Shoot Me

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Shoot Me Page 12

by Lesley Crewe


  “That’s wonderf…sorry?”

  “The Emergency!”

  “La Senza?” Juliet cried. “Well, aren’t we all grown up? But tell me, what the hell is an emergency? Sounds like a queer gift.”

  “Joel Plaskett isn’t queer,” Slater replied. “He’s a dude.”

  “Who the hell is Joel Plaskett?”

  “I told your mother to wash your mouth out with soap when you were a little girl, Juliet,” Aunt Hildy interrupted. “She declined, and I believe she would rue the day, if she were alive.”

  Juliet downed her drink. “Well, she’s not, is she? We’re stuck with you.”

  “Yes, more’s the pity.”

  This was going downhill fast.

  “Remember how we had to celebrate Dahlia’s first birthday party in a hospital room, because Lily insisted on being born two weeks early?” Elsie laughed.

  Graham picked up the story. “Your mother had chocolate icing all over her hospital gown in the delivery room Dahlia, because you were a mama’s girl and you didn’t want her out of your sight.”

  More childhood stories were trotted out to the delight of the girls and the emergency passed. When the time was right, Elsie brought out the cake and it was devoured in spite of the lettuce. Everyone was enjoying their first cup of tea when Aunt Hildy spoke up. “Now that the party’s nearly over and everyone is here, I wonder if I could have your attention.”

  Elsie held her breath. The last thing she wanted was another scene.

  “As you are all aware, I have come home to die.”

  No one said a word.

  “I know that some, if not all of you, will be mightily relieved when I go.”

  Slater yelled, “No freaking way.”

  Everyone joined in with indignant “nevers” and “not-at-alls.” Aunt Hildy ignored them.

  “I’m the last surviving member of my family.”

  They nodded.

  “Which means you’re no doubt interested in my will.”

  There was silence.

  “I thought so. And you think I’m worth a fortune.”

  No one moved.

  “I am.”

  Excited whisperings.

  “And you’re wondering if you’re in my will.”

  Expectant faces all around.

  “You’re not.”

  Everyone froze.

  “I’m leaving my estate to the Archaeology Department of my alma mater. Great things will be done with the resources at their disposal. I’ve already informed the chancellor of the university and the board is ecstatic.”

  Hildy looked down the table.

  “That being said, I also want you to know that each of you will receive a gift. I’ve given these gifts a lot of thought and hope you’ll be pleased with my choices.”

  There was a slight defrosting of the air around the room.

  Folding her hands together in front of her, she continued, “I’ve led an exciting and unorthodox life. An unexpected life. And so it doesn’t end there.”

  The family gave each other puzzled looks.

  “There’s a game to be played at the end of my life.”

  “A game?” Elsie said.

  “A game. A game of hide-and-seek.” Aunt Hildy paused. “I’ve spent my life looking for things, things hidden away from all eyes. It’s a wonder and a mystery when these things are uncovered and more often than not, the treasure one finds is the treasure one deserves.”

  She stopped then, and looked thoughtful before she continued. “This house is full of treasure. How I acquired it is my business and why I hid it here…let’s just say I had my reasons. Some of it will be found and whoever finds it is welcome to it. Some of it won’t be found. That’s the way the world works. So that being said, good luck to you all.”

  Everyone was speechless.

  Aunt Hildy got up to leave the table. “Oh, yes. One more thing.”

  They waited.

  “I’ll never speak of this again.” And with that, she walked out the door.

  All hell broke loose around the table.

  “That woman is off her rocker,” Graham shouted. “What does she mean, ‘there’s treasure all over this house?’ We live here for God’s sake. Wouldn’t we know if there was something here?”

  “Do we get this treasure before or after she dies?” Juliet wanted to know.

  “What if someone finds a lot of treasure and someone else finds nothing?” Faith asked. “Is that fair?”

  Robert was indignant. “I’ll tell you what’s not fair. It’s not fair that you people live here and we don’t. You can search all day. We can’t.”

