The Statement of Stella Maberly, and An Evil Spirit
Page 14
For although, whenever I dream at all, I am back at Tansted once more, somehow it is always those days of early June that I live over again in the old garden and house; the Evelyn whom I find there is my dearest friend, and the perfect sweetness of our intercourse is never marred by any haunting half-consciousness of misery and horror to come.
This is a mercy which I know I do not deserve, and for which I trust I am not ungrateful, and yet I long impatiently for the day when all suspense and uncertainty and bewilderment will end, and I shall rest and understand—for I am very weary of waiting.
THE END
NOTES
1 ‘come out’: Stella’s ‘coming-out’ is her formal entrance into society. Most of her “well-born and well-to-do” schoolfellows would also have been débutantes.
2 whip-lash fountain: non-standard term for what is presumably quite an elaborate fountain, with revolving jets
3 chloral: Chloral hydrate was a common nineteenth-century treatment for insomnia and anxiety.
4 wrapper: a sleeved apron tied at the back
5 bromide or sulphonal: These drugs are sedatives and hypnotics, and would also commonly treat nervous complaints.
6 dog-cart: So called not because it was drawn by dogs but because its special feature was a box for transporting them, this is an open riding carriage.
7 ‘Qui veut la fin veut les moyens’: proverbial, the desire for the end implies a desire for the means
8 in ordinary: obsolete expression meaning “ordinarily”
9 proosic acid: The use of prussic acid in animal euthanasia was standard at the time to which Stella is looking back. Battersea Dogs’ Home then led the way with the introduction, from 1884, of a more humane alternative. See Garry Jenkins, A Home of Their Own: The Heart-Warming 150-Year History of Battersea Dogs and Cats Home (2010; repr., London: Bantam Press, 2011), 116-117.
10 moue: This is a pout, in its faintest and most fetching form. In Chapter 11 of Vice Versâ Anstey refers to “that slight contortion of the features, which with a pretty girl is euphemised as a ‘moue,’ and with a plain one is called ‘making a face.’”
11 Blenheim: The Blenheim variety of spaniel is white with chestnut markings.
12 scroop: onomatopoeic equivalent of “scrape”
13 phaeton: “a species of four-wheeled open carriage, … usually driven by a pair of horses” (Oxford English Dictionary)
APPENDIX I: The Statement of V.M.
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The Statement of V.M. patient at Bethnal House Asylum, July: 19: 1886
This narrative is intended to be read by Mrs Morgan, Matron, Dr Miller & Dr Will.
A detailed account of the difficulties & misery that I had to contend with during the time that I was so troubled by the hearing of what I then & now believe were the voices at least some of dear relatives whom I knew were dead.
Voices & Shadows or
Mental Struggles
Hearing voices when no living creature is near is generally called a delusion. In other words they are considered insane. But when it comes to not only hearing but actually seeing the forms from which sounds proceeded little doubt ‘something was wrong’ a fact which I discovered in a very extraordinary manner.
Long felt lowspirited—presentiment that something awful was about to happen. Sleepless. I & my husband then in apartments at house of an unmarried M.R.C.S.1 A lady had the drawing room floor with the floor above.
I returned home one night from a Temperance Lodge meeting2 at about 10.30. Found a beautiful bright light burning in hall & a lady with long hair reaching down to her waist ascending stairs. I thought it was the housekeeper’s sister. I followed her. She passed to the rooms above mine, then used as lumber rooms. No sound or rustle. I heard whispering on landing. As I entered my room it seemed as if the owners of the voices entered with me. I spoke to Housekeeper who said I imagined it all & to my husband who laughed. I slept alone as my restlessness disturbed him. I lay on the sofa in the sitting-room.
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It was not a human beign. [sic] Going downstairs backwards. The chest on the landing—the idea that it contained the mystery.
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As night advanced & street noises ceaced (sic) I thought what an awful misfortune it would be were Mind & Body both to give way again. I had been ill once some years before. So I came to the conclusion that I would keep myself as quiet as possible & say very little about my condition.
Reading-sofa drawn to table when I became aware that someone was standing close beside me—faint sigh—low murmuring—no one there—I went to tell my husband but he spoke so unkindly to me that I returned but not to rest.
Suddenly I heard as if there was water dropping from ceiling on to carpet—like very large drops falling at intervals with a thud. Went to part where sound proceeded but strangely enough the sound seemed to come from an opposite direction—the whispers now ceaced [sic]—I thought I was really going mad—low knock at the door—no one there.
Saw the long-haired lady pass window on upper landing. Now was my time to solve this mystery. I was not the least afraid in fact I felt angry—went upstairs—no one there.
How can I describe the horror of my situation. Let anyone who reads this imagine themselves in my place & ask themselves what they would have done. Under the circumstances a woman would in all probability faint—a man would use some bad language, perhaps call himself a fool. I did neither.
Prostrated by hours of Torture & Annoyance. It slowly dawned upon me that I must be haunted. Either hopelessly helplessly mad or my vision impaired.
Next day about noon. Carriage drew up at door—the Doctor went out hurriedly—a dark foreign looking gentleman came in & went up to drawing room where he talked with Doctor. Then the Doctor he and the lady who had the drawing room drove off together.
