“I know.”
“He’s dead, and he’s not coming back.”
Tears filled my eyes. I tried to blink them away.
“Tage is dead,” he continued, “but I’m right here. I’m willing to be whatever you need for as long as you need it, whatever you want. I’m here. I’m right here in front of you. Tage is not coming back. This isn’t a dream. It’s not a drill. It’s reality, Porschia. Tage is gone. Forever.”
“Stop talking to me like I’m a child. I know he’s dead, you asshole!”
I stomped to my room and slammed the door, locking it with the bar latch.
He hit the wooden wall once. “Damn it! Talk to me, Porschia. Don’t shut me out.”
But shutting him out was the only way I knew how to deal with this. If I thought night-walker emotions were all over the board, I had no idea what a pregnant woman was capable of. The last thing I wanted to do was see his face, contorted in anger and without an ounce of compassion—or maybe it was too much. In his way, he was trying to help, but his way wasn’t mine.
I laid in my bed, curled into a ball, and cried myself to sleep as he slammed a few cabinets and then settled on the other side of the wall. I hoped his couch was extra lumpy tonight.
She just didn’t get it. She wanted Tage to come back and help her raise this baby, and it wasn’t going to happen. She still looked at me like we were new friends with no history whatsoever, like she’d never uttered the words, I love you. She’d told me that again and again, and those three words became my favorite ones to hear. I knew she needed time, and I was trying to give her as much as she needed. Hell, we might just end up being friends in the end, but no matter what, she had to accept that he wasn’t coming back.
He was dead.
I didn’t mean to be cruel, but she needed to hear it.
I knew she didn’t need me to add stress on top of what she was already dealing with, but she had to accept the facts at some point. Living in a skewed reality wasn’t helping her. In the long run, when she woke up, had an infant and Tage never showed up, she would fall apart.
I’d rather pick her pieces up now than wait until she had the baby and let her fall apart then.
Her sniffling and hiccupping from across the wall made me want to tear it down, gather her up, and hold her all night. Instead, I laid on the couch and tried to rest. Ford would be here in a few hours. We needed to hunt tonight.
Three hours and zero minutes of sleep later, there was lantern light from the front porch and a slight knock on the door. Ford pushed the front door open and closed it behind him, and then he opened the glass door of his lantern and blew the candle out.
“You ready?” he asked.
“Yeah, just let me tell her I’m leaving,” I whispered.
“You’ll wake her up,” he argued.
“I promised I would. It’s okay.” I knocked twice on her door, then heard rustling.
She unlocked it and peeked out, eyes bleary with sleep. “Is everything okay?”
“We’re leaving to hunt. I just... wanted to let you know.” Ford threw a wave in her direction, which she returned.
“Be careful,” she told us, watching stoically as we gathered our things. Ford stepped outside onto the porch, and I had almost pulled the door to when she yelled out, “Saul!”
I opened it back up and looked at her. “Yeah?”
“Thank you for saying goodbye.”
“It’s not goodbye. I’ll be back at daybreak.” She nodded. “I promise,” I added. “And I’ll take care of Ford.”
Her eyes filled with tears and she nodded again to keep them at bay, waving as I closed the door behind her.
“Everything okay?” Ford asked as we set out up the trail behind the house.
“It will be.”
“Seemed tense at dinner,” he said.
“It was, and then I came home and was a complete asshole.” It was true. I had been an asshole, but damn if she didn’t need to hear the words.
“What did you do?”
I adjusted my crossbow on my back. “I told her Tage was dead.”
“She knows that already,” he said. I was quiet while he thought about it. “Sort of. She’s in denial, isn’t she?” he asked. Quietly, he turned to me and added, “Mother used to do that. She’d just pretend that things weren’t happening or hadn’t happened. I’m glad you told her. I don’t want her to end up like Mother.”
No one wanted that. I wondered if whatever Miranda had was hereditary. Was it from being a subject in a crazy biological test courtesy of Pierce and Roman, or was it just the way she was? Porschia was not her mother, and I wouldn’t let her fall down that cliff.