  “She’s just opened a huge can of worms,” Elsie worried. “I don’t know what she’s thinking.”

  “When she said ‘everyone,’ did she mean me and Eli, too?” Slater wondered.

  “Of course, baby,” Dahlia reassured him. “Why not?”

  “Of course not,” Juliet contradicted her. “He’s not a member of the family.”

  “He will be soon. He’s entitled as much as you are.”

  “I’m just new,” Eli said. “I don’t need anything. Slater can have my share.”

  “No way,” Lily yelled. “Why should you be left out? Aunt Hildy really likes you, unlike some I can name.” She glanced at her Uncle Robert.

  “He’s not going to be left out of anything,” Graham said, “because knowing that insane woman she’ll have the last laugh when we stumble on a box of chocolate coins.”

  “You won’t be stumbling over anything,” Juliet laughed. “You don’t belong here.”

  Elsie stood. She didn’t even know she was going to.

  “Shut up!”

  Everyone did, clearly stunned at this turn of events.

  “I will not have this family turned upside down by an eccentric old woman. And Aunt Hildy is nothing if not eccentric. I’ll not put up with people tearing each other to pieces to find things that probably don’t exist.”

  She took a deep breath. “There’s no need for everyone to get greedy. Aunt Hildy’s left each one of us a gift. That’s more than I expected. Who are we to be entitled to her inheritance? If—and it’s a big if—there is something in this house, then the only fair thing to do is to share it with everyone. Robert has a good point. He and Juliet don’t live here. If we don’t share it equally, everyone’s going to be at each other’s throat. I see it all the time at work. As soon as money is mentioned, even the best of families go insane. And I’ll not have that happen to us. We’re better than that. And quite frankly, I think that’s what Aunt Hildy wants us to find out. How we live up to this little game of hers, this experiment. And as much as I love her, I could strangle her at this moment for putting the cat in with the canaries.”

  Elsie sat as suddenly as she stood. Everyone snuck peeks at each other and looked humbled by her outburst. There were a few moments of embarrassed quiet.

  “Is it agreed?” Elsie asked them.

  “Agreed,” the group muttered.

  “Fine. Would anyone like more tea?”

  There were no takers. Everyone seemed to be in a hurry to push themselves from the table. But Elsie wasn’t stupid. “Before you all start to look for this treasure, I need help with the dishes.”

  The table was cleared in ten seconds flat. When the last of the cutlery was put in the dishwasher, Graham yawned and said he’d call it a night. He kissed the girls and went downstairs. The four youngsters disappeared as well.

  Juliet nudged Faith. “He’s down there by himself. Someone should be with him.”

  “You’re right.”

  Elsie sat at the kitchen table and picked up the paper. “You better hurry girls, before he finds the Fabergé Egg in Mom’s hope chest.”

  “Don’t be so superior,” Faith tsked. “You know you want to look for this treasure as much as the rest of us.”

  “Well, if we’re all going to share, I’ve decided to let you guys do all the work. I’ll be here when you divvy it up. Fair enough?”


  “There’s nothing fair about that,” Juliet piped up. “Why do you get off scot-free?”

  “For pity sake, go find your treasure. I’m not interested.”

  Juliet, Faith and Robert hurried after Graham. They were downstairs for exactly two minutes when they re-emerged with their tails between their legs.

  “No luck?” asked Elsie.

  “That man is a menace to society,” Juliet huffed. “He went after Robert with a wrench.”

  “It was a hammer.”

  Elsie rose from the table. “I wonder if Aunt Hildy is up there laughing her head off. I’m going to bed. Goodnight.”

  And up Elsie went. At the top of the stairs, Aunt Hildy’s door was opened a crack and she stood behind it in her nightgown.

  “What were you thinking?” Elsie sighed.

  Aunt Hildy tapped the side of her nose with her finger. “Enough said.” She closed the door.

  Elsie tried to sleep, but couldn’t. Too many problems crowded in. Aunt Hildy was a nightmare. Harry called her that day hounding her for another date. She’d gone to her bank manager in the morning to hear the sad truth about the state of her finances, which meant Dahlia would have to elope. And now it was pretty clear Lily was growing up in a hurry. She needed someone.

