“I’m thrilled, papa,” Brianna says as a delicate pink tints her cheeks. “I’m going to order a black mourning gown as soon as possible.”
Zane’s face lights up and he emits a low chuckle.
Samael moves closer to Zane and lays his hand on his shoulder. “You have to keep her on a short leash, son. Just a friendly advice.”
I’m sitting speechless, and only one thought hammers in my head. Sive and I will be together. I will marry her as soon as possible. We’ll have four kids. We’ll be happy.
Zane discusses the details of the arrangement, but the conversation is like a monotonous droning to me.
I lift myself, walk out of the room without saying my goodbyes, and run outside the house to jump on my bike. Then I speed to my little mermaid.
Chapter 27
Axel
I walk towards my house and notice that it’s illuminated by the light and many dark figures are moving inside like some spectres are giving a gloomy dance performance. Grant’s car is parked in front of the garage as its blue lights are pulsing menacingly.
Uneasiness surges through me. I pick up the pace and enter the house. Five cops are standing in the living area and Ziggy is lying on the couch. He looks like shit. Grant is sitting in the chair beside him.
“What the fuck?” That’s all I can articulate.
My throat tightens as Ziggy shoots me a warning glance that means ‘be quiet’.
“There is a corpse in the house,” Grant says. “A very important corpse.”
My eyes flick over a black bag on the floor. The coffee table is smashed. Blood dots the floor and the couch.
“Whose corpse?” I ask.
“A cop’s corpse,” Grant says.
“I thought he was a burglar,” Ziggy says.
A shooting pain courses through my chest as the four men dressed in white uniforms collect the black bag and remove it from my house.
“Get up, Ziggy,” Grant says. “You’re going to spend a night in jail. And you, Axel, find yourself a place for tonight. My boys need to finish the job here.”
I salute Grant and back up.
“I want you in my office first thing in the morning,” Grant says.
“Sure,” I say from the doorway.
My hand trembles as I take out my phone and call Ma.
She answers as I settle myself on my bike.
“Ma,” I say. “Are you two okay?”
“Sive is not okay,” Ma says in a dry voice.
I feel like every molecule in my body is dying. “Where are you?”
“In the hospital. Sive is having a surgery.”
“What surgery? Why does she even need a surgery? What surgery?”
“An eye surgery.”
“Ma, what happened?”
“Her stepfather happened,” she says as her voice falters. “The car is smashed. I had to—“
“What did you do, Ma?”
She cries then takes a sharp breath. “I don’t want to talk to you, Axel. Ever.”
She disconnects and I freeze. My limbs feel like they’re made of concrete. I can’t breathe. My heart turns into a cold hollow.
***
I can’t recall my way as I pass through the hospital’s main entrance. People stare at me with fear and disgust on their faces as I meander among them, moving along the corridors. I finally notice Ma at the coffee machine. She turns around and glances at me with cold eyes. With accusing eyes like I’m not her son anymore. Like I’m her worst enemy.
“Ma—“
She raises her forefinger in a threatening gesture. “If I see you around her, I’ll call the cops. I swear, Axel.”
I notice a bruise with a cut on her forehead, purple stains on her throat and two dressings on her arm.
“He came for her,” she hisses and lowers her voice. “Ziggy will take it upon himself. But I had to find a way to justify her injuries without evoking suspicions. The doctors and paramedics think that we had a car accident.”
My torpid brain tries to process the information. “Where is she?”
“Still in the theatre.”
“What—“
“Go to Maria’s place,” Ma says. “You are not allowed to see her anyway. She was very clear on that. Only I can visit her.” She looks at me with such disgust that I feel like the worst scum in the world. “She was pregnant with you. Did you know that? It was your baby, Axel.”
“Was?” I feel my throat tighten and pain courses through my chest as though a dagger has stabbed me.
“Yes, was. And you left her to marry another woman.”
Drowsiness fills my head, and I collapse into the chair.
