“I’m so sorry I ruined your birthday, Con. Wanna have a drink with me? I’ll make it up to you.”
“NO!” she snaps a little too harshly. I’m not sure if it’s in panic at the situation or the fact that I can still feel aftershocks twitching her pussy from her recent orgasm. “I’m just going to go to sleep.”
“Oh, Con, don’t be like that. I said I’m sorry. Come on,” he practically begs. I lightly shake my head at his patheticness. I suddenly realise that the earlier noise must have been him seeing his lady friend out. I glance over at the clock and chuckle to myself. She was obviously shit in the sack if she’s been given the boot already.
“I’m not being like anything. I just want to go to sleeeeep.” The length of this conversation through the door is killing me and my balls. My restraint snaps, and I have to start moving halfway through her sentence. I swear my balls are going to explode if I stand still any longer. The feeling, along with the amusement of watching Connie trying to keep her cool, was definitely worth it.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Ruben asks again.
“Yes, I just want to go to sleep. I’ll talk to you tomorrow,” she says harshly.
“Okay,” says a sad voice from the other side of the door. “Night, then.”
“Night.”
We both stay stock still for a few minutes while we listen to Ruben move around the kitchen, but it’s not long before we hear him head upstairs and we can continue where we left off.
At some point, many hours and even more orgasms later, we both fall fast asleep. And it was the best sleep of my life, being wrapped around Connie.
Banging coming from the kitchen wakes me with a start.
“Fuck,” I mutter to myself as I start unwrapping Connie’s limbs from my body. I need to get the hell out of here as soon as possible. I wasn’t meant to fall asleep. I intended on holding Connie until she fell asleep, then sneaking out. But here I am, still in bed with her. It’s light out, and I’m listening to Ruben crash about on the other side of the door.
I slide myself out and make quick work of finding my clothes and getting dressed. I can’t help myself; once I’m dressed, I head over to where Connie is still fast asleep and kiss her lightly on the forehead.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, before standing and moving over to the window. In seconds, I have it open as wide as it will go and I am beginning to climb out. It isn’t a window that was designed to have a fully grown man climb though it, but it’s the only choice I have. So after removing a layer of skin from my upper arm and scratching across my back, I’m standing on the grass below the window and about to take off across the small garden to make my way home. My walk of shame, I guess.
I’ve barely taken two steps before I hear Ruben’s voice.
“Connie, do you want a coffee?”
I panic and stand back against the stone building. Trying to slim line myself as much as possible.
I can only imagine how ridiculous I look.
I hear a knock before he tries again, “Connie, do you want a…oh.”
Oh fuck. I didn’t look around the room before leaving. Please don’t tell me I left any evidence of my visit.
“Shit, Ru, didn’t you want to knock?” Connie says, sounding flustered.
“I did.”
“Oh, well, uh…yes please. I’ll be out in a minute.”
“Okaaay,” Ruben replies sounding suspicious. I can only presume it’s obvious that Connie has had a late-night visitor.
I thank my lucky stars that he hasn’t instantly presumed it was me and that he hasn’t come to find me and take off for home.
Present…
I eventually haul my arse out of bed and go about getting dressed for work. I know I shouldn’t be going with broken ribs, but I’m not about to sit at home wasting the day away. I need distraction from the situation with Connie, so I’m going to work, even if it means having to deal with Ruben. I made my bed, so I need to lie in it and accept the consequences, no matter how much they hurt.
“How’re you doing, son?” Nigel asks when he rings not long after I get to site.
“Not bad, hoping to have the heating running today,” I say, referring to the boiler I’ve been installing in the huge Manor House I’ve been working on with my apprentice, Ollie.
“You’re at work?” he asks, sounding incredulous.
“Yeah, well, I wasn’t just going to sit at home and do nothing.”
“Maybe so, but you’ve got broken ribs, Fin,” he chastises. “Have you spoken to Ruben?”
“No.”
“I’m guessing he doesn’t know you’re at work.”
“No idea.”
We chat for a while longer, and Nigel tries to convince me to go home and rest, but that is the last thing I want to do. I hate being in that house. I have done ever since Mum died. It’s not a home to me anymore - barely even a house now, really.
It’s just after lunch when my phone rings again. Seeing Ruben’s name on the screen, I swipe to the side to answer the call.
“Ru,” is all I say. I want to see what kind of mood he’s in before saying any more.
“I need you to go to Kingswood. They’re having a problem with air in the system. Can you go and give them some help?”
“Yeah, of course, Ollie is fine on his own here. Ru, can we-” I start but get interrupted.
“Thanks,” he says harshly, then everything goes silent.
He hung up on me. Well, I guess that answers my question about his mood.
We end up working late, and when I eventually get home, I have to spend over an hour tidying up after my dad. It’s like a bomb’s gone off in the kitchen. It’s obvious he’s tried to do some cooking, even though I left him lunch, because there are pots and pans everywhere, but as usual, the fridge is empty. I try to keep it stocked up, but it seems to end up empty every other day. Fuck knows where it all goes. When I get upstairs, I see the mayhem isn’t contained to the downstairs today, because there are clothes strewn across the landing and all over Dad's room.
