Lyndley

by Renee, K.

  I think about everything that has happened in the last few days. I won’t let this define me. I will strive to better myself and show everyone I can bounce back after what Tyler did to me.

  After a few beers, I can feel someone watching me. Before I can turn around and see who it is, a barstool pulls out next to me.

  “Heya, sweet thang.”

  I look over and see my worst nightmare staring back at me. Keegan Phillips. He was the first boy I ever had a crush on. When he found out, he pushed me down and told me I was ugly. Oh, how the tables have turned. His dirty blonde hair looks like he hasn’t washed it in a few days, and he has a beard bushier than a nun’s vagina. Holy crap. Has he ever heard of a shower?

  “Hi,” I say, smiling.

  He orders us another round. Hell, I can’t say no to free alcohol. It’s not like I have very much money. When our drinks arrive, he leans in closer. Did he just sniff me? What did I ever see in him? I can feel the alcohol in my stomach churn, and I try to keep it from coming back up. In order not to gag, I chug my beer and order another.

  Two-and-a-half hours later, I’ve had four beers and I’m so tipsy, I don’t even mind that I’m still hanging out with Keegan. He isn’t too bad when I’m drunk. He has a few funny moments, but I’m just glad I don’t have to talk about Tyler or Jax. He doesn’t care why I’m here, and I’m pretty sure he doesn’t even remember me.

  He’s standing in front of me talking about something when I see Tate Stevens walk by. Tate and Jax have been best friends since we were kids. If you see one of them, the other isn’t far behind. Please don’t tell me Jax is here, too. Scanning the room, I don’t see a sign of him, so I let out a breath.

  After a few more beers, I’m ready to go. When I tell Keegan I’m leaving, he says he’ll take me home. Shaking my head, I try to walk around him, but he grabs my arm. As he leans in, he’s suddenly yanked away and somebody steps in front of me.

  Breathing in his familiar sent, my heart starts pounding. He grabs my hand and pulls me closer. Why can’t he just leave me alone? As I struggle, he yanks on my arm.

  “Stop it, Lynd,” he growls. My body instantly obeys and I can’t help but take a deep breath, memorizing his smell.

  “What the fuck, Jax? I was talking to this sexy woman and we were just about to leave,” Keegan spits out. Keegan is about half Jax’s size, so I doubt he will be able to do anything to him.

  “Stay the fuck away from her,” Jax grinds out.

  I gasp, looking at him. I don’t ever remember a time someone has defended me.

  “What are you? Her fucking father?” Keegan yells.

  Part of me wants to laugh at that statement, but I’m sure Jax won’t appreciate it. Instead, I snort. Jax leans down and whispers in my ear, “Lynnie, I’m gonna take you home, okay?” I nod and rest my cheek against his arm. Man, his arms are so big. I don’t even think I can wrap my hands around one of them.

  He looks at Keegan again. "Fuck you, Keegan. Stay the hell away from her. You so much as touch her, I'll fucking kill you." Bending down, he picks me up so he can carry me out to his truck. Burying my face in his neck, I wrap my arms around him like I’ve done so many times before. Tate stands between Keegan and us, causing Keegan to start talking shit.

  "You need Tate to fight your battles for you now?" Keegan sneers.

  "No. I just have more important things to do than deal with your punk ass," Jax says as he walks us outside.

  I hear boots on the gravel behind us and I open my eyes to see Tate walking over. "You're still in love with her, aren't you?" he asks.

  Jax opens the door and sets me inside the truck, then turns. "It's not something I can just turn off. I've loved her most of my life. To see her again after all this time is like a fucking punch to the gut."

  I can’t believe it. I know I shouldn’t be listening, but I can’t help it. Part of me wants to know how he really feels.

  "But you're not the same man you were when you ended things, Jax. I don’t get why you are even trying. She seems different. Maybe she isn’t the same girl you fell in love with. Move on.”

  Closing my eyes, I can feel a few stray tears fall down my cheeks.

  “I’ll deal with things the way I see fit. I don’t need your advice, Tate. You’ve never been serious about a girl in your whole life.”

