“I believed that for a long time.”
I believed that. For so long she’d believed things that weren’t true about herself.
“I judged that I couldn’t be a good husband or father. Too many things distracted me. My business, my…”
He looked uneasy, and the weight settled back on her shoulders. If he were sharing his secrets, she needed to hear now before her heart became even more tangled in his life. “What else, Nick?”
“I did too much for other people.” He shrugged. “You’ve seen me. I let my business distract me, Martin’s always needing something, even you when we first met. I took on your fence problems with Martin even though you told me it wasn’t my problem.”
His head lowered, and he seemed to be studying the pattern in the walkway. “You were being kind. That’s what you do.”
“But Cara thought it took away from us, our time. I was late sometimes, and—” he lifted his head, an inquisitive look in his eyes “—you don’t like that, either, do you?”
“No, and I don’t think you like it.”
“That’s one of the things I wanted to tell you. When you were late today, I realized how self-centered and thoughtless that is.” He held up his hand to stop her from commenting. “I’m not blaming you. Sometimes things happen and we’re late, but I make a habit of it.”
Steph nodded. Why lie to make him feel better? She had her own sins to deal with. “Nick, doesn’t the Bible tell you to do things for others in the same way you’d like others to help you?”
He ran his fingers through his hair and nodded.
“Then you were doing what the Bible says to do.”
“Yes, but if I turned my back on someone else in the process, I’m not sure that’s what the Lord wants.”
She slipped in front of him and rested her head on his chest. “Was Cara a believer?”
He shifted one arm around her and cupped her head in his hand. “Her parents went to our church. She was raised a Christian. My parents thought our engagement was great.”
Steph thought about what she’d said. “Nonbelievers can be good people, too. Helpful, kind, but someone born and raised in the faith should have understood. Did you ever think that it wasn’t you at all?”
“That’s what Martin said. Cara might have needed too much and maybe she did me a favor by walking out on me.”
“Maybe she did.” Though she agreed that Cara could easily have been at fault, Steph’s mind drifted to her own frustration with Nick’s lateness and Martin’s demands that Nick met. He’d missed the wedding because of Martin. How would that affect someone committing a lifetime to Nick?
Steph remained silent. The question didn’t need answering today. She lifted her eyes to the bridge, witnessing a gorgeous display of sunset on the horizon. She motioned to Nick.
He stood a moment, observing the nuances of change, the colors blending and flowing outward. Change of any kind began with nuances, gradually reaching a full metamorphosis. She’d wait and see Nick’s transformation, and hopefully, he would notice hers.
“Look at the time.”
Steph’s head reared up, and she glanced at her watch. Nearly nine.
“You must be starving.” He slipped his hand into hers. “Let’s grab something to eat.”
“We passed a couple of places down that way.” She motioned toward Hart Plaza.
He clasped her hand in his. “I want to take you some place with good food and upbeat music.”
Upbeat. That meant no more talk.
“Ever been to Hard Rock Cafe?”
“I’ve never been there.” She realized he wanted to end the night on a cheerful note.
“They’re headlining the Clay Adams Band, and I want you to hear them.”
Steph nodded, not wanting to put a downer on his attempt to entertain her, but she’d hoped to talk. Nick had laid things on the line, and she needed to come out in the open, too.
Nick slowed, then stopped and dug into his pocket. He drew out his cell phone. “It’s Martin.” He dropped the phone into his pocket. “I’m not going to run his errands tonight.”
Trying to control her surprise, Steph didn’t say a word. The action meant a lot.
“Now it’s a text message.” Nick took her hand and started forward again, but he faltered, then dug into his pocket and looked at the screen. Concern grew on his face. “It’s says ‘Call me. 911.’”
What? 911? Her heart raced. “Then, call him.”
He hit speed dial, his body tense. “Martin, what’s wrong?”
Fear etch his face, and he continued. “Go home? Why? Is it Mother?”
Steph watched his face grow from fear to panic. “What is it, Nick?
“Fire?” He appeared frozen to the ground. “Are you sure, Martin?”
Fire? What was it? Steph’s chest tightened.
“It’s on the news. Is it bad?” He glanced at Steph, terror growing on his face. “I’ll leave now.” Nick closed the phone and dropped it in his pocket.
Steph grasped his arm. “What is it?”
“My apartment building. It’s on fire.”
Chapter Eleven
Flames licked skyward, and the smoke curled above him in the glow of the fire as Nick watched the building burn. He’d sent up a prayer, and so far his end of the complex had been spared. He knew smoke and water damage would make it un-livable, but his gratefulness grew as he watched the firefighters toil in the flames to save the building and those inside.
Steph leaned against him, his arm around her waist, and tears rolled down her cheeks. He gave her an extra squeeze, sorry she had to witness the fire but glad she was there. He hadn’t felt so alone in a long time since meeting her, but watching the building burn sparked a new sadness. Like the parts of life, seeing them vanish and change to something unrecognizable was never easy. The apartment had been his step into freedom, and he hadn’t budged.
One day he hoped other doors would open for another chapter in his life, one filled with love and companionship. And most of all, commitment.