By the time I’ve finished, I’ve gone past the point of being hungry. I make sure Dad has some dinner to keep him going for the night before getting my aching, broken body into bed after a hot shower.
This is the first night in a long time that I haven’t ended up at Connie’s after work. Little does he know, but Ruben made it fairly easy for us to sneak around, because as soon as things got serious with Emma, he was hardly home. It worked perfectly.
I did everything I could think of to keep any suspicions Ruben could have had about us at bay. I felt awful making out like what he had with Emma was a bit of a joke, but I just didn’t want him thinking that I wanted something serious. And I really didn’t want him looking too closely, because I’m sure if he did he would have seen it, seen the change in me.
I hadn’t been out on the pull since that night I brought a couple of girls back to his place not long after we got back from Aus, and I was spending more time than usual at his place whether he was there or not, but luckily he never commented on it. His head was too high up in the clouds.
I check my phone before I give in for the day, and I shouldn’t be surprised that there isn’t anything from her. I shouldn’t feel this huge wave of disappointment wash over me, because I caused this. This is what I thought was for the best. But I do.
Chapter Four
Connie
Thankfully, my part timer, Zoe, has been opening up for me in the mornings for the past few weeks. She hasn’t said anything, but I’m pretty sure she knows I’m pregnant. She’s got two little ones of her own, so she must recognise the signs.
“Good morning,” I sing as chirpily as I can when I get to the counter.
“Morning, Con. How are you?”
“Fine,” I lie.
I now can’t remember a time when I could walk into my beloved coffee shop and not have my stomach turn over at the smell. Coffee used to be one of my all-time favourite scents. Well, not any more. All it ach
ieves now is making me want to puke. I get myself a glass of water and try to ignore the constant sick feeling in my stomach enough to actually serve some customers.
Summer days are crazy in this village. The place is crawling with tourists taking in the English heritage. It’s great for me, because it means every day is busy. It’s usually tiring dealing with so many customers, but it’s completely exhausting these days. By the time I lock the door, it feels like the bottoms of my feel are bruised, and I can hardly keep my eyes open.
I slouch back on the old and worn out leather sofa that sits in front of the huge windows looking out over the village green and river beyond. My feet automatically perch up on the coffee table, and my head rests back. It’s the first time the lyrics of the song that is playing filters into my brain.
As Olivia Newton John continues to sing about being hopelessly devoted, I can’t help my thoughts wander to the one person I really don’t want to think about.
My feelings for Fin make me angry at myself.
I like to think I’m a strong person. I don’t rely on others, I make my own way in the world. I have my own business, I make my own money, and answer only to myself. So why do I have to be so bloody weak when it comes to him?
I hate myself for being so pathetic over a man, but I’m helpless to it. He has made it so very clear over the years that he doesn’t want me, but then he so much as winks at me and I’m falling at his feet. I guess he doesn’t have to take it further, but he is just a man after all, and Fin doesn’t say no to many willing women.
It breaks my heart every time he kicks me to the curb, like he did when I was sixteen, when he disappeared after my twenty-first birthday, and then the night before he left for Australia. Yet I still went back for more at the first chance I got. Pathetic.
I promised myself that I would move on when he left, that I would find someone else and get over him. I might have found Elliot to keep me busy, but I never forgot about Fin. Everything Elliot did I compared to Fin. Every time I was with him I imagined I was with Fin. I hated myself for it, because Elliot was amazing. He was kind, caring, seriously sexy and talented in the bedroom, but no matter what he did, I still wanted Fin.
I thought it was it this time. I thought he’d got the other women out of his system, so to speak, and he was ready for something serious with me. I knew that Ruben would come around to the idea eventually, after all - all he really wants for me is to be happy. And Fin made me happy.
Well, that was until he dropped me again.
I really didn’t think history was going to repeat itself again. He’d been saying all the right things, sounding like he was in it for the long haul. Clearly, I was very wrong.
I almost laugh out loud when the next song starts. I always put on the radio station that plays the songs I grew up listening to with my parents, seeing as most of my customers are their age or older. The songs are relaxing and easy going, although it does mean I know all the words, something that Ruben finds hilarious because I’m twenty-six, not fifty-five. Phil Collins’ Against All Odds continues playing in the background as I feel a tear drip down onto my cheek. It’s only been a day and I miss him already. I hate myself for it. I rest my hand down on my belly and tell myself that we are going to be okay. We’ve got each other.
I eventually decide that I need to get up and get the place cleaned ready for tomorrow before I fall asleep here.
I shouldn’t have been surprised to find Ruben at the front of my queue sometime after the lunchtime rush earlier. I didn’t think he’d stay away for so long, though. I managed to hold him off by telling him to come round tonight. I need to be at home, dressed in my PJ’s and comfortable for that conversation!
I get home sometime after seven, and can’t believe that he’s not here waiting for me. Thankfully, it gives me a chance to shower, change and make some dinner. I’m just sitting down to this evening’s beige plateful of food when I hear the front door shut. God, I miss brightly coloured, tasty food, I think as my stomach growls loudly, reminding me it had been all of two hours since I last ate. Bloody pregnancy hormones.
