The Derring-Do Club and the Empire of the Dead

by David Wake

  “Bally Hell!”

  The figure slumped with the shoes and her new umbrella jerked upright: “Pieter… Gina! Don’t swear!”

  Earnestine half–fell out and half–staggered to her feet, bent and old looking like some Horrible Helga come back to haunt her. Already Georgina could taste soap in her mouth.

  “What! Wardrobe… alive… in my… what?”

  “Georgina, do try and use proper sentences when you speak.”

  “Sorry, Ness,” Georgina mumbled. She hung her head down. This was awful. She should be pleased to see her sister; she was, but she also felt like a naughty girl caught with her hand in the biscuit tin. And in a man’s bedroom too.

  “Charlotte tells me… well, I want to hear it from your own lips.”

  “Hear what?”

  Earnestine’s own lips tightened and her arm shot out to point at the bed.

  “I’m married,” said Georgina.

  “That may be, but it is a matter for discussion. Clearly I need to see this gentleman’s financial records, before I could possibly consider consenting to such a match.”

  “It’s too late, I’m married.”

  “It’s not too late to have it annulled.”

  “I consider it far too late.”

  “That’s for me to decide.”

  “It isn’t.”

  “Don’t be childish.”

  “Am not, and you can’t tell me not to be childish.”

  “Of course I can.”

  “You cannot.”

  “Can.”

  “Cannot.”

  “Can… why ever not?”

  “I outrank you.”

  “I beg your pardon?”

  “I am a married woman,” said Georgina, “whereas you are just a spinster.”

  Earnestine blinked: “I see.”

  And Georgina stood upright: shoulders back, chest out, head up, because she realised that, for the first time ever, she could do anything, anything at all (with Arthur’s permission naturally) she wanted, and so she was finally free of the eldest sister’s dominion.

  Georgina reached into the wardrobe and took out an umbrella.

  “Here,” she said. “A present from the seaside.”

  “Yes.”

  “It’s a Fox’s Paragon, never inside out.”

  “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  “Did you get anything for Charlotte?”

  “Of course. But she’s eaten it already.”

  “I see.”

  “My husband,” Georgina declared, “will be waiting. Come along, sister.”

  And with that Georgina swept out allowing herself a big smile once she passed Earnestine, who followed in her wake.

  Miss Charlotte

  Charlotte didn’t see why they had to wait for Earnestine and Georgina, but they did. She tried not to fidget. Finally, the two made their entrance, Georgina looking radiant followed by a rather bedraggled Earnestine. The men stood: Captain Merryweather held the chair out for Georgina and McKendry for Earnestine. Caruthers had held the chair out for her earlier and he was the senior officer, so Charlotte felt she was ahead on points.

  They all sat.

  Earnestine mouthed ‘what are you wearing?’ at Charlotte, who pretended not to understand.

  “Sorry to barge in on you all before breakfast,” Caruthers said, “but there are matters to discuss. Tea?”

  Charlotte had had tea already with her toast and marmalade.

  A pot was finally brought and the small milk jug topped up.

  “We need a plan of action,” said Caruthers.

  It seemed obvious to Charlotte: “Get the army and shoot the lot of ‘em.”

  “Charlotte, language” Earnestine snapped.

  Georgina coughed.

  Earnestine blinked rapidly and sat back.

  “Thank you,” said Georgina. “And Charlotte, please watch what you say.”

  They were both telling her off now. Wasn’t she the prodigal daughter returned to the British side, even if she was still wearing the enemy uniform? Surely, that entitled her to a fatted calf with pickle and trifle for dessert?

  Caruthers summed up the situation: “The Austro–Hungarians, the faction headed by Graf Zala at least, are preparing for war. Or that’s the suspicion.”

  “It’s not a suspicion,” Charlotte said.

  “How can you possibly know that?” Georgina asked.

  “He told me.”

  “We know about their airships and the ordinance they’ve been stockpiling, but perhaps if each of you would tell us what you know,” Caruthers suggested. “Miss Deering–Dolittle?”

