The Heart of a Cowboy

by Trish Milburn

  He hadn’t wondered about those kinds of details in a long time, not until Natalie had conveyed her father’s confession. Why? Why did it have to be her father? Why when he’d finally found someone he could imagine spending his life with?

  Burning, visceral anger welled up within him. Without thinking, he drew back and punched the truck. Pain shot up his arm, but he didn’t care.

  “That’s not the wisest way to deal with your anger.”

  He’d been so wrapped up in his own swirling thoughts that he hadn’t heard Chloe come out of the house. She’d arrived early that morning, most likely to talk to their dad. “You deal in your way. I’ll deal in mine.”

  As was typical with his sister, she didn’t let the conversation drop. Instead, she walked up beside him and leaned back against the driver’s-side door of the truck.

  “You disappeared last night.”

  “I heard Natalie was fine, so there was no reason for me to stay.”

  “I don’t think that’s true. You obviously care about her.”

  He didn’t plan to respond, but for some reason the words tumbled out anyway. “I thought I did.”

  Chloe sighed. “I know you think she used you, but that’s also not true. I talked to her last night. She just didn’t know how to tell you, how to tell any of us.”

  “Sounds like a convenient excuse.”

  “Garrett, don’t be so hard on her.”

  He met Chloe’s gaze. “How would you feel if Wyatt told you out of the blue that his father killed Mom?”

  Chloe flinched, and for a moment he was sorry. But he needed to make her understand why he couldn’t just forgive and forget. Even if Natalie truly hadn’t known about what her father had done until he was on his deathbed, she’d still had a lot of opportunities to tell him before he’d gotten so wrapped up in her. And she hadn’t.

  “I imagine it would be every bit as hard for him to confess that as it was for Natalie. You don’t honestly believe she came here with the intent to hurt us, do you? When it would have been so much easier to just promise her father she’d tell us and then not follow through?”

  Garrett clenched his fist despite how it made it hurt even more. “Maybe you’re just a more forgiving person than I am.”

  “Why don’t you talk to her? And really listen this time. She’s being dismissed today. You could go pick her up.”

  He shook his head. “I can’t.”

  Before she could badger him even more, he strode toward the barn. Once inside the cooler interior, he fought the urge to punch something else. Instead he walked up to the wall of the tack room and leaned his forehead against the rough wood. He wished he knew what to do with all the anger trying to choke the life from him. And why all twisted up with the anger was the profound relief he’d felt the night before when a nurse had come out and told him that Natalie was going to be fine. He’d had the urge to scream and cry at the same time, and he’d fled the ER waiting room despite his dad and brother calling out to him.

  How was it possible to have two totally opposite feelings toward a person at the same time? As he thought about Natalie, part of him wanted to yell at her until he lost his voice. But he couldn’t deny that beneath that suffocating layer of anger was the desire to pull her into his arms and tell her everything was okay.

  But it wasn’t.

  * * *

  AS THE DAY wore on, Natalie’s mind continued to war with itself. One minute, she hoped the footsteps nearing her door belonged to Garrett. The next, she told herself it was best if he continued to stay away, that it would be easier if she never saw him again.

  She wasn’t very good at lying to herself. Nothing about this situation was easy.

  When the doctor finally released her, after all the paperwork and getting dressed that came with being dismissed, part of her wanted desperately for Garrett to pick her up so they could talk, at least say goodbye without harsh words. But it wasn’t Garrett who stepped into her room.

  “Hey there,” Chloe said. “You look better than the last time I saw you.” She patted the cast on Natalie’s leg. “I see you got a new model.”

  Natalie swallowed her disappointment. “Yeah, evidently going impromptu ditch swimming isn’t good for a cast.”

  “You ready to blow this joint?”

  “Yes. If I never see the inside of a hospital again, it’ll be too soon.”

  When they reached the parking lot, Natalie scanned the surrounding area.

  “I’m sorry he hasn’t come to see you, but I told Garrett I wanted to pick you up.” Natalie wasn’t sure that last part was true, but she didn’t question her friend. She just counted herself lucky that at least Chloe was still speaking to her, even after they’d had a long discussion late the night before about the parents they’d lost and why.

  Chloe opened the passenger door of her car and helped Natalie maneuver into the seat.

  “It’s okay.” Natalie said the words as her heart sank. But what was she expecting, Garrett to be waiting for her with open arms? Despite the fact that he’d saved her, had shown concern, she couldn’t believe everything was okay just because she’d fallen in a ditch.

  Chloe crouched next to Natalie. “He cares about you. I’m pretty sure that he loves you.”

  Natalie shook her head. “You’re wrong.”

  “I know my brother pretty well, and you didn’t see his face when he spotted you hanging on in that water.”

  “He would have helped anyone in the same situation.”

  “You’re right. He would have because he’s a good guy. But he wouldn’t have had the look of abject terror on his face that I saw when he realized the danger you were in.”

