When he finished, he set it back on the table and looked at her. “Suicide?”
She nodded. “I’ve never told you how Doug died.”
He flinched. “That’s why you’re reading the book?”
She looked away, getting her thoughts in order. “I’ve been trying to deal with this for years, but lately it’s grown into a monster. I’ve been very confused.”
His face grew attentive as Steph told him the confusions she’d felt in the past weeks since meeting him. “One thing I’ve learned recently is the Bible is filled with truth, and besides posing questions, it provides answers. After carrying this load with me since Doug took his own life, I didn’t know how to let it go. When I read the verses that talked about Jesus carrying my burdens, I realized that he doesn’t want to carry them if He has to drag me along with them.”
A grin grew on Nick’s face. “That’s one way to look at it, and we’re not really letting go when we hang on.”
“That’s what I’ve been thinking. So—” she gestured toward the book “—I realized I had to let it go, and I could only do that if I understood what I was carrying.”
He flipped the footrest down and moved to sit beside her. “Once in a while I saw a look in your eyes that I didn’t understand. You’d be smiling and lighthearted, then you’d withdraw. I thought it was something I’d done.”
“The only thing you’ve done is make me happy, and make me see what I’ve been missing. I want to live again, Nick, but for so long, I’ve felt as if I missed something with Doug. I should have known and stopped him. We’d drifted far apart before the end. We didn’t relate, and I thought it was something I’d done. He acted as if the cause was me, and I began to believe him. That meant I wasn’t worthy to be part of anyone’s life, and—”
“And you couldn’t love again because you’d fail at it.”
Her breath drained from her body. “Yes, how did you know?”
“Because I felt the same way.”
She moved closer and slipped his hand in hers. “I didn’t mean to burden you with this. You have too much on your mind.”
“I’m glad we talked.”
She rose and pulled him from the sofa. “I want you to go home and sleep.” She guided him to the door, but Nick stopped and put his arm around her. “You have a lot of things on your mind, too. You are guiltless, and you need to know that. Pray about it, Steph.”
“Do you think God would listen to me?”
“I’m not going to answer that. Read the Scriptures. Your answer is there.”
He kissed the end of her nose, then lowered his lips to her mouth. The brief kiss touched her heart. “Sleep. Get some rest.”
He gave her a wink and stepped outside.
She watched him go, feeling as if he’d been in her life forever.
Chapter Twelve
The dew glinted on the lawn, and Steph’s sandals didn’t protect her from the dampness. As she headed for Nick, Fred shot across the grass to rub noses with Suzette through the fence.
Nick waved, his hair tousled as if he’d just awakened. Seeing him there with the sun spreading highlights through his summer-tinted hair and his inviting smile made her feel complete. She’d given up on fighting her heart.
She grasped the fence. “How are things at the Davis household?”
Nick placed his hands over hers. “Unbelievable.” He studied her a moment. “That’s a good unbelievable.”
“I’m glad.” She saw the difference in his face; the strain had vanished. She’d feared it wouldn’t happen, but she’d prayed, really prayed. It had felt strange but good.
“You may have been right.”
Right? She tilted her head.
“About this being God’s plan for reconciliation.”
Her heartbeat did a double kick. “Really?” She saw in his eyes he meant it. “What happened?”
“You know the night of the fire Martin welcomed me to stay as long as I needed, although I don’t think it will be more than a week or two. I talked to the insurance company and the manager of the apartment complex. They’ve already begun cleanup. The fire only damaged the far end of the building.”
“That’s great news.” It was, but a hint of disappointment slithered to her heart. He’d be gone, and she loved his closeness.
“And, believe it or not, Martin had no complaints when I asked to borrow some of his clothes.”
“Another first?” His expression caused her to grin.
“Yep, but I did pick up a few things.” He pointed to his pullover shirt and jeans.
“They look good.” Good wasn’t the word. Appealing. Gorgeous. Handsome.
“And one more thing.”
A grin stole to his face.
“Martin admitted how much I do for him and his ungratefulness.”
“Nick, that’s amazing.” Her chest tightened. “Did I tell you I prayed for you and Martin?”
His eyes searched hers. “Thank you, and God heard your prayers. Do you see how prayer works?”
“Not a coincidence? That’s what I always thought when I wished for something and it finally happened.”
“Nothing happens without God’s knowledge. Even evil. We learn from bad things. We grow closer to Him.” He curled his hand beneath hers and drew them to his chest. “It’s hard for nonbelievers to understand. They think we’re deluded and gullible, but if we look for the positive, we can find it. And one day, when we see Him—”
“Face-to-face, we’ll understand.” She’d heard Molly say that, but then it had no meaning. Today it did.
He lifted her hands to his mouth and kissed them. “He mentioned getting a dog walker for Suzette. Someone who’ll come in and take her for a walk, play with her a little during the day.”
The dog recognized her name and pranced to Nick’s side with Fred following. Nick released her hands and reached down to scratch Suzette’s head.
“I know someone who is a dog sitter.” She motioned in the direction of Time for Paws. “She works at the shelter part time. I can ask if she has time for another customer.”
“You can trust her?”
