Never Let Me Go

by L. K. Gandy

  “The months passed by faster than either of us expected, and we only had a few weeks left before our little man arrived. I’d been having some intense cravings for my favorite Italian restaurant and had bugged the shit out of him for about two weeks before he finally decided that he’d had enough. It had started to rain heavily before we even left the house, but we went to our reservation anyway.” Thinking back on that night still gives me chills. I don’t think I’ll ever fully get over it. “Dinner was amazing, we talked and laughed the entire time. When we were ready to leave we noticed it was still raining, and the weather had even gotten quite a bit worse. For some reason I wasn’t worried about the drive home; maybe I should have been. The rain put me in a daze and when Jaxx finally spoke to me, I was startled. He smiled and told me he loved me; that’s the last thing he said to me before a truck crashed into the driver side of the car. I’ve never, still to this day, heard such horrifying sounds.” I finally get the courage to look at Branson and regret it immediately. The sympathy I see in his eyes is overwhelming. I don’t want anyone to feel sorry for me, that’s not who I am. I just want someone to listen. Having him here while I tell my story out loud has been beyond therapeutic. Charlee knows what happened, we’ve talked about it many times, but for some reason talking to Branson about it seems to be slowly soothing my old wounds more than I could have ever imagined; mending the broken pieces of my soul. “Please don’t do that.”

  “Do what?” His eyes search mine for answers, but he won’t find them.

  “Feel sorry for me. I don’t need pity, I just want you to listen. I need you to know why it’s been so hard for me to adjust to the fact that you come as a package deal with Armie.” I think I have his attention now so I continue. “I went into a coma after the accident and when I woke up a few days later I was in a hospital bed. After a while, and some questioning from the doctor, my memory started to come back slowly. I eventually remembered the accident. That’s when all hell broke loose. I found out…” Tears have started falling from my eyes and my throat is starting to constrict with the pressure of preventing myself from sobbing. “I found out that Jaxx didn’t make it and neither did our baby. Somehow I managed to come out with minor injuries compared to them both.” Branson wraps his arms around me, holding me while sobs rack my body and tears stain my face with mascara. After a few minutes I let him go and pick up the frame that still sits in my lap. “I told myself that I would never put myself through the misery of having a child again. I was convinced that it would be doomed from the beginning if I ever did, hence my hesitation when I found out about Armie. Branson, I can’t apologize enough for that. Armie is such a blessing and a truly amazing little boy. Forgive me for saying this if it upsets you, but he actually reminds me a lot of Jaxx. Their personalities are so similar. Today when Armie called us donkeys, I was shocked. Not because I found it offensive, honestly it’s pretty damn funny, but because that’s what Jaxx always called his friends. I guess I was just stunned by the whole situation given the day. They died four years ago today.”

  “Sawyer,” he says taking my face in his hands, “don’t ever be sorry for missing him. He sounds like a great man; I’m sure we would have been friends if we had somehow met. You know what, I take that back, we probably would have gotten into a few fights trying to see who would be able to have you as their girl. I’m a big guy though, I don’t think I’d be too worried about losing,” he says winking at me. The thought makes me laugh, helping calm my nerves a little. “I know you don’t want me to feel sorry for you, and I don’t. Please, let me continue,” he says at my curious stare. “I don’t feel sorry for you, I feel sorry that you had to endure that type of pain. The loss of a loved one is something that you can’t explain. It’s nice to hear the condolences of others, but it doesn’t do much for the wounded soul; the hollow pit of emptiness you feel when you find out they’re gone. Hearing stories about them brings you a small sliver of comfort, but it’s the equivalent of putting cold water on a burn, the pain still lingers for a while afterward. Having to adjust to a new ‘normal’ without them in your life is probably the hardest part.” Branson shifts his weight so that his chest is now turned toward me. “Sawyer, I told you I was married before, and that she was no longer in the picture.” I nod my head in confirmation even though it wasn’t a question, not sure of where he’s headed with this conversation. “She’s not in the picture because she passed away from breast cancer three years ago.”

