The Game of Denial

by Brenda Adcock

  "Nor should you, ma'am," Nagle said. "It will only be a matter of time before a union such as yours will be recognized in every state. I hate to sound sophomoric, but love cannot be held captive by the whims of men and will always find a way to break free." He rubbed his hands together and grinned. "This will be an interesting ceremony, indeed."

  "Would it be possible to refer to it as a union rather than a wedding?" Fran asked. She looked at Brad. "That's what the invitations say. Guests are invited to celebrate the union of Francesca Martine Carmichael and Bradley Lester Chase."

  "Cool," Brad said.

  "Well, I think this calls for a toast," Evey announced.

  "That is a wonderful suggestion, Mrs. Chase," Nagle said.

  The remainder of the meeting went better than Joan thought it would. She could only hope everything would go as smoothly if and when Charmaine and Meg were married.

  AFTER DINNER, EVEY and Ralph made their usual evening trek to the stables to feed and care for the horses. Charmaine finally sucked it up and decided it was her night to clean the kitchen, which surprised Joan. As Evey prepared to leave and was pulling on her rubber work boots, Morgana skipped into the mud room and stared at Evey.

  "Did you have fun with the ponies today?" Evey asked.

  Joan watched her granddaughter as she nodded so hard she thought the child's head might snap off. "Would you like to say good night to the horses, sweetie?" Joan asked. Bright hazel eyes stared up at Joan and melted her heart. She knelt down and Morgana didn't hesitate to step into Joan's open arms. "I love you, sweet baby," Joan whispered. She looked up at Evey. "Do you mind?"

  "Of course not," Evey said with a smile before turning to Ralph. "We'll follow you in a minute."

  After informing Giselle and Tucker where their daughter would be, the three left the house. Joan laughed when Morgana pushed between them, taking Joan's hand and then Evey's. They strolled away from the house, occasionally swinging Morgana into the air between them, eliciting an excited giggle.

  "What did you think of Dr. Nagle?" Evey asked.

  "He seems like a pleasant enough man. Certainly not what I expected," Joan said as she swung her arm to lift Morgana once again.

  "Were you concerned about, you know, how he would react to...your lifestyle?"

  "I may have been initially." Joan looked at Evey. "I learned a long time ago that I can't afford to be defensive about it all the time. People think what they want and I can't change that."

  "May I ask you a personal question?"

  "I suppose," Joan answered with a shrug.

  "Has your lifestyle ever been an issue with your children?"

  Joan thought and took in her surroundings as they continued to walk. Finally she answered, "There are always issues when you have children." She cleared her throat. "But that isn't what you're really asking, is it?"

  "I was just curious. I didn't mean to put you on the spot," Evey said.

  "I'm used to it," Joan said, smiling down at Morgana. "The best I can do is to say we handled each issue as it arose." She took a deep breath. "After Martine passed away, I tried to wake the children each morning and make sure we ate breakfast together. I think Martine's death affected Meg the most. She was only eight. At first she had her sisters at home with us, but eventually they left for college. Then she was alone and it was just the two of us. I began to notice that when I woke her every morning she would jump out of bed and run to the mirror in her bedroom. It was as if she were examining herself to see how she might have changed overnight."

  "How old was she when Fran left?"

  "Eleven or twelve. Finally I asked her what she was looking at." Joan stopped and turned to face Evey. "She said she was checking to make sure she wasn't like me. I told her she looked like both of us, but probably a little more like me because I gave birth to her. She screwed her face up and burst into tears. She wouldn't let me hug her or comfort her. I, frankly, didn't know what she was talking about. We had never faced this particular problem. Anyway, I didn't go to work that day and didn't send Meg to school. She was obviously distraught about something and I needed to figure it out. We ate in our pajamas and she eventually calmed down. I took her hand and made her look at me. Then she said, "˜I love you, Mom, but I don't want to be like you or Mama when I grow up. I like boys.' We spent the remainder of the day discussing homosexuality and that it wasn't genetic or hereditary. I told her I hoped she would one day meet a wonderful man and fall madly in love, just not when she was so young. I suppose she thought there was some physical way she could tell if she was going to be gay. Honestly, who knows how a child that age thinks."

