Groom in Training

by Gail Gaymer Martin

  “Because I need to talk with you.” She searched Emily’s face, hoping she could learn something, anything that would resolve the endless doubts that struck her so unexpectedly after she’d thought she’d healed.

  “About what?” A frightened look etched her face as her eyes lowered to her wrists.

  Steph had opened the door, and she couldn’t walk away now. “My husband committed suicide, Emily. Four years ago.” An icy chill shuddered through her bones, realizing this woman had considered such a horrible death. She gave a quick nod to Emily’s wrists. “Did you—”

  Emily’s eyes closed. “Yes. A couple years ago.” She lifted her eyelids, her face mottled.

  Steph cringed, having dredged up the woman’s sorrow for her own selfish motive. “I shouldn’t ask you, but—”

  Emily rested her hand on Steph’s arm. “It’s okay.” Her gentle eyes probed Steph’s and her color returned. “You want to know what you could have done and if you were the cause.”

  “I want to understand so I can let it go.”

  Emily patted her arm. “I need to return to the office, but we can talk before you leave.” She nestled the puppy to her cheek. “He should be put down so he can adjust.”

  “Later’s fine. Thank you.” Steph watched her plod back to the pens, then headed to the door to check on the dogs playing outside.

  The sun’s rays warmed the chill she’d felt seeing the evidence of Emily’s attempt to take her life. What caused that kind of emptiness? Steph admitted she’d felt lonely and incomplete since Doug’s death, even as difficult as marriage had been, but she would never have taken her life. The depth of hopelessness seemed—

  Her cell phone sounded. Steph drew it from her pocket and read the caller’s name. Her pulse did a jig when she heard Nick’s voice.

  “What about getting together tonight?”

  Did he mean a date? Walking the dogs?

  “Steph?”

  “What did you have in mind?” Fred distracted her. He flashed past, sashaying around the yard with Miranda, a mixed breed, German shepherd and Samoyed.

  “Let’s go to Detroit. Hart Plaza. The RiverWalk.”

  The RiverWalk. She hadn’t seen it since it had been expanded.

  “Maybe have dinner down there. Someplace with music. What do you say?”

  He’d also called to let her know Suzette had recovered and was home; Steph hadn’t seen him since the wedding. She missed him, and it bothered her that she felt so attached. “It sounds nice.”

  “Great. I’ll pick you up at six-thirty.”

  She agreed and hung up, certain that the talk they’d started at the wedding would continue on the RiverWalk. She needed to decide what to do. Was she ready to talk about herself?

  By late afternoon, Steph wondered if the day would ever end. Though she anticipated her evening with Nick, her eagerness to talk with Emily remained the pinnacle of her thoughts. As she eyed her watch, she feared Emily had forgotten. With the dog’s owners arriving to take their animals home, she couldn’t find time to remind her.

  As the last dog trotted away with its owner, Emily appeared at her doorway. She left the door open.

  “I need to hear the bell if someone arrives,” she said, looking uneasy as she faced Steph.

  Steph motioned to her office chair. “It’s probably more comfortable in the front office.”

  “That’s okay.” Emily lowered herself to the tile and sat. “Do you want to ask questions?” She looked to the ground. “I’d rather not go into details about me.”

  “No. That’s fine.” Steph sank into her desk chair and swiveled to face Emily. “I can imagine the memories still hurt.”

  Emily’s hands knotted in her lap. “I’m ashamed. It happened before I knew Jesus, and now I can’t believe I wanted to die.”

  Steph nodded, connecting with Emily’s feelings—feelings that were so new to her. “Sometimes people are desperate.”

  She nodded, a thoughtful look covering her face. Emily brushed her long hair away from her face, her eyes direct. “How did he die?”

  Steph told her the story, the way she’d been shocked, angry, confused, despondent and then numb. “But I pulled myself out of it and moved along.” She paused, finding the right words. “Then for no reason the questions come back like a dart penetrating the pit of my stomach. Why? What did I do wrong? Could I have stopped him? Why didn’t I see it?”

  “Steph.”