  Earnestine said nothing.

  “Earnestine, please,” Georgina prompted.

  “The enemy have been transporting corpses across Europe–”

  That was horrible: “Corpses!?”

  “Yes, Charlotte, please be quiet.”

  “Yes, Charlotte, quiet,” Georgina repeated: “Please.”

  Earnestine continued: “Corpses, which they have been unloading at the West India Docks. These they have hidden somewhere within the London sewers.”

  “There’s probably a hidden entrance to the sewers from their embassy,” said Caruthers. “But why transport corpses?”

  “I know,” said Charlotte.

  Earnestine said nothing.

  “Go on,” said Georgina.

  “Well,” said Charlotte. “It’s called the Mordant process after Doctor Elizabeth Mordant. I met her in the castle and she was nice at first, and then really unpleasant. But the point is, and I saw this happen, they have this apparatus, which uses galvanic energy, sparks and everything, jolly scary, to erm… bring back from the dead people who have died. And then they control them with a little brass box that makes sparks and gets them to do whatever they want.”

  “I’ve seen that,” Earnestine said.

  “So have I,” Georgina added.

  “Galvanic power can be used for many things,” said Merryweather. “This hotel for example is lit by electric light and the lift is powered with it. The theatre next door is, I believe, the first building to be lit entirely by galvanic engineering.”

  “Frogs legs can be made to twitch with it,” said McKendry. “And so it’s not a huge leap to imagine bringing a whole creature, even a human being, back to life and make a Vodou Zombi for real.”

  Charlotte giggled: “Huge leap… frog… sorry.”

  “You’d need a lot of power,” said Merryweather.

  “The machines in the castle were simply huge,” Charlotte added, trying to make up for her silliness. “And they only raised one person.”

  “Could it be something to do with that silver iodide?” Earnestine suggested.

  “The sample that Miss Deering–Dolittle brought back,” Merryweather added.

  “I studied daguerreotypes and it’s part of the developing process,” Georgina said.

  “Perhaps, dear, they mean to take pictures to plan an attack.”

  “There is too much for that, dearest.”

  “It is the final piece of this puzzle and I’m sure we’ll fathom it out,” said Caruthers, “and we would never have got this far without the gallant help of you Deering–Dolittle sisters. Oh… my apologies, Mrs Merryweather.”

  “Once a Deering–Dolittle, always a Deering–Dolittle,” said Georgina.

  “We’re a club!” said Charlotte.

  “I think it would be best to be a Society,” Earnestine said. “The Society of the Deering–Dolittle Sisters of Kent.”

  “We’re the Derring–Do Club,” Charlotte insisted.

  “Charlotte please,” said Earnestine.

  “Let her have her fun,” Georgina said.

  “She needs to–” Earnestine stopped, almost bit her lip. “Very well, Mrs Merryweather.”

  “Well, the Derring–Do Club has our profound thanks,” said Caruthers. He stood, and the other men stood too. “Now, if you’ll excuse us, it’s time for you young ladie
s to leave it to us men.”

  Chapter XIX

  Miss Deering-Dolittle

  They ordered more toast.

  It was so infuriating: they were just sitting around while the Austro–Hungarian carried out their machinations.

  But the men would deal with it, Earnestine knew, and they should stay at home even though a terrible conflict was approaching. They’d win through; of course they would, they were British. She should do something, but that smacked of a lack of faith in the men and it would be an adventure. And Pieter was on the other side and she didn’t want to act against him.

  “What’s that?” Georgina asked.

  “Nothing!”

  Earnestine took her hand away from the ruby ring, now dangling from a silver chain around her neck and hidden beneath her clothing. She was only wearing it in case the opportunity arose to return it, and for no other reason whatsoever. In fact, she decided she’d take it off as soon as she could and to remove all other reminders of Austro–Hungarians.

  “When we get home, you’ll take that ridiculous uniform off,” Earnestine said to Charlotte.

