I’ve got all these questions flying at a mile a minute through my mind as I run as fast as I can through the club in these heels.
“Emma,” someone calls, but I keep my head down and keep going. I need to get away before he comes after me. He’s going to want answers, and I’m not sure if I’ve got any. I’m a mess, and a huge fuck up. I mean, what woman in their right mind runs out on Ruben Foster? Ruben fucking sex God Foster. I just left him in the disabled toilet after I half stripped him. He told me that I was too good to be doing that in a toilet, and asked to take me home, and I just ran like the hounds of hell were snapping at my heels. What the actual fuck is wrong with me?
“Emma, wait. Are you okay?”
When the owner of the voice appears in my vision, I see that it is the guy I was dancing with earlier, and he looks seriously concerned. Well, to be fair, who wouldn’t be? I can only guess that my lipstick is smeared all over my face and God knows what kind of marks Ruben has caused on my neck and chest. I must look like a right hot mess.
“Shit, what happened? Are you okay?” he asks, while looking me over, I guess to check for injures.
“I’m fine, I’m fine,” I say, trying to convince him. “I just need to get out of here. TAXI!” I shout when I get to the curb outside the club and see one pulling up.
“I’ll come with you, make sure you get home alright.”
“NO!” I shout. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to shout. Honestly, I’m fine. Thanks for your concern, but I really need to go.” I jump in the taxi, give the driver my address and sit back. It’s then that I see Ruben come running out of the club, looking panicked. I slouch down in my seat and pray he hasn’t seen me.
When we get to my cottage, I pay the driver before jumping out and heading straight to my back garden to find the spare key I have hidden in one of those fake pebble things. I pay no attention to my surroundings - my only focus is getting inside my house and locking myself in away from Ruben, who I know is going to turn up very soon and I just can’t face seeing him.
I’m embarrassed. I’m mortified, and still seriously turned on. I can’t get the image of what we were doing out of my head. It’s like it’s on repeat. As are the feelings that are still surging around my body. They won’t leave me, either.
I shove the key in the lock and quickly get myself inside. I smile to myself as I lock all the deadbolts that my dad insisted on, but it only lasts a second because the thought of my dad - any of my family, in fact, bursts the dam that I was holding. The first sob erupts as I slide my back down the door. I put my head in my hands and let the tears flow. I let out all the frustration, tension and embarrassment that he has caused within me.
“Em, is that you?” I hear shouted from the living room, and I scream bloody murder. I grab the first thing I can get my hands on, which, usefully, is my fabric owl doorstop. It may be filled with rice to make it heavy, but it ain’t gonna do fuck all to protect me from a burglar.
I go to stand up and have the owl in both hands ready to swing at whoever it is. It completely escapes my attention in my panic that the intruder knows my name.
“Shit, Em, what’s wrong?” he says as he enters the kitchen and sees what a mess I am.
One look at his face and I drop the owl and run full force into his body. He has to take a step back to steady himself, but soon wraps his arms around me.
“Shhh…it’s okay, sis, I’ve got you.”
I’m only there for a minute or two before the pounding on the door starts.
“Emma, open the door, please.” It sounds quite a polite request but I can hear the panic and possible anger in his tone.
Dec goes to move toward the door, making me panic. “No!” I say between sobs.
“Okay, whatever you want,” he says, but continues to hold me as Ruben carries on knocking the door and shouting for me to answer.
“I’m sorry, Em. I thought you were with me, I didn’t mean to freak you out. I’m sorry. Please let me in so we can talk about it.”
Dec pulls back from me and I sheepishly look up at him. He raises an eyebrow in question and I let out a breath, knowing there is no way I’m going to get away with not explaining all this to him.
“Do I need to go out and beat the shit out of this guy for hurting you?” he asks all protectively, which makes me laugh, but also makes my tears fall again.
“No. Come on,” I say, taking his hand and dragging him into the living room.
“So you just ran out on him after all that?” Dec asks, looking both proud and shocked by my explanation of what happened.
