“The girl he wants turned him down, repeatedly,” Connie answers helpfully.
“Well, that must have been a novelty, Ruben,” Dad says, laughing.
Mum keeps quiet about the whole thing, but I see her studying me, so I know she is going to add her two pence about the situation at some point.
An hour later, and Connie and Dad have disappeared to watch TV, leaving Mum and me alone in the kitchen, cleaning up after our dinner.
“What happened with Emma then, baby?”
Argh, I hate it when she calls me baby. I’m twenty bloody seven years old now.
“How do you know it has anything to do with Emma?”
“Connie mentioned there was something between you two.” Of course she bloody did, gossiping cow. “Connie is thrilled you have fallen for her.”
“I’ve not fallen for her, Mum.”
“Really? So you’re not sulking then because she turned you down? I’ve never seen you sulk about a girl before. Normally you don’t care less if they say yes or no to you. Not that many say no to my gorgeous boy,” she adds with a wink, making me cringe. “Plus, I saw you the other day turning Danni away from your front door. She was so brazen as well. I was proud of you, baby.”
Oh great, Mum watched Danni get her tits out to try to entice me the other day.
“She’s just different to the other girls. She deserves more.”
“All girls deserve more than how you treat them, Ruben,” she chastises. “But the fact you have recognised that about Emma means you care more about her than the others. It would be so good to see you settle down, maybe make me some grand babies.”
“I don’t think that is going to be happening anytime soon. She’s barely talking to me at the best of times.”
“She might be just as scared as you are, Ruben. Have you thought of that?”
“Scared of me? I don’t think so, Mum. She doesn’t think I’m good enough for her, and I can’t say I don’t agree.”
“Don’t be silly; any girl would be lucky to have you, baby.”
“You have to say that, I’m your son!”
“No, I don’t. Anyway, I didn’t mean scared of you, I meant scared of the situation, of her feelings for you. From what Connie’s told me, the feelings are mutual.”
“I’m not so sure about that,” I say sadly.
“If you like her, baby, you’ve got to show her how you feel. Fight for her.”
“I thought I was,” I mumble to myself, but Mum hears it and puts her arm around my shoulders.
Mum’s advice rang in my ears all last night and this morning. She’s right, of course. I need to continue to show Emma how I feel if I want a chance with her. Giving up now would result in nothing happening. It’s not like she’s suddenly going to start chasing after me when she spends most of her time running away as fast as she can. She wants me, though. I can tell by the look in her eyes and by how she reacted to me on Saturday night. If she wasn’t interested, she wouldn’t have acted like she did.
Fuck’s sake, just one thought of Saturday night and my cock is as hard as fucking steel. Nothing I do relieves it properly. It’s calling for her, and her only. If only she understood just quite how badly I want her. No, not want, need. How much I need her.
I found out from Connie last night that Emma isn’t working today, so I decided to take the morning off, seeing as I have site meetings all afternoon and well into the evening, and instead go for a run. I’m just hoping I can convince Emma to come with me.
When I get to her cottage, I knock on her back door, but after getting no answer, I check to see if it’s unlocked. It is, so I peer around the door and shout for her, but again, no response. I’m not surprised though, as I can hear music blaring from upstairs. I decide to go in search of her.
When I find her, I can’t quite believe my eyes. I lean against the bathroom doorframe and watch with amazement as she cleans the bath while singing and dancing along to Jason Derulo’s ‘Talk Dirty to Me’. She is scrubbing the tiles with a sponge in only a purple lace bra and knickers. This girl has turned me in to a right perv, as I once again find myself watching her without her knowledge. She continues to wiggle her arse in time to the music, and I know I need to announce my presence.
“How I want to strip that lace from your body and make you scream my name,” I answer, when she sings for me to talk dirty to her.
She screeches, like she does every time I make her jump. She goes to turn around, but must slip on a bit of cleaner in the bath, and I just about catch her before she crumples into a pile.