“Go away, Axel. The hospital security officers won’t allow you to see her anyway.”
“I will see her,” I say through clenched teeth.
“No,” Ma says with rigid determination. “Over my dead body. Get out. Now.”
I realise that I can smash the hospital security staff, but I won’t fight with my own mother. She’s sheltering Sive like a thick stone wall rising up to the sky.
“Get out of my face,” Ma says through gritted teeth.
Only once did I see such anger in her eyes. It was when she discovered that Boulder had cheated on her.
“Ma, please, I need to see her, be with her. I need to fix that whole mess. Please, Ma.”
“No, Axel. I won’t allow you to do that.” She approaches me and leans towards me, her voice barely audible, “She killed her stepfather. She had to kill him with her own hands because you were not around to protect her.”
Her words seep into my veins like poison, strip me of life. Cause agony to claw my body.
“Get out of here,” she continues. “You shouldn’t be here.”
She’s right. I pull myself up and stagger towards the stairs. A dense fog coats my mind. I’m deaf. I’m almost blind. There is a cold void in my chest.
The town resembles a fucking maze as I circle around it like a lost kid. I dodge a lorry; I shove a few men, trip over the curb. I wander like a ghost.
Finally, I find myself in the ‘Jilly Jet’. It’s empty. My feet crush the shards of glass as I move towards the counter and grab a half-full bottle of whiskey. One desire pulsates in my head—to drink myself to death.
I drink every bottle of alcohol I can manage to find. Then there is blackness.
Someone’s sharp voice hurts my brain, drills into the middle of my skull, wrenches me out of my void.
“Axel,” that voice repeats relentlessly.
My body feels dry like my whole blood has evaporated. The thirst is physically painful. My head throbs.
“Axel, wake up.”
I recognise Zane’s voice, but I can’t open my eyes. Something strikes against my skull like an axe. I growl like an outraged animal, but my eyelids are still sewed together.
“Move away, Zane.” It’s Blaze.
Wet coldness pierces my face and makes me jerk up and fall down on my bottom. The surroundings spin around me as I wipe the moisture from my face then put my palms behind my back and flick my cloudy eyes over Blaze.
“Your wounds are infected, Axel,” Blaze says with disgust.
He squats down between my legs splayed.
“Boulder is awake,” Zane says as my face turns to the side. “Sive is at home.”
“At home?” I mumble.
“At parents’ house,” Zane adds. “Maria and Ma are looking after her.”
“How is she?” I ask.
“Quiet,” Zane says in a gruff voice. “Her eye doesn’t look bad, but it’s blind. And the baby—“
“I have to see her.” I twist my chest to get up, but Blaze immobilises me with his hands clutching my shoulders.
“She doesn’t want to see you,” Blaze says and glances at me like I’m his enemy. Like I’m a fox infected by rabies and he’s going to kill me.
“She’s my life, Blaze,” I explode. “My fucking life. I’m dead without her.”
Blaze’s face tens
es like a mask. “Get up. I need to clean your wounds before the infection destroys half of your face.”
They support my arms and lift me then take me to my house. I take a shower and Blaze cleans the cuts on my face and chest. Both my brother and he are watching my every move like I’m a dangerous psychopath. An hour later, we go to the hospital to see Boulder.
As I walk into his room, he’s having his physiotherapy, lying flat on the bed. His face resembles Ziggy’s with the right side drooping, but he manages a snarl as he spots me. The young blonde is massaging his legs and he seems to enjoy her talented hands.
I salute him and he manages a tiny nod at me. Blaze pats his shoulder and Zane drops into the chair beside his bed. We are sitting in silence interrupted by the physiotherapist’s commands and the sound of her hands slapping Boulder’s hairy legs.
Thoughts flash through my head. My fiancée lost her eye, had a miscarriage and killed her stepfather. I have no idea how to fix all that mess. How to take that entire nightmare from her. How to make her forgive me.
“We are going to start renovating the ‘Jilly Jet’ later in the afternoon today,” Blaze says. “Interested?”