  Natalie took a deep breath and stared at her hands as she picked her cuticles. “There’s just too much standing between us.”

  “There doesn’t have to be. What happened wasn’t your fault, and deep down Garrett knows that. We all do.”

  Natalie lifted her gaze to her friend’s. “How could he ever look at me and not remember what my dad did?”

  “Tell me this. What do you see when you look at Garrett?”

  Every moment they’d shared since her return to Blue Falls rushed through her memory like a movie on fast-forward. “Someone who deserves to be happy.”

  “And you don’t think you could be the person who makes him happy. I’d say your date the other night says otherwise.”

  “He told you about that?”

  “No, but Dad said you two came in pretty late. And I know there’s not a single place open in Blue Falls at that hour.”

  Natalie’s cheeks heated, causing Chloe to smile.

  “But that was before he knew about my dad, and it shouldn’t have been.”

  Chloe placed her hand on Natalie’s knee just above the cast. “None of us knows what we would have done in the same situation. But when you care about someone like I think you care about Garrett, emotions shove logic and our best intentions off the nearest cliff.”

  Natalie tried to believe there was a future for her and Garrett, but she just couldn’t see it no matter how much she wanted to be with him. Some things simply weren’t meant to be.

  “Maybe it’s not Garrett’s forgiveness you need,” Chloe said.

  As those words sank into Natalie’s brain like water through cracks, she thought that perhaps her friend was right. Unless she could overcome her own feelings of guilt and believe in a future for her and Garrett, there wouldn’t be one even if he decided he wanted one.

  “I need to go home,” Natalie said.

  “I know.” Chloe sounded as if that made her sad. “But I hope it’s only temporary.”

  Natalie wasn’t sure how she felt about that. She had a home, a life and her mother in Wichita. She couldn’t just abandon her mother now that Natalie’s dad was gon
e. Besides, no matter how much she loved Blue Falls, the Brody family and the idea of taking over Dr. Franklin’s practice, there was no way she’d be able to see Garrett around town and get over him.

  Chloe gave her a friendly squeeze on the knee before standing and shutting the door. During the entire ride back to the Brodys’ ranch, Natalie yearned for some clear path to present itself. Because right now she had no idea what to do, what to believe, even what to hope for.

  * * *

  GARRETT TENSED WHEN he heard Chloe’s car turning into the driveway. By the time she parked, he was so knotted up inside that he had to talk himself out of walking out of the back of the barn and away from the main part of the ranch.

  “Garrett!”

  He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before heeding his sister’s call and making his way to the entrance to the barn.

  Chloe motioned for him to come toward the car. Damn it, he should have known she wouldn’t give up so easily and let him keep his distance from Natalie.

  When he reached the car, he opened the passenger door. But Natalie didn’t immediately move to get out. When Chloe pulled crutches out of the backseat, he glanced across at her. The look she gave him said to be gentle, to say something instead of standing there like a fence post.

  Finally, Natalie shifted her legs out of the car and allowed him to help her to her feet.

  The silence between them felt so strained that he searched for something to say to fill it.

  “How are you feeling?” He found he truly wanted to know.

  “Tired.” She didn’t meet his eyes, and he found himself wondering what she was thinking.

  “You want to lie down?” An unwanted rush of warmth hit him as he remembered how he’d picked her up and carried her up the front steps, how she’d felt in his arms.

  She glanced toward the house as Chloe handed her the crutches then returned to the back of the car to retrieve a small bag and a bakery box. “I think I’ll stay outside for a while. The sun feels good.”

  He wondered if she was still reliving how cold she’d been when he’d pulled her out of the water. He didn’t like to think about it, but if she wanted to sit in the sun until it sank over the horizon that made perfect sense.

  She didn’t head for the porch but rather the corral, where Owen was working with his latest horse purchase.

  Garrett knew he should return to work in the barn, but when he looked around, Chloe was already halfway up the front steps. Despite his decision to steer clear of Natalie, he wasn’t willing to leave her alone, not with how pale and shaky she looked.

  “That’s a pretty animal,” she said as she reached a stack of hay bales they’d placed outside the corral so potential buyers could watch Owen work the horses.

  “Yeah. Turns out my little brother is really good at training horses.”

  A small smile tugged at her lips. “Who’d have thought the brat who used to attack Chloe and me with water balloons would grow up to be so...grown-up.”

  After she seated herself, he hesitated before climbing up beside her. He resisted the urge to entwine his fingers with hers. The quiet that followed made him squirm.

  “Are you doing okay?” he finally asked.

  “I’ve been better, but I’ll manage.”

  He wondered how many times she’d had that thought in her life.

  She watched Owen and the horse for a couple of minutes then turned slightly toward Garrett. “I’m truly sorry, for everything, from the bottom of my heart.”

  At first, he wanted to flee from the conversation, but avoidance hadn’t really helped, had it? Chloe’s words came back to him. “I know.”

  “As soon as I’m able to make arrangements, I’m going home, back to work, my mom and my life.”

