From Fatigued to Fantastic!

by Jacob Teitelbaum

  No blame

  No fault

  No guilt

  No judgment

  No comparing yourself with other people

  No expectations

  This applies to yourself and others. It is okay to feel anything you feel. Whatever you feel is totally valid. Own your feelings as your feelings, however, and recognize that they may not have much to do with the person they are directed at. Feel the feelings, then let go of them. Don’t blame the person you’re feeling them toward. Don’t feel guilty or blame yourself (or others) for anything—this includes not feeling guilty when you catch yourself blaming someone else.

  In the beginning, you may catch yourself blaming, finding fault, judging, or laying a guilt trip on yourself and/or other people hundreds of times a day. This is normal. When you catch yourself doing it—even if it’s three days later—just drop it in midthought. Don’t beat yourself up for it. Just recognize that it’s an old pattern that you have decided to change. Over the next few weeks, it will happen less and less. Eventually, it will be uncommon. Even then, when you catch yourself blaming, feeling guilty, making comparisons between yourself and others (or comparing two other people), simply gently let go of it—without blame. Doing so allows your whole view of reality to change.

  What happened? When you were judging others, you were in truth judging yourself and projecting it outward. These judgments were often views and expectations that had been placed on you by others, such as your parents, school, religious institutions, or society. Most likely, this happened early in your life and you internalized it. By letting go of blame, fault, comparisons, guilt, and judgment toward others, you stop judging yourself. Hence the truism “Judge not, lest ye be judged” (being a good Jewish lad, I get to know these lines). When you release these old expectations/programs, that’s when the fun can begin.

  Once you have done this, use your feelings (not your brain) to figure out what you want. Although our minds are wonderful tools, they are too subject to outside programming to know what we want. Your feelings know, though. If something feels good from a centered place when you picture or do it, it’s probably what your inner self (whether you call it your psyche, soul, or whatever) really wants to do and be. If it feels bad, then you don’t want to do it, no matter how much your brain is saying you should. Stop “shoulding” on yourself! Instead, as you start feeling better with treatment, use your energy to do the things that feel good. Because of your CFS/FMS (and associated low energy), you’ve likely managed to survive not doing most of the things that feel bad for years. Let those things stay undone. Pace yourself as you add in the new things that feel good, and check with your feelings frequently. Don’t make up for lost time by trying to do too much.

  One day, a friend of mine, Jeffrey Maitland, Ph. D., sent me an article entitled “Stone Agers in the Fast Lane.” In it, he gives a very well-thought-out discussion on how certain psychological patterns can lead to CFS/ FMS. I was really ticked off because he beat me to the punch. On the other hand, I knew he was brilliant because he had independently come to the same conclusions I had. I think you’ll enjoy the article. It is in the From Fatigued to Fantastic! notes at www.vitality101.com. In addition, for more information on psychologically getting from where you are to where you want to go, I invite you to read my book Three Steps to Happiness! Healing Through Joy, which can also be found at www.vitality101.com.

  * * *

  The Fatigued to Fantastic Prescription

  No blame

  No fault

  No guilt

  No judgment

  No comparing yourself with other people

  No expectations

  Continually shift your thoughts and actions to things that feel good. Let go of thoughts and stop doing things that feel bad. Then allow space and time in your mind and life for what you want to manifest. As your body begins to heal from CFS/FMS, you’ll find that your inner self feels better too.

  * * *

  Natural Treatments for Anxiety and Depression

  While working on the psychological issues above, it is also helpful to have highly safe and effective natural therapies that you can use for both anxiety and depression. Fortunately, there are many natural products that my patients have found to alleviate both anxiety and depression, and these are discussed in Chapter 8: More Natural Remedies.

  ENERGY THERAPIES FOR ANXIETY

  An interesting phenomenon is occurring. Although Western medicine has focused largely on biochemistry (drugs) and ignored energy medicine(e. g., acupuncture), this is changing. The body’s energy system is being explored more aggressively (though without the thousands of years of associated philosophies that have developed along with acupuncture)—with surprising results. One of these was the development of NAET to eliminate sensitivities, as discussed in Chapter 9. Another is the use of a remarkably simple technique called the Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), which can often eliminate phobias and the stress of old traumas in minutes. Although hard to believe until you have experienced it yourself, people are amazed as the phobias or old traumas simply melt away. Because of its effectiveness and simplicity, EFT use is growing rapidly among psychologists, physicians, and other health-care practitioners. For more information on EFT, read the excellent book Getting Thru to Your Emotions with EFT by Phillip Mountrose and Jane Mountrose and/or go to Gary Craig’s Web site at www.emofree.com.