  She knocked on Graham’s door. He opened it. “What took you so long?”

  She entered his sitting room/bedroom/kitchen, everything as straight as a pin. It calmed her somehow.

  “What am I going to do about Aunt Hildy?”

  Graham rolled his eyes. “She’s off her rocker. There’s nothing here. I know every inch of this house. Didn’t I tell you this would happen?”

  Elsie plunked herself down on his sofa. “Don’t start saying ‘I told you so.’ It doesn’t help.”

  “Why would she have treasure here? No one in their right mind even uses the word treasure anymore.”

  She pulled her hair back. “You’re right. I know you’re right. I just don’t know what to do. Bad enough she’s living here, but now this? She’s got everyone all in a tizzy.”

  “Kick her out.”

  She got up off the sofa. “If that’s the best you can do, I might as well say goodnight.”

  “Fine. Goodnight.”

  She looked at him and then closed her eyes. “Never mind. I don’t want to talk about her.”

  “You just said you did.”

  “Listen.” She tried to stay calm. “About Harry…”

  He turned away. “It’s none of my business anymore.”

  “It drives me crazy when you say that.”

  He turned back. “You say it all the time.”

  “I know. I know. But I don’t mean it.”

  “Huh?”

  She wanted to scream. “I miss you being my friend, that’s all.”

  He looked her up and down. “Have you got anything on under that?”

  “Stop it. Just stop it.”

  He came right up to her, his breath in her face. “Are you doing this on purpose? You wanted this separation, so I gave you one. Why keep coming here?”

  “I miss talking to you. I’m not here just because you’re irresistible to women…”

  “I know you…”

  She was furious. “And I know you. You get to swan in and give the girls diamond earrings for their birthday. Did you ask me to go in on it, so it could be from both of us? No. That would take away some of the glory. Guess what I gave them?” She began to cry. “Sweaters.”

  He stood so close to her, she felt her energy seep away. He grabbed the back of her head with his big hand, brought his mouth down on hers and kissed her the way he’d always kissed her. Totally, completely and with great skill.

  It went on and on. The two of them together again. It felt so good. He gathered her closer, groaning as he did. She wanted to give in, until a small voice inside her head warned…this is what he always does when you try and stand up to him.

  She couldn’t fall for it. She needed to be strong. She put her hands against his chest and pushed herself away. Breathless now, she struggled to say, “I need a hug, Graham. Not sex.”

  He dropped his arms. “Of course. You’ve got Harry for that.”

  She felt the blood drain from her face. “I’m sorry. I won’t bother you again.” She turned and was almost out the door when he said, “Elsie, wait…”

  She didn’t.

  Chapter Seven

  The next morning Hildy went out into the garden as usual, to sip her green tea, which she’d acquired a taste for during her travels to the Orient. She never could go back to the Maritime custom of tea with plenty of milk.

  Since it was Saturday, there was plenty of noise from the surrounding neighbours—the clatter of dishes and radios through open windows, the drone of a vacuum cleaner, kids shouting and dogs barking over the incessant buzz of a lawn mower.

  She enjoyed it as an observer. Sitting there as part of the scenery, no one would guess that Hildy left the world a long time ago—ever since the night Nikolai disappeared. It was her body that insisted on staying, which was fine. She’d found a way to spend her days. To be truthful, archaeology wasn’t so much a passion as a necessity. She stopped living her life and immersed herself in the lives of others.

  That was her career. Making men pay was her hobby.

  But now, at the end of her life, she realized it left her with a silly dilemma, which brought her to the events of last night. She had a momentary lapse of uncertainty about what she’d done when she saw Elsie’s face as she came up the stairs. Perhaps this little family wasn’t ready for what awaited them. She knew there was more than enough to share if her relatives worked together, but somehow she doubted they would. She really didn’t care if they did or not. Their lives were still to be lived. Hers was over and she was tired.

  She only came home to start the game. They could finish it. She didn’t need to know who won.

