The Corporate Bitch

by J. J. R.

  She gives me the once over and I feel myself shrinking in size.

  “Strange place to be stretching,” she muses and clicks away.

  I shuffle quickly to the kitchen, praying to God she bought it.

  After I dose my insanely strong coffee with creamer, I rush to Dante’s office and relay the news. His jaw drops.

  “I knew it! Strike two! They are just getting started. Puppet Master is playing dirty, telling her you are combative. I’ve seen you in meetings. You’re never rude, couldn’t be if you tried.” He frantically chats Brisa and she arrives within seconds for the play by play.

  “He wants to meet with me,” I say and choke on the words as they fly out. “What do I say? Sorry, sir, you have a mean girls’ club on hand and they are ruining my life?”

  “Sounds good to me.” Brisa laughs and pops a candy bar in her mouth from Dante’s glitter painted jar.

  “Not a bad idea actually, maybe honesty is the best policy,” he says, a pointed finger tapping on his lips as he talks.

  “I don’t think we are there yet, but I am ready to meet Katrina now. For real this time.”

  * * * *

  Dante cries. Cries like a small baby child as he and Katrina run to each other, enveloping one another in a tight embrace.

  “Katrina,” he sobs, pulling back and touching her long blonde curls.

  “My Dante! You asshole. You let, like, a year pass since I last saw you.”

  I survey Paint with Red with adoration as they bond over the days long past. She has the most adorable shop filled with canvases, pallets of paint, and wine bottles as far as the eye can see.

  “I am so proud of you.” Dante smiles. “You really did it. You got away, got a hell of a severance and now look at this place!” He plops down on a stool and lifts a brush to start his masterpiece. “Now you have to help your replacement. They are killing her.” He strategically pulls a French beret from his coat pocket and lets the mood drive the art.

  “Melanie, I can’t believe how much you look like me,” she laughs. “I don’t know you, but any friend of Dante is a friend of mine. And any victim of the Divas is a drinking buddy of mine.”

  She invites Brisa and I to settle in a cozy table in the back, leaving Dante to his masterpiece. She is warm, friendly, a smile so easy it makes you scared to offend her. Over steaming mugs of coffee laced with Baileys, we pour our heart out. Dante joins and we tell her every detail, the strikes, the fires, the treatment of Brisa.

  I watch Katrina’s face. The warm smile changes to dark, painful memories as she dumps another shot of Baileys into her mug.

  “This all takes me down a dark road,” she says quietly. “They were so mean. Mean and hateful women that would do anything, step on anyone to get ahead. I worked my ass off for them, won countless awards, but it was never good enough. If I didn’t live under their thumb, I didn’t exist.” She sighs.

  “I could cry,” I say and lean over to hug her. “I am so sorry you went through this, but my God, it feels good to have someone to talk to that really gets it.”

  “Oh, you bet your ass I get it.” She laughs. “I get it and after a year of combing over every memory and step, I slowly figured out what I would have done differently if I could do it all over again. It’s a hell of a plan and it’s yours if you want it. It will either work brilliantly or get you fired. Worth it?”

  I glance right to Dante and left to Brisa. We nod and she launches into detail.

  The Plan

  Bitch Problem:

  Is it harassment? Sometimes bullying can feel the same. It is critical to know the difference, especially in speaking with HR about the facts.

  Diva Takedown Plan of Action:

  Step 1: Win over CEO

  Step 2: Apologize and redeem connection with Divas

  Step 3: Get them to confess plan to remove CEO and take power

  Step 4: Build relationships with everyone else in office

  Step 5: Expose Diva’s plan at holiday party & watch the mighty fall

  Katrina, who originally struck me as kind as a little precious flower, has revealed herself. She is dark. She is brilliant. I love her.

  “I can’t help it, it still bothers me,” she says as she plays with a paint brush. “I still see the look in their face as they let me go. They faked hugs said, ‘we’ll do lunch!’ and ‘sorry this didn’t work out, we feel terrible’, but you still walk away going what did I do wrong? I went into a deep depression for a long time. I wasn’t even going to cash the severance check.”

