he has sent me some final concepts for me to okay for a new clothing boutique in the city. He sounds crazy happy on the phone, but I just put it down to the fact that I’m pretty miserable having been hauled up in Ryan’s tiny bedroom.

  I just put the phone down when Ryan comes in. “Hey, you okay?” I ask. He’s looking a bit dejected.

  “Yeah, some of my grandad’s friends just left. We’ve been chatting about him for ages.”

  “Aw that’s nice, I bet they had some great memories.”

  “Yeah, they did. I’ve come to let you know dinner is ready. I’ve told Mum to be nice, so it’s safe!” Yeah, like that will shut her up.

  To my surprise, dinner wasn’t as dramatic as I was expecting. Mrs. Evans didn't even look in my direction, which was fine by me. Everyone else was lovely though, and spent the meal catching up on each other’s lives. I once again excused myself after dinner and continued working, just to keep myself busy. Ryan has come up a few times to try to convince me to come down, but I keep making excuses.

  I am once again laid in his bed, staring at the ceiling. I’ve heard Abbi and Liv come to bed, and I’m pretty sure Dave has as well.

  I’ve been dying for a drink for ages but have been trying to wait until everyone has come up before I venture out. I cave in the end, get up and head downstairs. I come to a stop halfway down when I hear my name mentioned. I bend down to look through the balustrade and into the kitchen where the voices are coming from. I can see Ryan sat opposite his mum with his back to me.

  “I just don’t understand why you are still friends with her. She was only about because of Hannah. Why is she still clinging to you? Hasn’t she got any other friends?”

  “Mu-”

  “She is the kind of girl you always said you didn’t want. You want a nice sweet girl to settle down with, like Hannah, God rest her soul. Molly has been around the block a few times to say the least from what I’ve heard.” I feel my mouth drop open at this. How fucking dare she? “You need to be out there finding a nice girl who will make a good wife and mother to your children, not the local bike who will most probably screw you over with someone else.”

  “I know. I’m struggling with this enough; I don’t need you on my case too.”

  I feel tears sting my eyes. How can he say that? How can he not fight for me? He told me not so long ago he would always fight for me.

  I make a snap decision. I quietly but quickly make my way back upstairs, shove everything into my bag, and put one of Ryan’s hoodies on over my pyjamas. I double check I’ve g
ot everything, write a note to leave on his pillow, sneak back downstairs and out the front door as quietly as I possibly can. I can hear them still talking and my name mentioned again, but I’m too angry and upset to stop and listen his time. I’ve heard enough. I throw my stuff in the car, start the engine, and tear off the drive like a bat out of hell.

  After stopping for a coffee and to set the SatNav around the corner from their house, I start my long drive home. Alone.

  It’s not until about an hour in to the journey that I feel the tears start to dry up. I’m so hurt by the fact that Ryan didn’t defend me. His mum was making me out to be a right tramp. Yes, I know I’m not the world’s most innocent person, but I’ve had my reasons, and Ryan knows damn well what they are. He could have said anything other than ‘I know’, like he was just agreeing with her.

  I take myself back to the office again because I can’t stand being in Ryan’s house at the moment. I let myself in and go straight to the sofa that I’ve become very friendly with recently, and lie down. When I think about what happened, I can’t help breaking into tears again.

  “You said you would always fight for me, you bastard. Why didn’t you f-fight f-f-for m-m-m-me?” I shout in to the empty office. I think eventually I cry myself to sleep.

  Ryan

  I don’t know how many times I’ve got to defend Molly to my mum. We’ve been through all of this shit numerous times over the years, and almost every time I’ve spoken to her since Hannah died and we stayed friends. I’m getting to the point where I just agree to get it over with, because I feel like a fucking parrot constantly repeating the same conversation and answers to her questions.

  “Mum, that’s it. I’ve had enough. Every time we talk, you have something to say about her. You’re constantly putting her down, and I’m sick to my back teeth of it. Molly is my best friend. Without her I don’t know how I would have got through this year. Quite frankly I don’t care what you think, because you don’t have to be her friend. You just have to be nice to her because she means so much to me.

  “Is she my normal type? No. Is she everything I’ve always said I wanted? No. But I had those things with Hannah and look how that turned out. She is an amazing person and she makes me happy when I’m around her. We might never be anything but friends, but if something else does happen, then quite frankly it’s none of your fucking business, Mother. Who I spend time with is up to me, not you. I am an adult and can make my own decisions.”

  I slam my palms down on the table and force my chair out behind me as I stand to leave. My mum just stares at me like I’ve grown two heads. I’ve never lost my temper with her before, and I very rarely swear around her either. I stand and look at her for a few more seconds before striding out of the room. All I can think is how much I want to see the person who is asleep upstairs.

  It’s dark when I enter the room so I don’t pay much attention to my surroundings. I do as I did last night: take my clothes off, then walk over to Molly only in my boxers to kiss her goodnight. When I get to the bed, I see it’s empty.

  “Molly?” I whisper into the room, but nothing. I go out to check the bathroom but it’s empty. I feel myself start to panic as I walk towards the hall window to look at the driveway. There is an empty space.

  “Shit,” I mutter as I run my hands through my hair in frustration. Fuck, what if she heard us talking about her? Shit, why am I asking what if? Of course she heard. She’s fucking left, of course she heard. It sounded like I wasn’t defending her until I snapped at the end. I storm back into my room, putting the light on this time. I pull my clothes back on and stuff my things in to my bag before turning to leave the room. It’s then I notice a note on my pillow.