  Her gentle voice whispered against Steph’s ear, and she stopped. “Useless questions, right?”

  Emily nodded. “Some people give warnings. They are depressed, withdrawn, give away their belongings. Usually those are the people who are crying for help. They don’t really want to die, but they don’t know what to do.”

  “Doug had been depressed, but he’d been that way for so long. He never gave anything away that I noticed.”

  “Taking your life is a desperate measure, but when someone is determined, nothing will stop him. It’ll happen sooner or later.”

  She looked so matter of fact Steph couldn’t respond. Nothing will stop him. “Nothing?”

  Emily’s eyes answered her question. “Steph, you can’t read someone’s mind, not someone who’s determined. Don’t beat yourself up.”

  But she had for so long. She lowered her eyes, and her watch came into view. Seven. Nick was coming at six-thirty. She was late.

  Hal’s welcome had been less than pleasant when Nick tried to carry on a conversation. He took an occasional furtive glance at his watch, then rose and paced along the wide window. Finally he stopped and rocked on his heels. “Do you think something’s wrong?”

  Hal clicked the TV remote to another station. “How should I know? The police haven’t called.”

  Nick’s muscles twitched in his arms. “You don’t care much about your sister, do you?”

  Hal arched his back and pulled himself into a sitting position. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  The street was empty. Nick spun around. “Steph’s usually not late. She might have—”

  “Do you think you have a corner on being late?”

  Hal’s knifing comment pierced Nick and then twisted. But he was right. How often had he kept people waiting and sometimes never made it at all. It showed lack of respect, even self-centeredness. It had to stop. No more excuses. “You’re right.”

  Nick sank into the chair and folded his hands in his lap. “Did you find a job?”

  Hal’s eyes widened.

  “You haven’t stopped by to fill out an application. I thought maybe you’d found something else.”

  A cocky look rose on his face. “Maybe I have.”

  His cell phone hummed in his pocket, sparing Nick from finding a civil answer. He flipped open the cover. “It’s Steph.”

  Hal made a grunt sound as Nick pressed the phone to his ear.

  “I’m on my way. I’m sorry, Nick. Time just whizzed past me.”

  With Hal eavesdropping, Nick couldn’t say what he wanted to. “I’m glad you’re okay. I was worried.” But he’d wanted to tell her how he’d felt and what he’d learned. Instead she said goodbye.

  When he flipped the phone closed, he slid it back in his pocket and decided to stare at the TV. It seemed easier. But the blat of the television faded as a love song merged into Nick’s thoughts and the kiss. His pulse escalated. He’d wanted to open his heart that night, but it didn’t happen, and since the wedding, he’d been tied up late at work. Brent’s new order plus another large one, both a gift, had consumed his time with extra hours and work, but he welcomed it. He needed it to stay solvent. Yet he’d missed Steph.

  On a positive note, her absence had given him time to think. When Nick was with her, he lost control of reality, and this time when he fell on his knee to ask a woman to marry him, he wanted to be confident. He wanted to feel the Lord at work in his life.

  Places he needed to change or grow slithered through his mind—an endless list of ways in which he wanted to be a bett
er person. His lateness had to stop, and his unwillingness to show emotions needed some work. Weeping publicly was not a prerequisite, but responding to someone’s needs, even when his emotions tore him up inside, would make him a whole person. When Nick thought of this, his mother came to mind. Steph had helped him see that clearly.

  Steph was good for him. She brought out the best and what wasn’t best; he agreed it needed to be honed and shaped like the potter’s clay.

  At this moment and in this place, he believed Steph could be the one. But the word could gave him pause. A woman who shared his faith was the core of a good marriage. She’d begun to question and grow. All he needed was to be reassured that she had found the Lord. That would mean everything to him.

  And for something this significant, he wasn’t in a rush.

  His eyes shifted from the blur of the television to Hal, sprawled on the sofa, reminding him of his own weakness when it came to his brother. Enabling. He and Steph were both guilty.

  Steph pushed open the door, her eyes shifting from Nick to Hal and back again. She monitored her frustration with Hal by focusing on Nick. “Being late is the last thing I meant to do.”

