by JB Bonds
“Don’t bring that animal over on my side of the street where he can leave crap in my yard!”
“We pick up after Max, so you won’t find any crap in your yard from him,” Roz said.
I could see Roz was getting a little steamed. Max was straining at the end of his leash, growling and barking at Harry.
“Girls, why don’t you bring Max into the house for a visit?” McGhee suggested.
Roz picked Max up and we followed Ida and McGhee inside. As I closed the door, I could see Harry was still standing by his mailbox, glaring at us.
“I don’t think I’ve ever met a more unpleasant person,” I said.
“And wouldn’t you know he’d end up as our neighbor?” Ida said.
“Have you had any run-ins with him lately?” Roz asked.
“We never see him except when he goes to his mailbox. We’ve even spoken to him, but he acts like he doesn’t hear us,” McGhee said.
“Let’s forget about Harry for now and take Max for a walk. Are you two ladies up to it?” I asked.
“I’d like to walk down to the pool. We haven’t been in there since we moved here.” Ida grabbed her sunglasses.
The four of us, plus Max, walked down Palm Street to the pool and tennis courts. When we got there we could see Joe playing tennis with a gentleman we didn’t know. I had been curious whether Joe could actually hold a tennis racket with only a thumb and pointer finger on his right hand, but as luck would have it, he was left handed and has no problem tossing the ball into the air to serve it with his two fingers.
“Do you two mind if we stop for a while and watch them play? We told Joe the other day we would try to catch one of his tennis matches,” Roz said.
“Why don’t you watch while I take Ida and McGhee into the pool area and down to the beach?” I suggested.
Roz took Max and went to an area outside the tennis courts that had some benches for spectators while the three of us walked over to the pool.
“Once you two get a little more settled, you might want to come down here to take the aqua aerobics classes or just to cool off. One of the nicest areas here in Rainbow is over this way,” I said.
Ida and McGhee seemed to really like the pool and all it had to offer, but said they weren’t swimmers. When I showed them the little walkway down to the loungers with the umbrellas by the water, they really got excited.
“Can we walk down there? From here that looks like a spot I could really get attached to,” Ida said. We walked down to the water and had a seat on the loungers. The water was an aqua blue with light green edges and a little choppy. The wind was blowing more than usual today. Off in the distance, we could see eight or ten sailboats tacking back and forth in front of us, plus fishermen quietly sitting with rods in hand, waiting for a strike. Even when a noisy Sea-Doo would jet by, the fishermen didn’t seem to mind. The Gulf belonged to everyone.
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything so beautiful. I have to pinch myself to believe we live here! Ida and I have never lived this close to the water in our whole lives, so this is all new to us. I feel like I’m on vacation all the time. My, my, this is something.” McGhee gazed across the Gulf.
“Roz and I meet Burton down here once a month or so and have a cigar and some margaritas. Maybe you two ladies would like to join us.”
“Did you say cigars?” Ida asked.
“Yes, it’s a long story, but you wouldn’t have to smoke the cigars or have the drinks if you didn’t want to. Just being down here is so peaceful.”
“You and Roz never cease to amaze us. Cigars, have you ever heard of such a thing! I want to join you just to see you smoking those things!” McGhee laughed.
“Let’s get back up to the tennis courts and see how Joe is doing. We promised we’d stop to watch him play.”
Once we got settled by Roz on the bench at the tennis courts, I took a good look at Joe’s opponent. He was a slight man, balding, with a great tan. He had sunglasses on and a visor hat on his head. Joe seemed to be on his game, but his partner seemed to be struggling a little.
Roz leaned over to tell me that Joe and his buddy had made it to the men’s single semi-finals of a tennis tournament being held here at Rainbow. I watched as Joe served and saw that he was able to put an unusual amount of spin on the ball, which seemed to hamper his opponent’s game a little. From what Roz was telling me, Joe and this fellow were very good players, but what I was seeing on the court told a different story. Joe slammed the ball over to his opponent and as the ball approached him, he seemed to only be able to shuffle in the direction of the ball. He actually stopped at one point and bent over to put his hands on his knees to catch his breath.