  Dante gasps.

  “I know; stupid, right? It was a hell of a lot of money. And then I got real with myself. I realized I was better than that high school drama and could work really hard, for myself.” She looks around the room with pride.

  “You’ve done amazing things.” I smile.

  “Just don’t let them defeat you. The second they make you question yourself, they’ve won. The plan may be simple, but simplicity is what will defeat them. They live in a complex, shiny world and devise sick, twisted plans to climb to the top. When you confuse them with simplistic steps, they won’t know what hit them.”

  “It actually seems complicated to me,” says Brisa. “How do you get them to confess their plan? They may be mean girls, but I don’t think they are stupid.”

  “That is the easiest part,” I say, letting my devious Grinch-like smile stretch from ear to ear. “They trust, they spill. After all, look at how much Puppet Master told me that day by the bathroom about you.”

  Brisa sighs. “True.”

  “And they’ve never stopped trusting me.” Dante smiles. “Switzerland!”

  We thank Katrina for her unnecessary kindness, and I watch Dante tear up again as we walk out.

  “She’s just so far away.” He dabs his eyes and I notice tear streaks in his spray tan.

  “Brooklyn? You are a hot mess.” I laugh.

  * * * *

  Tonight, I am making time for my hot lover boy. I slave over a premade lasagna as I place it in the oven and pour a glass of Moscato. He sneaks up behind me and kisses my neck up and down, making me shiver.

  “But the lasagna.” I giggle uncontrollably, feeling the heat as if it is the first time.

  “I like burnt wavy little noodles,” he says and scoops me up to take me to the bedroom.

  * * * *

  Everything has been going pretty well with us. Forget that, we are awesome. I won’t lie, I’ve held back on all of the work talk lately and have been going in sometimes at five to get done earlier. I’ve managed to reduce the impact it had on us in the beginning, which has helped immensely. This weekend will be solely focused on wedding plans, which will make everything right as rain.

  It’s not that I’m trying to alienate him from the whole situation, it’s just that I felt it was digging too deep, starting to drive focus away from us. Isn’t it better that he doesn’t know all of the pain and drama? Or is that keeping secrets from him? He is, after all, going to be my husband.

  Okay, okay, I’ll talk to him tonight. After all, I’m about to commit corporate Armageddon, so I guess he should know.

  I race through the apartment in my underpants to rescue the lasagna. He pads out after me laughing at my topless oven mitt peep show. When my hands are free from mitts, I slap him and kiss him at the same time.

  “Pull up a chair, cowboy,” I say, slipping into my oversized t-shirt. “I’ve got quite the situation to get advice on.”

  He narrows his gaze in a sexy way. “Let me guess. This is about those tough girls at work.”

  “Kind of, well, yes, I may or may not have left you in the dark a little lately.”

  “Why?” he asks seriously.

  “Because, babe, you were worried about me, and I didn’t want you to be worried more. It has gotten pretty bad, and they’ve really been picking on me a lot. You told me to heed the warning, remember, but I have yet to tell you how the premonition came true. They are ruthless, and I fear it is going to get wo
rse.”

  “So what are you going to do about it? Quit?” He scoops up a large bite of crispy lasagna.

  “No, I’m going to take them down.”

  He coughs up a lung in surprise as I tell him the whole story, top to bottom. From shopping to the meeting to the conversation in the hall to the talk with Katrina to the plan.

  There it is, like a lead balloon. Fiancé gone mad.

  “So what do you think of the plan?” I ask, a little winded from my story.

  “I honestly don’t know, Mel. I mean don’t get me wrong, they are pretty, what did your mom call them, am-bitch-ous? But you really think this is the right approach? As in, you really think you can just convince everyone of her plan and take her down. How long has she been there?”

  “I think about fifteen years.”

  “And you think they are going to take your word over hers?

