by JB Bonds
We were just enjoying the evening and the nice breeze off the water, along with an amazing sunset. Dusk had started to fall when we suddenly heard a loud boom. Fireworks reflected over the water. All of us jumped a foot, especially Joe. He tossed his drink into the air, propelled himself out of his lounger and landed right on top of Ida, like he was trying to shield her from something. Roz and I had crawled behind our loungers and were on all fours, peeping around them. McGhee was still sitting in her chair with her hands over her head. Burton was the only one of us who seemed to know what was going on because he was clapping and laughing and waving at someone in the boat.
“What do you think, guys? Was that a nice surprise, or what?” Burton yelled.
“What was that, Burton?” McGhee said as she tried to compose herself.
“I talked to Herb and got permission to have some Key West friends of mine set off a couple fireworks for our little party this evening. I’m seriously considering having them do a whole show of fireworks as a finale for Under The Big Top. Joe, are you all right?” Burton asked as he realized Joe’s negative reaction to the fireworks.
Joe stood up, made his apologies to Ida, and was standing bent over with his hands on his knees.
“Burton, don’t you ever do that again. You have no idea what that just did to me,” Joe said.
“Joe, I’m so sorry. Those were just a few little fireworks.” Burton seemed very confused.
“I’m sensitive to explosions.”
“And why’s that, Joe?” I asked.
“About five years ago, I was hired by a woman who believed her husband was cheating on her. I did surveillance on him for several weeks and came to the conclusion she was right, but the wife wanted pictures. I followed this guy and his lady friend into a vacant warehouse, not knowing this guy was an explosives expert, and was on to me. I quietly followed them with my camera and opened a door into a small room I thought they had gone into, not knowing he had wired the door with explosives. When I opened it, the explosion tore off my three fingers and almost blinded me. I was lucky. He hadn’t put enough explosives around the door to kill me, just to maim, and that he accomplished. But here’s the ironic part. Before I opened my PI business, I worked for thirty years as an explosives expert for a private firm dismantling suspected bombs. In those thirty years I never had one accident. I should have known to be more aware of my surroundings in the warehouse, but I got sloppy. Right then and there, I knew my PI days were over.”
“Joe, I’m so sorry to have brought all that up with my little fireworks display. Will you forgive me?” Burton asked.
“Burton, it’s not your fault. This is something I have to deal with in my own way, and I will,” Joe said.
“There will be no fireworks for the talent show. I couldn’t bear scaring anyone like that again.”
After dropping off Ida and McGhee, Roz and I went home to let Max out and start our dinner.
“Roz, do you have any ideas for props and set construction for the talent show?” I asked.
“Not yet, but I’ll do some research online. I don’t know what kind of a budget we have. We need to talk to Herb to see if any HOA funds could be used. Since so many of the residents are performing, I wouldn’t think they would mind if some of their funds are used for the sets.”
Around 11:00, Roz and I decided to go to bed. Max was already in his crate, sound asleep. He was turning out to be a great little pet. We’d only had him a few weeks and already he was a big part of our family. Around 1:00 in the morning, my eyes flew open. I didn’t know why I was awake. I listened for a minute and heard Max whining, so I figured that’s what had woken me. We had taken Max for a walk only a few hours before, so it was strange he wanted to go out again. I slipped out of bed, put on my robe and slippers and stopped dead in my tracks. Max’s little bell on the front door was jingling. I quietly tiptoed to my door and gently opened it. Sure enough the little bell was jingling. As quietly as I could, I left my room and went into Roz’s to see if she was awake. She was. She had heard Max but not the bell, and I hated to tell her about it. We didn’t turn on any lights.
“Roz, Max’s bell is jingling. I think someone is trying to get in our front door,” I whispered into her ear.
Roz flung back her covers and got out of her bed. About that time, the bell jingled again. We slowly opened Roz’s door and peered down the hallway to the front door, which was visible from her room. We could see the shadow of someone on the other side of the curtained window in the front door. My heart plummeted to my feet. We watched as the shadow moved slowly to our front window and we could hear him trying to get the screen out.
Roz seemed very calm, but I was hyperventilating. She whispered in my ear, “Joanie, calm down. Where’s your cell phone? Mine’s in the living room on the charger.”
“It’s in my bedroom.”
“Go call the police. I’m going to slip into the kitchen and get some pots and pans and wooden spoons.”
“Pots and pans and wooden spoons? What are you going to do, Roz?”
“We need to scare the bejeezus out of that guy and it’s the only thing I can think of.”
“How about staying here in your room until the cops arrive?”
“No way. He could be in the house by then.”
I quietly went into my room, found the cell phone, and dialed 911. While I waited for an operator to answer, I could see Roz on her hands and knees crawling up the hall. I think my eyes rolled into the back of my head at this point. I spoke as quietly and quickly as I could, telling the dispatcher what was going on. She said someone would there in five minutes. Five minutes sounded like a long time. Suddenly I heard some kind of noise outside the mud room door on the back deck. It sounded like he was trying to pry open the lock. Stooping low, I quietly moved as fast as I could up the hall toward the kitchen. I didn’t see Roz right away and almost tripped over her. She had gotten as far as the end of the island that separates the living room from the kitchen. She tugged on my robe.