I take a deep breath to try to give myself some strength to get through this.
“Hey,” he says sheepishly when he sees me sat on the sofa.
“Hey. There’s macaroni and cauliflower cheese in the kitchen, if you want some.”
“I’m good, thanks. Emma cooked.”
He shuffles around a bit, looking awkward, before perching his arse of the edge of the opposite sofa.
“I’m sorry,” he says, then waits. I guess for me to say something, but I haven’t really got anything I want to say to him. Eventually he looks up at me. “You look rough,” he comments, before instantly apologising again.
“It’s fine. I know how I look. It reflects how I feel.” I’m not sure whether I mean the morning sickness or the pain I feel from yesterday’s events.
“Why him, Con? I know he’s my best mate, but he isn’t the type of man you should be with. And why were you stupid enough to get pregnant?”
“I didn’t mean to get pregnant. I’m still not entirely sure how that happened. I was on the pill. Okay, so I could have been a little more strict with taking it, but I didn't expect…” I trail off, knowing he knows where I’m going.
“You never should have gone there, especially unprotected. You know where he’s been!”
“Ru,” I warn. I’m well aware of Fin’s reputation and past activities. He doesn’t need to remind me. “I’m the only one he’s ever gone without…” I stop talking when I see a grimace pass over Ruben’s face. As much as I want to torture him with the details, I can’t bring myself to do it.
I change tact. “I’m in love with him, Ru. I always have been.”
“What do you mean, always have been?”
“I mean I’ve been in love with him for as long as I can remember. Long before we were together when I was sixteen. He told me he loved me too, but then you happened, and it’s all gone down the shitter.”
“Emma told me what he said to you yesterday. I’m sorry, but if that’s how he’s going to treat you, then he deserves you less than I already thought he did. You deserve to have someone that’ll treat you like his queen, like you’re his reason for living, not someone that’ll run at the first sight of trouble. He should be fighting for you and his baby more than ever now.”
“He doesn’t know about the baby. I never got around to telling him,” I admit quietly.
“You never got around to it? Didn’t he notice something was up?”
“Yeah, but he thought I was ill, and although I pretty much knew I was, I didn’t take the test until yesterday. I was going to tell him after the party when we were alone, but as I said before…”
“How long’s it been going on?”
“Honestly, we’d been together a couple of times before you went to Australia. He put an end to it before you both left, and I promised myself I’d move on, but one look at his face when you came back and I knew I hadn’t done that at all.”
“But you were sleeping with Elliot,” he says with a snarl.
I look at Ruben for a moment before deciding to tell him the whole story. Fuck it if he doesn’t want all the details. He made his bed; now he’s got to lie in it!
Nine months ago…
“Where’s Ru?” Fin asks when he finds me on the sofa watching TV.
“He’s gone to say goodbye to Danni.” I shudder at the thought.
“Oh, I’ll come back later then,” he says awkwardly.
Things have been weird between us since my twenty first birthday. I know that it’s been five years and things should be normal, but they’re not. I still love him. I’m desperate to be with him again, but he’s not interested. He makes it perfectly clear how he feels by bringing back girls upon girls, sometimes literally, to the house I now share with Ruben. I shouldn’t have to see what I have, but he makes sure to flaunt what it is he really wants in front of me as often as possible. I would hate him for it i
f I didn’t love him so damn much.
I’ve managed to steal a couple of kisses when I’ve got him alone since I came back from uni, but that’s all he’s allowed me to have.
I’ll never forget the feeling that flooded my entire body the night Fin and Ruben announced they were going to Australia for six months. Yes, it had been something they had talked about for years, but I never thought it would actually happen. How wrong was I?
The thought of spending half a year without my brother, who also happens to be my best friend, alone was torturous, let alone being without Fin, even if our relationship over the past couple of years has been somewhat distant.
The weeks leading up to their leaving - watching Ruben pack, listening to them talk about what they were going to be getting up to, where they’d be going - was horrendous. I loved my life here, with our parents and my business, but I couldn’t help thinking that without Ruben and Fin, I’d be lonely. I had two good friends in the village growing up, but they ran away to the big city as soon as they got the chance. We text each other occasionally, but we’ve all moved on with our lives. I didn’t really connect with anyone at uni. All my class mates and roommates were all nice enough, but I didn’t click with any of them. I won’t admit it out loud, but I miss that girly friendship, being able to talk about anything and not worry about being judged. I love my mum, and we are really close, but there are limits about what I can talk to her about.
“I’ve got a stew in the slow cooker if you want some,” I say, hoping he’ll stay so I’ll get to spend some time with him before he leaves tomorrow.
“I…uh,” he stutters, looking torn.
Feeling pissed off because of their immanent departure, I snap. “Fine, just go then.”
“Con, come on, don’t be like that.”
“Sorry,” I mutter as I pass him, heading to the kitchen. I don’t mean to act like a child, but I can’t help it.
“Connie, wait,” he says as he grabs my wrist and pulls me to him. “Don’t think I’m not going to miss you too,” he whispers in my ear. I hate that it causes goosebumps to prick my entire body.
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