“Are you still in love with her?” he asked.
“Yes.”
He nodded. “She isn’t ready yet.”
“I know.”
“So don’t push, Saul.”
“I’m not. I just needed her to see that he’s really and truly gone. She questions whether any of it happened sometimes.” I probably shouldn’t have told him that, but I needed him to know why I’d been cruel to her.
He pinched his lips together. “Maybe she can start fresh. With enough time, maybe she’ll forget about Tage.”
“That will never happen, and I don’t expect it to, truthfully. He was someone she loved for a time. You don’t forget those things.”
“Do you feel like she forgot you?” he asked.
This was getting too heavy. “I’m just glad she didn’t shoot me. I know she hated me for a time. She and I are friends now, and that’s what I want to be for her. That’s what she needs.”
“In time, though...” he insinuated.
“In time, who knows?” I finished the conversation. “We’ll check snares on the way in. Let’s go southeast.”
“Sounds good. I’ll shut up now.” I ruffled his hair, making him groan, and then shushed him for it.
“I hear the horse and cart,” I said. Porschia snapped to attention.
“The rest of it’s here!”
It wasn’t like we’d brought a lot already, just some furniture so far: her bed, a table and chairs, Saul’s couch. I hadn’t broached that subject with her, but it was time.
“So, where is Saul going to live now?” I tapped my fingernail on the doorframe and then leaned against it to watch her squirm.
“Well, that’s between you and him, I guess. Do you want the house?” Porschia dragged the question out like it was painful. Did I want the house? I pretty much lived at Roman’s now. Ever since the night Porschia practically shoved me over there, I’d slept there, ate there, done everything else there...
“I don’t know. I mean, Saul can stay on the couch for as long as he needs to. Oh, wait.” I smiled mockingly. “You brought the couch here. I guess that means he has to stay with you, Porsch.”
Her face reddened. “He doesn’t have to. He just needs a bed. He could take my old room in the house.”
“Yeah, I’m not really looking for a roommate right now, and how would it look? Two unmarried young people living together. Father would be shamed. It would be so scandalous.”
“How would it be different if he stayed here?” I tried to whisper, but it came out as more of a shriek, high-pitched and urgent. The horse was so close now. He was going to hear her loud mouth!
I walked to her and saw that not only was Saul outside, but Roman and my brother were, too. I grinned.
“Don’t speak another word of this. Saul can decide on his own,” Porschia said with finality.
I watched as his face lit up when he saw her in the doorway. Oh, he’d already made his mind up. It was just going to take a little convincing on her part. Not much, just a little. Somehow, I had hope for these two yet.
Saul tied the horse so he wouldn’t run away and the guys began carrying all of the boxes inside. Porschia peeked in each box and told them where to put it, not that there were many options. Most of the space was open. Only the bedroom had walls.
“Can I help?�
�� a familiar voice said from the doorway. His arms were full, carrying a heavy box. Good. I hoped they fell off.
“Noah?” Porschia said. “What are you doing here?”
“Hoping to lend a helping hand. Hi, Mercedes,” he said with a grin.
I stepped back into the kitchen, putting space between us. However, it wasn’t for me. It was for him. I wanted to take a spoon and gouge his eyeballs out. “We have plenty of help, so you can sit that down and run on back to Blackwater,” I said sweetly.
His smile dried up fast. “I was actually hoping to talk with you.”
Roman emerged from Porschia’s bedroom and walked over to stand beside me. His arm snaked around my waist deliciously and Noah’s eyes fixated on the motion. “She doesn’t want to talk,” Roman said to him.
“You talk for her?” he asked defiantly.
“I do.”
Noah ignored Roman and looked at me. “Please, just for a second? I don’t like how we left things.”
I squared my shoulders, ready to fight. “Where we left things is just fine with me. You were terrified to be near me, treated me like a piece of trash, and made it clear that we were through. So I’d say I got your message loud and clear, and now I thoroughly agree with you. We are through.”