  Mrs. Noseworthy waved from her porch. Poor old soul.

  “Good morning, Hildy. How are we today?”

  “We’re perfectly fine, dear.”

  “Has it begun?”

  “Indeed it has.”

  “Can anyone play?”

  She looked so earnest and eager, Hildy didn’t have the heart to say anything but, “The more the merrier.”

  Mrs. Noseworthy laughed and laughed.

  Since it was Saturday, Slater came over after lunch. Dahlia beckoned him to follow her into the library. “I think if Aunt Hildy hid treasure, it would be in here.”

  “Right on.” He paused. “Why?”

  “Because Aunt Hildy’s a smart lady. I know she roamed around ruins and stuff, but she lectured at university too. I bet she has a map in one of these books and it’s up to us to find it.”

  Slater looked around the room. “We’ll be here all day then.”

  The library was smaller than the living room but it too had a stone fireplace, perfect for cold winter nights. The walls were taken up with floor-to-ceiling bookshelves. Only the fireplace wall was panelled in dark mahogany. Two leather club chairs faced each other in front of the fire, with a large tufted ottoman between them.

  A rolltop desk was beneath one window, while two embroidered wing chairs took up space by the second window. This was where Elsie and her mother would sit and read on rainy Saturday afternoons, her mother with a cup of tea and Elsie with hot chocolate. They would indulge themselves and eat Pantry cookies or Milk Lunch and a bit of old cheese.

  Faith would be there too, but she was always curled up in one of the chairs by the fire. Inevitably though, she’d storm out and go read in her room because of Elsie’s habit of reading passages out loud to her mother.

  Juliet never set foot inside the place.

  Dahlia motioned to the first shelf. “Let’s start here.” She pulled out a book and shuffled through the pages.

  Slater did the same and sneezed instantly. “Holy cow, man. I’m going to need an antihistamine if I keep this up.” He sneezed again.


  “Great. We just got started.” Then she remembered the scarf around her neck. “Here. Put this over your mouth. You won’t breathe in the dust.” She placed it over the lower half of his face and tied it behind his head.

  “I feel like the Lone Ranger or something.” He raised his thumb and pointed his index finger at her. “Stick ’em up!”

  She held her hands in the air, playing along in a sing-song voice. “Don’t shoot. I can’t pay the rent.”

  “But you must pay the rent.”

  “But I can’t pay the rent.”

  “Then I’ll…”

  The door opened and Aunt Hildy walked in. She looked at the cow- poke and his girl.

  “Do carry on.” Aunt Hildy walked out.

  Since it was Saturday, Lily and Eli lounged on the mattress that served as bed, couch and chair, instead of rushing to class. They enjoyed a homemade linguini picnic thanks to Eli’s nosy neighbour.

  “This is fabulous. Mrs. Minelli is like, the best cook in the world. How come she keeps feeding you?”

  Eli shrugged. “She tells me I’m too thin.”

  Lily shoved in another mouthful. “You won’t be, if she keeps this up.”

  “Your father will kill me long before I get fat. Why on earth did you tell everyone I got you something from La Senza?”

  “Dad wouldn’t know it’s a lingerie store, but maybe I subconsciously wanted everyone to know I’m not a little girl anymore.”

  Eli put his plate aside. “Or there’s always the other theory.”

  “What’s that?”

  “You’re a blabbermouth.”

  “You asked for it.” She shoved her plate away too and attacked him. They rolled around on the floor, trying not to make too much noise, with not much success.

  There was a knock at the door.

  “You okay in there, Eli?”

  “Yes, I’m fine, Mrs. Minelli.”

  “Is Pansy with you?”

  “Yep, and Lily too.”

  Lily tried to cover his mouth with her hand.

  “Mama mia,” she said from the hall. “You kids today…I don’t want to know.”

  “They’ve ganged up on me, Mrs. Minelli. You have to help me.”

  “Santa Maria. I make you some nice tortellini, to keep up your strength.” Her voice faded away.

  “Eli! You’re terrible.”

 

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