Roz nudged me and said, “I’m not sure what’s going on. Joe’s opponent was playing so well, but now he doesn’t look so good.” About that time, the man raised a hand and started to speak, but before a sound came out, he fell to the ground. Joe immediately ran around the net to get to him and the four of us ladies walked onto the courts.
“Joe, is he breathing?” Roz yelled.
“Yes, but he’s sweating and has no color in his face,” Joe said.
“I’m calling 911,” I said as I dug around for my cell phone.
“He’s coming around, but I think we still need someone to take a look at him,” Joe said.
At this point the man sat up, looked around, and tried to stand. Joe told him to sit still, but he insisted he felt great and wanted to continue the game. He stood and Ida brought him a bottle of water she had brought with her for the walk. He took a few sips.
“Are you sure you’re OK? Does this happen often?” I asked.
“No, no, I’m healthy as a horse. I just haven’t eaten anything today. I have so much I want to do and all the energy in the world to do it that I just can’t stop to waste time eating.”
He was bouncing from foot to foot like he was ready to get on with the game. By this time we heard sirens and knew the Emergency Squad was on the way. Joe suggested they sit for a minute and at least let the EMT check him out. After a thorough check from the squad, they said he was fine, but he needed to see a doctor as soon as possible to have his heart checked out. The gentleman thanked the EMTs and told Joe it was time to get back on the court.
“My name is Roz and this is my sister, Joanie. These are our neighbors, McGhee and Ida, I don’t believe we know your name.”
“I should have introduced my friend a long time ago. Where are my manners? This is Ward Costello. He lives down the street from me. We’ve been playing a little tennis and golf lately,” Joe said.
“Always a pleasure to meet such lovely ladies,” Ward said.
I’m curious, Ward, are you by chance taking the Caliente Honey the Hammonds are selling?” Roz asked.
“I sure am and it’s a real godsend. I can’t tell you how much more energy I have. I don’t need to sleep, basically can’t sleep, and I’m getting so much done. I wish I’d had this stuff ten years ago.”
“I think you need to see a doctor to make sure you’re doing OK, because passing out like that isn’t good,” Roz said.
“Thanks for your concern, but I’m doing spectacularly well!” Ward said.
With that, Ward ran around the net and took his stance, waiting for Joe to serve. Joe shrugged his shoulders at us and took up his position. The four of us went back to our bench and watched for a while longer. I sat there, actually holding my breath. I just knew Ward was going to keel over any second. My face felt like it was on fire. As I looked around, I could tell Roz was watching me. She held onto Max’s leash and jumped up at the same time I did, and we both started walking. Ida and McGhee looked a little startled, but they followed us through the parking lot. I had to get out of there. When we got a little way from the tennis enclosure, Roz stopped me.
“Are you having a panic attack, Joanie?”
“Not sur
e. All I know is, I had to get away from that tennis court. Ward was making me so nervous.”
“Sometimes you can’t tell a person what they should do, but I have to agree. Ward is struggling in there and in this heat, anything could happen.”
Chapter 18
BOOM! Jingle Bells!
Roz and I hadn’t seen Burton for a week or so, but had heard he was extremely busy working with residents helping them hone their talents for Under the Big Top. One morning, when we were at the pool for our aqua class, Bea, Alberta, and Lois told us they had entered the talent show as a singing group.
“Burton is so happy with our little trio,” Lois said.
“I didn’t know you girls knew how to sing, except for you, Bea, when you sing at the pool,” I said.
Roz just raised her eyebrows at me and tried not to smile.
“We didn’t know we knew how to sing either until Lois mentioned one day during beading class that she had done some singing during her high school days. Then Alberta and I piped in that we had sung in church while we were growing up. One thing led to another and we decided to go over to the Center and let Burton take a listen,” Bea said.