“It’s so sad.” Steph’s voice cut through the murmur of the crowd. “Did you realize I’ve never seen your apartment?”
He brushed her cheek with his finger. “It’s nothing fancy. Nothing like your place.” Sometimes he realized what little he had to offer any woman, but he had hope that one day things would be better for him financially.
She shook her head. “I wouldn’t have that house without Doug, Nick. It wasn’t my doing.”
Her plaintive expression tore at his heart. “It was God’s doing, Steph.”
Her gorgeous eyes rimmed with tears gazed up at him. Her full lips flickered to a faint grin, so tempting he had to look away. “I should take you home. It’s late.”
“What about your things?”
“The police have my name and apartment number, and they said the fire’s under control.” He took a ragged breath. “I’ll check in the morning to see when I can get in. I know I can’t stay there.”
A frown grew on her face. “Where will you go?”
The choice struck him. “The place I said I would never go.”
She took a moment before she understood. “Martin’s?”
He nodded. “And we’re about the same size so I can borrow his clothes.”
The frown vanished, and a grin worked on her lips. “Maybe this is God’s doing. Did you ever think that this might be a time to reconcile?”
A chuckle rose in his throat. Would God really do that to him? “He’s almighty and He might make it work, but I’m doubtful. What about the old saying that absence makes the heart grow fonder?”
She wrinkled her nose. “Don’t believe it. Being face-to-face resolves issues. Absence just locks it away for a while.”
He drew her closer in a hug, then took a last look at the apartment building, feeling a heavy pain in his chest. He pulled his eyes away and returned to the car and headed toward Martin’s.
Nick checked his watch when he pulled into S
teph’s driveway. Two in the morning. “I’m so sorry this evening didn’t go as planned.”
She touched his face. “I agree we didn’t plan this, Nick, but there’s a purpose for everything. Know that something good will happen. I’m only sorry you have to deal with all the water damage.”
Nick searched her serious eyes. “Did you realize you’re using Scripture?”
She gazed at him, heavy-lidded, exhausted he knew. “It makes sense. So has so much I’ve read. I’m grateful.”
He stroked her cheek. “So am I.”
Steph leaned closer and gave him a gentle kiss. When she drew back, she pressed her palm against his heart. “You don’t have to walk me to the door. I’ll see you tomorrow.” She pushed the door handle and stepped out to the driveway. “Good night, Nick. I hope you rest well.”
He did all he could do to jump from his seat and take her in his arms. “Until tomorrow.”
She waved, climbed the porch steps and slipped inside. “Thank you, Lord.” Though mentally exhausted, he sat a moment, watching her shadow against the drawn curtains. He released a lengthy breath before backing up and going inside to face Martin. Although they had their arguments, Nick knew Martin would take him in.
Putting his gear shift in Reverse, Nick pulled into his brother’s driveway. When he stepped from the SUV, he realized how tired he was. As he moved toward the steps, Martin opened the door.
“I thought you’d call.”
“Sorry, I didn’t think of it. I spoke to the police—”
Concern etched Martin’s face as he pushed open the screen door. “Is everything lost?”
Martin had actually worried about him. “No. My place has water and smoke damage, I’m sure, but it’s still standing. The firefighters had it under control when I left.”
Martin opened his arms, and Nick stepped into his embrace. Being hugged by his brother felt strange but welcome. “Thanks for your concern and for calling me when you saw it on the news.”
When Martin released him, he collapsed onto the sofa and leaned back, realizing his limbs were shaking. “It’s just hitting me now.”
“Coffee? It’s fresh.”
“Thanks. Maybe I will.”
He started to rise, but Martin waved him back. “I’ll get it.”
The special attention from his brother was rare, but he appreciated it. His mind swam with things he would need to add to his busy time at work—filling out the insurance company forms, shopping for clothes and telling his mom. He hated to upset her.
He smelled the coffee before Martin carried it into the room. His stomach gnawed, but he knew he couldn’t eat a thing. He grasped the cup Martin offered and took a sip. Black and hot.
Martin settled into the recliner and set his cup on the table beside him. “When it came on the news I prayed you weren’t home. You can’t believe my relief when I knew you weren’t there. Where were you?”
“I took Steph to the RiverWalk at Hart Plaza. We were heading for Hard Rock Cafe when you called.” He studied his brother, waiting for him to make a comment at the mention of Steph. He didn’t. Nick’s head whirred even more, wondering why.
Martin reached for his cup. “She sent me a card.”
A card? “Steph sent you a card?”
He shielded his reaction by studying his coffee. “She told me how relieved she was to learn Suzette was okay.” Martin finally lifted his head. “Under the circumstances, it was thoughtful.”
“Very thoughtful.” The news startled Nick, and it lifted Steph higher in his esteem…if he could lift her higher.
“That mutt of hers hasn’t been too bad.”
Nick monitored his tone. “Border collie.”
He nodded. “Fred.”
The compliment, and that’s what it was, came out of nowhere. Nick had wondered if Martin could ever change, and today his hope grew a few inches more.
Martin tilted back in the recliner, his stocking feet rising in the air. Nick noticed a worn spot in one. His brother needed someone to care about him. A woman. They both did. Couples supported each other. They told him when they had spinach in their teeth or a hole in their sock. They leaned on each other and lifted each other up. Steph’s tears let him know how much she cared.