“Pretty much, yeah.”
“Why? It sounded like it would have ended well,” he says with a wink.
I often forget that my annoying little brother is no longer a child and has grown into a fully grown player. From the stories I’ve heard, I’d say he’s had more women than I’ve had hot dinners. He has managed to turn into a guy that is the opposite of what I want in a man. Well, that’s if I wanted a man. He is basically a younger version of Ruben, so I shouldn’t be surprised that Dec is on his side.
“I should’ve known you would side with him. You’re just as bad as each other.”
Dec looks a little offended by my comment but doesn’t say anything about it. “So, you don’t want to be with him then, even though you almost shagged him in the toilets?”
“I didn’t almost shag him in the toilets. I told you, he said we needed to stop.”
“Yeah, he said that, not you! I’m sorry, Em, I don’t get the issue. How do you go from getting hot and steamy with this guy to running home and crying in my arms?”
“He’s bad news, Dec. He’s a player and he’ll end up breaking my heart if I let him.”
“Oh my God. You’ve fallen for him, haven’t you?”
I just flush red and look away from my little brother. I’m aware of how guilty I look but I can’t help it.
“Wow, I never thought I’d see the day,” he says with a smile. “You, who has always said you don’t want a man, has fallen head over heels for one. Why are you running from him if you want him then, Em?”
“He’ll break my heart. I just know he will. He doesn’t do relationships and I have no intention on being a one night stand. After all the heartache I’ve had losing Hannah, a broken heart is the last thing I want to deal with.”
Throughout our conversation, the door is still being knocked, and Ruben is still shouting through for me to answer. Not happening; I can’t face him.
“You don’t know that’s what’s going to happen, though. He seems pretty persistent for a guy you say only wants a quick shag. There’s no way I’d go to this much effort. If a girl did to me what you just did to him, then I wouldn’t be chasing her. I’d find a replacement. I’m sure the club was full of willing women.”
I hate to admit it, but Dec does have a point. Why bother chasing me?
“What was that noise?” I ask when I hear a weird kind of purr come from by the front door.
“Oh, it’s your house warming present. I completely forgot with your dramatic arrival.”
I watch as he gets up and goes in the direction of the noise. A few seconds later, he comes back with a black case hanging from his arm.
“I thought it was about time you got what you have always wanted, now you have your own house. Say hello to Kia,” he says, placing the pet carrier down on the coffee table in front of me.
I glance in through the black meshing and see a pair of green feline eyes looking back at me. My eyes fill back up with tears as we look at each other. I’ve wanted a cat for as long as I can remember, but Hannah was allergic, so I could never have one. I spent a lot of years with an imaginary one when I was younger. I’ve had the name picked out for forever, and she had to be black and white. I don’t remember why. Probably from Postman Pat or something!
“I don’t like the thought of you being alone, so I thought it was time,” Dec adds, making me cry harder. I can’t lie, the first thing I thought about when I bought
this place was getting one, but with all the decorating and everything I hadn’t really got around to it.
“Oh God, those are happy tears, right?” Dec asks, looking slightly panicked.
“Yeah, they are. Thank you so much, Dec. I love her,” I say, leaning forward, unzipping the carrier and getting the tiny thing curled up on my lap.
“So how come you’re up here during the summer? I thought you’d be too busy with your business.” My little brother is always up to something. He is currently studying for a degree in business down in Exeter, but at the same time he has started his own surfing company down on one of the more unknown surfing beaches. From what I’ve seen on Facebook so far, it seems to be taking off really well.
“Lilly hasn’t been very well, so I had to come to see her.”
“What? She hasn’t said anything to me,” I say, sounding a little put out. I know things have been a little strained between us since Hannah’s death. I couldn’t help it, though, Lilly just looks so much like Hannah that it hurt like hell to look at her for quite a while after the accident. We’ve never talked about it, but I know Lilly knew why I was pulling away from her. That being said, though, I’m hurt that she’s been so ill that Dec came all the way from Cornwall to be with her, and she couldn’t answer when I called and texted her over the last couple of weeks. “I guess that’s why she’s been AWOL, then. I was starting to get worried.”