“I can’t wait to hear you three sing together. What song are you doing?” Roz asked.
“Right now, I think we’ve settled on “Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy of Company B,” which is one of my all time favorites,” Lois said.
“How are practices going for the show?” Roz asked.
“You wouldn’t believe how many people have signed up with every kind of talent imaginable. Everyone is really getting caught up in this thing. Are you two going to enter?” Lois asked.
“No, Roz and I won’t be entering the talent show. Believe me, no one would want to hear us sing, and other than the “Electric Slide,” my dancing skills are non-existent,” I said.
“Don’t be so hard on yourself, Joanie,” Bea said.
“How is Burton handling all the work involved getting this show pulled together?” I asked.
“Some days he’s great, but then others, all he does is flit from place to place, screaming and yelling at everyone to pipe down and focus. On those days practice isn’t much fun and we don’t get much accomplished,” Alberta said.
“I’ve noticed when he comes into practice and won’t take his sunglasses off, he immediately starts pushing everyone around. Those are the days when things are not going to go well. But, all in all, you know Burton, he’s a true showman,” Lois said.
“Since Joanie and I have no talent to share except our organizational skills, we’re going to talk to Burton about helping out with decorating the space, or anything else he might need.”
“You two are such good friends with Burton, maybe if you’re there during practices, you can calm him down a little,” Bea said.
“Roz, why don’t you and I take a trip over to Burton’s later today?”
As we walked up Burton’s walkway, all seemed normal….normal for Burton. We could hear the score from South Pacific blaring from his CD player. Before we could knock, Burton opened the door. He was wrapped in a gorgeous floor-length floral sarong and had a hibiscus flower behind each ear.
“Joanie and Roz, come in, come in! Where have you two been keeping yourselves? Or is it me? I guess I’ve been so busy with the talent show, I’ve neglected you girls.”
Every time I walk into Burton’s RV, I’m amazed at how beautifully he has decorated it. The style is Moroccan with lots of deep reds and purples with splashes of gold in the curtains, carpets, and furniture. There are silk scarves hanging over several tall lamps, but my favorite thing in the living room is a brass lamp that stands about two feet tall with a brass parrot attached to either side of the spindle and a beautiful lampshade covered in black feathers. Burton said he’d purchased the lamp in New Orleans, which made perfect sense.
It was hard to hear Burton because the music was so all consuming in his RV. He rushed over to his CD player and lowered the volume.
“Please forgive me. That was a little loud, wasn’t it? But I have to immerse myself in the music before I can totally give myself over to the performance.”
“Are you performing something from South Pacific? Roz asked.
“Possibly, it’s one of my all time favorites.”
“Roz and I would like to volunteer some of our time to help you get the sets done for the show, if that’s OK with you.”
“OK? That would be fabulous! You just don’t know how stressed I am over all this — anything you two want to do to help me get the space ready would be great!”
“Burton, is this talent show a little too ambitious for you? Don’t make yourself sick over it,” Roz said.
“Roz, darling, no, no, no, no. I dearly love doing this kind of thing, was born to do it, but some days I feel like I could crawl out of my skin.”
“Have you considered that maybe you’re overdoing the Caliente a little?” Roz asked.
“Heavens, no! That’s the only thing getting me through this whole extravaganza! Don’t take my Caliente away, girls!!”
“I have a suggestion. Joanie and I were talking on our way over here that we think it’s about Gulf time again. Have you got some time this evening to join us for a cigar? We want to bring Ida and McGhee along, if you don’t mind.”
“What fun! Count me in. That’s just what the doctor ordered. I’ll be through with practice today around 4:00, so I could be down there by 5:00. Will that work for the four of you? And I’ll bring my famous lemonade.”
“That should work,” Roz said.
As we left Burton’s, I looked back over my shoulder as he was swigging from the Caliente Honey bottle.