  Part of him wanted to tell her she could have a life in Blue Falls, but he wasn’t sure that was true, no matter how much he cared for her. He doubted anything he said would matter anyway. Her weak smile told him that her mind was made up.

  “I care about you, Garrett. I hope you know that. I wouldn’t have shared the other night with you if I didn’t. But I know I messed up, ruined everything.”

  He wanted to tell her that maybe they could find a way to be together, but the words wouldn’t come.

  “And I’ve got to deal with all this pain and anger and confusion,” she said. “It feels as if they will choke the life out of me sometimes.” She stopped and took a breath. “My dad wasn’t good at responsibility, so I refuse to shirk mine.”

  Why couldn’t he say something?

  Natalie surprised him when she reached up and placed her palm against the side of his face. “You’re a wonderful man, Garrett. I hope that you have the life you deserve.”

  “That makes it sound as if we’ll never see you again.” Wasn’t that what he’d tried to convince himself he wanted?

  “Maybe that’s for the best.”

  He wanted to beg her to not go, but he wouldn’t. She was probably right, and he had to accept that. No matter how much his heart was screaming at him not to give her up.

  With a final sad smile, she slid off the hay bales and headed toward the house. No doubt to pack up her things and leave his family behind again, this time for good.

  * * *

  “HOW’S SHE DOING?” Garrett asked when he stepped into the barn several days later to find Chloe checking on Penelope’s wound.

  “Healing up nicely. Natalie did a great job with her.”

  The pang in his chest at the sound of Natalie’s name propelled him toward the tack room. He wondered how long it was going to take to get over her. Shouldn’t it be easier to do considering everything that had happened? How he’d told himself it would never work, that he’d never be able to look at her without remembering how she’d made love to him while keeping secret the reason for her visit. But she’d been gone a week thanks to a friend flying down and driving her back in her car, and he hadn’t stopped thinking about her yet. No matter how many times he tried to tell himself that the next day would be easier, it never was.

  Chloe followed him and blocked his way out of the tack room. “So, you’re not going to go after her?”

  “No. Why would I?”

  “Because you love her. And loving someone doesn’t mean the road is always easy. Sometimes it’s hard, but you work through it together.”

  He could deny he cared about Natalie, but Chloe would know he was lying. “Sometimes loving someone isn’t enough.”

  “Bull.”

  “Chloe, I know you’re trying to help, but you need to let this go. Besides, Natalie has a life in Kansas.”

  Chloe rolled her eyes. “I swear men are so incredibly dense sometimes.”

  “Do I dare ask?”

  “Of course she went home. You didn’t give her a reason to stay.”

  “Do you really think it would ever work?”

  “Yes, if you’d tell her you love her, you idiot. Make her believe in the depths of her heart that what her father did doesn’t change that.”

  As he went about his work the rest of the morning, he couldn’t stop thinking about what Chloe said. Was he strong enough to let go of his lingering doubts, the last remnants of the pain Natalie’s revelation had caused? And what if he risked baring his soul only to find out she didn’t feel the same?

  But something told him that she did, that she was standing in her own way of happiness the same as he was. He wasn’t a big-gesture kind of guy, but by the end of the day he’d decided that it was Owen’s turn to work double duty while he made a trip to Kansas.

  Before he did anything, though, he needed to talk to his dad.

  After they finished dinner that night and his dad started to get up from the table, Garrett stopped him. “I need to ask you something.”

  “This have an
ything to do with Natalie?”

  “Yes. I need to know if having her here would be too difficult for you.”

  “Not near as difficult as seeing my oldest son let the woman he loves slip through his fingers. Trust me when I say that when you find the woman who makes your heart beat so fast you’d swear your chest can’t contain it, you grab on and don’t let go.”

  “But what about—”

  “Don’t worry about me. It was a shock, yes. But after talking with her and reading her dad’s letter, I’m working on coming to peace with it. And I will never hold it against Natalie. I loved that little girl like she was my own, and it didn’t take long for that to come back.”

  Excitement started pumping through Garrett’s veins. “Chloe thinks I should go after Natalie.”

  His dad smiled. “Your sister always was the smartest one of us.”

  Chapter Fourteen

  “You look dog tired,” said Ashley, who worked the front desk at the animal clinic, to Natalie at the end of the day.

  “That’s because I am.” Even though she’d been home for a week, she felt every bit as wrung out as she had when she left Blue Falls. Her injuries still caused her some pain, her apartment felt incredibly empty even with the addition of Milo, and she missed Garrett so much that sometimes she thought her heart might turn to dust and blow away across the prairie.

  Dr. Jasper, the head vet, walked out of his office and met Natalie’s gaze. “When will you be out of your cast?”

  She’d always known he was a no-nonsense kind of guy, but it had never rubbed her the wrong way before. Now it did, especially when she thought about how kind and affable Doc Franklin was with his animal patients, their human owners and his employees.

  “About another month.”

  “Okay, we’ll make do until then.”