  Branson

  I KNEW THIS CONVERSATION WOULD eventually come up and I’d have to find a way to tell Sawyer my painful past. I told her I would always be honest with her, and I will, but some things take time to come forward; they can’t be rushed.

  “It’s taken me this long to learn how to cope with the sudden death of my wife Laney. When we found out she had stage four breast cancer it had already spread to her bones and was advancing too rapidly. By then it was just a waiting game. We lived every day like it was our last. Armie was our main concern. We went on a few weekend trips a few hours out of the city just to see new things, to get away from the worries of life that were weighing us down.” Looking into Sawyers’ eyes I notice something in them; empathy. She’s one of the few people that can relate to me, and I’m grateful. I’m tired of getting a pat on the back along with lackluster comforts. For once, as atrocious as it sounds, I want someone to fully understand and comprehend what it feels like so they don’t have to walk on eggshells around me. “Her death isn’t something that I bring up willingly as you have noticed. I promise I planned on telling you. I was just waiting for the right moment; I guess now is as good as any. Laney and I went to high school together. We started dating our junior year. I’m still not sure what she saw in me to want to stick around for so long, but I’m thankful that she did. We decided to get married before starting college-new love at its prime. Our parents weren’t too keen on the idea but supported us anyway. They said it was a lifelong commitment and that we’d continue to have struggles along the way testing our relationship. It’s amazing how true that statement was later down the road. A few years later we decided it was time to start trying for a baby. The entire process was strenuous on Laney. She was constantly studying for nursing school, trying to be the picture-perfect wife. Those things all took a toll on her mentally, but nothing threw us off track more than the news we received after trying for nearly eight months. Turns out Laney couldn’t have children.

  She struggled with a slight case of depression after finding out. I felt useless. There’s no worse feeling than knowing that your wife is hurting and you’re not able to help her in any way. That she has to battle her demons on her own and in her own time. I constantly felt like a stranger in my own home, cast aside. The days dragged on, she barely said a word to me and if she did it was strained. You shouldn’t have to force conversation with the person you’re married to, it should just flow freely. The tension in the house was unbearable.” Sawyer has held my hand the entire time I’ve been talking, making small circles on my knuckle with her thumb. Her doing that has comforted me more than she’ll ever know. “Eventually she came out of the haze and started talking about the possibility of adoption. Growing up I’d never given it much thought because I always figured I’d have my own children. Granted, I could have, but we didn’t go that route. She didn’t want to get a surrogate mother. I think it would have made things much worse if we did. We researched a few agencies and decided to put our names on a list. We were told it could take a while, especially with the interview processes and home checks, but the possibility of having a child gave her hope that I hadn’t seen in her spirit in a very long time. So we waited…and waited. We went to a few interviews but they always seemed to go south. Either the mother decided to back out and keep the baby, or they chose another couple for some unknown reason. It was heartbreaking for Laney, and I hated watching her go through it time after time. That was until she came home one day from work and said that we were going to be parents to a beautiful bab
y boy. She had spoken to a man from the adoption agency and a mother had just given birth to a son that she wasn’t prepared for. The only catch was it was going to be the next day. Of course my mind started racing trying to formulate plans and make sure we had everything we would need. The next morning we went to the hospital, signed some paperwork, and brought our little man Armie home. It was the best decision of my life.”

  “Wow. Branson, that’s…crazy. I couldn’t imagine my life changing that drastically in one day.” Sawyers’ eyes widen as she takes in the reality of the situation.

  “It wasn’t easy, but we managed. The next year went by quicker than we imagined, though…too quickly. The cancer went undetected for a long time and was too advanced before we were able to do anything about it. She was given a few months to live. At first the shock and severity of the news ran alongside with the fear of losing my wife and Armie’s mother. Then followed the sadness, helplessness, and hopelessness. Lastly, the anger. I was so angry that she was being ripped from our lives, especially when we had just started on such an amazing new journey as parents. Angry that I was going to have to figure things out on my own and not have the option to lean on her when I needed her most. No matter what I did, it wouldn’t help the situation. I was desperate for answers but more desperate to spend the last bits of remaining time with her and Armie as a family, trying to ease myself into the pain I knew I would eventually have to cope with.” I haven’t cried over Laney in such a long time but the memories of her that I’ve kept locked away, caged in an iron cell, tear at my heart. Honestly I could care less about Sawyer seeing me cry. I want, no I need, her to know how important my past with Laney is to me, that she will never be replaced. Someone that special could never be.

