Lyndley

by Renee, K.

  He grins. “I know. I’ll grab you some sweats and a t-shirt.”

  I try to pull my shorts down, but I have a hard time bending my leg without hitting it on stuff. Walking over, he motions for me to stick my legs straight out. He grips the waistband of my shorts and gently pulls them down my legs, cautiously pulling them over the bump. He gently slides them off, then hooks his fingers into my panties next, taking the same caution while pulling those down. I use my shirt to cover myself and I hear him chuckle.

  “What?” I ask.

  He looks me up and down and smirks. “Lyn, it’s not like I haven’t seen you naked before…”

  Blushing, I look away. “I know. It’s just that, well… Things aren’t what they used to be before getting pregnant.” I still have stretch marks, even after working hard to get down to the weight I am now.

  He grabs my face and looks me in the eyes. “If you want me to go, I will. Just say the word. I want you to be comfortable. I’ll come help you out when you’re ready.”

  “I would like to be alone, please,” I whisper. He nods and helps me get to the edge so I can get in easily. I wait for him to walk out of the room before I take my shirt off.

  I know I’m crazy for not letting him see me naked when we both still have feelings for each other, but if something else does happen between us, I don’t want to tarnish it by moving too fast or starting something for which we aren’t ready.

  Slipping into the hot water, I moan at how good it feels. I slide down until the water is to my chin, then think about the last few weeks.

  When I arrived home again, I never thought I would be sitting in Jax’s tub, let alone get along with him. I thought I would lose him forever when I told him about Gracilyn. A lone tear trails down my cheek.

  For the last seven years, I haven’t thought a lot about Gracilyn because it hurt too much. Instead, I tried to mask the pain by keeping myself busy surrounding myself with people. In all honesty, though, I still struggle with her death every day. Some days, I can’t even get out of bed.

  I scrub most of my body with the rag Jax left in the tub. When I get to the bump, I gently run the cloth over my leg and try to clean it as best I can. Once I am completely clean, I unplug the drain and slowly lift myself out of the tub.

  When I wrap myself in a towel, I yell for Jax to bring me some clothes. I hear his boots coming towards the bathroom and when he opens the door, I see a frown on his face. He hands me the clothes, looking like he’s going to say something, but changes his mind. He walks back out of the bathroom, closing the door again. Was I wrong about him not hating me?

  Once I get dressed, I try to make my way out of the bathroom. Using the counter and the wall, I am finally able to make my way to his bedroom. His head is down, looking at something in his hands. When I finally take a seat next to him, I look over at what it is…my picture of Gracilyn.

  I can feel the tears start to gather in my eyes. I don’t know what he’s thinking, but I can tell he’s upset. “Were you going to tell me you had a picture of her?” His tone is icy.

  “Yes. The doctor let me have a picture of her before I had to say goodbye.” I watch the tear slowly trail down his face. I want to comfort him, but I know he won’t want that from me right now.

  “She looks just like you, Lynd,” he chokes out, looking at me. “God, she was fucking perfect. A beautiful little angel that was the spitting image of her beautiful mother.” My breath is knocked out of me. I didn’t think she looked like me at all. I only saw Jaxson in her.

  “If you want, you can have that picture of her. I have one more in my bag at my parents’ house.” He nods, but doesn’t say anything. I watch him run a finger over her perfect little face, and I choke back a sob.

  Reaching over, Jax pulls me into his arms and lays us back on the bed. We spend the next hour wrapped in each other’s arms.

  By the time Tate shows back up at lunchtime, I can tell he's pissed that I am still here. Trying not to let him bother me, I hobble to the kitchen table, wincing the whole way. Jax asks me if I want anything to eat, and I meekly tell him no. He turns to look at me and I look down at the table, trying to keep off Tate’s radar.

  Tate, of course, has a different thought on that. "So has she told you where your daughter's buried?" he says with disdain.

  "Shut up, Tate!" Jax snaps. "Let me fucking deal with it. It has nothing to do with you. It's between me and Lyndley."

