by Lesley Crewe
She threw her stuff on the kitchen table. “Is there something wrong with that?”
Faith grinned. “Wow. I can’t believe it. That’ll tick Graham off.”
“Good.”
Faith opened the freezer door. “But it might make his girlfriend happy to know you’ve moved on. Gosh. There’s nothing here. I’ll have to make macaroni and cheese.”
“What did you say?”
Juliet piped up. “Graham’s got a sexpot downstairs. We saw him bring her back after work. Who knows what they’re up to down there.”
Elsie knew she was red as a beet. “Right.” She marched up the stairs, took a shower and was ready to go the minute Harry turned into the driveway. She never even gave her sisters a chance to see what he looked like. She ran out the door, jumped in the car and said, “Drive.”
Harry was worried. If he didn’t know better, he’d say Elsie was drunk. He ordered a bottle of champagne and before they even finished their appetizers, it was gone.
He glanced around and wondered if anyone else noticed her knocking back the bubbly.
“I want more champagne.”
“Maybe you’ve had enough.”
“Oh, I’ve had enough all right.” She hiccuped and nodded her head violently. “And I’m going to do whatever I want, from now on.”
Harry couldn’t believe it. The queen of proper was slurring her words. Maybe this was a good time to ask her a few things.
“Why did you and Graham break up, anyway?”
She shrugged her shoulders right to her ears and left them there. “You tell me,” she grinned, raising her palms to the sky.
“He’s crazy?”
She pointed at him. “That’s it. He’s crazy.”
“I could never figure out what you saw in him. I thought you’d end up with a college guy. You were always so smart.”
“Graham was a college guy,” she shouted. “For about three months.” She waved her hands about. “But no…hated it.” She hiccupped again. “You should have seen my father. Whoa. He was really impressed when Graham went into his uncle’s toilet business.”
“Your father was a big-time lawyer, wasn’t he?”
“He was a big-time jerk, that’s what he was.” She stopped and covered her mouth. “Oops. That wasn’t very nice. Shame on you, Elsie. Shame on you.”
Harry could see she looked flustered. “How about we get out of here?”
“How about we get out of here?” she mimicked. “How about we don’t? How about you order me some more champagne? There’s a good lad.” She reached across the table and patted his hand.
“I’ve got champagne at home,” he lied. “We’ll have some there.”
She grinned at him. “You are so bossy, did you know that? I like a bossy man…I think….No, maybe I don’t….Anyway…”
Harry got up quickly and took Elsie by the arm, holding her closely against him, for fear she was going to fall in the middle of the restaurant.
“You’re big. Much bigger than Graham.”
“Why don’t you forget about Graham tonight? I’m here now.”
She giggled. “Yeah…what do I need him for? I’ve got you and your chain.”
He looked at her. “Pardon?”
“You know…”
“My handcuffs?”
“Oh my, you are a naughty boy.”
He couldn’t believe this was mild-mannered Elsie. “Ah, maybe later…”
She put her finger on her lips. “Shhh. You talk too much.”
Somehow he paid the bill and got her into the car. As soon as he was behind the wheel, she shouted, “I don’t want to go home…way too many people there.”
So he took her back to his apartment.
She slipped out of her sweater. “This is messy. I love mess. Graham’s a neat freak. Did you know that?” She turned around too quickly and he caught her before she fell.
“Do I have to call 911?” she whispered.
“What are you talking about?” She looked adorable, all soft and sweet with her arms around his neck. And her perfume was incredible. He’d had a crush on her in high school. All the boys did, but Graham was the only one she’d look at, a kid who couldn’t afford a pot to piss in. And now he’d thrown her away. Harry wrestled with his conscience. This was bad. She was drunk. He should do the right thing and take her home.
“You’re supposed to kiss me,” she giggled. “That’s what they do in the movies. I love kissing. Did you know that? I could kiss all day and all night. Graham and I…”
“There’s only one way to shut you up about Graham.”
He kissed her.
Graham was on a bucking bronco hanging on for dear life. Bunny was a force to be reckoned with in the sack. He didn’t know what to do first because she seemed to want to do everything at once.
“Come on baby, light my fire,” she groaned.
Little did she know he was attempting to put her out, afraid she’d eat him alive before the evening was over. He knew one thing: He’d have no hair left if she kept this up.
“Do me, hurt me, throw me, take me,” she screamed in his ear. Graham was terrified they’d end up in the emergency department if she didn’t stop throwing herself around. His back already felt the effects of her strenuous workout. And with his luck, one of Elsie’s colleagues would be on call.
“Tell me you like it, Graham,” she demanded, raking his back with those claws of hers.
“Ow.”
“You do?” She licked her lips. “Oh, yes. I could just do this for hours, couldn’t you? Yes. Yes.”
He didn’t answer. This was exhausting. He wanted to call it a night, so he summoned what little energy he had left, flipped her over and rode like hell for the barn door, finally saying what he’d wanted to say all evening.
“Oh Elsie.”
Everything stopped dead for a good ten seconds. Then Bunny got up on her elbows. “Tell me you didn’t just say Elsie.”
“I didn’t just say Elsie.”
Another ten seconds went by.