  “Sawyer, please don’t think I’m trying to replace her by putting you in my life, and in Armie’s life. She holds a special place in my heart, like Jaxx does for you, which will always be there.” Looking into her eyes I see understanding and a slight smile. “That being said, you seem to already have a damn good grip on my heart in a distinctive place all its own,” I say with a smirk.

  “Why, Branson, if I didn’t know any better I’d say you were flirting with me.” She returns a sexy smile, biting her bottom lip. Fuck. Her teeth graze across the skin slowly, tauntingly. She knows I’m watching, I can sense her eyes on mine but my gaze doesn’t falter. Finally she releases her lip, but her tongue moves smoothly to the corner of her mouth then runs along the bottom of her teeth. All I can think about is how that would feel around the head of my cock.

  “I’d say you were right. I’d also say you were teasing me with that tongue of yours.”

  “What are you going to do about it if I am?”

  “You should be careful what you ask for sweetheart, you don’t have water nearby to keep me away this time.”

  “What if I don’t want to keep you away Branson?” Fuck. Her hands make their way slowly, deliberately across her body to my chest, sliding across the top of my shoulders. She shifts her weight toward me, inching closer by the second. She closes her fingers around my hair gripping it firmly. I can see her chest rise and fall with her labored breathing. This woman is going to be the death of me. I can feel the last ounce of self-control I have leave my body when her mouth parts slightly in anticipation for me to make a move.

  “Sawyer, I need you to be sure this is what you want.” I’d stop if she wanted me to and wouldn’t be upset, but I hope she doesn’t want to. I need her. My body needs her. I’ve never craved anything like this in my life, and my patience is wearing thin waiting for her to answer. She moves closer, pulling me down to her level by my hair so her lips are inches from mine.

  “I need you.”

  Only three small words but they go straight to my heart and my cock. I’ve never felt this way about another woman, even Laney. I can’t control myself any longer. I have to have her. I move quickly, not afraid of startling her. Picking her up to put her on my lap is easy, she’s tiny compared to my large frame. Her legs find their way around me, bringing her exactly where I wanted. The last thing I see is her lips before I assault them with my own. I can tell she’s ready. Her mouth opens willingly to the pleas of my tongue. I will never kiss another woman as long as I live. Nothing will compare to what I’m experiencing now. The breath in my lungs depletes quickly, but I don’t care. I need more. I’m like a starving animal that’s just gotten a meal for the first time in weeks. I can’t stop and God help the person who tries to get in my way. “Sawyer.” That’s all I say before I get the green light. Running my hands up her back I slide her shirt over her head. Taking in the sight of her I can feel the pressure in my pants growing. I kiss her shoulder as I work with the clasp of her bra, freeing her from its constraints. I feel her skin on mine before I see it. My body is on fire. I have to see her; all of her. Holding her against me I throw us both against the mattress. Her hair is wild, and it turns me on even more. Her hazel eyes are bright with hunger and need, which only feeds my hunger. Her soft, tanned skin contrasts with the pale sheets. My gaze travels down her body. “You’re perfect.” I’d imagined what she’d look like, but nothing compares to what’s in front of me, and I can’t get enough. Making quick work of it, I pull her pants from her body throwing them somewhere behind me on the floor. Why didn’t I guess she’d be wearing a red lace thong? Fuck. This zipper is going to cut off circulation if I don’t get out of these jeans soon, but I wait a minute longer. My hands run down every inch of her they can, taking it all in. Gripping her hips I pull her roughly toward me across the bed causing her to moan. Kissing her neck I start a slow, sensual trail down her body, taking time to stop right above her rounded breasts. Her breathing is deep, and I can feel her hips starting to buck underneath me looking for a release. Continuing my journey I take a nipple between my lips, teasing her with my teeth. Her back arches, bringing her closer to me, and I use my hands to massage her body. Releasing her with my mouth, I move down to her stomach kissing from one side to the other. I skim my fingers across her skin inside the lace, slowly sliding them down her legs with one hand. I use the same hand to pull her leg around me, holding her in place; right where I want her.