  "Fuck you, asshole. I know your secret. Don't make me tell the whole town."

  My head turns towards them. How does Tate know? I never told anyone, not even any of my friends in New York.

  "How do you know?" Jax asks, looking between the truck and Tate.

  "Jax, I know you better than anyone. We've been best friends since diapers. When you both came back from spring break, you were giddy as hell. How the hell did you guys get it done? Neither of you were eighteen."

  I see a smile cross Jax’s features. "Lynnie convinced them we had just lost our IDs, but insisted we were eighteen. I couldn't believe they let us do it, either."

  "Shit, the girl always could convince anyone of anything. I guess that doesn't surprise me."

  I don’t even know what to think. My mind is racing. I just hope I can keep it together until I get home because I refuse to let him see me cry. Not after all this time. I watch Tate walk away, and Jax gets in the truck. He grabs the wheel, takes a deep breath, and lays this head on it.

  "Jaxson…,” I start. Slowly, he looks at me. “Um… Thanks for keeping me from doing something stupid."

  "Lynnie, I'll always protect you. You want me to take you back to your parents’ house?"

  I nod and he starts his truck. The ride is so quiet, it’s awkward. I close my eyes and pretend I am anywhere else. I have no idea what to even say to him, so I keep my mouth shut. When the truck stops, I hear him get out and walk over to my side. He opens the door and picks me up. As he strides up the front walk, I move closer to his neck. I don’t know what comes over me, but I kiss him right below his ear. Maybe I did it to see if there is still a spark there. Little did I know, it would be like the Fourth of July. I feel his body tense up and his breathing change, but he doesn’t say a word.

  He grabs my keys out of my purse, which he must have grabbed before we walked out of the bar, and unlocks the door. Walking to my room, he sets me on my bed and pulls my shoes off. I think I hear him set them next to the bed, but he could have tossed them anywhere. It’s not like I care at the moment. The only thing I can think of in my alcohol-induced state is kissing him again.

  His fingers gently move the hair off my face and he kisses my forehead. "Night, Lyndley,” he whispers.

  "Night, Jaxson. I love you,” I whisper back without thinking. Before he even walks out the door, I’m asleep.

  Chapter Three

  When I wake up, I know I need to talk to Jaxson, but the pounding in my head says otherwise. In my drunken state, I know I said something I shouldn’t have, and I need to tell him to stay away from me. He should know the truth, but I’ve been keeping it a secret for so long, I don’t know how to tell him. He’s going to be devastated. Hell, I spent a whole year of my life completely heartbroken. Even though losing him made it hard to breathe most days, this incident was worse.

  Putting all thoughts of the past away, I make my way to the bathroom. Once I shower and shave, I find a cute jean skirt I haven’t worn in ages. When I pull it on and discover it still fits, I do a victory dance.

  It’s only seven a.m. by the time I pull up to his family’s ranch. Getting out of my car, I look around, discovering that not much has changed, which makes me smile. Walking up to the front door, I take a deep breath before I knock.

  When his mother, Mary, comes to the door, I’m caught by surprise. Her black hair is pulled back into a perfect bun, just like I remember her always wearing it. She doesn’t look like she’s aged a day, either. I’ve always thought Mary was one of the most beautiful women in town. She was always dressed to impress, and made some of the best food I’ve ever had.

  “Lyndley, my sweet girl. You’re fina
lly home!” she says, pulling me into her arms. Breathing in her perfume, I remember all the time I spent in this house with her while Jaxson and his father, Ben, were working on the ranch.

  “Hi, Mary,” I whisper. I can feel the tears starting to form in my eyes. “I’m so sorry I wasn’t here when Ben passed away.”

  “Hush, darling girl. He knew how much you loved him.” She shakes her head. “Are you here to see that son of mine?” she asks with a small smile.

  When I nod, she tells me he built a house a few miles down the road. “He built it right by the pond you two spent all your time in.”

  I blush. “Well, it was so great to see you Mary.” I pull her into another hug.

  “You, too, my dear. Please, stop by and say hello again.” I nod, smiling.