“She’s just had bad flu. She hasn’t really been out of bed, so don’t be offended that she hasn’t been in touch.” Something about the way Dec says that doesn’t sit quite right with me, but I don’t question it. “She’s starting to improve now though, so maybe try again in a few days.”
“I wish I knew you were coming, I would have sorted out a bed for you.” My spare room is still full of boxes, most of which are rammed with books. I really need to get out and find a bookcase for them all. “You can sleep with me,” I offer, but don’t really mean it. I hate sleeping with other people. The only person I’ve ever shared a bed with is Hannah, and Dec knows this.
“I appreciate the offer, Em, but I’m okay sleeping on the sofa. I’m only staying the night, I really need to get back tomorrow. I don’t trust the guys alone with the business.”
After setting up Kia’s food and water bowl and installing her litter tray in the bathroom, we turn in for the night. Dec to the sofa, once I’ve found him a pillow and blanket, and Kia and myself up to bed. She gets instructions from me about using the litter tray if she needs to and not the bed. She purrs at me as I talk to her, and I can’t help but smile at her sweet little face.
Even though we went to sleep in the early hours, I give up and get up at seven. I might be an early riser, but that isn’t the issue this morning. The problem is that every time I shut my eyes, he’s there. His golden eyes won’t leave me, and I keep waking up all hot and sweaty after dreaming about our rendezvous in the club toilets.
I’m still unsure how I feel about the whole thing. Part of me feels like a right tramp for doing that in the toilets, but another part of me seriously regrets running away. If I’d just agreed and let him take me home…
My mind wanders again as I visit the bathroom to start the day. I love that the minute I get out of bed, I hear small paws following me. We’ve only been together a few hours, but already she makes me feel much more content in my own home, and less alone.
I don’t need to look into my living room to know that Dec is still asleep. I could hear his snoring when I was halfway down the stairs.
I get the coffee maker going as soon as I step foot in the kitchen. Being the daughter of a barista, only the best coffee will do. The first thing Mum bought all of us as we moved out was a smaller version of the coffee machines she has in Cocoa’s, her coffee shop. Mum always said her kids were too good to drink cheap instant coffee, and I’m always grateful for that, but never more so than this morning when I’m exhausted and slightly hungover from the night before.
The smell of the beans instantly perks me up as I go about tiding the kitchen. I check Kia isn’t about to dart for freedom before I unlock the back door to put the rubbish in the wheelie bin. I just step out of the door when a figure slumped in one of my garden chairs scares the shit out of me. I scream at the top of my voice and my heart starts pounding in my chest. I hold the rubbish bag to my chest in defence as I begin to step back.
When my panic starts to fade and I actually look at the person sat there, I realise it’s Ruben, and he looks awful. His usually bright eyes are dark and sullen, and they have dark rings around them. He’s still wearing the same clothes as last night, and his once crisp shirt is now rumpled and creased.
Our eyes connect and hold for a few seconds before I drop my arms and the rubbish bag in defeat. As I do this, I watch his eyes lower to take in my body. The moment I see the beginning of a smile tug at the corners of his lips, I seriously regret my choice of nightwear. His t-shirt!
“Emma, is everything okay?” Dec shouts as he comes running through the kitchen to stand behind me.
Ruben is instantly out of his chair and walking towards us. Gone is his tired and weary look, and in its place is a pumped up guy ready to fight.
“Here we go,” I mutter quietly to myself.
I look back and forth between the two of them staring at each other like they’re going to kill each other.
I’m suddenly pushed to the side as Ruben launches himself at Dec and holds him around the throat up against my kitchen wall.
“Ruben, don’t you fucking dare,” I shout as I start pulling at his shirt. I’ve learnt my lesson from last time, so stand well back.