“Joanie, get down! I hear him coming up the front steps! Roz hissed.
“I just heard someone trying to get in the mud room door. Do you think there could be two of them?”
“Lord, have mercy. I’ve never been so scared in my whole life. Listen to poor little Max. He’s whimpering like somebody’s coming after him. Stay here!”
“What are you doing!?”
Roz didn’t answer. She crawled into the kitchen and I heard her open a cabinet and then a drawer. The next thing I knew, the kitchen lights came on and Roz was banging the shit out of a pan.
I was still sitting on the kitchen floor. My heart was pounding so hard that I said a little prayer that it wouldn’t stop beating altogether. I could hear someone running down the deck steps and in the distance I heard a siren. Thank you, Jesus.
I was so proud of Roz for her bravery. The fact someone was trying to get into our house really shook me up. You sometimes wonder what it would be like for something like this to happen, but to actually experience it is something else all together. Roz was shaking like a leaf as we told the police officer what had happened. They said this was the second time they’d been to Rainbow this week because of someone trying to break into a house.
“Officer, I have to tell you this has shaken us up quite a bit,” I said.
“Just keep your doors locked and call 911 if you hear or see anything else,” the officer said.
“My sister and I are so surprised this is happening here in a retirement community that has good security,” Roz said.
“This is unusual, but we’re seeing more burglaries these days because of the unemployment and drug problems around here. We’ve had a couple of rapes over in Marathon Key over the past few weeks,” the officer said.
“Surely, whoever is committing these burglaries in our little community is not a rapist as well,” I said.
�
�Well, ma’am, when these guys get hopped up on drugs, they sometimes get desperate.”
It took a second for that comment to sink in, but when it did, I said, “Oh…OK…I don’t know whether to be worried about that or feel like you just insulted us,” I said with a weak smile.
“Oh, no, ma’am — just be aware and report anything unusual you see,” the officer said.
We knew our unnerving experience would be all over Rainbow the next day, and it was. Our phone rang off the hook starting at 7:00 a.m. and everyone we saw stopped us to find out if we were all right and to hear firsthand how we had scared the intruders away. Whenever Roz and I told the story, it all sounded so brave, but in honesty, it was terrifying and something I never want to experience again. I don’t know what I would have done without Roz by my side. She was the real hero.
Chapter 19
Where’s My Coffee!!
I had left a little something for Roz in her bedroom.
“Joanie, I found this book on my dresser. Is this the book club’s choice for this month?”
“Yes, I finished it. Alberta chose the book and everyone agreed it would be our first read. I thought you might like to read it as well.”
“I sure will. So what did you think of the book?”
“All I’ve got to say is, why haven’t I been reading more erotic books over the years?”
“That good, huh?”
“I think Alberta might be on to something here.”
“If this book is that good, I might want to move mahjongg to another night and join book club!”
“I can’t wait to talk to McGhee to see what she thinks of it.”
“Let’s skip aqua aerobics this morning and go up to the Recreation Center to see how things are going there with the talent show practice.”
“Fine with me. I want to get an idea of the space that needs to be set up for the show, then maybe you and I can come up with some ideas to turn it into a circus tent.”
We left the house around 9:00 to walk to the Recreation Center, and passed Tutti and Lois, who were going to the pool for class.
“Aren’t you girls coming to aqua aerobics this morning?” Lois asked.
“We volunteered to help Burton with set decorations, so we’re going over there to talk to him for a while,” I said.
“Well, I hope you get more out of Burton than we have for the past few days. His brain is so scattered he can’t seem to concentrate on anything,” Tutti said.
“I’m curious, are you two taking the elixir the Hammonds are selling?” Roz asked.
“I bought a bottle and took it for a couple of days. I could tell it was interfering with my heart pills, so I stopped,” Lois said.
“How could you tell it was affecting your medicine?” Roz asked.
“First thing in the morning, I would take the elixir, just like Virgil told me to do, and not thirty minutes later my heart would start to race, so I’d take a heart pill. This happened two or three times, so I put two and two together and figured my heart just didn’t like it. Can’t fool around with your heart, you know. I told Morty to lay off the stuff, too.”
“I bought a bottle at the open house only because everyone there was raving about it. I thought, what the heck, why not. These people all seem to be energized and happy and I needed a pick-me-up. I slept through most of the open house. Like Lois, I took it for a couple days and just didn’t like the way it made me feel,” Tutti said.
“We think Burton might be overdoing the dosage of the elixir and we’re worried about him,” Roz said.
“That might explain why he seems so hyper. I’ve seen him sip on that little bottle a couple of times during practice,” Tutti said.
All seemed quiet at Ida and McGhee’s. They had said they were going to be sorting through clothes to take to the Goodwill and getting their house in better order. Roz and I walked to the end of Palm Street and turned right onto the Inner Perimeter Road and arrived at the Recreation Center a few minutes later. Burton’s golf cart was parked outside. He was so committed to this project that he’s been spending hours every day in this building. Roz and I entered the large community room where practices were held and where the actual show will be performed. All was very quiet. We didn’t see or hear anyone.