I lift her out and stand her on her shaggy bath mat. She instantly reaches for a towel to cover herself up.
“I don’t think so,” I growl, as I snatch the towel from her hands and throw it across the bathroom. “Never hide this body from me, Emma.”
“Wha-what are you doing here?”
“Well, I came to see if you wanted to go for a run, but I was not expecting to find this,” I say, as I skim my knuckles down the side of her breast, over the indent of her waist and down to her hip. I watch her eyes glaze over slightly and my semi turns to a full on hard on when I see her nipples pebble under the lace of her bra at my touch.
“Fuck, you’re unbelievable. Your body is like fucking heaven, somewhere I want to go and never leave.” I watch as her heart rate increases with my words, but she says nothing. She just looks back at me with wide eyes. I know I’ve caught her off guard, and I’m realising that seems to work best with her. If I give her too much thinking time, she takes off running.
Her hair is pulled up in a clip, so I take the opportunity to place my lips to her exposed neck. The smell of her mixed with raspberry and coconut hits me instantly and it makes my mouth water for a taste of her. I let my tongue sneak out and gently caress her soft skin. Her head rolls to the side and I feel her moan vibrate against my lips.
I step into her body. She must be able to feel my erection pressing into her belly, but she doesn’t do anything. She is still frozen to the spot. I lift my hands slowly up from her hips, back up over her waist and grab on to her tits. I rub my thumbs back and forth over her peaked nipples and she moans again, making me lose my mind.
I grab on to her arse, back her up against her vanity unit and lift her up on to it. Her legs instantly wrap around my waist and she holds tightly. My cock fits perfectly against her hot little pussy that is barely contained by a small strip of lace. I continue kissing her neck and make my way around to the other side while I run my hands up her back and undo her bra. The thought of getting her nipples in my mouth has my cock weeping for her. I slowly start to pull the fabric away from her body before I get the feeling of déjà vu.
Her hands snap up to keep the cups over her tits and she leans back away from me.
“Get out,” she says, so softly between pants that I almost miss it.
“Em, don’t do this again. I need you so badly,” I say, rubbing myself against her. “I promise you it will be amazing. I’ll make you feel so good.”
“No.”
I stand back slightly to give her some space. After a second, she moves her arm so she can cover both tits, then pushes me back farther before jumping off the side and running to her bedroom. She slams the door, and I hear her thud back against it.
“Emma, what are you doing? Come out.”
“Just leave, please,” she says, but it sounds like she’s holding in the tears as she says it.
“No, I want to talk to you. I want to know what’s stopping you. I know you like me, Em. I know you want this.”
“You don’t…you don’t want me. I’m too much of a m-mess. G-go find some random girl to hook up with like you usually do and leave me alone.”
“I don’t want to hook up with a random girl. I want you.”
“I’m sorry, Ruben. It’s just not going to happen.”
After a few seconds, I give up and start to walk away. It’s not until I’m at the bottom of the stairs that I hear her start to sob. I desperat
ely want to go back up and comfort her, but I know I’m not welcome. I want to know what’s going on with her. She’s so up for it, and then it’s like a switch is flipped and she goes cold. What is making her stop, and how can I convince her that whatever it is is all in her head? I want her so badly, but I can only hold out for so long. Mum told me to fight for her, and I have, but I can help but feel like I keep hitting a brick wall, and something tells me I’m not going to break it down. How is it the only girl I’ve ever wanted has to be the most complicated one I’ve ever met?
Chapter Ten
Emma
I hate this little voice in my head that keeps telling me he’s going to hurt me. That he will get what he wants, then leave me high and dry. I’m not too scared to admit to myself that I now like him way more than I should. I can’t do anything that doesn’t involve thoughts of him. I can’t sleep without dreaming about his dark, golden eyes and how it feels when he kisses me. I want to slap myself around the face for feeling like this about a guy. Things were so much easier when I’d convinced myself that I didn’t want a relationship, and that I was fine being single forever. I am well aware that I’m acting like one of those annoying characters I read about and want to scream at to get a grip - the guy likes you, go for it. But it’s easier said than done when it’s your life and your heart on the line. This isn’t some fiction novel. This is my life. My life, that I would like to live without any more drama and heartache. I’ve had more than enough of that. I can’t deal with any more.