  "It must have been difficult to deal with," Evey said.

  "I missed Martine, but never as much as I did that day. She was so much better at explaining things like that than I was."

  "You must have done the right thing though because Meg seems to have gotten over it."

  "She did," Joan said. "I think because of my own grief, I hadn't dealt with Meg as well as I should have until that day. One day she's going to be an awesome woman."

  "Tully's little outburst Saturday night didn't help. I'm so embarrassed about that."

  "Don't be, he said what he was feeling at the moment. What he said might not be very enlightened, but it was honest."

  "I'm sure too many beers contributed as well," Evey said.

  Joan smiled. "Sometimes that's when most people actually say what's in their minds."

  Morgana pulled away and ran the last few feet to the stables. Joan saw the large head of a horse swing over the gate and smiled in relief when she saw it was Jackson. He snorted and bobbed his head up and down. Joan picked Morgana up and held her high enough that she could stretch her arm out and pat his forehead. Joan stuck a hand in her pocket and withdrew a large chunk of carrot. She looked at Evey. "Is this all right?"

  "He'll appreciate a snack until we get to his stall." Evey leaned closer and whispered to Morgana, "Just don't tell the other horses Jackson's getting a treat. They'll be jealous."

  Morgana laughed and held her hand out, allowing the animal to tickle her palm as he accepted the offering and chewed it.

  "I have to get busy," Evey said. "Feel free to visit any of the horses. They like being petted."

  "Thank you," Joan said as she watched Evey head down the covered walkway toward the first stall. Joan's thoughts strayed back to the impromptu picnic they'd had the day before. After hearing Evey talk about her marriage to Lester Chase, a glimmer of fascination had fanned to life. Morgana's wiggling pulled Joan back to the child as she scampered to the next stall.

  Chapter Nine

  JOAN WATCHED AS Brad jumped off the porch and jogged toward the two-seater sports car that had just pulled to a stop in front of the house. A handsome, athletic-looking man unfolded from the front seat and removed his sunglasses. He closed the car door and greeted Brad with a leaping chest bump that nearly knocked them both down. A laughter-filled man-hug followed, along with slapping hands back and forth. Brad wrapped an arm around the man's shoulders and dragged him forward. Evey joined them at the bottom of the steps in time for the new arrival to push Brad away playfully. He lifted Evey off the ground with a hug and swung her around a couple of times before setting her back down.

  "What took you so damn long?" Brad asked. "We were expecting you hours ago."

  "Last minute problem in the emergency room," the man with blond hair and green eyes said.

  While they all seemed to be talking at the same time, Joan watched Fran make her way down the porch steps to stand next to Brad, keeping him slightly in front of her, protectively. Joan had been watching from the living room and now stepped onto the front porch accompanied by Charmaine. Despite the commotion caused by his arrival, the young man seemed to have eyes only for Fran, who was refusing to meet his gaze.

  Brad took the man by the arm and pulled him onto the porch. "Joan, this is my best man, Chris Bettancourt. Chris, my soon-to-be mother-in-law, Joan Carmichael, and my soon-to-be sis
ter-in-law, Charmaine Carmichael."

  Chris eyed Charmaine as he shook Joan's hand. "I can see that beauty certainly runs in your family," he said.

  Joan saw the look on Charmaine's face as she grinned at Chris. She looked like a hungry cat stalking an unsuspecting mouse. "Just as bullshit must run in yours," Charmaine said as he took her hand.

  "Oh, sassy! I like it!" Chris said. He glanced over his shoulder at Fran. "You never told me you had a sister as beautiful as you are."

  Fran drew herself up and said, "Actually I have two beautiful sisters, but one only recently left the jailbait zone."

  Chris seemed to toss off the comment and looked at Evey. "I know you have tea here somewhere," he said.