  “What’s it like being married?” Charlotte asked.

  “It’s…” Georgina looked at Earnestine and went red, “nice.”

  “I’ve been engaged three times now,” said Charlotte, “but only married once.”

  Earnestine dropped the butter knife: “Three times!?”

  Charlotte counted them off on her fingers: “Prince Pieter, Graf Zala and the Crown Prince.”

  “And married?” Georgina asked.

  “Well, technically he was dead, so it probably doesn’t count.”

  “Was he alive when you married?”

  “Yes, but then he died.”

  “So you should be in mourning clothes.”

  “Oh no, he’s alive again.”

  “This galvanic process?”

  “Yes.”

  They buttered toast and spooned marmalade.

  “And you, Ness?” Charlotte asked.

  Earnestine felt like she’d been miles away: “And me?”

  “Have you had a proposal yet?”

  “Absolutely not!” Earnestine realised she was fiddling with the lump on her chest. “Can we change the subject please?”

  They ate in silence. None of them fancied the kippers.

  After breakfast they caught a hansom cab back to Zebediah Row.

  “You should change now,” Earnestine said, absently. She thought of the men going to save them all and wondered if they’d mind if she went to watch – just to watch, nothing more. Adventures were behind her, of course, but watching would be acceptable, surely?

  “Can I wear it indoors?” Charlotte announced. “No–one will see.”

  Earnestine gave her a look: “We’re not having rampant bloomerism in this house. You will change at once.”

  They all climbed the stairs to Charlotte’s bedroom.

  “Do I really need to change?”

  “You need to wear a dress, Lottie,” said Georgina.

  “You need a clip round the ear,” said Earnestine.

  Charlotte turned to Georgina: “Gina! Tell her she can’t talk to me like that.”

  She was annoying, Earnestine thought, particularly when one was trying to think: “Don’t whine.”

  “Ness, be nice,” Georgina said.

  “Georgina, spare the rod, spoil–”

  “This one!” said Charlotte, holding aloft her pretty party dress. She hung it on the wardrobe door and began to unbutton her flying tunic.

  “Perhaps this dress instead,” Georgina suggested, picking out something more sensible.

  “Wash!” said Earnestine.

  Charlotte stuck out her tongue, dropped her trousers on the floor and went off to find some water for her wash bowl.

  “Charlotte!” Earnestine admonished: “Who’s going to pick that up?”

  “My maid,” said Charlotte as a Parthian shot.

  “Your maid!?”

  Charlotte was no longer in the room, but her voice carried: “I’m a Princess.”

  “Right!” said Earnestine, but Georgina stopped her.

  “Be nice.”

  “I’m going to wash her mouth out with soap.”

  “You are not.”

  “I am.”

  “Are not.”

  “Gina, don’t be childish, we have to be the adults here. You are too soft.”

  “I am not.”

  “You–”

  “You are too harsh.”

  “You have to be looked after.”

  “I am married. Arthur looks after me.”

  “Then move in with your husband and leave the rest of the family to get along without your interference.”

  Charlotte came back: “Help me with my dress.”

  “Corset,” said Earnestine.

  “Oh, noooo!”

  “Yes, corset,” said Georgina.

  They found a suitable whalebone and flipped it around Charlotte.

  “Breathe in,” Georgina suggested.

  “I am breathing in,” Charlotte insisted.

  The two elder sisters came around the back of the younger once she was clipped in and each took a lace cord.

  “She needs to be put straight,” said Earnestine.

  “I know, but she doesn’t need to be yanked into place, a gentle pull can be more effective.”

  Earnestine pulled sharply, tightening her side: “Cruel to be kind.”

  Charlotte gasped.

  Georgina took a stance and pulled gradually: “There, there, see.”

  “But you run the risk of leaving her to become loose.”

  “I think you’ll find that–”

  “You need to be strong,” said Earnestine and she yanked hard on the lace on her side.

  “Ow!”