After spending all day writing with Kia curled up on my lap for company, I decide that it’s time I manned up and went to talk to Ruben. I needed to apologise for my actions the last few times we have been together, but I also think it’s time that I explain what my problem is. At least then he will understand me a little better. The thought of talking about Hannah makes my heart beat a little too fast with panic, so I decide to waste a little more time and go for a run that will end up at his place.
Unfortunately, I’m stood at his front door faster than I was hoping for. I grab the handle while talking a deep breath, and walk in.
“Ruben?” I shout as I enter.
“Hey, Em. He’s not here. He’s not come home from work yet.”
I let out a huge breath at the knowledge that I might be able to put this conversation off longer.
“Are you okay? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
“Yeah, fine. Just a little light headed from jogging in the heat, I think.” I feel awful lying to Connie, but I can’t cope with having the conversation I need to have once, let alone twice. She pours me a cold glass of water and places it down on the breakfast bar.
“So…” she starts. “Have you come to have a repeat performance of Saturday night?”
“No, that was a mistake. It won’t be happening again.”
“But…”
“No. I’m serious, Connie.”
“But you both really like each other, what’s the harm?”
“I’m not interested, okay?” I state, a little more harshly than intended.
“Okay.”
Thankfully Connie changes the subject to stories of her regulars in the coffee shop. I refuse her offer of dinner and I head off to finish my run. Now I’ve missed my chance at seeing Ruben, I don’t want to hang around and wait for him to come home from work.
Feeling slightly adventurous, I take a slightly different route though the fields to get home. I jog up a small hill towards a barn that looks like it’s being converted. There is a bench in the field next to it, so I stop to catch my breath and to enjoy the view that goes on for miles over the valley below. It’s gorgeous with the sun starting to descend and the sky starting to turn a bright shade of red. Whoever owns that barn will get to enjoy some serious views when it’s complete. From what I can see, the gable end is made up entirely of glass. It’s the perfect writing spot.
I sit there for about ten minutes with everything about Ruben still rolling around my head, as well as all the things I need to say to him. I get up and head off when I start to get this weird feeling come over me that I’m being watched.
I spend the whole next day at work. I’m so busy that it almost distracts me from my impending conversation with Ruben. I decide that I’m going to see him as soon as I’ve finished work seeing, as I will most likely end up being here late. I may have cut my hours down to three days a week at the office, but they are always three very long days. I prefer that, though, because it gives me time to write and enjoy my new house as well.
“Hey,” Connie says when I walk into her living room later that evening. She instantly looks awkward and uncomfortable, which is really weird because Connie is always chilled out, no matter what is happening around her. “Shall we go and have a drink outside? It’s such a lovely evening,” she says, getting up and practically dragging me towards the back door.
“Uh…yeah, sure.”
And then I hear it. A loud female groan from upstairs.
“Shit,” Connie curses under her breath and looks back at me with wide eyes.
“Is that-” I don’t finish my question, because as more noises start to filter down from upstairs, it’s damn obvious what’s going on up there.
It’s like someone has stabbed a knife through my heart. I didn’t quite appreciate how much it would hurt to know he’s with someone else. That’s what I wanted though, right? I’ve told him multiple times to move on and find someone else. He’s only doing what I told him to do, and yet it feels like my heart is bleeding and like I’m about to lose the contents of my stomach.
“Emma,” Connie whispers sympathetically.
She barely gets my name out before we cringe at the high-pitched scream that is emitted, followed by Ruben’s name shouted very enthusiastically. I can’t stop it this time. I run to the bathroom, fall on my knees and heave until my stomach is empty. Connie is instantly behind me, rubbing my back.