  Making my way down the path that leads to the pond, I take in the sights. It’s been so long since I have been here, it makes me think about the last time.

  “I bet I can get you naked in less than five minutes,” he says. Grinning, I take off running.

  When I get to the other side of the pond, he catches up to me and wraps me in his arms. Spinning around, I place a kiss on his nose and jump up into his strong arms so he has to carry me. Jaxson always makes me feel like anything is possible.

  I wrap my legs around his waist as he lowers us both to the ground just out of sight of his house. Brushing my hair out of my face, he lowers his lips to mine. Running his fingers up my sides, he slowly pulls my shirt up and off. Kissing me deeply, he reaches down and starts to work on the button of my jeans. Breaking our kiss, he trails his lips down my body until he gets to my hips. Slowly starting to push my jeans down, he places kisses everywhere.

  Just before he can get my jeans off, we hear his dad coming towards us. Jumping up, he helps me with my jeans, and I throw my shirt on as fast as I can. When his dad comes around the corner, we are standing there, looking awkward and trying not to laugh.

  “Hey, kids. Hope you’re not up to anything sneaky out here,” he says, winking, walking past us.

  Once he’s out of earshot, we both fall into a fit of laughter.

  Reaching Jax’s house, I notice a lot of similarities to the house I drew in high school, the front being almost exact. He always said he would build me my dream house. I can’t believe he actually did.

  Before I get the courage to knock, I think about what I am going to tell him. However, when he answers the door, I can’t say anything. It’s like I’ve lost all verbal skills. I hate that, even after all these years, my body is still drawn to him.

  "Hi,” I say quietly. It sounds so lame, I’m surprised he even lets me in the door.

  He waves me in and I take small step. It looks so much like my drawings, I’m in awe.

  "Hey, Lyn. Everything okay?" he asks. He’s always been so sure of himself. I don’t know how he does it.

  "I just wanted to say thank you for what you did last night. I know I don't deserve your kindness, but I really appreciate it."

  Just talking to him makes me nervous. I have so much I want to say, but I seem to be having trouble expressing myself. I’ve never had this problem before. I can usually talk people to death.

  "Lyn, I would do anything for you. It was nothing."

  A small smile forms on my lips. I can’t stop as I start to move closer to him. I want to tell him how sorry I am for not being there for him when he needed me, but I don’t know how to get the words out without sounding like a moron.

  "I'm sorry. I never knew your father passed away. I feel terrible that I wasn't there for you when you needed me." Looking up at him, I can see the emotions written all over his face as he shakes his head. I smile. "I thought your mom would hate me when I showed up on her doorstep this morning."

  He laughs. "Yeah. My momma still loves you more than me."

  Smiling, I remember all the times he would complain to his mom about her loving me more than him.

  He reaches up and tucks my hair behind my ear. I’m not sure why, but I can’t bring myself to back away. Moving closer to me, he runs a finger along the scar I got when we were in high school.

  When he lowers his lips to mine, I feel like the wind is knocked out of me. The moment our lips touch, I know that things are not over between us. He pulls my body to his and devours my mouth. I can’t help but moan because the feeling is ten times more magnetic than before.

  Knowing we are about to make a mistake, I pull away from him. “I… I… I gotta go.” Turning towards the door, I try to open it, but he slaps his hand against it, preventing me from going anywhere.

  I turn to face him. “Jax, I can’t,” I state as evenly as I possibly can. I’m so nervous, I can’t stop shaking.

  “Lynnie, I know you want this just as badly as I do,” he says, staring into my eyes. It’s like I’m under a spell and can’t move.

  Biting my bottom lip, I think about the best way to get him to stay away from me. “Jax, I’m not the same girl you knew all those years ago. I’ve changed and, trust me, I’m not who you want.”

  “Lynnie, you’ll always be the one for me. I promised to love you forever, so I won’t give up on us. I gave you the time away you needed, but now that you’re back, I’m not letting you walk away.”

  He slams his mouth onto mine and I give in. Being away made me miss Jax more than I ever let anyone know.