  I hear the chair scrape against the title as Tate pushes away from the table, mumbling. He walks out the door, slamming it.

  Sinking in my chair, I try to calm my nerves. Taking a peek at Jax, his back is to me, cooking something that smells amazing. I don't know what to say. I've also never heard him snap at Tate before. They've been best friends for as long as I can remember.

  After about ten minutes, Jax plates lunch and brings two plates to the table, setting one in front of me. We sit at the table and eat in silence. Several things are running through my head, and I know he's probably dying to know the answer to Tate’s question.

  Clearing my throat, I mumble, "She's buried in New York at Saint Peter’s.”

  His eyes snap to mine. "I want to bring her here. She belongs in Texas with her family.”

  "I want her here, too. I miss being able to go sit with her,” I croak, the tears threatening to spill. I don't like feeling so vulnerable around him.

  "You'd be okay with having her brought here?" he asks, hopefully.

  "Yes,” I whisper. "But I don't know how to move her or how much it would cost. I had to save for months just to get her buried there."

  Grabbing my hand, he says, “I’ll take care of everything.”

  We spend the rest of the day talking about everything that has gone on over the last ten years. We laugh, we cry, and we finally get some closure we both have been needing.

  Chapter Eight

  At about seven, Jax finally takes me back home. When we pull up, my mom is looking out the window, watching and waiting. "She must think I'm gonna attack you on the front porch like I used to,” he says, laughing. I can't help but smile. We were always attached at the hip…or the mouth.

  "Yeah. She probably thinks we ran off again,” I say, opening the truck door.

  "She knows?" He looks at the front window.

  I nod. "I'm sorry I told her. I just needed to talk to someone before I told you about the baby. It was the lesser of two evils.”

  He smirks. "Well, we are still legally married, so I can kiss you whenever I want." He leans towards me, his hand grazing my jaw and tangling in my hair, his tongue slipping into my mouth. As much as I want to deepen the kiss, I know we shouldn't do this yet. We need more time.

  Pulling away, I kiss his cheek and smile. "Thank you for everything today. Sorry I kept you from the ranch. I would have been fine alone."

  "It was my pleasure. Plus, we got to talk about a lot of things that needed to be talked about. Thank you for being honest with me."

  "What's going to happen between us, Jax?" I'm nervous to hear the answer.

  He smiles. "Lyndley, you and I are going to get through this. Married. Lots of babies.” I see the way his eyes darken when he talks about our future, making me want to strip down and straddle his lap.

  Shit. No. I need to get my head focused. "You still want to be with me even after everything?"

  He nods. "We can take it slow if you want, but it is gonna happen. I'm tired of waiting for us to figure it out." He crushes his lips to mine, making me forget everything else. Pulling away, he gives me a smirk. “Let me help you out.”

  When he gets to my side, he helps me down, then whispers, "I'll do whatever you need me to do to make this work between us. I never should have let you leave that day. I won’t make that mistake twice. I know we still have some stuff to work out, but I only want you.”

  I’m speechless. What do you say to that? “Okay…”

  He walks me to the front door and lightly kisses me on the lips. As I open the door and star
t to make my way inside, I glance back. With a smile and a wink, he walks back to his truck and starts it up. I give him a small wave and softly close the door. Leaning against it, I lay my head back and think about everything that has happened.

  Am I scared about what the future brings with Jax? Yes.

  Do I want to see if we can last? Yes.

  Am I willing to get my heart broken by him again? Yes.

  Just as I’m about to hobble to my room, I hear my mom clear her throat. I didn’t even notice she was standing there. “Hi, sweetie. How was your day and why are you limping?” She asks with a frown.

  I blush. “Well, it was great at first. I got a job at the diner, but then I fell down the hill at the creek and Jaxson had to come save me. We did have a chance to talk more and he wants to bring our daughter back.” My eyes start to get a little misty.

  “Oh, sweetie, that’s great news! I can’t wait!” I can see the tears forming in her eyes, as well.

  I nod and smile. “He found my picture of her, so I gave it to him.”