  SAFE AND HIGHLY EFFECTIVE NATURAL TREATMENTS FOR DEPRESSION

  By looking at American society today, one would think that there is a massive epidemic of Prozac deficiency. Millions of Americans are complaining of being unhappy and depressed, yet most doctors simply throw a pill at the problem. I prefer to go after the underlying causes, while using natural therapies to support the biochemistry of happiness. When you do this, most depression can be effectively treated—without the side effects caused by prescription antidepressants.

  I’M TIRED OF BEING DEPRESSED AND WANT TO BE HAPPY! HOW SHOULD I BEGIN?

  Let’s look at both the physical and psychospiritual components—which is a good approach for any illness.

  From a psychological perspective, depression usually represents repressed anger, which has been turned inward. This is why choosing to allow yourself to be angry or even to sometimes go into a rage can be healthy when you’re depressed—even if the people around you don’t like it. You can tell when the anger is healthy because it will feel good. Remember though, that you are choosing to be angry, and what you are angry about is nobody else’s fault (so don’t beat up others with your anger). When you don’t allow guilt to get in the way, notice how your depression decreases and you feel better after a good fit of anger.

  THREE GUIDELINES FOR RELEASING ANGER AND OVERCOMING DEPRESSION, SO YOU CAN ACHIEVE HAPPINESS

  Having worked with thousands of ill patients over the last thirty years, I have found that there are three steps that will psychospiritually help you get past depression and leave you feeling happy:

  Feel all of your feelings without the need to understand or justify them. When they no longer feel good, let go of them.

  Make life a “no-fault” system. As discussed above, this means No Blame, No Fault, No Guilt, No Judgment, No Comparing, and No Expectations on yourself or anyone else. This means you’ll be changing habits of thinking. For example, if you find yourself judging somebody, simply drop the judgment in midthought when you notice it. And no judging yourself for judging others.

  Learn to keep your attention on what feels good. We sometimes are given the misconception that keeping attention on problems is more realistic. That is nonsense. Life is like a massive buffet with thousands of options. You can choose to keep your attention on those things that feel good. You’ll notice that if a problem truly requires your attention at any given time, it will feel good to focus on it. Otherwise, you’re living your life as if you have two hundred TV channels to choose from, but you’re only watching the ones you don’t like.

  WHAT CAN I DO TO FEEL BETTER WH
ILE I’M DOING THESE THINGS?

  Happiness has its own biochemistry, which can be powerfully balanced and enhanced naturally. As with so many aspects of health, overall nutritional support is essential, as is exercise. In fact, research has shown that walking briskly each day is as effective as Prozac for depression. Use herbal support if needed to get eight hours of sleep a night, as well. Also, as noted earlier, thyroid hormone helps depression—even in those with normal thyroid blood tests—but only the T3 form and not the T4 form found in Synthroid.3 There are also many herbals and nutrients that are effective for both anxiety and depression. If these don’t help, it is reasonable to try prescription antidepressants like Prozac, Paxil, and Wellbutrin. Fortunately, by using the approach we’ve discussed, most people find that they can once again feel happy—naturally.

  I’d like to give you one of the most important pieces of guidance I can give you. Be gentle with yourself, and only do and keep your attention on what feels good! Many of you can also find comfort and guidance from spiritual books written by those in your religious tradition who teach you to love and honor yourself. In addition, for those with a New Age perspective, I recommend the best-selling book Ask and It Is Given by Jerry Hicks and Esther Hicks.

  Being Gentle with Yourself

  When you first begin recovering, reserve the energy that is slowly returning for activities that make you feel good. Most of the things that you have left undone can remain that way. Many probably do not ever need to be done.

  Although you likely view your illness as an enemy, let it become your ally. Many people with CFS have been caught in role entrapment. Such people were taught that they have to be the perfect spouse or the perfect parent or the perfect employee. The superwoman complex is a good example. CFS can be your body’s way of getting out of the roles in which you are trapped. Most of us have so bought into society’s expectations of us that we have taken them on as our own. What we fail to recognize is that because of its tremendous rate of acceleration, our current society is an aberration. There has been no other stable society during the last three thousand-plus years, nor are there many others presently on the planet, in which “normal” change occurred so rapidly. Despite all of our modern conveniences and labor-saving devices, which were supposed to give us more free time, most people find that they are running ever faster. Whereas one parent used to be home to take care of the children while the other parent worked outside the home, now often both parents must work outside the home to maintain the family’s standard of living.

  Because our whole society is trapped in roles, this chaos may seem normal. It is not. It is abnormal. Although some people thrive on it, more people every day are becoming burned out and “blowing fuses.” I suspect that the physical processes that make up CFS and fibromyalgia are manifestations of this—and that we are just beginning to see the tip of the iceberg.

  As you get well, you will need to reclaim your own natural speed and pace of life. This may (or may not) mean a somewhat lower standard of living, but you may have been living with that for several years now anyway. On the plus side, it may also mean that your children will have a parent who is happy and present, and that your life will be more fulfilling. Many people live their lives like hamsters, running faster and faster on the exercise wheels in their cage while going nowhere. Give yourself permission to step off the wheel. These are important points. Remember, life is supposed to be fun.