Housekeeper (also a midwife) also left the house judging from her dress. Likely to remain away some time.
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The manservant was also away at another of the Doctor’s homes. Only one servant left in lower part of house. Now was my time to get some laudanum. In the Surgery—the large closet with 10 bottles, sticks & skulls. Return of Doctor. I got in closet, locked door, & had good view of room through keyhole. The Doctor & the husband brought in lady & put her on sofa—removed her bonnet & shawl. Husband refused to let her go to her room till she had had a strengthening draught. The others conversed apart.
I shall now leave them conversing for a while & proceed to give you a glimpse of the nightside of this Doctor’s nature.
He was one of those men who would not shrink from lending himself to anything dishonourable & mean provided that 1st his pocket was well filled with gold 2ndly that his name was shielded against suspicion. But like the old saying If you touch pitch you must put up with the consequences so it was with this gentleman. His name was very often associated with deeds of evil & I fully believe with truth. He had a hairbreadth escape once for having given his signature to a forged will, also with wrongly certifying as to the cause of death & also with having illegally practised on females an act punishable by law.3 I have even heard respectable people say they heard that Dr. T— buried some of his victims in his underground cellar.
I heard them conversing—glancing through bundle of papers—both attempted to persuade the lady to drink the mixture. She refused & accused husband of trying to poison her—also of spending her money badly & wishing to kill her & get the remainder.
It struck me as being strange that they should insist. Matters brought to climax—Doctor went in search of something—returning they both poured the mixture down her throat. What a dreadful scene. How she tried to struggle & scream. Even then it never occurred
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to me that anything was wrong. In fact I said within myself how easily I could have swallowed the stuff & made no fuss about it.
Then all was still—the two sat down at desk. Clink of money. The proceedings all through appeared to me queer but my anxiety for m
y own safety prevented me attaching that importance that under other circumstances I should. Want of sleep & continual murmuring seemed to have dulled my comprehension.
Peeping through keyhole not a very pleasant occupation especially when just touching the skulls of some poor creatures who probably committed self destruction. Were the owners of the skulls come to keep me company. Noise behind. One skull displaced. O how dreadfully tired & faint I felt—the place smelt as if I actually were in midst of the dead.
The two worthies softly approached sofa—the Doctor pronounced life to be extinct. Disease of the heart exclaimed the precious rascal. Of course answered the amiable husband. I instinctively recoiled & fell knocking over skulls & bottles. Womanlike I screamed. Not with fright but for simple reason that I happened to alight on something sharp.
My greatest enemy would have had pity.
Key missed—Doctor asked in rather a shaking voice who was there. Doctor went to find a tool to open door. Husband went into garden.
With a glance at the poor dead woman I fled up to my own room & locked the door.
The Doctor he was not a Dr really—only called so from courtesy—proper form of address was Mr—Surgeon with initials M.R.C.S. saw it in Medical Directory.
Lady found dead some hours after by housekeeper on her return. Whether she was a party to the plot or not I could never acertain. [sic]
Hurried funeral—no one attended but the 2 poisoners.
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Dr. T. made no inquiries about the laudanum. I concluded he was reserving his wrath—the suspense. He found a more cautious way of letting me know he knew it was I.
My husband & he great friends. Easy to have me sent to an Asylum. More than sufficient evidence against me I will candidly admit. I made up my mind to say nothing to my husband & wait issue of events.
Felt as if I had assisted to murder the poor woman. If I had taken that little bottle I should in all probability have taken an overdose. The destiny that ruled over me then has not made my end very shapely. If God would only give us a glimpse of the troubles & sorrows during time he contemplates fashioning us & give us option of refusing how eagerly would I refuse to become a human being. But I was like rest of mankind not consulted.
Before I resume the surgery affair I will still further digress & touch as lightly as possible on my first & greatest bereavement.
’Tis many years since my first husband Capt. W. Mackeith Master Mariner & owner was drowned. I was then 17.
Lying awake that night heard my name pronounced in my husband’s voice in one long expiring sigh—not even prefaced by any endearing expression. Wind began to rise. Before midnight it was blowing a gale and a half. Next night 3 mins to 8 leaning on chair—overshadowed by dark & a misty cloud—figure of husband occupied chair—said ‘My Darling Wife, do not grieve for me for you shall never see me again in this world.’
My tongue, right arm & right side paralised & quite dead.
Next day news of his death. Shock so great that for close on 2 years I dragged on a miserable existence in a Lunatic Asylum.
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Could tell many incidents but fear putting your credulity to the test.
Now I will resume the surgery adventure. It clings to me like a nightmare.
Mr. T. after funeral came up & said he had a serious charge against Mrs M a person of very dangerous tendencies strange & peculiar ideas & habits not fit to be at large—bland tone of voice—so refined <?> he seemed the most reverent and kind individual in existence. All this assumed to acertain [sic] how much I heard & knew.
I did not keep him long in suspense as to what I thought of him—told him he & his friend had murdered the Lady & if he attempted to induce my husband to consent to his proposal I should relate all I knew to the proper authorities—said he stood a better chance of being locked up & strictly watched than I did.