  You said you would always fight for me.

  “FUUUUUCK,” I shout as I take off running down the stairs. Mum is tidying the kitchen when I round the corner.

  “Where are your car keys?” I shout, startling her.

  “What?” she questions as she spins around.

  “Where are your fucking car keys?” I spit at her.

  “Ryan, what’s happened?”

  “You…you are what’s happened. You, slagging her off, and she’s fucking gone because of it. She’s packed her stuff, got in her car and left. All because you can’t accept her as my friend. Now give me your keys.” I demand with my hand out.

  At that moment, my dad comes around the corner with a set of keys in his hand. He looks half asleep. I must have woken him up with my shouting. I don’t care though, because he is giving me what I want, what I need.

  “Thank you. It’s good to know someone cares.”

  I pat my dad on the shoulder as I turn to leave. I jump in Mum’s car and speed away. She hardly drives the thing so it splutters at bit at first. I keep reminding myself to keep my speed in check. I won’t be worth much to anyone dead in a ditch.

  I have to go home first. Not because I think she’s there, because I know she’s not, but because I know I have a spare key to my old flat. There is no way she is going to let me in willingly if she has heard what I think she has. I’m going to need to let myself in to get to her.

  I notice I was right when I pull up to the house and don’t see her car. I leave the car running while I get the keys, then quickly head towards where I know she is.

  I almost smile to myself when I see her car behind Cocoa’s, relieved that I was right. I go straight to the door to the flat above and shove the key in the lock. Relief floods me when I realise they haven’t changed the locks. I take the stairs three at a time, eager to get to her. I look around and see it looks deserted, so guess she must be in her old room that is now a living room.

  The door is shut so I gently push it open to reveal Molly fast asleep on the sofa, with the moonlight casting light across her face where she hasn’t shut the curtains. I notice a pile of tissues next to where her head is resting on the armrest. The sight breaks my heart.

  I walk up to where she is sleeping and run my fingers down her cheek. I want to wake her up gently, not scare the shit out of her.

  “Molly,” I whisper gently and kiss her hair.

  She groans lightly and I watch her eyes start to flicker as she begins to wake.

  “Molly, it’s just me. I’m so sorry. I came after you as soon as I realised you’d left,” I say in a soothing voice, while stroking my hand down her hair.

  Her eyelids flicker open slowly, but as soon as she realises what is going on, her eyes are wide and she sits bolt upright.

  “What the fuck are you doing here? How did you get in?” she says, looking panicked.

  “I knew you’d be here so I stopped at home and got my key. I had a feeling you wouldn’t let me in if I knocked.”

  “That feeling was correct. I actually hate you right now. I can’t believe you just let her go off on me like that. You didn’t even try to defend me - you actually fucking agreed with her. You didn’t fight for me, you bastard. You promised.”

  “It’s not like it looked, Molly, I swear it’s not.”

  “Ha, yeah, that’s what they always say.”

  She tries pushing me away from where I am crouched in front of her, but I put my arms on her shoulders to hold her in place.

  “Just hear me out, please?” I sit back when I feel her relax under my hands.

  “No, I want you to leave.” She stands up and strides over to the door, indicating the way she wants me to go. “I don’t want you here; I don’t even want to look at you.”

  She turns her face away from me but not before I see a tear fall onto her cheek.

  “I’m not going anywhere until you listen to me,” I say, walking over until I am standing in front of her.

  She still has her face away from me so I reach out, gently take her chin in my hand, and move her head until she is looking at me. Her eyes are red and bloodshot from crying, and she has fresh tears running down her cheeks. “Molly, I do not and will never agree with what my mum thinks of you.”

  “But you did. I heard you
. She said I wasn’t your type, was a complete slut, and explained how you need to find a nice girl - and you said ‘I know’. You fucking agreed with her and said you were struggling with it. Struggling with me.”

  “I was not agreeing with what she said. Look, Molly, you were right before when you said my mum hates you. I know I said she didn’t, but every time I see her or talk to her, she goes off like she did tonight about you. I have defended you so many times I couldn’t possibly count. I am constantly repeating myself to her but she never listens. She’s formed her own opinions and refuses to change them, no matter what I say. The last few times she has done it, I have found it easier to let her run out of steam before I say anything. Trust me, it makes the whole thing quicker. If you had hung around you would have heard me defend you. I think I actually scared her a little because I lost it. She has no right to talk about you the way she does, and it really fucking pisses me off.” As I explain, I feel myself getting worked up again.

  She looks down at the floor again but I put my hand on her cheek to pull her back.

  “You’re shaking,”

  “I’m so fucking angry. I thought I’d calmed down on the drive here but remembering it just makes me mad again. You are the most wonderful person, Molly. I don’t know how she can’t see that, can’t see everything you have done for me this year.”

  “I need you to explain why you said ‘I know’ when she said all that stuff. I’m struggling to understand, Ryan.”

  “I said I was struggling because I am. Not because you’re not my usual type or because of any of the nasty things she said; you know deep down I don’t think any of those things about you. But I’m struggling because of what has been going on between us. I know you spoke to Susan the other night because she came to see me afterwards. So don’t pretend like you don’t know what I’m talking about because I know you do. And just so you know, I don’t want to ruin what we’ve already got either, Molly.”