Let's Give It Up for Gimme Lao!

by Sebastian Sim

  Wei Wen found herself blushing fiercely in a mix of both anger and shame. Up until she stepped into the powder room, she was bursting with pride and joy. Within minutes this young woman, whom she had never met before, had managed to destroy what could have been the happiest day for her in the last 10 years. Yet she could think of no reason why Nurse Shemin would want to fabricate such a tale. It chilled her to think everything the young woman disclosed could be true.

  Nurse Shemin continued to unnerve Wei Wen with her glare. “There is something else I think you should know about your husband, but I am not sure if you can take it now.”

  Wei Wen collected her cosmetic kit and turned to leave abruptly. She would not let this woman have the satisfaction of another stab at her ignorance. But as she reached the door, she could hear Nurse Shemin call out from behind. “Go home and ask your husband. Ask him about the woman who meets him at Hotel 81 in Chinatown. You really ought to know where your husband is on the nights he is not home.”

  NINE

  GIMME LAO BLAMED it on Gordon. Were it not for Gordon, he would never have gotten into an affair with Tan Ai Ling.

  Dr Gordon Hoh joined the Communicable Disease Division one year before the SARS outbreak. His arrival created a ripple effect that swept across the seven levels of Tan Tock Seng Hospital like a tiny tsunami. The staff nurses who spotted him on the first morning couldn’t wait to meet their lunch buddies at the staff cafeteria. They had breaking news. It was time for Dr Vance from Gynaecology to be dethroned from the top spot in the unofficial, but respected, list of Ridiculously Hot Bachelors of TTSH. A new king had arrived.

  There was a shared hunger among the staff nurses for any scrap of information they could get on Dr Gordon. The man had an accent; he picked it up during his years in Boston Children’s Hospital. There was a massive scar on his forearm; he survived a rock climbing accident at Yosemite. Someone spotted an abdominal roller wheel in his locker; he stuck to a grilling routine to maintain his six-pack abs. This was practically a fitness model masquerading as a doctor.

  Loyal fans of the dethroned Dr Vance were quick to cast aspersions on him. One could always detect a whiff of fresh cologne on Dr Gordon; was he trying to mask some body odour? The man must spend hours every week at the gym to have such a physique; could someone who splurged so much love on himself have any more left for a girlfriend? His hairstyle was impeccable; might he not bat for the other team?

  There was no need for any admirers to defend Dr Gordon. The man behaved in such a winning manner that it was impossible not to fall for his charm. Not only did he take time to chat with the cleaners as they mopped the wards, he remembered the anecdotes they shared about their children. Whenever he left the building for lunch, he would packet fresh sugarcane juice on his way back and pass it to the old man who sold tissue packets near the entrance. He smiled and greeted all the staff nurses equally, granting no one special treatment. Those who worked in the Communicable Disease Division shared a faint but unmistakable sense of loss when Dr Gordon’s rest days rolled around. Everyone had gotten used to enjoying his presence.

  Gimme Lao liked Gordon. The man was proficient and easy to work with. When Gordon suggested they team up to play badminton doubles for the annual interdepartmental games, Gimme Lao was slightly surprised. He reached down, patted the bulge on his waist and lamented that he was out of shape. Gordon laughed; all the more reason why they should train for the event.

  Gordon continued to surprise Gimme Lao during their weekly training sessions. Where Gimme Lao coached him professionally as his mentor, the roles were reversed on the courts. Gordon proved to be an excellent coach. He struck a good balance between admonishment and encouragement and pushed Gimme Lao to get back in form quickly. By the time the games rolled around, Gimme Lao was fitter than he had ever been in the last 10 years. There was a further surprise during the match. A team of staff nurses kept up a battle cry that roused support for ‘GG’. When the two lost the last match by a thin margin, the cheerleading nurses let out a collective groan and stomped their feet in dismay. Gimme Lao was touched. It was just as well that he never found out the truth. ‘GG’ did not stand for Gimme & Gordon as he had assumed. It was short for ‘Gorgeous Gordon’.