I can see how he would get the wrong idea about what is going on here, with Dec stood in nothing but his boxers, obviously having just woken up, looking at the pillow crease on his cheek and his bed hair. “Ru, you’ve got it wrong. Don’t do it, please.”
“It’s okay, Em. If he cares about you then he’ll see it. And if not, then I’m pretty sure I can take him.”
I just look to Dec, completely confused by his words. Well, that is until he winks at me. He means our eyes. He’s saying that if Ruben really cares and has paid attention, then he’ll see the resemblance between us and back off.
I look back at Ruben and beg him with my eyes to back off. He looks back and forth between us a few times before I see the penny drop. He slowly lets go of Dec and steps back.
“You’re Declan.” He states. Then, in case he’s wrong he adds, “Right?”
“Yeah. And I’m guessing you’re Ruben, seeing as you have spent all night by my sister’s back door. That’s a bit much don’t you think, dude?”
“I just wanted to talk to her,” Ruben replies, like I’m not stood right here.
“Didn’t you get the message when she left you high and dry last night and then refused to answer the door? That you banged on for hours, I might add.”
Kia comes bravely to the back door and I scoop her up in my arms while I continue to watch what’s going on in front of me.
“She can’t just ignore me after…that.”
“Hello.” I wave at them. “She is stood right here and can speak for herself.”
They both turn to look at me and wait for me to say more. I suddenly regret saying anything at all, because now Ruben wants answers that I still don’t have for him. I take a deep breath and say the only thing I can think of that is going to put an end to this situation. “Ruben…yesterday was a…mistake. I’m sorry, I just got drunk and carried away. It won’t be happening again, so I suggest you leave.”
“Come on, Em. You don’t mean that.”
“I do,” I say as strongly as I can.
“No, you don’t. I could tell that isn’t how you felt, alcohol or not.”
“You need to leave,” Dec growls. “She’s told you what she wants. You need to listen to her.”
“But,” he questions, looking between us, and I step aside so he can pass me and head home. Eventually, he gets the message, and slowly sta
rts heading through my front garden with his head hung.
“You okay?” Dec asks as he puts his arm around my shoulder and pulls me to him. I nod into his chest, but I don’t think I’m being truthful. I didn’t want him to go, really.
Ruben
I begged.
I practically begged for her to talk to me. And in front of her brother.
I sat there all night hoping she would cave and talk to me, even that she would feel sorry for me and at least let me in. I didn’t know she was inside telling her brother all about what happened with me. No wonder he didn’t seem to like me very much. If Connie had told me that story about some guy, I wouldn’t be too impressed either.
“There you are. I just got off the phone to Emma. I’m sorry it didn’t work out, Ru. When you both disappeared, I presumed…well, it doesn’t matter what I presumed.”
I just look at her, grab a carton of orange juice from the fridge and head straight up to my bedroom. I need a shower and sleep, and hopefully at some point during those, I will forget everything about the last twenty-four hours.
Well, forgetting about it didn’t happen. I can’t stop fucking thinking about it. About her. What the fuck is wrong with me? Why can’t I put her behind me as a failed hook up and move on to the next hot woman I find? Why am I comparing every woman I see to her, and why are none of them anywhere near her?
I spent the rest of Sunday afternoon, after I got a little bit of sleep, helping Connie sort out a delivery at the coffee shop. Somehow, she managed to order double the amount she normally does, and couldn’t move it all herself as well as serve customers. I hated seeing the sympathy in her eyes every time she looked at me. I much prefer the look of distaste I get after spending night after night with different women.
I’d forgotten that we had agreed to go to our parents’ to have dinner tonight. Connie helpfully reminded me as we locked up the coffee shop. The last thing I need is my mum on my case.
I try really hard to be my normal self so that Mum and Dad don’t notice my funny mood straight away, but I don’t do a very good job, because we’ve only just finished passing around the jug of gravy before our dad asks what is wrong with the grumpy git!
Angel Series Books #1-2.5 Page 78