My Husband said it only showed how mad I was to conceive such a thing & that the woman died of heart disease on return from consulting a doctor. I said I had seen them pour the mixture down her throat—if the stomach was analised my ‘conception’ as he was pleased to call it would be called by some other name.
Dr —— turned pale—consulted my husband alone. All my husband said when he returned was that I must keep very quiet & not excite myself. Doctor would forget my tampering & send me a soothing draught, which I promptly refused. That awful house—those gloomy rooms.
The conclusion—invitations from Mr. M.’s friends. My dislike to mixing in society. I lived alone or almost alone. Horror of crowds. Would never walk in streets if I could help it.
You will naturally say my mind was in an unhealthy state & that accounted for my hearing voices—but that had nothing to do with it. Regret that I did not cry out & save the woman’s life. Got worse instead of better. At last I could not lay down either night or day. When I attempted to feeling of someone standing or bending over me.
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My husband sometimes remained at home to complete some musical composition—constantly obliged to suppress my agitation. I drew armchair to window so closely that even a shadow would have no chance of standing room. Sleeping draught but light uneasy slumber.
At this time my husband was offered an appointment as bandmaster in Sussex—he did duties of clerk during day and in evening instructed his men in music. 2 evenings he devoted to private pupils. I remained in London 2 weeks after he left.
One evening at 8.30 waiting for postman4—suddenly heard fluttering as of a bird in a cage just behind me—thick greyish vapour descending from ceiling. In bedroom—communicating with sitting-room by folding doors. Very large lofty & gloomy—vapour there too—strange whispers from 4 corners of room. I was perfectly calm & collected & not at all afraid.
Presently a voice—of a woman raised to the ordinary pitch—yet voice from a distance & as if coming through a
I fled. As I went past the bedroom door I saw sitting on the bed the face in profile of the long haired lady—with alteration that her hair was now bound up—the dress was the same.
In the street—terror of feeling her hand on my shoulder. No hat or mantle. My one great desire to preserve a calm manner & appearance. I had walked or I may say run a considerable distance from home & in direction of Regent’s Park before I became aware of my half dressed condition.
To return impossible—so I decided to remain in shadow as much as possible till my nerves got settled—No money or I would have taken a bed for the night.
Very late—I knew I was an object of suspicion to the policeman on beat.
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Knowing how utterly impossible it would be to remain out all night I retraced my steps.
Found no light—prayed God for strength—& feeling more calm went in & lighted lamp.
In bedroom vapour & lady gone. Still one more strange & unaccountable thing—my right hand was or appeared to be covered with blood. I washed it in several waters but no change—whole hand deep crimson extending to first joint of the wrist—my left hand usual colour but appeared much whiter when contrasted with the other.
My first thought was that perhaps I was going to have a fever—but strange that symptoms should begin in the hand—never recollected a case of the kind.
Naturally alarmed & tried to account for it. Not indigestion. Nothing or very little to digest. Often fasted for days & would now if I were not questioned about it & compelled to eat.
We eat too much. Less meat more brains. Not a bad principal [sic] especially in an Establishment like this where there is such a want of the latter commodity.
Suddenly it flashed upon me—painful circumstance many years before—now horribly vivid—I will give you the facts though I know they will not reflect any credit upon me.
After I left the Asylum I decided to go to the Seaside for change of scene & air. (I was a private patient—the money came out of my own pocket. My husband lef
t me very well provided for.)
I engaged a woman to attend to me. Whether she told anything I can’t say—but people looked strangely at me as I passed. I walked on remote part of beach but not a little surprised to see heads of men & women every now & again popping up from behind rocks & sandhills all evidently watching my movements. Very unpleasant but I could not interfere the place was open to everyone. There only one week—persuaded myself to make the best of everything when it occurred to me that I had brought a 6-chambered revolver that had been given to Capt. MacKeith.
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Why could not I shoot some of those ‘seagulls’ the white plumage would look so pretty in Hats. I unpacked the box & was examining the chambers when in rushed a woman of about my own height—& tried to snatch the revolver. In a moment I had divined her thoughts. She thought I was about to do something rash. I asked her to leave the room. She refused unless I gave up the ‘pistol’ as she called it. The insolent interference was quite enough. I would put her out. Little she knew with whom she had to deal. In a moment I had her by the throat. She was but a baby in my hands. First having half strangled her I threw her down some steps on the passage, down which she rolled & lay there. I regret to say I did not attempt to pick her up again. She never recovered consciousness & died soon after. She had been asked by my servant to ‘keep an eye on me’ while she was away. There was of course great commotion—an enquiry—an account of which I am not going to worry you with. My holiday at an end & for some months very little peace in my household.
This is the only way in which I can account for the stain.
The stain gradually disappeared. Not so the vapour—which appeared again about 1 hour after ascending from floor in little spiral columns & assuming that appearance on ceiling that frost does on window glass. No voices but dropping of water till late in the morning.
I turned my back on that doomed house. ‘Mistaken Souls that dream of Heaven’5 the troubled mind accused me.