I nod at him. “Very interested.”
Since this moment, my life has started to circle around working in the garage and renovating the ‘Jilly Jet’. I’m bathing in my own hell. My nights are restless; my days are all the same— filled with hard work to silence my painful thoughts about Sive.
Ma guards her day and night. I’m not allowed to see her. I’m not allowed to call her.
Zane brings the fresh news every day so I know she’s recovered. Boulder is much better too. He’s at home.
Ziggy was convicted of manslaughter, but he won’t go to prison due to his poor health. Grant bought a new expensive car and finally accepted his fate. I guess Samael was very convincing and generous.
I breathe, eat and work, but otherwise I’m dead. I’m not sure what I will do if Sive decides to move on. What if she meets a nice guy and decides to have a relationship with him. I may want to shoot him dead. Or myself. I’m not sure yet.
***
My elbows lie on the table, and my eyes fix on the glass of beer. How many of them will I have to drink tonight to make that unbearable pain in my heart go away? My eyes rise, and I gesture for Mia to deliver more beer on my table.
I haven’t seen Sive yet, and it’s been longer than a month since she was discharged from the hospital. Zane’s wedding is in two weeks.
The ‘Jilly Jet’ has a new modern decor, and Blaze reopened it three days ago. So now I can get drunk in the bar instead of doing that in the house.
A slim figure sits beside me, and I don’t need to raise my eyes to know that it’s Wendy.
“Leave now,” I say.
“Jeez, Axel,” she says and leans towards me. “Don’t scare me.”
“Leave now or I’ll break one of your bones.”
“You are sick, you know,” she hisses. “You need professional help.”
My hand lands on the back of her neck and I squeeze it, making her groan of pain. “Leave, you fucking bitch, or I’ll kill you.”
I don’t have to repeat. Wendy moves away from me like boiling water has scalded her and runs towards the exit as I empty half of the glass in one swallow. The scraps of conversation in the opposite corner of the bar come to my ears.
“Who is she, sweetheart? Boulder asks.
His speech is much better, but the left side of his body is still weaker and he needs support to move. His doctors are impressed with the pace of his recovery though. I guess he’s tough and really wants to get better.
“A val-ky-rie.” It’s Sive’s sweet voice.
My heart pounds and I freeze. She is here. The love of my life is here.
“She’s beautiful,” Blaze says as his voice falters, husky with emotion.
“Our beautiful little valkyrie,” Boulder says like he’s talking to a five-year-old.
He sounds pathetic, but I’m not embarrassed by him. I’m grateful and touched. He loves Sive like she is his own daughter.
“Do you want something to drink, sweetheart? Boulder says.
I rise to my feet and move towards them. My legs feel spongy and every step feels like my feet are glued to the floor. Something drills into my stomach and emotions strangle my throat. I can see her now. She is hanging her drawing on the wall among all the others with her back turned to me. Ma helps her to correct the position of the frame. The drawing represents a valkyrie with an eye-patch who has Sive’s face.
Sive turns around. Her glance meets mine and a bright smile plays on her lips, but there is an invisible dark aura around her, separating her from me like a wall.
I stop in front of her and my glance flicks over her eye-patch. Glittering colourful beading adorns it.
Sive’s hand jerks up and she touches her eye-patch with her fingertips.
“Don’t,” I say and take her hand off her face. “You are beautiful. Even more beautiful than I remember.” The fingers of my other hand run up and down her cheek.
Sive gasps convulsively, but I know she likes me touching her like this.
“We have to go,” Ma says.
“Ma, please, I just want to talk to Sive for ten minutes,” I say.
“What do you think, sweetie?” Ma throws her arm around Sive’s back. “Ten minutes?”
Sive bobs her head at me. Damn, how much I love her every tiny gesture. She is sweet, seductive and mine. The sight of her eye-patch evokes my anger and fills me with a sense of helplessness that I can’t go to hell and kill that sick fuck, Owen, again. I would have tortured him for weeks. I wish I could rewind my life and save our baby and her eye, but in fact, I love her new appearance. She looks mysterious and fierce just like that valkyrie from her drawing.