  “Firmness, but not brute force, is needed,” said Georgina and she pulled too.

  “That’s… oh– ah!”

  Earnestine brought her knee up to brace against Charlotte’s back: “A short leash.”

  She pulled.

  “Arrghhh!”

  “Don’t be a baby, Char–”

  “Ness! Here!” said Georgina, pushed Earnestine aside and bringing her knee up. “Gradual control is what’s needed.”

  “Aaah.”

  Earnestine stepped in and hoicked again.

  Charlotte tottered where she stood: “–n’t bre–.”

  Georgina loosened the laces slightly: “Some give and take.”

  “Aaaaaa…”

  “She might become undone,” said Earnestine.

  “A little care and she’ll be fine,” Georgina said, finishing off with a tidy bow.

  “What are you two talking about?” Charlotte demanded. “No, no, I’ll put my own dress on, thank you.”

  Earnestine sighed and wondered what was happening at the Austro–Hungarian Embassy. Men were most likely risking their lives.

  “Why do you keep touching the top of your bodice like that?” Georgina asked.

  “I do not,” said Earnestine, jerking her hand down.

  Mrs Arthur Merryweather

  Georgina prepared their lunch, a cold collation, as it was Cook’s day off.

  Earnestine picked at it, her sharp face revealing that her sharp mind was wandering.

  “I shouldn’t be here,” Georgina said. “I’m married. I should be in my husband’s household.”

  “Yes,” said Earnestine, “you should.”

  The doorbell rang and Captain Merryweather was announced.

  “Darling?” he said.

  Georgina suddenly felt so utterly happy. It was almost as if she’d called for him and there he was. She ushered them into the Drawing Room.

  “They aren’t going for it,” he said.

  “Going for what?” Earnestine asked.

  “Major Dan says we can’t just burst in there unannounced. The letter is evidence, and our testimony about the college and the ferry, but it all has to go through committee
. Apparently the Austro–Hungarian Embassy is part of Austro–Hungary despite being in Belgravia. I’m going over his head. I have an appointment this afternoon, but it’ll be the same story.”

  “I’m sorry, darling,” Georgina said.

  Merryweather relented: “It’s not your fault. They just won’t take your word for it. If Caruthers, Mac and I had seen it with our own eyes, but, unfortunately, we didn’t. I’m afraid your word doesn’t carry enough weight. If only we could find a way to obtain proof that they have smuggled in war materials, then they’d have to let us act.”

  “But what about the letter?”

  “The War Office is trying to find someone who can speak German to translate it,” Merryweather said, “but that’ll take time and plans do not mean action.”

  “I’m sure I could get in,” said Charlotte. “They think I’m a Princess.”

  “Do they?” said Georgina.

  “I am a Princess,” said Charlotte.

  “Lottie,” said Georgina patiently, “it’s far too dangerous to go on your own.”

  “I don’t have to go on my own.”

  “I suppose she could take a maid,” said Georgina.

  “And who might that be?” Merryweather said.

  “Well…”

  “Two maids,” interrupted Earnestine.

  “No, I forbid it, darling,” said Merryweather. “I promised to keep you safe, and I’m not letting you stroll into that den of iniquity.”

  “We could take the men,” said Charlotte, brightly.

  “Charlotte,” said Earnestine, “they are hardly going to accept you back if you turn up with two maids and three… what? Butlers?”

  Georgina was distracted by the daguerreotypes arranged in their frames on the pianoforte and on the wall. There was the expedition picture with her Father and Uncle surrounded by native guides on the banks of the river. There were other pictures of the Deering–Dolittle family ranged in mismatched frames with one of the three sisters as little girls taken before their Mother went off on the rescue mission.

  She supposed that she would be leaving to, going to live in Arthur’s residence…

  “Arthur, where do you… I mean, we, live?”

  “Well–”

  “There’s the Zeppelin,” said Charlotte.

  “Yes, dear,” Georgina replied, not really listening. “Please don’t interrupt.”