  Three months before the SARS outbreak, Dr Gordon broke his arm on the ski slopes of Niseko while on vacation in Japan. Within 48 hours upon his return, the cast he wore transformed itself from a pristine, snowy white to a spectacular web of get-well messages scribbled with colour markers in myriad hues. That was the moment it hit Gimme Lao. The man had wormed his way into the hearts of the hospital staff in a manner he was incapable of. Had Gimme Lao himself broken his arm, all he could expect to receive would be a get-well card signed by the few staff nurses working in the Communicable Disease Division, the cost equally divided among them. His cast would remain unsullied.

  “You are a popular man!” Gimme Lao remarked.

  “And you are jealous!” Gordon laughed.

  Gimme Lao shrugged. “But why should I be surprised? You are young. You have got the looks, the charm; the whole package. You were born to be popular.”

  Gordon frowned at Gimme Lao and asked, “You really think that is the reason people like me?”

  “You are telling me I won’t be equally popular if I have your looks and your charisma?” Gimme Lao challenged.

  Gordon paused for a moment. He leaned back on his swivel chair, tilted his head and scanned the reception counter outside his office. There was a staff nurse standing on a stool extracting some files from the top shelf of a cabinet. Gordon pointed at her and asked, “Do you know her name?”

  “That’s Tan Ai Ling.”

  “Tell me what you know about her?”

  Gimme Lao wore a puzzled look. “What do you mean?”

  “She has worked here several years now. Surely you know more than just her name?”

  Gimme Lao found himself at a loss for words. He really didn’t know a single thing about Tan Ai Ling. She was just one of a team of staff nurses who happened to work in the Communicable Disease Division.

  “Let me help you out,” Gordon smiled, almost benevolently. “Surely her handwriting left an impression?”

  Gimme Lao nodded as he recalled. “Yes, she has the neatest handwriting among the nurses.”

  “She has beautiful handwriting,” Gordon extolled. “She is a devoted student of Chinese calligraphy. She takes part in competitions, but has yet to win any.”

  “Really?” Gimme Lao had to admit he was surprised.

  “She is also an avid reader. And I am not talking about paperback romance,” Gordon continued. “I have caught her reading translated works of Bertrand Russell. Apparently she has a better command of Chinese than English. And she hides a book of Sudoku inside the reception desk drawer.”

  “I must say you are very observant,” Gimme Lao conceded.

  “I am observant because I care. I am genuinely interested to get to know people.” He pointed at the web of scribbling on his cast and said, “They like me, not because I’m good-looking, but because they know I care. If you start showing nurse Tan Ai Ling some tender loving care, in no time you will be able to convert her into a fan. Trust me.”

  Gimme Lao shrugged. He had never needed anyone to like him, least of all his subordinates. But the new information Gordon provided triggered an idea. Dr Liew Kim Keong’s birthday was coming up, and Tan Ai Ling’s calligraphic skills could come in handy.

  Three days later, Gimme Lao summoned Tan Ai Ling. He had purchased a Chinese wood scholar’s tray and requested her help in personalising the gift by copying an honorary couplet onto the base of the tray in Chinese calligraphy. Tan Ai Ling went into a mild state of shock. The scholar’s tray looked like an expensive antique replica. What if she fumbled and smeared the surface? Gimme Lao laughed and assured her he would not hold her accountable. He made it sound as though he had full confidence in her. The truth was Gimme Lao had a backup plan. If Tan Ai Ling fumbled, he could always pay an artis
t to paint over her blunder.

  But Tan Ai Ling did not fumble. Despite his limited comprehension of Chinese calligraphy, Gimme Lao could tell that Tan Ai Ling delivered excellent work. He was pleased and lavished praises on her. The next day, Gimme Lao came back from lunch with a book of Sudoku and passed it to her at the reception counter. He was rather amused to see her blush deeply. What he failed to notice were the collective looks of shock the other nurses shared.

  In the weeks that followed, Gimme Lao began to notice traces of Tan Ai Ling in his office. The first item to appear was a new coaster for his tea mug. The print on the coaster, in Chinese, proclaimed those born in the year of the snake to be intelligent and enigmatic. Gimme Lao peeped into the waste paper bin and spotted the stained and soggy coaster he had been using for years. It was one out of a set of five pieces that he bought while on holiday in New Zealand with his family many years ago. It was indeed time to get it replaced.