  “Don’t you get it? Everyone already hates them. They hate the fact that they skip off to happy hours and make way too much money. They control everyone and it isn’t right.”

  “So if you hate it so much, why don’t you just leave?” he asks seriously.

  I take a sip of wine and digest his thought. “Why would I leave? I like it there, minus them,” I eventually say.

  “But they are that place. Allure is the Divas. You can’t change people and you are probably just going to get fired. They are too powerful, Mel. I think it’s a bad idea.”

  “Thanks for believing in me,” I say and slide out from my barstool, giving him my best stare down.

  “You know I believe in you. You can do anything. That’s why I think you should wash your hands of it and move on. Not worth it.”

  “It isn’t just about me though. Don’t you see that? If it was about it me, I would leave. I’d take my fat paycheck and replace it somewhere else. It isn’t about that. It’s the principle. They can’t treat people like this and get away with it. It isn’t right. Katrina wanted to stop it and I’m sure countless other Katrinas before her. If I don’t stop them, they will do it to the person right behind me.”

  “Who cares?”

  “Ugh, you don’t get it. They need to be taken down to size, humbled. Its bullshit that they think they can run over people all the way to the top. If you can’t see that, then what were you preaching before?” I raise my voice, face flushed in a deep red.

  “Okay, okay.” He puts his hands up in defense. “I hear you. And yes, I thought they were too much a few months ago. I’ve always known you were better and I really saw this coming a mile away. But, step down one second from your pedestal of injustice and think about you. If you are willing to sacrifice yourself for the greater being, then fire away. All I’m saying is prepared to be fired. I’d go ahead and get my résumé out there right now.”

  “And what if you are wrong? What if it works and they let them go? Ever think of that?”

  “That’s what I love most about you. Your belief that people will do the right thing and see through the crap. It doesn’t work like that though, babe. I hate to break it to you.”

  I rub my face in utter frustration. “I plan to prove you wrong,” I say matter-of-factly.

  “I hope you do.”

  * * * *

  On the eve of the big plan, I decide to consult with one more voice of reason, just in case.

  I am not surprised in the least when Jade sides with Finn. They are very much realist to my dreamer personality. Only this time, I’m not dreaming. This is reality. They will see.

  “Mel, I think you’ve gone mad. I knew things were starting to fall apart, but I didn’t see this coming. You really need to breathe for a second before you go flipping tables. After all, people are treated like crap every single day in the workplace and nothing becomes of it. It is better to sweep it under the rug then face it head on.”

  “Why?” I demand.

  “Because people hate confrontation. They would rather paint on a happy face. The corporate world is corrupt as hell. You know that. We always had that dominatrix at LEP who tried to control everyone, but we happened to work in a modest environment, where people didn’t take her all that serious. When you get higher on the food chain, the politics get way worse. I’m telling you though, I bet that CEO of yours is very aware of her treatment of others. He just chooses to ignore it because it is easier and she’s worth the drama.”

  “It isn’t right,” I mutter.

  “Nope, but tell me one thing that is right in this world. Besides, another thing to consider, are you concerned at all about Dante and Brisa?”

  “How so?”

  “Trust wise. What exactly made you trust them so fast? You never know, they could have their own secret agenda. Dante’s whole Switzerland thing makes me nervous and Brisa is kind of letting you fight her battle.”

  “Okay, you may be taking it a bit far. Not everyone is bad. They are trustworthy, trust me. I can read people.” I nod into the phone.

  “Like you trusted Puppet Master at first? Admit it, Mel. You were enamored by her in the beginning, just like her little Divas.”

  I let out a long, slow sigh. “Fine. I’ll watch my back. But I’d be willing to bet my life they are more than trustworthy. They are in on the plan after all.”

  “Okay, just be careful.”

  “I will.”

  “And I agree with Finn, I’d have your résumé ready in case. If you are really going to do this, you have to be all in. No regrets. Who knows, maybe they’ll take you back here? They still haven’t hired your replacement.”

  “I miss you, Jade, but I have too much pride for that. I will do what you said, update my resume, but I refuse to think this isn’t going to work.”

