She thinks for a minute before saying, “No, thank you for this, though.”
“My pleasure. I’ll be downstairs when you’re ready. I’ve ordered dinner for us. I hope that’s okay.”
She nods at me, so I lean down and place a gentle kiss to her forehead before leaving her to it once again. It breaks my heart to leave her when she looks so broken.
Emma
It was my own fault. I never should’ve got the old photograph albums out. I started with the ones of us as kids, but by the time I got to us as teenagers and starting sixth form, I was a blubbering mess. I thought I’d got over the worst of the pain, but apparently not. Today, it was as bad as it’s ever been. It got to the point where I just had to get away from them, so I grabbed Hannah’s dog teddy and left, running. I didn’t stop or even notice it was raining until I got the top of the hill that had the bench on that overlooked that awesome barn.
I couldn’t even hazard a guess as to how long I sat there. I was completely lost in memories of losing her. I thought by getting out of the house and away from her smiling face, it would make it easier, but there is no getting away from her. She is always right there with me.
I didn’t even flinch when I felt Ruben pick me up. I knew it was him instantly, yet nothing other than the sheer devastation of losing Hannah circled through me. What was going on, or not going on, between us didn’t even enter my head. I just took the comfort that I so desperately needed. I thought it was best to spend today alone, which is why I lied to my parents about going out with Connie tonight, but in hindsight, I don’t think it was the smartest move.
When he started talking, I just lay there against his chest and listened to every word. That, combined with his unique scent and the beating of his heart under my ear, soothed me. I felt awful for him as he laid everything about his parents out for me, and tried to explain the whole bet fuck up. I listened to every word, but I couldn’t respond. That would mean I would have to think, and I was too numb to think.
His thoughtfulness and consideration warmed my heart. I was grateful that my parents filled him in enough to know what was going on to save me having to do it.
The minute I stepped into the warm bath he ran for me, I felt lighter. I was nice knowing that I had someone who would look after me. It was a novelty, really. I mean, my parents, Lilly and Dec were great after Hannah died, but it wasn’t anything like this.
I panicked when I heard another voice downstairs. The thought of going down and finding it full of people, even if those people are my parents and Connie because they are worried about me, fills me with dread. Over the past couple of weeks, I didn’t think I would be thinking this, but I just want to spend the night with Ruben. He’s seen me at my worst now, and he’s still here. I owe it to him. Plus, I need to thank him for what he’s done this evening.
Thankfully, the chatting stops, and before long I hear him heading my way. Knowing I’m covered almost head to toe in bubbles, I let him in. The sight of him with a cold glass of wine in his hand is like heaven. I notice instantly that he’s changed and is now out of his wet work clothes. I’m almost disappointed, because the way his wet white shirt clung to all his muscles was pretty breath-taking. It almost made it all worth it. Almost.
After thanking him, I watch as he scoops my wet clothes up and disappears the way he came with them.
Another hour must pass before I’m brave enough to show my face. I’m now slightly embarrassed that he saw me like that, but I’m also scared of what I might do when I see the photo albums spread all over the living room.
I know dinner has been delivered, because my stomach is growling where it smells so good. Eventually, my empty stomach takes over my thoughts, and I head down to find him.
Ruben is in the kitchen when I get downstairs, getting plates out for us. He must hear me coming because he turns the second I walk in the room and says, “I was just about to come and get you.”
I ignore his comment completely and walk straight into him. His arms instantly wrap around me and I breathe him in deep. I feel him kiss the top of my head and it sends tingles through my body.
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. Whatever you need, babe, I’m here.”
We stay like that for a few more minutes. Well, until my stomach growls so loudly that I feel his body shake with laughter.
“Go and sit down in the living room and I’ll plate it up,” he says with a smile as he ushers me towards the living room.
“No…” I say in a panic, “I can’t go in there.”
“I’ve tidied them all up. Go on, I’ll only be a minute.”
I turn to look back at him, and I don’t think I’ve ever been go grateful in my entire life. I walk straight back up to him, reach up on my tiptoes and give him a quick kiss to the lips before going to sit down.
As promised, he arrives a few minutes later with the Indian he ordered.
“How did you know this was my favourite?” I ask when he puts a plate with not only my favourite curry on in front of me, but also onion bhajis and a peshwari naan.
“I asked your mum when I spoke to her to let her know you were okay. I promised her you’d call when you’re up for it, by the way.”
I already have my mouth full of food, so I respond with a head nod and a smile.
“Oh my God, that was so good,” I say as I sip the last bit of my wine. I only allowed myself a few mouthfuls upstairs, because I knew I hadn’t eaten anything all day and I’d be a drunken mess by the time I got out of the bath if I had it all.
“I’ve got pudding as well, but I think I need a breather before that.”
My eyes fill with tears as the image of the toffee cheesecake with two candles in flashes through my brain.
“Hey, it’s okay,” Ruben says softly as he moves the tray from my lap and places it down on the coffee table.
“I’m sorry. It’s just…we had all these birthday traditions…and I miss them. I miss her.” I try my best to keep it in but the sob erupts from nowhere. Before I know what’s happening, I’m back on Ruben’s lap and in his arms.