  The second item to appear was an exquisite lacquer pen holder in the shape of a coffin. Gimme Lao smiled to himself. The Chinese idiom ‘Sheng Guan Fa Cai’ was a play on words that linked the word coffin to prospects of promotion. Gimme Lao wondered if he should step out and thank her in person. But that did not feel right. He admired the stealthy grace at play in the way Tan Ai Ling left these tiny gifts around to surprise him. Gimme Lao thought he should reciprocate in the same manner. After lunch, he bought two pieces of curry puff and left them inside the drawer at the reception counter next to her book of Sudoku. He could play stealthy too.

  A few days later, Gimme Lao found the third item hooked onto the hanger he used for hanging his coat. It was a sandalwood carving in the shape of a lion head that gave off a distinct whiff of fragrance. The inscription on the back declared that those born under the Leo zodiac sign were extraordinarily gifted children who would grow up to achieve great things.

  Gimme Lao was secretly amazed at how pleased he felt. He knew most of the nurses kept their distance because they were a little fearful of him. Tan Ai Ling had behaved much the same way until the episode with the Chinese wood scholar’s tray broke the ice. That marked the turning point. The bold change in her behaviour surprised him as much as the thoughtfulness that went into her gift selections touched him. Gimme Lao was not entirely sure what she had in mind. And he found that element of mystery to be rather alluring.

  The next day, Gimme Lao snooped around the reception counter hoping to spot a clue. As luck would have it, Tan Ai Ling had left a Chinese entertainment magazine opened at a particular page. It was one of those multiple-choice questionnaires that purportedly assessed the reader’s personality. One of the questions required the reader to pick her favourite movie director from among a few, and Tan Ai Ling had circled the name Wong Kar Wai with a blue pen. That was the clue Gimme Lao needed.

  The following Monday, Gimme Lao slipped a gift-wrapped DVD into the drawer at the reception counter. He had picked In The Mood For Love, director Wong Kar Wai’s latest masterpiece. The unmistakable sense of bliss he detected in Tan Ai Ling’s demeanour brought Gimme Lao an inexplicable sense of delight. Over the next few days, both of them had to make the concerted effort to hide their smiles whenever their eyes met. It was as though they were back in secondary school, trying hard to camouflage a teenage romance and keep it a secret from the rest of the class.

  One morning, Gimme Lao received a text message from Tan Ai Ling asking him to skip breakfast, as she had bought him a packet of wanton noodles. Gimme Lao texted to thank her. But when the wanton noodles appeared on his desk three days in a row, Gimme Lao began to panic. It was obvious that the repetitive breakfast carried a message, but the message itself was not at all obvious. What did the daily packets of wanton noodles mean?

  On the fourth morning, Tan Ai Ling left an envelope underneath the packet of wanton noodles. There was a movie ticket inside for a Thursday night screening. Thursday was Tan Ai Ling’s rest day. The movie was Hero, a swordfighting epic starring the same actors who had appeared in In The Mood For Love.

  That gave Gimme Lao the clue he needed. After work, he dropped by a video shop and bought the DVD. He told Wei Wen that he needed to rush a project and locked himself in the study after dinner. At 100 minutes long, In The Mood For Love was a rather short movie. But the torturously languid pace at which the narrative crawled made it seem twice as long. Gimme Lao persevered. There was a clue embedded somewhere in this arthouse romance, and he was determined to uncover it.

  When the pertinent scene finally rolled around, Gimme Lao gave a silent shout of triumph in his heart. In the scene, Tony Leung stood waiting under the street lamp for Maggie Cheung to walk past him on her way to buy wanton noodles every night. Both characters were hurting. Should they succumb to temptation and sink into the mud of adultery as their spouses did? Or should they rise above their carnal yearnings and remain irreproachable? Tan Ai Ling’s message was finally clear to Gimme Lao. If he met her at the cinema on Thursday, he would be accepting her invitation to step into the mud.