  I’m surprised when he picks me up and walks me over to the kitchen. Setting me on the counter, he begins kissing his way down my neck. I inch my hands down to his waist and slip my hands under his shirt. I’ve been dying to feel what he’s got under his clothes, so I run my fingers along his abs. His hands grip the edge of my t-shirt, quickly pulling it over my head.

  As I pull his shirt up, he helps me yank it over his head. Leaning over, I start to kiss along his chest and up his neck. Moaning, he pushes my skirt over my hips, then slowly slides my thong down my legs as I lift my rear up. I want him so bad, I’m tempted to pull him closer so I can unbutton his jeans and get this show on the road.

  He bends down and I watch him lower his mouth to my pussy, and I grip his hair. When he runs his tongue across my clit, I groan. As soon as his tongue enters me, I lean back to give him a better angle. The feeling of him sucking on my clit almost causes me to fall over the edge. Every muscle in my body is craving release.

  When he pulls me closer to the edge of the counter, I watch him trail kisses to my breast. He pulls one of the cups of my bra down and sucks my nipple into his mouth. “Oh, my god, Jax,” I breathe out.

  He unzips his jeans, and I use my feet to push them down as far as I can. He strokes his cock, then lines it up and thrusts into me.

  I never thought he would feel bigger than before, but he stretches me to the limit. He pauses for a few seconds to let me adjust to his size.

  “Fuck, Lynnie. You feel so damn good,” he moans.

  When he grabs my hands and puts them behind my back, I’m thrown for a loop. I’ve never had anyone hold me to where I can’t move before. Once I relax, I figure out why. He wants to have control. Grinding my hips into his, I moan out his name. It doesn’t take me long before I scream out his name, my walls clenching around him. “Fuck, Lyn,” he groans, filling me with come.

  Collapsing, he tries to keep most of his weight off me. I run my fingers up and down his back as we both try to catch our breath. Memories of all the times we made love flood my mind and I can’t help but think that maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. I need to put an end to this before I hurt him. I love him way too much to let my secret break him.

  “Jaxson,” I whisper. “I’m a mess. Please, trust me when I tell you that you don’t want a girl like me. What just happened can’t happen again. I’m too broken to be the person you want, the person you need, the person you remember.”

  He looks at me for a second. “How can you not be what I want, Lyn? You’ve always been what I want. Hell, after my dad passed away, I even went to New York to see you, but you looked so happy, I couldn’t bring myself
to let you know I was there.”

  I never knew he came to New York. I would have dropped everything if I knew he was there. “You came to New York? Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “Because I wasn’t sure your boyfriend would like to know that your husband had come from Texas to try and win you back.” He smirks.

  Flinching, I push him away from me, pull on my clothes, and make my way out the door.

  Chapter Four

  Over the next few weeks, I do everything in my power to avoid Jaxson. He is so persistent, I have to start going places when I know he will be working, hiding from my parents so they can’t rat me out.

  Last night, my mom finally made me talk to her about everything that happened between Jax and me.

  “Why won’t you give that poor boy another chance? I see the way he looks at you. He loves you just like he did before you left all those years ago. What if you never find another love like that?”

  Her words hit me hard. “Momma, I never told you this, but when Jax and I were seventeen, we got married.” I watch her mouth drop open as she stares at me.

  After five minutes of silence, I can’t take it anymore. “Please, Mom, say something!” I don’t want her to hate me like I know Jax will when I tell him my secret. Heck, I don’t even know how to tell him. I’ve keep this from him for ten years. I’ll be surprised if he even talks to me afterwards.

  “Sweetheart…,” she states, trying to find the right words. Holding my breath, I wait for her to continue. “No matter what, I’ll always love you. Why did you do it, though?”

  “We did it because we were in love. I still love him. I’ll probably always love him. He was my first everything. But I have something to tell him and I don’t know how.”

  When she raises her eyebrows, I blurt it out. “Right after I left, I found out I was pregnant. We were going to be parents to a little girl, but she was stillborn.” The tears are streaming down both our faces and my mom has her hand over her mouth.