“Do you have any plans until you can get back into your place? I hope you know you can stay here.”
“Thanks. I thought I would if you don’t mind.”
“I’m your brother. You’ve done a lot for me, Nick, and I’m just beginning to realize that.”
Whoa. Nick couldn’t believe his ears, but he was grateful. Steph’s observation jarred his thoughts. Maybe this is God’s doing. Did you ever think that this might be a time to reconcile? Maybe it was and while he was at it, Nick decided to go for it all. No more belittling his business. He grinned, knowing soon Martin couldn’t belittle it. In the past few days, sales were pouring in, and this year might be a banner year for profit. And he couldn’t forget Suzette’s obedience training.
But making changes went both ways, and Nick realized he needed some training, too. Being inconsiderate had to stop. No more being late. If he ever asked anyone to marry him again, he wanted to make sure he’d learned his lesson.
Steph’s teary eyes hung in his mind. If anyone could train him, she could.
The sofa was empty.
Steph dropped her package and shoulder bag on a chair, then passed the guest room. The door was open, and Hal’s clothes were still there. The realization left her with mixed emotions. She hung her head, cringing that she couldn’t be more decisive. Somehow she needed to get through to her brother. He was too young to lead a wasted life, and that’s exactly what he was doing.
She grabbed a glass from the cabinet and filled it with some iced tea, then returned to the living room. After picking up the package, she slipped into her recliner and leaned back. Nick had been on her mind all day. Since the fire, he’d only had time to call. One evening, he’d dropped in for a few minutes, but most of the time was filled with Hal’s snide remarks. She had no idea what her brother’s problem was, but it was clear he didn’t like Nick for some reason.
Opening the parcel, she eyed the book on dealing with grieving after suicide. When Doug first died, she’d attended a couple of grief meetings, but they didn’t address the kind of grief she struggled with. Most had lost husbands after many happy years of marriage or parents whom they loved but all from natural causes. The grief didn’t seem to fit.
After her talk with Emily, she’d given much thought to her feelings, especially that the trauma of his death had surged over her like a tidal wave recently. The intensity occupied her thoughts and the old sense of hopelessness overwhelmed her.
The Bible had given her new ideas about life and purpose, and so had Nick. She realized if she could understand her emotions, she could be on the road to being healthy again. She opened the book, scanning the preface. At the bookstore, she’d sat in a chair and read the opening before she bought the book.
So much fell into place, her feelings of anger and guilt, of being abandoned and being to blame. The points were all there. As she perused the chapters, one caught her attention. The message jarred her. She’d been given no clues that Doug had been that desperate. She’d already distanced herself from him when their relationship had begun to crumble. She’d tuned him out and had dealt with survival. Reading, she understood that marriages or relationships in trouble compounded the depth of grief. Not only had she dealt with the loss of their relationship but she had to accept that Doug’s voluntary death left her with no opportunity to make their marriage better—no chance to forgive or to atone.
Tears blurred her eyes, and she lowered the book, wishing she’d purchased it years ago. Today she had a better grasp on her grief from Emily’s comments, and she knew the book would strengthen her, too. Weeks ago, Steph had asked herself why now. Why had all these emotions come crashing down on her after four years and as strong as they were when it happened?
The question could
end. She finally understood. When Nick came into her world, she wanted to change and to look to the future, but she’d been so busy looking behind her that she couldn’t see the future. With his first kiss, she continued to battle her heart, but the battle could end. Yes, she still had issues to resolve, but the one that drained her would end now.
The doorbell chimed, and Steph’s pulse skipped. Hal had left his key somewhere. He was another issue that needed handling. She set the book on the lamp table and pulled open the door. Her pulse did more than skip. “Nick.” Her heart smiled seeing him. “How are things?”
He stepped inside and drew her into his arms. “Okay. I still have some issues with the insurance company, but everything will be fine.”
“And Martin? How are—”
“Better than I expected.” He gave her a squeeze and shifted back. “He was very impressed that you sent him the card.”
“I really meant it. Fred would have been heartbroken.”
A grin broke on his tired face. “And you’ll never believe it, but he agreed that Suzette needs obedience training.”
The dark circles under his eyes attested to his stress. Even his tan seemed faded. She pressed her palm against his cheek. “That’s great. I want to work with Fred a little more, too. I need to stop him from chasing squirrels.”
Nick craned his neck as he looked past her. “Where is he?”
She chuckled. “In the back if you mean Fred. If you mean Hal, I have no idea.”
His tired eyes widened. “Did Hal—”
“No. His clothes are still here.” She motioned for him to sit while her mind dealt with a mix of emotions. She had no idea what to do for Hal.
Nick headed for the recliner. “I’m exhausted.”
“You look it. You need to rest.”
“I know.” He drew up his shoulders, and as he did his focus landed on her book. He picked it up and turned it over to read the back cover blurb.
Steph wished she’d put it anywhere but where he would see it, but then maybe that was one of those things that happen for a reason. Rather than try to retrieve it, she sat on the sofa and curled her legs under her.
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