  I’d like to finish this chapter with a guest article by Rev. Bren Jacobson. Despite being both intuitive and knowledgeable, he is modest and has a wonderful sense of humor. This can be helpful in assisting you to get through feelings and subjects that seem to be dragging you down. Even though I read extensively from a wide range of medical journals and sources (which is how the information in this book was amassed), whenever I would bring new studies up with Bren he would already know about them—and have even more details on the study and other studies on the topic.

  In addition to doing pastoral/psychological counseling, Reverend Bren’s broad knowledge base about both the human body and psyche allows him also to serve as a consultant, researching many difficult and so-called “untreatable” medical topics for people. He is also able to guide them in how to combine the best of complementary and standard therapies—often bringing help, clear guidance, and hope to people whose physicians could not. For either pastoral or psychological counseling by phone, or for consultations, he can be reached at 410-224-4877. He is an excellent resource (see Appendix E: Resources).

  * * *

  Ask for What You Want

  Bren Jacobson

  “Man is born free, but everywhere he is in chains.”—Jean Jacques Rousseau

  As a counselor for the past thirty-five years, I have worked with many, many people who have overcome chronic fatigue syndrome and fibromyalgia. Through this experience, I have come to the conclusion that enlisting the aid of someone who can see the situation in a more detached and objective way is one of the quickest ways you can find your way out of the maze of CFS/FMS. Just treating the body without bringing the mind, emotions, and spirit into balance is, at best, a partial solution and often only a temporary one. Enlisting the aid of a guide or counselor, meanwhile, can help you figure out what you want and how to most effectively express those desires so as to enlist the help of others. This is not because one is broken and needs to be fixed, but because it is a shortcut to returning to a healthy and vital life and it enriches one’s life and relationships.

  One of the most consistent problems that people have is that they do not directly ask for what they want. This problem is particularly relevant, not to mention ubiquitous, in those who suffer from CFS/FMS, and if not properly dealt with will definitely impede their recovery from this condition.

  As Dr. Teitelbaum has noted, it is common for those who suffer from these conditions to have been type A overachievers prior to becoming ill. CFS/FMS sufferers may thus have extreme difficulty accepting the transition from being the caregiver, competent and in charge and juggling many balls at once, to being in a state of dependency and unable to perform the simplest of daily chores. You may feel guilt at not being able to shoulder your fair share of the burden in the office and/or home setting. You may find yourself caught in a bind: you need more help than you did before you got sick, and you may have more difficulty asking for it.

  The reasons people find it difficult to let others know what they desire begin early in our development. As children, we find it natural to ask for what we want. However, as we grow older, we find that when we do express what we want, others frequently do not fulfil our wishes. Even worse, they may tellus that our desires are unrealistic, opportunistic, or an imposition on them. In order to avoid the feelings that often result from such rejection, we may unconsciously develop a strategy of not directly asking for what we need or want.

  There are two major problems with this strategy. The first is that most of the time we simply do not get what we want or need, for the obvious reason that no matter how observant and accommodating the people in our lives may be, they are rarely mind readers. The second major complication of this strategy is that it undermines and harms the relationships that are important to our well-being.

  Those with chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia further suffer from this predicament because they often look healthy and may be met with skepticism, doubt, and some unwillingness to acknowledge the extent of their problems by associates, friends, family, and health-care providers. If this were not bad enough, the CFS sufferers may encounter ignorance and misbelief by a medical establishment that does not know what is wrong with them or mistakenly believes that their problems do not exist or that there is no treatment for their illness. You may have been told that you should see a therapist or take antidepressants, that you should go on a vacation (which you have neither the will nor the energy to do), or that you will have to tough it out and learn tolive with it. All of these struggles lead unendingly into more stress, feelings of failure, discouragem
ent, and frustration.

  Many people with CFS/FMS, then, come to an impasse and crisis. Their predicament now is that their inability to function adequately leads to more psychological and physical stress, which causes more frustration and which then creates further stress—until the entire situation spirals out of control. If this unholy mess were not bad enough, the stress causes muscle tightness that precipitates pain, which leads to sleeplessness, which generates more stress, which creates more pain, and so on.

  But just as there are many ways of breaking up and diminishing destructive physical patterns in the body, there are ways of breaking up and diminishing the psychological patterns that threaten to keep us enmeshed in pain. First, we can learn not to be ashamed of wanting help, and second, we can learn how to ask for that help in ways that will be beneficial to ourselves and also to our relationships with others. It’s not easy to overcome the cultural indoctrination that we all must be superhuman men and women. However, the ultimate reward for acknowledging and validating our wants and needs can be high. When we are able to ask for the most basic of wants and needs, we may find that we discover inner wants, needs, desires, and yearnings we never knew existed.