  “Why apologize to him? He keeps you waiting all the time.”

  Nick’s mouth opened then closed. He drew up his shoulders. “Hal’s right. You have no need to apologize.”

  Her chest tightened. The sincerity in his face heartened her. When she shifted her gaze to Hal’s dismayed expression, she had to stifle a laugh. Hal had met his match. He couldn’t argue or make another comment because Nick had agreed. Smart move on Nick’s part.

  Letting the barbs fade, she touched Nick’s arm. “Do you still want to go?”

  His head drew back. “Sure.” He faltered. “If you do.”

  “I’ll be ready in a minute.”

  Steph certainly didn’t want to stay at home with Hal.

  In her bedroom, she slipped off her work clothes and looked into her closet. Nick wore jeans and a polo shirt. She loved seeing his tanned arms and his face the color of bronze. Taking his lead, she stepped into a pair of teal-colored capris and dropped a teal print knit top over her head. She freshened her makeup and ran a comb through her hair before grabbing her bag.

  Nick had remained near the door while Hal pouted on the sofa. “Now that’s a record.” He motioned to her quick change.

  “I’m anxious to enjoy the RiverWalk.” And to get away from Hal. She stepped through the door, her heart heavy with what to do about her brother but buoyant to share the time with Nick.

  Outside, he slid his arm around her shoulders and drew her close as he led her to the passenger side of his car. The comfort of his nearness eased the tension she’d felt with Hal.

  Nick opened the sunroof as they drove, and the fresh air blew away the rest of her negative feelings. She hoped today they could really talk, alone and without interruption. But she feared when it came time, she wouldn’t be able to tell him. Though she’d opened her heart to Julia, she had little to fear. The fragile woman made it easy. But with Nick? So much seemed to be at stake.

  Nick exited I-375 on Jefferson Avenue, then found a spot in the Ford Underground Parking Garage. Steph exited the car before he could make it around to be a gentleman. Eager to get onto the plaza, they took the stairs rather than wait for an elevator, and when she stepped outside the lowering sun glinted off the Hart Plaza fountain—a strange-looking fixture like a doughnut on top of a bipod.

  The gray, white and blue concrete captured the color of the sky—a pale blue dotted with wispy white clouds touched with gold. Nick tucked his fingers through hers as they crossed the plaza to the railing overlooking the Detroit River with the Ambassador Bridge stretching to Canada to her right and a glimpse of Belle Isle in the opposite direction.

  In silence, they drew in the fresh air and the scenery, and Steph wafted in their closeness. Something new had happened, a sensation she couldn’t explain and was afraid to understand. With Nick she’d found comfort and a kind of peace. Her mind thumped. Could it be God at work in her heart?

  Without speaking, Nick slid his arm around her shoulders and turned her toward the Renaissance Center. A warm breeze ruffled her hair, and she’d noticed Nick looking at it. She’d kept it curled because he’d said how much he liked it. Straight took less time, but his compliment motivated her to do the extra work.

  An empty bench appeared, and Nick drew her toward it. When she sat, her gaze drifted west to the Ambassador Bridge where the lowering sun touched the top of the steel towers that held the suspension cables. The sky had already begun to color with a sunset glow and splashes of gold sparkled on the ripples in the river.

  “I’m disappointed in Hal.”

  Nick’s voice cut through her solitude. His comment took her by surprise in this quiet spot. “So am I.”

  His brows knit as he searched her face. “Did he tell you?”

  “Tell me what?” Concern rippled down her back.

  “I told him to drop by and pick up an application. I may have an opening soon, and I would consider him if he’s interested.”

  Her shoulders dropped, and the fresh breeze smelled stale. “He didn’t tell me.” She shifted on the bench to face him. “I’m sorry, Nick. He’s…what? Disappointing? Lazy? Hopeless? Spoiled? Enabled?”

  Nick brushed his fingers over her arms. “I didn’t mean to upset you. I shouldn’t have mentioned it.”

  “You did the right thing, but neither of us can change him. Hal has to do that himself. He’s not willing to lift a finger to help himself, so why should you try?” Her stomach recoiled with the truth.