Porschia quietly cleared her throat. “Thank you for helping, Noah, but I think it’s best if you leave.”
“Seriously? Porschia, just let me...”
“Leave!” she yelled. “I’m tired of repeating myself to everyone. Get out. It’s my damn house and my sister is always welcome here. She says you are not, and I will honor her decision to drop you like a bad habit!”
Flabbergasted, he set the box on the floor, stuffed his hands in his pockets, and walked away. The crunching of boot steps trailed away from the cabin.
“Holy... Wow, Porsch. I think you made sure he got the message,” I said incredulously.
“Well?” She threw up her hands, agitated. “It’s true.”
I laughed and everyone else joined me. “You have more bark than bite now, but it’s still scary as hell!”
“Besides,” Porschia said, “you have Roman now, and even he’s better than that.” She gestured toward Noah’s retreating form.
“Gee, thanks,” Roman deadpanned.
“You know what I mean,” she snapped, walking back into her bedroom, a ball of writhing female hormones. The guys were all starting to doubt that she was pregnant, but they hadn’t seen her mostly naked. There was most certainly a tiny bump. That bump would get bigger soon, and she wouldn’t be able to cover it with the gathered fabric of Maggie’s dresses anymore.
Things with Saul were weird for a few days after the night of the big blow up, but they settled down and so did I. The sad part? He was right. I was trying to pretend that Tage never happened, and yet tried to hold onto him tightly anyway.
He was dead.
He lied to me.
He saved me.
He saved everyone.
I was having his child, so a piece of him would never die.
I was scared to have this baby.
I was scared it was cursed.
I was scared.
Those were the truths I repeated to myself every day as the days slipped into weeks. I made pants for Saul and Ford, although Roman still preferred to rummage through the city for his clothing. He liked denim and Mercedes liked it on him. Their relationship seemed to be progressing. If sex was the first step in their relationship and hand-holding was the second, the third was sweet gifts. Roman knew how to make my sister melt. He brought her fresh flowers, cooked for her, brought back interesting things for her in the city. He was always doing something for her. It was sweet.
Sometimes, it made me jealous that I didn’t have anyone to love me the way Roman loved her. They hadn’t said the big L-word, but it was obvious, as strange as that was. Roman set out to kill her. He and she told me the story at different times, but he wanted revenge for me killing Pierce and he was going to kill Mercedes to get it. Fortunately, she was still a night-walker and fought him off easily. Otherwise, we would both be missing a sibling and I might still be thinking about carving Roman up—human or not.
Summer nights turned cooler and the humidity faded away into crispness. The leaves began to turn from green to bright shades of gold, burnt orange, and red. The canopy was on fire, raining leaves of ash all around the cabin, and I couldn’t get enough. I spent more time outside than in. Saul worked during the day, sometimes with the carpenters, sometimes in the city, and sometimes helping Father and Ford with various things. We planted a fall garden and I guarded it from the voracious deer who tried to eat everything in it, simply having to stomp on the porch planks to make them scatter and leap into the woods at breakneck speed.
Mercedes was helping me sew now. Father was the first to place an official request, followed by Mary Brown. She needed a new dress. I sat on the porch, happy to feel the warm sunshine tickling my skin through the leaves that fluttered in the wind. Light filtering onto the porch resembled the colors of a kaleidoscope.
“Mary seemed peppy,” Mercedes mused as she considered the measurements we’d just taken from her.
“Too peppy. Did you see her stare at my stomach? I bet she runs to town and tells everyone.”
“People have seen you. It’s not like you can hide it now. And anyway, who cares?” she said, tucking her hair back into her braid. “What they think,” she ticked her head toward Blackwater, “doesn’t matter. It’s what you think.”
“I think several months ago, I couldn’t have imagined you sitting on a porch sewing with me,” I teased.
“My fingers might have fallen off, especially since I keep pricking them,” she said with a smile. “I’m glad you’re doing better, but I can see that you’re still angry at him.”