Once I’ve calmed down, I start to talk. Not just because I owe it to him after everything he has done, but because I find, much to my own surprise, that I actually want to.
“We’d both just finished a shift at Mum’s coffee shop and my car wouldn’t start. Hannah offered for me to stay with her and Ryan at their flat, but I had work in the morning and really needed to get home. So instead, she offered to drive me. We were quite happily singing along to the Bridget Jones soundtrack she had on when it happened. Neither of us saw it coming, it happened so fast. I only really know what happened from what I was told later. Hannah pulled out of a junction and bang. There was a bone shattering noise as a car collided with us. The sound of crushing metal was awful. I remember spinning off down the road and feeling like I was dreaming before it all went black. I was only out for a few minutes, because the next thing I knew, I was in agony and looking at Hannah in the driver’s seat and telling her it was going to be okay. Her side of the car was completely caved in from the impact, but she looked perfect from where I was sitting. I was totally expecting her to answer me. Tell me it was all a joke or something. But she didn’t. My head was throbbing from where I guessed I hit it on the window, my arm was burning with pain, and so was the entire left hand side of my body. Somehow, I managed to reach my bag though, and pull out my phone to ring for help.
“It seemed to take forever, and was not helped by the fact I kept blacking out, but eventually I saw the blue flashing lights through all the broken glass and the relief I felt in that moment was unreal. I continued talking to Hannah, but she never responded. I willed her to talk to me, to let me know she was okay, but she never did. I knew, though. I think, looking back, I knew from the first moment I came to. Something was different. Yes, the pain from my injuries was bad, but there was this indescribable pain inside me that could only mean one thing.” I take a few deep breaths so I can continue.
�
��You don’t have to do this if it’s too hard,” Ruben whispers.
“No, I need to. I was taken out of the car and put in an ambulance, I looked back at the car and that was the last time I saw her.
“After I’d been cleaned, stitched and bandaged up, Mum and Dad came into my hospital cubicle. “She’s gone, hasn’t she?” was the first thing I said. One look at their tear stained faces and I had it confirmed. I prayed I was wrong as I lay there waiting for news, but I knew. I knew she was gone. It was like half of me had died, and I didn’t know what to do with myself.
“I remember thinking that everyone must think I don’t care because I wasn’t crying like them. I was numb. I couldn’t feel anything. I just shut down completely. The only time I felt something was when I looked at Lilly. I hated myself for it, but she just looked so much like Hannah that I didn’t know what to do. I could tell that she understood instantly, and she distanced herself from me. Unfortunately, it has stayed that way. Lilly and I have grown further and further apart and I hate it.” I make a mental note to try to rectify that situation. I’m her big sister; I need to do something.
“I didn’t do it intentionally, but I shut everyone out and basically ran away. I never went to see her at the morgue with the others. I had to be seriously convinced to even attend the funeral. I just wanted it all to go away so I could pretend none of it had happened. I haven’t even been to her grave since that day. I haven’t been able to face it.”
“Do you want to go to her grave?”
I look up at him. I wasn’t expecting that question.
“I…uh…”
“If you want to go, then I’ll take you.”
“What, now?”
“Yeah, if you want.”
I rest my head back against his shoulder and think about his offer. Do I want to go? A lot of me says that I really don’t want to, but there is a smaller part that is screaming that it is the right thing to do. It’s our day; I should at least see her.
“Okay,” I whisper.
An hour later, we are in the car park of the cemetery. It’s still raining, but it’s much lighter than earlier, thankfully.
“You ready?” Ruben asks from the driver’s seat of my car.
“Um…”
“You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.”
“No,” I say with a new resolve. “I need to do this.”
I open the door and step out into the night. The sun set about thirty minutes ago and the graveyard’s only light is the moonlight. It’s actually really beautiful. I start moving towards where I know she is. I may have only been here on the day of the funeral, but I know her exact location. I know that Ruben is somewhere behind me, because I can hear his footsteps in the gravel. I don’t look back, though; I’m scared that if I do I’ll change my mind and run, again.
I slow down when I can see her in the distance and will myself to continue. I breathe in a deep breath and let my legs take me to my sister.
I don’t know what to do when I’m stood in front of her head stone. I read the words our parents chose to have engraved on the front again and again while I try to figure out what I want to do now I’m here. I look down at the bunches of fresh flowers that tell me everyone else has been here today, and I instantly feel bad for not thinking of getting any.
I look back just before I’m about to bolt, and the sight of Ruben standing in the shadows on the path roots me to the spot. Instead of running, I turn back to her.
“He’s given me the strength to do this, Han. I really wish you could meet him. He makes me feel like me again.” I think about what I’ve just said, and have to correct myself. “No, he makes me feel like a better me. He gives me this confidence that I’ve never had before. You’d be so proud. He makes me feel and act in the way you always wanted me to. He makes me feel beautiful and sexy, not just like a fat trollop.” I smile to myself at the memory of her trying to convince me I was beautiful.
“I’m so sorry I haven’t been here before, Han. Happy birthday.”
“I’m so proud of you,” Ruben says when I join him on the path a few minutes later. He instantly wraps his arm around my shoulders and pulls me into him.