  Sawyer

  In bed with my leg wrapped around Branson is exactly where I want to be. I don’t think he could get any sexier if he tried. I can feel the tight muscles in his stomach against mine as he works himself in a rhythm between my legs. Gripping his bicep to keep myself grounded isn’t helping me any; I swear I’m about to get off just thinking about how hard his body is. Speaking of hard…HOLY SHIT. I think he’s either read my mind or I’m talking out loud, because he stops what he’s doing to take his jeans and boxer briefs off. I’m not sure where to look between his gorgeous smile, heated eyes, defined body or pulsing cock. My eyes rest on the latter. He lowers himself onto me once again continuing his previous journey. Closing my eyes I grip the sheets as he spreads my legs further apart with his broad shoulders. I can feel his soft lips lower on my body each time he kisses my skin. I’m soaking wet with need. Branson’s tongue teases the lips around my clit, and I open my eyes to see him staring back at me with the most vibrant shade of emerald green I’ve ever seen. I’m in a trance lost in his eyes, unable to blink my own until his tongue continues fervently with his mission. Right now I’m thankful that my waxer Ming recommended the Brazilian instead of my normal bikini wax. I’ll have to give her a hug later. Wait, why am I thinking about her during sex? Teasing, he quickly dips his tongue into my pussy bringing me out of my internal battle.

  “So wet for me Sawyer,” he moans as he slides two fingers inside me. “Tight, too. You’ll be even tighter around my dick.” Working them in and out, he hooks them upward finding my g-spot. Using his thumb he rubs circles on my clit. My body shivers involuntarily with the pressure building. Fighting against it, I try holding on. Sensing my reluctance he slows his assault, slipping his fingers out only to replace them again before grabbing a condom from his jeans. This is pure torture- amazing, min
d numbing torture. His girth alone is enough to send me into a slight panic attack until I feel him running it up and down the length of my lips covering himself with my wetness before thrusting into me. I haven’t been with a man since Jaxx and the sudden pain is almost unbearable and I gasp, but it subsides quickly. “Ahh, Sawyer,” he breathes heavily. “You’re tighter than I thought. Let me know if I hurt you,” he whispers into my ear.

  “Don’t worry about hurting me. Worry about fucking me, Branson.” I can’t help the moans that escape my mouth. I’ve never felt this full, this complete in my life. His face is above me as he holds himself up. His eyes still vibrant, his pupils fully dilated. Pumping himself back and forth, he slams a little harder each time pushing me further into the bed. One of his hands finds my breast and he works it with his fingers giving enough pressure to match what he’s doing to the rest of my body.

  “Branson!” I’m practically screaming. I can feel the pressure building, getting ready for release. This feeling is amazing; I don’t want it to end.

  “I don’t know how much longer I can last with you moaning like that,” he says between thrusts. Sweat lines his forehead and I know he’s getting close like I am. “Get off Sawyer, I know you’re right there. I want to feel your pussy squeezing around my cock, milking me of every last drop of cum,” he demands in my ear. Letting go of the sheets I scrape my nails down his back, pulling him into my body at the same time. It’s more than I can take. His grip now rests on my hip, holding me in place and I can feel myself tightening around him. My entire body shakes with pleasure as I scream out his name. That’s all he needed. Driving into me two more times I can feel his body shiver as he reaches completion.

  “Ahh, Sawyer!” His head rests on the pillow above me, trying to catch his breath. Leaning on his elbows he holds my face in his hands. “You were made just for me, there’s no other explanation for how amazing that was,” he says kissing me slowly, sensually. “Mmm…I don’t want to get up. Let’s just stay here all day.”