“I will have a cup of coffee,” Ma says and shoots me a dark glance.
I gesture for Sive to go first and lead her to my table. Everybody watches me like I’m the kind of abuser. They tense up and wait like prison wardens ready to intervene at the slightest suspicion that I could hurt her. I never wanted to hurt her. She’s my little mermaid, my life, my peace and salvation, the love of my life.
I just made the wrong choice in life.
We sit at the table opposite each other and I clasp her hand.
I don’t know what to say. Everything what I say will be wrong. A lump in my throat grows bigger with every second that passes and my stomach feels like maggots are eating it.
“Come back home,” I rasp.
“Nno, A-xel.”
“I will do anything, Sive. Anything. I will prove that you can trust me. Just give me a chance. Please, Sive, give me one last chance.”
Sive tilts her head and sighs like she is very tired.
“When can I see you again?” I ask with desperation. “I need to see you, touch you.”
“Nno, A-xel.”
“Sive, baby, please, don’t do this. We love each other. I love you. Can you hear me? I love you. Don’t blight us.”
“A-xel,” she murmurs as sadness coats her voice.
Fuck, I wish I’d learnt that damn sign language. It’s so difficult to read her emotions from her expression, and I have no idea what to say so she will not escape from me.
“I will wait, Sive. I will wait for as long as necessary but give me something. Something.” I rise to my feet, lean towards her over the table and cup her face in my hands, capturing her lips with mine, but she pulls away at once. It feels like I’m suddenly missing part of me. Like she doesn’t belong to me anymore.
Sive shakes her head and rises to her feet. Ma walks towards her and hides her in her embrace.
I push the table with my hands and it screeches against the floor.
Ma sends me a warning glance. “Enough. You’re scaring her.” She pulls forward, taking Sive away from me.
A stabbing sensation courses through my chest and one urge pulsates in my head—to catch Sive before it’s too late. Before
she’s gone forever. It’s like somebody has taken my fucking heart out of my chest and I have to put it back in its place.
Zane and Blaze obstruct my way and grab my arms. I wiggle like a snake, but somebody else immobilises me from behind.
“You can’t do that,” Blaze says.
“I need to talk to her.” With a furious growl, I wiggle again, but now four boys are holding me in place.
“Calm down, Axel,” Boulder says. “Calm down, son, before you do something stupid and ruin everything.”
“It’s my fault, Dad,” I say as tears well up in my eyes. “The club came first and my woman suffered from the consequences of my decision. I should have been with her.” The grey wall of tears obscures my vision. I wipe the salty moisture from my face with the back of my hand, embarrassed by myself. I haven’t cried since I was a kid.
“Yeah, you should have been with her,” Boulder says. “The woman you love always comes first.”
“But the club—“
“I never expected you boys to sacrifice love for the club. It’s never been my vision.”
“I don’t know what to do, Dad.”
“Whatever it takes. Beg her, threaten her, fuck her, apologise to her on your knees. Just don’t let her go. Understood?”
I pull forward. “Understood.”
“Not now,” Boulder says. “It needs a bit more time.”
“It’s driving me fucking mad,” I say. “I need to see her every day.”
“I know,” Boulder says.
“You don’t know anything,” I say with a high-pitched crack in my voice. “Sive and I are like two fucking halves meant to be together.”
“Calm down,” Blaze says. “You can’t do more now. It’s Sive’s decision not yours. And she needs more time.”
I feel Boulder’s arm wrapping around my back and he squeezes my arm. “Just don’t give up.”
Blaze tosses my hair and I feel like a five-year-old who has scratched his knees. The boys are gathered around me like some fucking flies around a pile of shit.
“Get off me,” I bark, but in fact, their presence makes my torment more bearable to me.
Chapter 28
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