“Yes. She’s very conscientious.” She pictured Emily’s love of dogs and her honesty.
“Martin admitted he doesn’t spend enough time with Suzette.” He drew in a lengthy breath. “But I don’t know if that will change. He’s work-driven.” He flicked his shoulder. “We’ll see.” He gave the dog another pat, but a squirrel chittering in the trees captured her attention along with Fred’s. They bounded away, tails alert as they faced their adversary.
Adversary. Steph lowered her head, facing her latest concern. Telling Nick could cause another problem, but she needed someone’s advice.
His brows knit. “What’s wrong?”
“Speaking of trust.” She drew up her shoulders. “I have another problem. One I dread dealing with.”
He scowled and pointed to his chest.
“Not you.” She wanted to hug him because he looked so dismayed. “The day of the wedding I noticed some twenties missing from my wallet. I’d been shopping, and I tried to remember if I’d paid cash and forgotten, so I let it go. A couple days ago the same thing happened, and Wednesday when I bought that book, money was missing from my purse. This time I knew it was really missing, because I’d been more cautious and paid attention to what I had in my wallet.”
Nick pressed his lips together as if he didn’t want to comment.
Lowering her head, she struggled to admit whom she suspected. “It’s Hal. That’s the only thing that makes sense.” Despair rose to her throat, and she choked. “I can’t believe it.”
Nick reached across the chain links and stroked her arm. “That’s not good, Steph.”
“I know. I have to talk with him, and I know he’ll deny it.” Imagining the confrontation roiled in the pit of her stomach. “I don’t know what to do.”
“What about your dad? Can you call him? He may have had the same problem.”
Steph coul
d see Nick’s mind clicking. “I should. Then I’ll know if it’s a continuing problem or something new.”
“I should be glad he never followed up on the job application.” The frown hadn’t left Nick’s face. “But you can’t live this way. You know that.”
The truth felt like a boulder pressing on her heart. “You’re right. I’ll let you know what my dad says.”
“Then you’ll have some ammunition. And, Steph?”
Hearing her name, she looked up.
“You know prayer works.” A look of concern grew on his face.
“It does.” How easy it was to admit it surprised Steph.
“Let’s do something tonight.” Nick’s face brightened. “Anything. You need to get away from here today.”
“I’d love it.” She wanted to run as far as she could from her problems, and she knew they would just follow her until she dealt with them.
“I’ll talk with you later.” He backed away and clapped for Suzette to follow with no success. Instead, he grasped her collar and led her to the back door.
Fred whimpered while Steph watched them go inside. She and Fred, two of a kind. “Come.” She turned toward the dog, but he remained pressed against the face. Another whimper alerted her.
“Fred?”
He tried to move but he seemed to be caught.
Steph hurried to the dog’s side and crouched beside him, realizing his ID tag had hooked to the fence. She wiggled the metal, finally pulling the tag from Fred’s collar. He sprang away, and she rose, holding the tag. She dropped it into her pants pocket to repair inside.
“Fred, you and I are both hooked, aren’t we?” She clapped her hands, and this time Fred followed her to the patio. When they entered the kitchen, Steph knew she had a grin on her face. It felt good.
Steph sat in her bedroom, feeling captive. She and Nick had enjoyed the evening, but the telephone call to her father kept repeating in her ears. Yes, Hal stole money. He’d even hocked a couple of items from the house. “I’ve had enough of him,” her dad had said, his voice sounding tired. She needed to visit him. It had been too long.
When she talked it over with Nick, he agreed with her. Though it would be difficult, she had to confront Hal and send him packing. When Steph thought back, Hal had caused her to have doubts about Nick. His continual comments about Nick’s lateness and his wanting something from her had messed with her mind until she put things in perspective. She knew Nick better than Hal.
Last night when she returned home, she’d hoped for enough courage to talk with Hal, but he came in after she did and smelled of alcohol. That wasn’t the time to talk, but this morning would be. She couldn’t let it drag on.
She made her way to the kitchen to fortify her courage with a cup of coffee. While starting the pot, she heard Hal’s snores coming from his room. She sank onto a chair and lowered her head.
Why couldn’t they have a loving brother-sister relationship? Nick and Martin squabbled occasionally, but when things were tough, they were there for each other. She tried to think back to her childhood. Her role model had been her mother, and though Steph had more backbone than her mother, she had always tried to be kind as her mother had been. Hal had their dad as his role model, a poor example. Could she blame it on that? People could grab their necks by the collar and lift themselves up and find strength deep inside their own abilities and experience. Failure wasn’t genetic.
At this moment, Steph wished she could talk with Nick, but she knew he’d gone to church. Church. He’d invited her once, but she hadn’t been ready. The idea of walking into a place she’d never related to most of her life made her uneasy. Yet the past couple of weeks she’d altered her attitude. If he asked today, she would be tempted to go.
It wasn’t as if that’s where God lived and she would have to see Him face-to-face. She knew better than that. Jesus stood beside each Christian every day. He walked with them and listened. Steph gazed around the room, wishing she could see His shadow or hear His footsteps, but it had to do with trust and faith. Most of life needed the same qualities. What was a marriage without trust? What was purpose and the future without faith?