  Her eyes widen. I tell her to hold on a second and hobble to my room. I dig through my bags until I find the box that holds her photo and the teddy bear I bought before she was born. When I turn, I see her standing at the door. Smiling, I motion for her to come in and have a seat on the bed.

  Slowly walking over to her, I sit down and grab her hand. “Momma, I want you to meet your granddaughter, Gracilyn Marie Harper. This is the first toy I bought when I found out she was a girl.” The pink and grey bear was small and ratty, but it was all I could afford at the time. When she died, I couldn’t bring myself to donate it or throw it away. I donated all the clothes I was able to buy, but I just couldn’t part with the bear.

  “Oh, my goodness. Sweet baby, you were perfect. You look just like your momma and daddy. Oh, Lyndley, I am so sorry you had to do this on your own. I wish you would have called me.” The tears trail down her face, and I wipe my own eyes.

  “She looks just like him,” I murmur.

  My mom shakes her head and looks at me. “No, baby. She looks like both of you.” She pulls me into her arms. “I’m so proud of the woman you’ve become, Lyndley. Not very many people can come back from something like this at such a young age. I’m very thankful your roommate cared enough about you to make you see the light.” She kisses my head and gets up. “I love you, Lynnie. Never forget that.”

  “Love you, too, Momma. I’m sorry it took so long for me to come home.”

  “Baby, you came home when you were ready. And that’s all I could ask for.” She smiles and walks into the hall.

  I stare at the picture and the bear for a while, finally deciding on sending a picture of both of them to Jax.

  Me: I wish I could bring her back. I would trade places with her in a heartbeat.

  Jaxson: Darlin’, she will always be with us. Thank you for the photo. It means a lot that you’d share it with me.

  Me: You deserve to know her like I did. I’m sorry for taking away your choice.

  Jaxson: There was nothing you could have done differently. God had better things for her to do up there. My old man needed her more than we did .

  The tears start to fall again. I miss her so much, it hurts. Lying in bed, I try to get comfortable. When I was with Jax, I felt safe for the first time in a long time. It was almost like that is where I am supposed to be, even though I know we are a long way from that.

  Me: I bet she is having the time of her life. Your dad is probably spoiling her ☺.

  Jaxson: Ha, yeah, I bet he is.

  I end our conversation right there. I don’t want to force him to think about her every second of the day. I dumped this information in his lap only a day ago. He needs time to figure out how he feels about what I told him. Who knows? In a few days, he could wind up hating me for keeping the secret for so long.

  I close my eyes and try to sleep, but just end up thinking about Jaxson and the type of father he would have been. I bet he would have been wrapped around her little finger. He probably would start cleaning his shotgun when boys started to like her, and I could only imagine what he would do when she started dating. Laughing to myself, I focus on the happy memories I had with her.

  While she was in my belly, I spoke to her every night. I told her all about Jaxson and how much I still loved him, about how I would take her to see him eventually, about her grandparents.

  She knew she would be loved and would never want for anything. I can’t stop myself from thinking about who she would look like more. I hoped she would have his smile, charm, and heart, but I will never know now.

  Chapter Nine

  A few days later, the swelling in my leg has gone down tremendously, and I can finally start my job at the diner. When I arrive for my first shift, I’m surprised to see Tate sitting alone at a booth. When I walk by the table, he grabs my arm, stopping me right in front of him. I jerk my arm away and he gives me a dirty look.

  “Get off your high horse, Lyndley. Don’t fuck with him. He’s never gotten over you and I don’t want you sinking your claws back into him if you’re just gonna leave again.” I don’t get what I did for him to think so little of me. I would never hurt Jax on purpose. Jaxson broke up with me the first time, not the other way around.

  “I would never hurt him,” I state, squaring my shoulders.

  He just laughs. “Yeah, right. You did the moment you came back into town. And that story about the baby? I know what you’re trying to do. You’re playing the whole ‘poor me’ card just so you can get him back. You don’t deserve him. You never did.”