“You’re a real piece of work, did you know that?”
Elsie opened her eyes. She was in a strange bed with a strange man feeling very strange indeed. Then she remembered.
“Oh, my God,” she groaned.
Harry leaned over her. “You dozed off. Was I that bad?”
“Oh, my God.” She covered her face with her hands. “What happened?”
“You’re a tiger. That’s what happened.”
She opened two fingers and peeked out. Harry grinned at her. This couldn’t be true.
Her head ached. “What time is it?”
“Midnight.”
She sat up and was instantly sorry. “I’ve got to work in the morning,” she moaned. She threw off the sheets and threw them right back on.
“Where are my clothes?”
Harry smirked. “Well, your shoes are in the living room, your dress is in the hall, your bra is on the door knob and I’ve got your panties.” He picked them up off the bed and twirled them around his index finger. “And the handcuffs are behind you.”
“Handcuffs?” She groaned and fell backwards. “Oh my God, what have I done?”
Harry stroked her forehead. “Elsie, you haven’t done anything. You’ve had a bit of fun, that’s all. Aren’t you allowed to have fun? If it makes you feel better I think you’re wonderful. And very beautiful.”
Elsie looked at him. “I’m not like this,” she finally said.
“Like what?”
“You know.”
“No.”
She turned her head away. “I don’t…go to bed with men.”
“How do you explain your children then?”
She tsked and punched his arm.
“That hurt.”
“Shut up, Harry. I’m all mixed up. Just because you do this on a regular basis, doesn’t mean the rest of the world does.”
“Lighten up,” he frowned. “You’re allowed to have sex, you know.”
&nbs
p; “Look, I’m not good at this. It’s new to me, as you well know. And my head is splitting, so if you don’t mind, I’d like to leave.”
Harry turned away from her and got out of bed, reaching for the pants and dress shirt that were crumpled on the floor. “Fine. Get dressed. I’ll take you home.”
“Don’t be mad at me. I’ve got a hangover and it’s not even morning yet.”
“It’s always a good idea to eat before you drink. That way, bad men can’t take advantage of you.”
The drive home was silent. Elsie peered out the side window, chewing her knuckles as the empty streets slipped by.
He finally stopped the car in front of her house. She waited for him to say something but he didn’t. She looked down and fiddled with the hem of her sweater. “Look, Harry, I’m sorry. I know you didn’t ply me with liquor or anything. I’m just…”
“Ashamed and sorry you went to bed with me. That’s okay. I won’t ask again.”
“No, that’s not it.”
Harry looked straight ahead. “Don’t worry Elsie. I’ll live. See ya around.”
He wouldn’t look at her so she had no choice but to get out. “Thank you for dinner…and everything.”
He stayed quiet.
She needed to leave. “Well, goodbye then.” She got out of the car, shut the door and was halfway up the driveway when she heard him call out her name. He hurried over.
“Look, I’m sorry too. I don’t usually care this much, that’s all.”
Elsie smiled at him. “I do like you Harry…”
She stopped because she heard a door bang shut behind her. Out of the darkness Graham approached them with a chesty woman in tow. Even in the dark, Elsie could tell she wore too much make-up.
They stared at each other.
“Graham,” said Harry.
“Harry,” said Graham.
Elsie didn’t open her mouth. Bunny looked at Graham and said out of the corner of her mouth, “Who are these people?”
“My…nearly ex-wife and her…”
“Date. He’s my date. We’ve just had a fabulous meal and a fabulous evening.”
Bunny stood on one foot with her hand on her hip. “Let me guess. Is your name Elsie by any chance?”
“That’s none of your business.” She turned to Harry. “Thank you. I had a nice time.”
“Me too.”
She gave him a quick kiss. “Good night.”
Then she ran into the house and promptly threw up.
The next morning, they left for work at the same time. Graham noticed Elsie looked pale. They stared at each other and neither said a thing. Elsie started toward her car.
“So. Did you have fun?”
She unlocked the car door. “Did you?”
“I asked first.” He realized how childish that sounded.
She threw her bags onto the passenger seat, then looked at him with sad eyes. “Does it matter?”
“I guess not.”
“Did you like kissing her?”
“Does it matter?”
“I guess not.”
She got in the car and started it up. He stood in front of it until she looked at him, then he approached her window. She rolled it down.
“Look, if we’re supposed to be getting on with our lives, we can’t make each other feel bad when we date other people.”
“Who says I feel bad? You’re a big boy. You can screw anyone you like.”
Graham nodded and rocked back and forth on his heels. “You see? You do this all the time. Say you have no problem with something and then make it abundantly clear that you do. I’ve put up with this crap our whole married life.”
Elsie gripped the steering wheel. “Stop accusing me of judging you. That’s all you ever say.”
Graham pointed at her. “Because that’s all you ever do! I don’t have the right job….”
“Shut up Graham. I’m sick of you hounding me about that. I just want you to realize your potential…”
“Maybe this is it, lady. Maybe this is as much potential as I can stand. Has it ever occurred to you that I might be happy just the way I am?”
She brushed her hair out of her face. “No, because you look about as happy as I feel.” She glanced at her watch. “I’ve got to go.”