  Evey escorted them all back into the house and went into the kitchen to get Chris's drink while everyone else found a seat in the living room.

  "Chris is a doctor at Johns Hopkins," Brad said.

  "Actually still a resident in my last year," Chris corrected.

  "Do you have a...specialty?" Charmaine asked in a way that could have been taken in more than one way.

  Chris seemed to pick up on the double entendre and accepted the challenge. "I'll have to watch out for this one," he joked.

  Joan held her breath. Charmaine was an incurable flirt. For the first time she hoped Charmaine was enamored enough with Giancarlo to remain monogamous, or at least semi-monogamous. Evey returned with Chris's drink and Beth stood to give her chair to her mother.

  "It's good to see you again, Chris," Evey said. "You haven't come for a visit in a couple of years."

  "If I got too accustomed to all this peace and quiet you might be stuck with me for life," Chris said.

  "Chris and I were in the same fraternity in college," Brad said. "Actually, he introduced me to Fran," he added as he brought Fran's hand to his mouth and kissed it. "Best thing anyone's ever done for me."

  Joan looked at Fran and thought, I bet it wasn't intentional.

  Chris cleared his throat and finished his drink. "Well, I wanted to stop by and let you know you didn't need to send a posse out for me and for a glass of Evey's sun tea. It was a long drive and I didn't get that much sleep last night. Thought I'd check into the hotel and crash."

  "Will you be back for dinner tonight?" Evey asked.

  "No, but I appreciate the offer. I have a bachelor party to plan and can use a day or two of relaxation."

  Joan saw Ralph slip into the living room and remove his baseball cap. He moved quietly behind Evey and leaned down to whisper something to her. It seemed as if the color drained immediately from Evey's face as she nodded and whispered back to Ralph. The smile that was plastered on Evey's lips held no warmth or genuineness as everyone stood to say their farewells to Chris. Evey looked periodically toward the barn and stables. She hugged Chris briefly and reiterated how good it was to see him again.

  "NEED TO TALK about it?" Joan asked as she stood behind Fran and rested her hands on her daughter's shoulders while Brad escorted Chris back to his vehicle.

  "I don't think so, Mom, but thanks for asking." Fran stared out the front screen door watching Brad and Chris talking while they leaned against the side of Chris's car. She turned slowly in Joan's arms and relaxed into her mother's steady embrace.

  "How long were you and Chris together?" Joan asked softly.

  "About a year, off and on," Fran mumbled against Joan's shoulder. She leaned back a little and looked into her mother's eyes. "We met when he came to New York to interview for a residency at Columbia. He and another guy wandered into the gallery right before closing."

  Joan waited.

  "He called the gallery about a month later with the usual tired line. "˜I can't get you out of my mind.' All that crap. Then he called to say he would be in the city. We took in a show, had a late dinner," Fran shrugged. "That usual."

  "Intense?"

  "Very. But long distance doesn't usually work out well. He came to New York three or four times. I went to Williamsburg a couple of times. The last time he came to the city he brought a friend with him."

  "Brad?"

  Fran smiled. "Yeah. He was so quiet and grounded. He seemed really interested in the art we carried in the gallery." She looked out the door again. "He called me the night they got back to the university and asked if I would go out with him the next weekend. I don't know where he got the money, but he showed up at the gallery at closing the next Friday night."

  "And the rest, as they say, is history," Joan said as she kissed the top of Fran's head.

  "Yeah," Fran sighed. "I was shocked when Brad told me he'd asked Chris to be his best man, but couldn't tell him why."

  "Does Brad know about you and Chris?"

  "He knows we went out a couple of times, but I haven't told him anything more."

  "Do you still care for Chris?"

  "As a friend. I don't think he was ready to move beyond anything but the...sex. It was good, but it wasn't love." Fran's eyes met Joan's. "I can talk to Brad. I love him, Mom. It's not a rebound thing. I just feel a little uncomfortable around Chris now." She took a deep breath. "But after this weekend we'll probably never see him again."