  Gimme Lao lost sleep. He had never paid Tan Ai Ling any attention until Gordon pried his eyes open. Once he did, he found himself mesmerised by her sensitivity and grace. While other nurses frittered their tea breaks gossiping away, she read philosophical essays and played Sudoku. Her choice of gifts for him showed an attention to detail that he found flattering. With the movie ticket, Tan Ai Ling had sent him a clear and bold message. The ball was now in his court.

  Gimme Lao could not tell if he was feeling nervous or excited when he stepped into the cinema. He did not remember much of the movie either. He vaguely recalled Maggie Cheung on a rooftop warding off wave after wave of incessant arrows as Tan Ai Ling’s fingers brushed across the back of his hand. He believed Maggie Cheung might have stabbed Tony Leung with a dagger when he felt Tan Ai Ling slip her hand into his palm. Someone later told him there was a memorable scene when the two committed suicide standing atop a spectacular desert cliff. But Gimme Lao missed that scene. He had his eyes shut because Tan Ai Ling was engaging him in a long and wet kiss.

  Two days later, Gimme Lao told Wei Wen he had to attend an overnight team building session organised by the Staff Welfare Club. That was the first night Gimme Lao checked into Hotel 81 at Chinatown with Tan Ai Ling. He was touched when he found out that Tan Ai Ling had never been kissed till the night at the cinema and that she had never taken her clothes off in front of a man till then. Afterwards, he held her tightly and did not feel strange at all when she whispered softly that she thought she might be falling in love.

  Hotel 81 at Chinatown became the regular spot for their weekly encounters. Gimme Lao told Wei Wen that he wanted to join Gordon for his badminton training on Thursday nights and would sleep over at Gordon’s apartment after the game. At the hospital, the two continued their game of surreptitious gift exchanges. He would reach for his cabinet keys and find a pyramid tea bag of Yunnan pu-erh flavour tied to the key chain. Conversely, he would tape a lollipop to a pair of scissors inside her drawer and leave it there to surprise her. It felt like they were stealing kisses right under the noses of unsuspecting colleagues. The necessary cloak of secrecy merely added to the fun and excitement.

  Eventually, they got caught.

  It was a regular Thursday night. The two had collected their room key and taken the elevator up to the third level. They were walking along the corridor when a door to their right opened and a familiar face emerged. It was Shemin, a nurse from their office. There was a suspended moment as the three stood rooted, unable to move. And then a man shouted from within the room to remind Shemin he did not want any sugar in his cup of Teh C. As Shemin turned to reply, Gimme Lao and Tan Ai Ling marched on with pounding hearts. They both recognised the voice from within the room. It was Dr Gordon Hoh, who naturally had no idea he was supposed to be playing badminton with Dr Gimme Lao.

  Gimme Lao had to fly off for a weekend conference in Jakarta the very next morning. While he was there, Tan Ai Ling texted to share that Shemin and hersel
f went about their shifts at the hospital pretending nothing out of the ordinary had occurred. But she was worried for Gimme Lao. What if the two gossiped and word reached his wife? Gimme Lao did his best to reassure her; he would talk to Gordon upon his return on Monday. But at the back of his mind, Gimme Lao had to admit that Shemin surprised him. He would never have guessed that out of all the nurses who had a crush on Dr Gordon, it was Shemin who had pulled the longest straw.

  In truth, the possibility of Wei Wen finding out about his affair was not what kept him awake. Gimme Lao was far more concerned about the gossip mill at the hospital. When he brought Dr Liew Kim Keong and his wife Professor Eleanor Moh out for an abalone treat several weeks before to celebrate Dr Liew’s birthday, the couple had revealed that the time was ripe for Gimme Lao to increase his visibility. The prime minister had earlier invited the cabinet ministers to surface potential candidates and groom them to run for the upcoming elections. Gimme Lao’s name was first on Dr Liew’s list, which meant Gimme Lao was officially on the radar. It was Dr Liew’s intention to progressively feed Gimme Lao to the media by putting him in charge of various star events in his constituency. Gimme Lao ought to be prepared for some limelight.

  Lounging by the pool at his Jakarta hotel after the conference, Gimme Lao wondered what had made him wade into the murky waters of an affair with a hospital staff right after he was told to be prepared for some limelight. He understood the risk of exposure. But he also understood that if he did not take the risk now, he would never get another chance.