“Let’s look around up front to see how much room we’re going to have to build this circus tent set,” I said.
“I wonder where Burton is?” Roz wondered aloud.
From a corner of the room we could hear someone snoring. As we moved closer, we could see a sleeping bag hidden behind several chairs and it looked like someone was inside.
“We better go. Let’s not wake them up,” I whispered.
From the sleeping bag came the groggy voice and moan of none other than Burton. He rolled over to face us and very, very slowly sat up.
“Coffee, coffee, Lord in Heaven I need coffee,” Burton moaned.
“Did you sleep here last night?” Roz asked.
“I did, and I don’t want to hear anything from you two about where I’m sleeping,” Burton blurted out.
“We’ve caught him again before he’s gotten his daily quotient of coffee. Burton, I’ll go into the office and get you a cup,” Roz said.
“Roz, you are a life saver. Don’t listen to a word I say until I’ve ingested at least two cups of coffee.”
Roz left the room to get Burton’s coffee and I wasn’t sure if I should say another word to him. He looked awful. So disheveled, tired, and I hate to say it, old.
“Joanie, go ahead and say it. I know you’re standing there biting your tongue. I’m pushing myself too hard, and I know it, but I can’t seem to help myself. I think, eat, sleep, and stress about this talent show every minute of the day.”
“Then I would seriously like to suggest you get an assistant. You need help if you’re so insistent that you be the MC, perform in the show, and do every other job that comes along with getting this production up and running.”
“You’re right, but I think I’ve gotten everything under control now. The worst is over. I have the program set, all the talent is decided. Now it’s just a matter of getting the people to come to practice and get serious about what they’re doing, and that’s coming along, as well.”
“Why did you end up sleeping here last night? There’s no way you got a good night’s sleep.”
“Well, you know, now that I think about it, I really hadn’t planned on sleeping here. I brought this sleeping bag in a couple of days ago just in case practices went really late and I needed to lie down for a bit, but last night the last thing I remember is being here with a couple of the acts working on their songs and a dance routine. They left and I was just wandering around the space, trying to visualize the circus tent, and the next thing I know I hear you and Roz talking. Weird, huh?”
“How much Caliente did you take yesterday?”
“Not a drop. So that proves it keeps me going! Without it, I crash, so don’t start talking to me about the elixir. Like I said before, that’s the only thing that has kept me sane over the past few weeks. Could we just drop the subject!” Burton yelled.
Roz walked into the room about that time with three cups of coffee and just about dropped them. This was not the Burton we knew.
“Burton, here’s your coffee. Why don’t you slip into the men’s room, slap some cold water on your face, and drink this. Maybe then you can be civil.”
Leave it to Roz to get things under control. Burton took the coffee and meekly walked into the restroom.
“Burton is a grown man and that makes it almost impossible for us to control what he does, but I’m so worried something bad is going to happen if someone doesn’t start checking into this Caliente crap!” Roz hissed.
“Why don’t you and I go by to see Joe today? I think it’s time he started doing some digging into Virgil and Flo Hammond’s pa
st. Just who are they and what are they doing here?”
Burton came out of the restroom looking a little better. He apologized to us for being so rude and said he was going home and probably to bed. If he had more elixir there, I doubt he was going to get much sleep. Whatever was in the honey mixture seemed to be causing a lot of hyperactivity in the people taking it, not to mention the change in personality of so many of the Rainbow residents.
“Maybe we could send the bottle we have to some kind of a lab to have it tested. Maybe Joe knows somewhere we can send it,” Roz said.
“It’s worth a try.”
Chapter 20
A Little Snoopin’ Never Hurt
The end of March was already hot, but we were getting used to that. In fact, Roz and I couldn’t imagine having to deal with snow and ice again. We had both lived in the northern part of the country and spent years shoveling snow and trying to navigate on icy, slippery roads. We don’t miss it. Maybe we’ve become tolerant of the heat now because we don’t hesitate to go out any day of the year no matter what the temperature is here in Key West. Another reason we don’t miss the cold could be as we’ve gotten older; our bodies are staying a little cooler, so the heat feels great. Since we both had survived our years of hot flashes, we were enjoying the cooling of our central nervous system. So with the sun blaring down on us, we get in our golf cart and ride.
After leaving the Recreation Center, Roz and I decided to go by Joe’s house to see if he was home. We parked the cart and walked up the deck steps. Joe had an amazing collection of driftwood he had found during his boat excursions, and had placed a piece at the end of each step. Arranged on his deck were four bright red canvas director’s chairs around a black wrought iron table.
As we approached the door, Joe met us. His house and yard were immaculate. What a catch he would be for someone. Everything about him was pleasing, and he was calm and level headed in any situation. Rumor had it, Joe had married his high school sweetheart shortly after graduation, but she had died in an automobile accident. They’d been married for twenty-five years, and as far as we knew, he hadn’t married again.