Roz and I stopped by Ida and McGhee’s on our way from Burton’s to make sure 5:00 would work for them. They wanted to know what they could bring and Roz said, “Surprise us.”
Over the past few weeks, there had been several more burglaries, but no one could get a glimpse of the thief, not even the security guard. Rainbow residents felt safer because we had the guard, but things were still being stolen. Also, the Hammonds seemed to pop up everywhere. Their business was brisk; Roz and I could see the steady stream of people coming and going from their house. Neither of us had taken any more of the elixir because of the experience I had. It just wasn’t safe. We couldn’t understand why so many people continued to buy it. Even Ida and McGhee told us they were sorely tempted to try it, but Roz successfully talked them out of it.
Since the clothesline had been taken down in Ida and McGhee’s front yard, they hadn’t put it back in place. Even so, a sign showed up on their front lawn saying, “Finally, the laundromat has closed!”
All of this activity was driving Herb to distraction. He felt like he was losing control of his little community. Between residents coming into the store snipping and snapping at him about his inability to find the burglar and Ida and McGhee’s harassment, he was miserable. We saw Herb at Harry’s front door one morning bright and early and later found out he had approached Harry about the possibility of him being the person harassing the sisters across the street. We also learned Harry wasn’t happy about this accusation and had basically threatened to sue Herb and Rainbow’s End for harassing him and defamation of character. Roz and I were beginning to feel like we had moved into our own reality show.
Around 4:45, Roz and I drove the golf cart up to Ida and McGhee’s so we could meet Burton down on the Gulf. They had a little basket with them that smelled utterly delicious. It turns out they had made another of their mother’s favorite recipes, cheese straws.
“You know what? I think me and Ida need to get us a couple hats. Every time I see you two together in those ‘go to hell’ hats, I have to smile. Not only are they perfect for the weather here, but you girls look good!” McGhee said as she and Ida sat in the back seat of the cart.
“How about we make a trip into Key West someti
me soon and get you two some hats? But, I have to warn you, you all aren’t going to look nearly as good as Roz and I do!” I said as I started toward the pool. The four of us howled and laughed all the way over the bridge and into the pool parking lot.
When we got down to the water, we could see Burton was already there, and to our surprise, Joe was sitting in one of the loungers beside him. Burton had changed into a sweet sundress and he looked a little more relaxed than when we last saw him. Joe, as usual, looked like he just stepped off the tennis court in his white shorts and knit shirt. On a small table by one of the loungers we could see snacks and lemonade that Burton had brought.
“Hey girls! Look who I found! Joe was going to leave when he heard we were having a little Gulf party, but I insisted he join us.” Burton said.
“It’s nice to see you, Joe,” I said.
“Nice to see all of you beautiful ladies again,” Joe said.
“I’ve got a teensy, weensy surprise for everyone, but I’m not saying another word right now,” Burton said.
“I love surprises. When do we get it?” Ida asked.
“Wait and see,” Burton teased.
The six of us proceeded to settle into our loungers and enjoy our cigars, drinks, and cheese straws…all but Ida and McGhee. They passed up the cigars and sat with their mouths hanging open as Roz and I blew smoke rings.
“Ladies, I’m so sorry to hear you found another sign in your yard. I wish there was something I could do to find out who is doing this. It makes me sick that someone would treat you two like that. And in addition, I was reading in the Key West Citizen about all the burglaries in our area this past week. Ugly stuff,” Joe said, adding more ice to his drink.
There was little to no breeze coming off the Gulf so the air was still and close. For just such occasions as this, I always bring a little portable fan. Just a little something to move the air around. I sat it near our loungers. Over the years, I had become notorious for my collection of fans. I never travel anywhere without one. Who knows what could happen on an airplane or in a hotel room. The air conditioning could stop at any time. I would dare say my craving for air movement comes from claustrophobia I developed as a child when Roz and I were locked in a dirt cellar by neighborhood boys. I don’t think I’ve ever been the same.