“Thank you for making me do this.”
“I didn’t make you do anything; you did this all yourself.”
Chapter Eighteen
Emma
When we got back to my place last night, Ruben surprised me with a toffee cheesecake, with two candles in. I couldn’t get over how sweet and thoughtful he’d been all evening.
We shared the rest of the bottle of wine before we went up to bed. I didn’t even think about the fact I’d have to share my bed with him. It all just seemed so right.
When he came up after cleaning downstairs, he stripped down to his boxers and slid in with me. He immediately pulled me into his body and tangled our legs together. His hand started out resting on my cheek as he looked into my eyes, before it slid around into the hair at the base of my neck so he could pull my lips towards him.
We kissed for what felt like hours. He kissed me with such passion and gentleness that it actually brought a tear to my eye. The heat was still there between us, but unlike the other times we’d kissed, it wasn’t driving it. He was ready for more – hell, I was ready for more – but neither of us did anything.
When I eventually fell asleep, it was with my head on his chest, my arm around his waist, and my legs entwined with his. And to my amazement, I had the most peaceful night ever.
I can’t believe my eyes when I look at the clock the next morning. It’s gone nine. I never sleep this late. I roll back over in search of Ruben, but his side of the bed is cold. Presuming he’s downstairs, I jump out of bed and head down. But there is no sign of him or any of his stuff.
I am a little disappointed that he isn’t here, but he gave me so much last night that I’m not too bothered. Instead, I head up for a quick shower before sitting down in front of my laptop. My characters have taken over my brain this morning, and I need to get it all down.
It’s only just gone ten am and it’s already roasting hot, so I open all the windows to try to get a breeze. I have to leave the back door shut because I’m not brave enough to let Kia out yet. I shouldn’t be this hot, seeing as I’m only wearing a thin vest top and a pair of boy shorts. I slide my glasses on as I took my contacts out last night because my eyes were stinging after all the crying.
I’m totally lost in my story, but something in the garden catches my attention. I look up to see Ruben looking back at me. He’s topless with sweat running down his chest. I watch him lift his hand to his head and run it though his hair to get it off his face. We just stare at each other; I can feel my heart rate pick up just from that. I know I said I wasn’t disappointed that he wasn’t here when I woke up, but I am very happy that he has reappeared now.
I watch as he takes a step forward, but as he does that, what I’m wearing catches my eye. I can’t let him see me like this. I look like a complete nerd in my vest that has a hole in, shorts have Little Miss Naughty on, and my glasses. I look like a child, only curvier.
“Shit.”
I stand up quickly, pushing the chair out behind me, before running out of the room and up the stairs.
As I root through a drawer to find something to cover up with, I’m aware that he is in the house. I only hope that he’ll wait for me downstairs.
“Stop,” he growls loudly from the doorway.
“I’ll be down in a minute.” I’m just about to shut the drawer when the t-shirt I’ve pulled out gets ripped out of my hand and thrown on the floor.
When I look up at him, my breath catches at the gold blazing in his eyes.
“I…uh…”
He reaches out to grab my chin and tilts it up so he can lower his lips to mine. Gone is the gentle man from last night, and in his place is the demanding lover that I’ve had experience of meeting before. He steps into my body and moves us back until my bum hits my chest of drawers.
; “You’re so fucking hot,” he grates out as he kisses down my neck.
He reaches up and pulls my glasses off before fumbling about to place them on the unit behind me.
His hands reach up under my vest, and before I know what is happening, he has it up over my head and on the floor behind us. His hands go straight to my tits while his lips come back to mine.
“Ruben,” I whisper when he moves his lips down to my nipples. It’s even more intense than last time, if that’s even possible.
“Fucking love these tits,” he mumbles as his lips trail across my sensitive skin.
He stands back up and looks down at me. I feel my cheeks get even redder with embarrassment. No one has ever looked at my body before. My hands instinctively go to cover my boobs, but as soon as Ruben sees the movement, he stops them.
“Don’t you dare cover yourself from me. I’ve never seen anyone as perfect as you. I will not have you hiding from me.”
His words send heat rushing through my body, and my hands instantly drop back to my sides.
I watch as he takes a step back before taking off his running shoes, placing his thumbs in the waistband of his shorts, and shoving them down his legs. My breath catches at the sight of him stood in front of me, naked. I’ve never seen a naked man in the flesh before. Well, apart from my dad, but we don’t need to go there right now.
“Fuck,” I whisper as I run my eyes down to his dick. It’s huge and pointing right at me. I mean, I’ve nothing really to compare it to, but it looks pretty huge to me. I can’t help but feel completely overwhelmed by what is potentially about to happen. I run my eyes down to his thick thighs that I love, then all the way to his feet, before dragging them back up again. My chest is heaving, my palms are sweating, and I swear my knickers are soaking wet.
“Em, you look a bit like you’ve never seen a naked man before,” he says with a wicked glint in his eye.
I swallow hard before pushing off the chest of drawers, stepping up to him and stretching up to kiss him again while running my hands up his chest and to his shoulders. We are not having this conversation right now.
Angel Series Books #1-2.5 Page 87