  "It's never too late to back out, you know?"

  "Brad's the one."

  Joan gave Fran a quick hug and kiss. When she looked around the living room, she noticed that Evey had disappeared.

  Chapter Ten

  NEITHER EVEY NOR Ralph returned to the house for dinner that evening. As much as Joan hated to admit it she missed seeing her. There was something pleasant and calming about Evelyn Chase. Joan laughed to herself wondering what Fran and Brad would think if they suspected she was developing even the slightest attraction to the groom's mother.

  She stepped onto the wrap-around porch of the Chase farmhouse and scanned the surrounding property. She was bored and needed to do something before she went crazy. It had been a long time since she had been on a farm, but her memories of that early time in her life were far from unpleasant. It had been such a simple time. She strolled onto the grassy area between the house and drive, stopping to admire the flowerbeds Evey planted for the wedding. The plants were healthy and would be in full bloom just in time for the ceremony.

  She glanced up and saw Ralph leaving the barn farther down a gradual slope below the house. He appeared to be staring at the ground as he walked, occasionally bringing a calloused hand up to rub his face and re-situate his baseball cap. When he was within a few feet of her, Joan stopped him.

  "Have you seen Mrs. Chase, Ralph?"

  He didn't answer, but sniffed and jerked a thumb in the direction of the barn. Joan was certain something was wrong and increased her pace. Shafts of sunlight streaming through irregular cracks in the barn wood pierced the dimness as she stepped inside. The air was cool against her skin and the smell of hay assaulted her nose. There was something in the smell that spoke of freshness and cleanliness. A soft sound drew Joan's attention toward the back of the barn near the stable area. It took her a moment to recognize the nickering sound of a foal. Joan remembered the sound of a new life. She smiled and moved quietly toward the sound. The open gate of the last stall gave away the location. Joan stepped up to the open gate, the smile on her face falling away instantly.

  Evey was wiping down a newly born foal with a large towel while encouraging it to stand and take its first wobbly steps on spindly, uncertain legs. Tears streamed down her face and she wiped them away angrily. No matter how many times she wiped at them, more replaced them. The foal staggered near Evey and she wrapped an arm around its neck, holding it close and burying her face against its moist coat.

  Joan's eyes shifted to a large form on the hay a few feet from where Evelyn knelt with the foal. A large blanket was draped over the body of Evey's favorite mare. She had been so excited and hopeful that Sheba was finally going to be a mother. It would be her first. Now it had been her last. Joan couldn't imagine what could have gone wrong. According to Evey it had been a relatively uneventful pregnancy.

 
Evey released the foal and pivoted on her knees toward Sheba. She pulled the blanket away from the huge head and stroked it tenderly, murmuring too softly for Joan to hear. Her heart went out to the quiet, friendly woman and she turned to leave as silently as she had arrived.

  "Please don't leave," a soft voice behind Joan said.

  Joan looked over her shoulder at the tear-streaked face. "I don't want to intrude." Her eyes moved toward the fallen horse. "I'm so sorry," she rasped.

  Evey took in a deep shaky breath and attempted a faint smile as she looked down at the foal still wobbling beside her. "I have to get this little guy to our nurse goat. He must be starving."

  Joan entered the stall and bent down, lifting the foal into her arms. "Lead the way," she said.

  "Isn't he heavy?"

  "Only if I have to walk a mile," she answered as she dodged being struck by his bobbing head.

  Joan followed Evey to an enclosed area behind the barn and waited as she opened the gate. Joan set the foal down carefully and watched as he tested his spindly legs. A few moments later Evey led a large goat into the enclosure and up a ramp onto a sturdy, low platform. The foal found what he needed and shoved his head forcefully beneath the patient-looking goat that chewed at the feed in a trough in front of her and swung her head around to look at the new arrival. Evey backed out of the enclosure and pulled the gate closed. Joan followed Evey back into the barn, unsure what else she could do.