“At who?” I asked, stopping my needle.
“Tage. You have every right to be pissed. I would be.”
I sat the fabric on my lap, weaving the needle into a safe position. “That he left or that he lied in the first place?”
“All of it. It was a lot to swallow, and everything was such a whirlwind. It happened so fast. I hope the sex didn’t happen that fast,” she said, obviously picturing it.
“Stop thinking about that!”
She giggled and wagged her eyebrows at me. “That part of everything was great,” I answered. “It was just the whole thing. I asked him for this, so I have no right to be angry about it, but I am. I’m pissed that he lied in the first place, but could I have expected him to waltz up and say, ‘Hey, I’m the five-thousand-year-old pharaoh’s son and I saw a vision of you. You’re gonna break the curse and I’m gonna help you. We just have to find my crazy sister’?”
“That would have been weird. You’d have thought he was just as insane as Mother.”
Mercedes never had trouble talking about her, but I still did sometimes. This was one of those times, so I changed the subject.
“The baby is moving. Want to feel?” I asked.
She threw her work down and placed her hands on my stomach as the baby rolled its hands or feet across my abdomen. “That little one is a kicker!”
“Cedes?” I said as she smiled, reveling in the happiness a baby could bring.
“Yeah?”
“What if...what if the baby is cursed?”
Her hands stilled. “That’s not going to happen. Is that what’s been bothering you?”
I nodded. “More than Tage or Saul or anything. I’m scared.”
“Porschia,” she cried, hugging my neck. “Be scared because this is new and you’re inexperienced. Be scared to be like Mother. Be scared because it’s normal at this stage, but don’t be afraid of this baby being cursed. I believe Tage. When he said he was going to cure you, he meant it. This baby is part of you, and he wouldn’t have let anything happen to you or his child. You have to believe that.”
“I’m trying,” I cried onto her shoulder.
“Shhh. It’s okay. Everything
is going to be okay. Besides, if she’s a she, she’ll be strong like us, and all the boys in Blackwater will be chasing her. It’s a good thing we’re badasses and can scare them all away.” She moved her mouth to my belly and cooed, “Especially Uncle Roman. He’s terrifying. Yes, he is.”
My sister was losing her mind, but I hoped she was right. I hoped the baby was healthy and normal, that the curses were truly dead and behind us. I wanted to breathe and live and move forward, but until this child was born, I didn’t know if I could do that.
Roman was always doing something for Mercedes. I knew Porschia and I were just friends, but I wanted to do something nice for her. I couldn’t have Roman showing me up, now could I? When Mercedes left for the evening, I asked for some female advice and help pulling off what she suggested.
For the first time ever, a woman made sense. The plan was that Mercedes and Roman would set the scene for us and I would bring the food, which I would get at the bridge where she left it for me, because we were still very dependent on them for it.
I jumped onto the porch. From inside, Porschia let out a squeal, and I saw her clutching her chest when I opened the door.
“You scared me to death!” she cried.
“Sorry.” I smiled. “What are you up to?”
She had an arm full of fabric and sewing stuff. “Just putting this away for the evening. My hand is starting to cramp.”
“Want to take a walk?” I asked hopefully.
She narrowed her eyes. “A walk.”
“A walk. Where we walk around together and talk. A walk. It’s a nice evening. The sun is still out and I feel like walking.”
“Where are we walking to?” she asked, throwing the stuff on her bed.
I laughed and offered her an elbow. “You’ll have to wait and see.”
“Oh!” she exclaimed, her eyebrows raised. “So not just any walk, a surprise walk.”
“Yep.”
Porschia smiled, big and genuine. “Then let’s walk.”
It was a step in the direction of happy. She smiled all the way down the hill, down the widened path and over the bridge, where a burlap sack was waiting for us. I bent to scoop it up and she gave me a look that made my heart stop for a second: half playful, half curious, all Porschia.
Fraud (The Frenzy Series Book 5) Page 12