When I’m done, I sit back against the bath and put my forehead on my knees.
“I’m so sorry,” Connie whispers as she puts her arm around my shoulders in comfort. “If I knew you were coming, I wouldn’t have let you.”
“It’s not your fault. And it’s not his, either. He’s only doing what I’ve told him to do. I just didn’t expect-” I can’t finish that thought. I don’t even really know how to.
We’ve just escaped the confines of the bathroom and Connie is grabbing me a drink before I leave to get rid of the putrid taste in my mouth, when we hear the clicking of heels against the stairs. We both turn towards the noise and watch as she appears in our line of sight. I instantly feel sick again. She is tall with platinum blonde hair, her make up looks almost perfect, apart from the smeared red lipstick from her earlier activities. She is wearing a long mac that she is still doing up as she walks towards us, giving us a shot of her waxed nakedness, and the garter and stockings she is wearing beneath it. Brilliant!
My stomach churns at the sight of her perfection. I feel just like I used to when standing next to Hannah and Molly. Gone is the slightly more confident woman that Connie and Ruben have brought out of me in the last few weeks. I crawl further under my rock the longer I look at her.
“Connie,” the beautiful stranger says, as she walks through the kitchen towards the front door.
“Danni,” she says with a sneer.
Danni? Danni as in Elliot’s sister that Ruben turns to on a regular basis? Of course she looks like that; why would I expect anything else?
“Been back to the Botox doctor, I see,” Connie quips.
Well, that would explain her face, then. It makes me feel a little better knowing what I’m seeing isn’t natural. Only slightly, though.
Danni tries to frown and snarl at Connie’s comment, but with the amount of Botox filling her face, she doesn’t get very far. Instead, she flicks her hair over her shoulder and flounces out the front door. Seconds later, we hear a shout and loud bang from upstairs. God knows what he’s doing now. All I know is that I can
not look at him. I need to get away from him as soon as possible.
“I should go,” I say, heading the same direction as Danni.
“Wait, Em. Are you okay? Shall I come with you?”
“No. I’m fine, honestly. It’s fine. This is as it should be.” I try to make myself sound convincing, but I’m well aware that I fall very short of that mark. Connie’s raised eyebrows tell me she doesn’t believe a word of it.
I manage to convince her that I am in fact okay, and take myself off home before Ruben shows his face. Connie was less than impressed with his actions, so I can only imagine what is going to kick off between them once I leave.
I don’t care.
I don’t care.
I don’t care.
I repeat this mantra as I shower and change into my pyjamas. After feeding Kia, I grab my Kindle and get cuddled up in bed. If there is even a chance that he is going to come after me, I want to be as far away as possible in both distance and mental capacity. Lost in a book is exactly where I need to be right now. Well, that is until my phone rings, and when I see that it’s Molly. I have to answer, in case it’s time for Sprout’s arrival.
Ruben
I spent all day working after I found Emma in her bathroom wearing that bloody lace underwear. I tried everything, still am trying everything, to get that image out of my head. After I finished everything I could think to do in the office, I headed out to what will one day be my home to keep myself busy. Hopefully it will keep my mind distracted for long enough that an hour might actually pass by without me getting a hard on. It’s getting ridiculous.
I walk past the wall of windows and a figure sat on the bench in the next field catches my eye. I instantly know that it’s her. The buzz that races through my body when she’s near is never wrong. She’s sat, staring into space deep in thought. I desperately want to go over and try to talk to her. To try to find out what is eating at her, because it’s clear watching her that she is fighting with something. I stand and watch her for a good ten minutes before she looks around, gets up and starts jogging off. She looks like a pro now, I’m really proud of how far she has come since that first day I found her, barely able to control her breathing. I work for a little longer, then head home when it starts getting dark.
Angel Series Books #1-2.5 Page 79