  “Because I care.” He tilted her chin toward him. “Not about Hal. About you.” He shook his head. “It shows on your face. That confident attitude I loved, your sure smile, they’ve faded since he arrived. I know you feel responsible, but you shouldn’t.”

  A muscle twitched in her cheek, and she released a ragged breath. “I know. I need to let it go and send him back to my dad’s. But it’s difficult.”

  Nick nodded. He understood, having to deal with his own issues. They both knew.

  She stretched her legs out in front of her. “I wonder what Hal’s living on?” For one thing, her. He had free room and board.

  “By what he’s living on, you mean money?”

  She nodded. “Yes, money.”

  “Otherwise I’d say your sofa.”

  A laugh burst from her throat. “I couldn’t have said it better myself.”

  Nick stood and reached for her hand. “Let’s get cheerful again. We don’t want the day to be a downer.”

  She grasped his hand and rose. The laugh had lifted some of her gloom, and hand in hand, they swung arms as they continued the walk. When they reached Rivard Plaza, Steph slipped her hand from his and ran ahead, stopping beside a charming carousel with bright blue and gilded reliefs circling a center mural of a lake and grass, trees and a blue sky the same color as it had been during the day.

  Nick nestled behind her, his arms encasing her. He rested his chin on the top of her head. “Oh, to be young again.”

  She glanced at him over her head. “There’s a little child in all of us.”

  He wiggled his eyebrows and gave a nod to the circling critters—fantasy fish, sea monsters, a stork, flying blue herons. “Want to?”

  A grin tugged at her heart and then her mouth. “Sure.”

  Nick bought tickets, and when the carousel stopped and reloaded, they were side by side on what appeared to be two unusual fish Steph judged to be mermaids. Nick held her hand while they listened to the calliope sounds, but when they climbed off, Nick’s smile had faded. “I have so much fun with you when we’re not dealing with all these serious things.”

  Her heart squeezed, wishing she could bring back his smile.

  “If we could get rid of all our baggage, think how great our time together could be.”

  She stopped, concern building in her mind. “Is this a goodbye?”

  A look of sur
prise shot to his face. “No. Far from it.”

  “But, Nick, no one is ever free from problems. Even the greatest relationship has days that are heavy with trials. I think that’s something the Bible tells us. This world isn’t heaven. Not now, but it was supposed to be.”

  Beneath his worried look, she’d noticed the trace of something positive.

  “What is it?” She paused along the walkway and leaned against the railing.

  “You mentioned the Bible. That means a lot to me.”

  She opened her arms to him, and he drew closer as she wrapped her arms around his waist. “I know, and that’s why I bought a Bible. What you believe and think means more than you know.”

  “You bought a Bible?” He leaned forward and gave her a quick kiss on the end of her nose. “You mean a lot to me, Steph. I see you making changes in your life and doing things that are positive. I need to do the same. I have so much to say, but I talk myself out of it so often.”

  The wind of fear spiraled in her mind. “Tell me.”

  He shifted position and joined her against the rail, his hand nestled in hers. “You’ve never asked me about other relationships I’ve had, and I’ve never talked about any.”

  Tension knotted along her spine. “I didn’t think it was right to ask. We’ve had no commitment.”

  “It’s not a criticism. Just a fact.” He squeezed her hand. “I’m not good at talking about things, but I should because it’s made an impact on my life. An impact I don’t like.”

  A chill rolled her arms. “Were you married?”

  “No.” He rubbed his jaw, then dropped his arm. “But I was engaged. My folks thought she was great. So did I until things started to fall apart a few months before our wedding.”

  Steph sensed his guilt. “You ended the relationship?”

  “No. Maybe.” His frown deepened. “In a roundabout way.”

  Her eyebrows flew upward, and she hurried to control her reaction. “What do you mean?”

  “She tugged off her ring and threw it at me, then said I didn’t care enough about her. Everyone else came first.”

  Weight shifted on Steph’s shoulders. “And that’s why you think you caused the relationship to end?”