She had finally caught on.
Fred let out a bark and skidded across the tile floor. He pressed his nose against the patio door. A squirrel or Suzette. Steph knew the routine. “Fred. No.”
He glanced at her, his tail wagging, but his barking continued. Her second “no” drew him from the doorway to his bowl.
Steph rose and poured dog food into his dish and refreshed his water. Before she sat down, Hal wandered into the room in a T-shirt and jogging pants. “Can you keep that dog quiet?”
Tension charged up her spine. “It’s ten-fifteen. The rest of the world is up, Hal.”
He ignored her and poured a cup of coffee before sticking his nose into the refrigerator. “What’s for breakfast?”
“Anything you’d like to make.” Her heart pounded, knowing what she had to do.
He glanced at her over the door. “You’re kidding, right?”
“No, I’m not.” She drew in a ragged breath. “Would you sit for a minute?”
“Why?” He gave her a cranky look.
“Because I asked.” She motioned toward a chair.
He grasped his cup and shuffled to the table, then pulled out a seat and sat. After a swig of coffee, he peered at her with his okay-what-do-you-want look.
“I talked to Dad this morning.”
He shrugged. “So?”
Blood throbbed in her temples. “I asked him if you’d ever stolen money from him.” She held her breath.
His smug look vanished until he managed to recover. “I never stole money from him. I borrowed it.”
“Without asking.”
Hal didn’t respond. Instead he stood and grabbed his cup. “I’m not going to sit here and listen to—”
“That’s right.” Her chest ached with the panic.
He did a double take, then recovered again. “Good.”
“Hal, I mean, you’re leaving.” She clenched her trembling hands.
He spun around. “Leaving? Where’ll I go?”
The first words that fell in her mind weren’t what God would have her say. She struggled to find words. “I don’t know, but you’re leaving here.” A sense of determination lifted her. “If I were you, I’d go back to South Carolina where you have friends and more opportunity for work.”
“I’m not living with Dad.” He looked like a pouting child.
“Dad won’t take you back. You need to grow up. You’re thirty-two and—”
“Thirty-three.”
She rolled her eyes. He missed the point. “That’s even worse. You need to stop drinking and whatever else you’re doing with your money and make a useful life for yourself. Life’s nothing without purpose and right now, you—”
“The boyfriend told you to kick me out, didn’t he?”
“You’re wrong, Hal.” Anger flashed through her. She wanted to deny Nick was her boyfriend, but what was the point. He’d given her more than friendship and kindness. He’d helped her realize how much she needed the Lord. “You can blame him if it makes you feel better.”
Hal’s smirk grated on her.
Courage spurred her on. “Actually your barbs and insults worked the opposite. The more you criticized, the more I realized what a gem he is. The man is honest, kind, thoughtful and—”
“Late.” He chuckled.
“And late sometimes, but if that’s his biggest flaw, I can live with it.”
“Now I get it, he wants to move in so he can get a little—”
Her body sparked with fire, and she wanted to smack him. “That’s your life, brother. I don’t live with men. I don’t give myself without marriage. That’s the last thought on my mind.”
“Come on. Don’t play coy. You’ve been married. What are you saving—”
She held up her hand to stop him. “Not in my house. I’m not lowering myself to carry on this conversation
. I’ll give you today to find a place to stay or get yourself packed, but tomorrow when I come home from work, you’ll be gone.” She stood and shoved her chair under the table. “This isn’t the kind of relationship I want with you, Hal. Not at all. But it’s come to this and I’m not changing my mind. Tomorrow you’re gone.”
She didn’t wait for a response.
Nick placed his hand over his mother’s. “You’re not worried are you? Everything’s fine, and I’ll be back in my apartment in a couple weeks.”
“I praise the Lord you weren’t home.” Her translucent skin was mottled with a pink flush.
“See, Mom? I put color in your cheeks.” His mother’s speech had reverted nearly back to normal, and he thanked God for the blessing.
She gave him a playful swipe. “I’m much better. Much.”
“I see that, and I’m grateful. Soon you can get back to your own place.”
A sweet smile lifted her cheeks. “Funny. I hated moving to an assisted-living residence, and now I look forward to going back.”
He chuckled. “Told you.” He searched her eyes, hoping she would be glad with his next news. Nick drew closer, his blood pumping through his veins. “You like Steph, don’t you?”
She gave him a questioning look. “You know I do.”
“Did you know she wasn’t a Christian?”
She gave a faint nod. “But I’m not worried about that.”
“You’re not?”
“She’s curious and open, Nick. She’s ready. I can sense the spirit sneaking in the crevices of her heart. I know she’ll be a believer.”
His shoulders relaxed, and a chuckle escaped him. “A mother’s intuition.”
“That and prayer.”
His heart lifted seeing his mother’s spirit and confidence. “You’re right. I’m watching her grow every day, and you know it’s important to me not only because I want everyone to believe, but—”
She touched his hand. “Because you’re falling in love with her.”
“You knew.” His pulse escalated.
“Mothers always know. I’m happy for you. Life wasn’t meant to be alone. Everyone needs a special someone, and I think you’ve found yours.”
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