  As much as his words hurt, I know I want to prove him and everyone else who thought that wrong. I have loved Jaxson for as long as I can remember. No other man has ever been able to consume me the way he does. Sure, I thought Tyler was perfect for me, but that was only because I didn’t want to come back here and deal with my past.

  I point my finger at him. “Don’t you ever tell me I’m playing the ‘poor me’ card. You have no idea what I went through. As for Jax, I never stopped loving him. He’s always been the one for me.” I lean closer and whisper, “You ever say another thing about Gracilyn, I will tell everyone your secret.” His eyes grow wide. He obviously forgot I was there the day he found out.

  Tate and I are sitting out by the pond waiting for Jax to come when his phone rings. I have never seen someone get so pale so quickly.

  "You're fucking kidding me, right?" he yells into his phone. "You stupid bitch. Stay the fuck away from me. How could you take my fucking choice away? Why?" He puts his head in his hands as he listens. "Goddammit!” He throws his phone into the water.

  Jumping, I look over at him and see tears running down his face. Since I've known Tate, I've never seen him cry, not once.

  When I think he's calmed down enough, I scoot closer to him. “Tate, is everything okay?”

  "Fuck no,” he whispers.

  I rub my hand over his back, trying to comfort him, but I'm not sure if it's helping. I've never been in this kind of situation before.

  "Nyssa just said she found out she was pregnant and had an abortion. How the fuck could she not tell me we were going to have a baby?"

  I gasp. I can't believe she would do that. She always seemed like the nicest girl.

  Before we can talk about it anymore, I hear Jax. "Lynnie, get your sexy ass over here." Looking over my shoulder, I smile.

  "It's okay. I'll be fine,” Tate whispers. "I'll be there in a second." He wipes his eyes while I slowly stand up.

  "If you need anything, let me know, Tate." He nods.

  Walking over to Jax, he pulls me into his strong arms. "What's wrong with Tate?"

  I look back at him still sitting there, his head in his hands. "I think he and Nyssa broke up."

  Jax looks over at him. “Shit. Is he okay?"

  "No, but I think he will be after some time." I can't even imagine what Tate must be feeling right now.

  “You wouldn’t dare,
” he quips.

  I just smirk at him. “Try me.” I walk away.

  When I hear the door chime, I don’t look back. Once I clock in and get my stuff ready for my first shift, I walk back out and almost run right in to Jax.

  “Hey, darlin’,” he drawls, making me weak in the knees.

  “Hi, Jax,” I squeak out.

  “You work here now?” he asks with a grin. I nod and look over at the table Tate is still occupying. He gives me a look and I just smile. “Are you our waitress?” He leads me towards the table.

  I shake my head and point to my section. “That’s too bad,” he says, leaning into me. “I was thinking. Let’s go out on a real date. I’ll pick you up, take you to a movie and dinner. What do you think?”

  I can’t help but grin. “I’d love to.”

  His eyes light up. “I’ll call you later and we can set it up,” he says, running his hand along the top of my jeans, barely brushing my belly. I nod and he kisses my cheek.

  Walking over to the other side of the diner, I start to think about the first date we ever went on.

  Waiting for Jaxson to come pick me up for our first date is so nerve-racking. What if we don’t have anything in common? What if he doesn’t like my outfit? Oh god, I think I’m going to vomit. The hottest guy in school wants to date me. What was I thinking when I said yes? Oh god.

  I hear the doorbell ring, then I hear my dad talking to him. What if he scares him off? Oh, my god. I hurry up and apply the finishing touches to my outfit and hair.

  When I walk down the stairs, I see my dad and Jax joking and laughing. That’s strange. I thought my dad would have threatened his life.

  “Wow, Lyndley. You look beautiful,” Jax breathes as I walk into the room.

  I blush and walk over to them. “You best have my little girl home by ten and not a second later,” my dad reminds him, shaking Jax’s hand.

  I groan and my dad just smiles at me. “Love you, sweet girl,” he says, kissing my forehead. Why are parents so embarrassing? We say our goodbyes, making our way out the front door.