“Fine. Who’s stopping you?”
“You are. And it’s really nice of you to bring this up when I have so much else going on in my life, what with Aunt Hildy—”
“Aunt Hildy is here because of you. Everyone else thought it was a lousy idea, but guess what? We were all outvoted by Elsie the Good.”
Her eyes started to blur with tears.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that.”
She blinked a few times. “Don’t forget the girls’ birthdays are this Thursday.”
“As if I would. I’ll never forget those days as long as I live.”
She rolled up the window and drove off in a hurry. Graham was rooted to the spot.
What are we doing? he thought.
Hildy was outside in the back garden. She reached up and pulled the wooden pegs off the line to release the few towels that hung there. It was coming on evening, and the air was damp. A thick fog rolled in, and made everything grey and very quiet. Her fingers were numb but she ignored the cold. She loved this time of day. And she loved the fog. It made her invisible for a time.
She took her small wicker basket and went inside. No one was about, so she continued on, climbing the stairs to the top floor. The hallway was full of shadows, the mist pressed up against the window at the far end of the corridor. Everything looked exactly like it did the day she realized she’d leave this house forever.
She walked to her room and opened the door.
Her father rushed at her.
“Hildy.”
“Yes?”
“Wake up, Aunt Hildy.” She felt a hand on her shoulder. She blinked awake and the fog lifted.
“What time is it?” she grumbled.
“It’s almost seven,” Faith said. “You remember. It’s the birthday dinner tonight. Everyone’s here.”
She sighed. “I’m sure that’s a diplomatic way of saying, get your skates on. I’ll be right down.”
Faith didn’t move. “Are you all right? You were moaning when I came in.”
Hildy wanted to be alone. “Must have been the beans you gave me for lunch.”
“Fine. We’re downstairs when you’re ready.” Faith shut the door behind her.
Hildy sat still and was aware of her heart. It beat like a drum. It was time. She’d tell them tonight, birthday dinner or not.
Juliet sidled up beside Elsie to refill her glass of wine. “So, I want to hear all about your date last Saturday. Did you have a good time?”
Elsie nodded and continued to ice the birthday cake at the kitchen table. This year it was a lupin. Every year she made the girls a flower cake, but she was running out of flowers.
Juliet nudged her arm, ruining the “a” in Dahlia. “And…?”
Elsie held her icing bag in mid-air and gave her a look. “If you must know, I got drunk and shagged him while wearing handcuffs.”
“Oh ha, ha. Seriously. Did you have fun?”
“It was a blast.” She went back to the task at hand.
Her sister leaned against the table and drank her wine too quickly. “God, if only that were true. What I wouldn’t give for an evening like that.”
“You have sex on the brain. Change the record.”
“Oh, shut your gob.” Juliet waved her glass around and looked down at the cake. “Jesus. Is that a penis?”
Elsie looked at the cake with dismay.
“Faith, get in here,” Juliet hollered.
She walked into the kitchen. “You yelled, your highness?”
Juliet pointed at the cake. “What does that look like to you?”
“A purple penis.”
“You guys! It does not. Don’t be so mean. It took me all afternoon.”
Faith crossed her a
rms. “Okay then. What’s it supposed to be?”
“A lupin.”
They pressed their lips together and didn’t look at her. She stared at the cake. “Oh my God. What am I going to do?”
“Eat it,” Juliet snickered, before draining her glass.
Faith was more helpful. “Put some lettuce leaves around the top. It’ll look like a palm tree.”
“Lettuce? With a birthday cake?”
“Well, it’s better than presenting your daughters with an iced phallic symbol, isn’t it?” she pointed out.
“Okay.”
Elsie and Faith chopped some lettuce into strips and placed them artfully at the top of the cake. There was a slight knock and Graham emerged from downstairs. Elsie glanced at him. He held two small gifts in his hands.
“Hi. Where are the birthday girls?”
She straightened up. “In the living room with the boys. You’re staying for dinner, I hope?”
“Well…”
“The girls want you here. They’re yours as much as mine.”
“Do you want me here?”
“Not really,” Juliet answered for her.
“Yes, of course. Juliet, mind your own business.”
“Okay then.” He crossed the kitchen to peek at the cake.
“What’s the flower this year?”
“Well?” drawled Juliet.
He hesitated only slightly. “It’s a lupin with a head of lettuce.”
Elsie squeezed her eyes shut to keep the ache in her heart from showing. When she opened them again, he was gone.
Everything was finally ready, so she told the family to sit at the table. The girls looked sweet. Both of them had their hair back, to show off the diamond stud earrings their father had given them.
“What a beautiful gift,” Elsie smiled, after they showed her close up.
Graham looked pleased. “It’s not every day my girls turn twenty and twenty-one.”
Dahlia held out her wrist. “Look what Slater got me. It’s a Pooh Bear watch.”
Juliet coughed into her glass of wine.
“That’s lovely,” Elsie said quickly. “Isn’t that lovely?”
Everyone murmured how lovely it was.
“And I’m sure Eli gave you something nice too,” she smiled at Lily.
“Oh, he did. A gift from La Senza and tickets to see The Emergency!”