  “You have the right personality for this big ass city, my dear friend. Keep me posted.”

  * * * *

  Ding. The elevator opens wide, my reflection casting to the side and I am reminded of the day I interviewed. I was shaking like a leaf on a tree. If only I had known that they couldn’t care less about my resume. They were only interested in me being a pushover, sticky sweet nice enough to get run over in this world.

  I offer my morning nods and make my way down to the office, passing Dante with a knowing smile. It’s now or never.

  “Oh, Melanie, you’re in. Good. Come on down to my office for a quick second?” Queen Bee pokes her head out from her office.

  I gulp, almost audibly. “Sure thing. Need coffee?” I ask, remembering the second step of the plan. Apologize and redeem connection with Divas. It may be out of order, timing wise, but I think I’ll go ahead and start the schmoozing.

  I enter her suite with two cups of steaming coffee, surprised to see Puppet Master in the corner. I almost faint as the steaming hot liquid tilts out the cup and splashes on my arm and drops in a loud plop onto the carpet.

  “Shit,” I mutter, feeling my skin begin to blister.

  “You are such a dear, bringing us coffee.” She lifts the two mugs from my hands and sets one down in front of Puppet Master before I have a chance to say it was mine.

  “Thanks.” Puppet Master smiles and points to a new furry round white ball that I am guessing is a chair.

  Stick to the plan. Schmooze. Compliment. Gain trust.

  “I am actually so glad to talk with you both this morning,” I say with my most sincere smile. “I don’t know about you, but I have been feeling a little off lately. I guess too much pressure with the wedding and working a lot. Our team is on fire back there, but it may be taking it out of me a bit. I sure hope I’m not letting anything else slip through. I am indebted to you both, after all, for bringing me on board. You guys are my mentors, and I am sincerely thankful you had that little meeting the other day with the whole team. I found it...refreshing!” I say brightly and watch closely as they exchange glances and then one nod.

  “Um, well, good,” Queen Bee says quietly and takes a sip, leaving a bright red ring on her mug.

  Puppet Master takes over the conversation. “You are right, we thoug
ht maybe you were upset about something. We haven’t seen you at happy hour in a while, and I’ll be honest. You have been moody, if you will. We’re glad to hear you recognize that.”

  “Don’t be so harsh, Puppet Master!” Queen Bee shuffles over. “She was worried about you more than me. You are one of us, after all. We’re a team. And anything we can do to keep you from feeling the pressures of this fast-paced environment, you can count on it.” She grins and gives me a quick hug.

  I am immersed in her bouncing red curls and cloud of floral perfume. So much in fact, I almost fall for it. She is so damn intoxicating. If she smiles my way or offers one nice word, how quickly I forget about how they’ve treated me, the plan, everything.

  “I would say the happy hours help!” I say with a little laugh.

  Puppet Master purses her lips and narrows her eyes. Queen Bee squeals with delight.

  “Good! Tonight then?” she says. “Blow off some of that silly steam?”

  “Yes, perfect!”

  “Oh and one last little thing, CEO is hoping to touch base with you about your strategic plan tomorrow. Nothing too formal. He likes to be involved and get to know the team. You up for it?” Queen Bee asks.

  “Sure thing! He can ask anything at all. I’m happy to walk him through it.”

  “Wonderful, darling. We can talk more tonight. I can prepare you better. See you later.” She rushes to answer her ringing phone.

  I head for the door, feeling Puppet Master’s gaze on me with each step. It makes me so nervous, my heel gets caught in her rug. I hear a huff of judgment behind me and I turn to laugh. She doesn’t.

  Out in the hall, I squeal in delight, quietly of course. The plan is working. Back in the happy hours. Meeting with CEO tomorrow. Take that, Finn and Jade. I know what I am doing, and these Divas are going down. I skip down to Dante’s office to give him the 411 and to make sure he is there with me tonight. I can’t do all of this alone, after all.

  Progress