Valentine

by Rebecca Farnworth

  'Happy Birthday Piers,' Valentine said, sinking back into the leather seat and handing him his present. She'd had no idea what to buy Piers. What did you buy someone who had absolutely everything? In the end her mum had come up with a suggestion that she give him a photograph album full of pictures of her through the years. Valentine had no idea how this would go down; she only hoped that Piers didn't feel that she was trying to make a point of how he hadn't been there for her.

  In the event Piers's reaction was startling. As soon as he saw the photographs his eyes filled with tears and he reached out for her hand. 'Thank you, Valentine. This is a wonderful present. I'm only sorry I wasn't there for you, but I want you to know that I'm here for you now.' He seemed to be struggling to compose his feelings as he said, 'Olivia, take a look at this. Isn't it absolutely charming?'

  Olivia was sitting in the front seat; she briefly turned around and said, 'I will later, darling. You know how carsick I get.'

  Olivia's travel sickness meant that she required everyone to be silent on the journey. Piers and Saul both put on headphones and watched films on their laptops while Valentine gazed blankly out of the window. She had imagined they were probably headed for some luxury hotel for dinner. Three hours later they were driving into the centre of Manchester and pulling up outside the The Lowry Hotel. Valentine knew it was supposed to be a luxury hotel, but even so it seemed a long way to come. It was also a coincidence as Frank and Lily were up in Manchester as well, seeing Jack's play. Valentine started to have a bad feeling about this whole Manchester trip, the bad feeling just got a whole lot worse with Olivia's next comment. 'We just have an hour to freshen up before the play begins.'

  'What play is that?' Valentine asked, with a sinking feeling.

  'Lear, didn't Greta tell you?'

  Valentine shook her head. Of all the plays in all the world, why, oh why did it have to be that one? How could she see Jack again and know that she had lost him? It would be unbearable. But now she was here, how could she not?

  'I'm really looking forward to meeting your boyfriend,' Piers put in. 'We're hoping he'll join us for dinner.'

  Valentine's heart sank further still; this just got worse. She felt as if Olivia must have arranged this surprise just to torment her. 'Actually, I'm not sure if that will be possible.' She hesitated. 'We broke up a month ago.'

  Olivia's 'Oh,' said I told you so.

  Piers looked at Valentine. 'I'm sorry to hear that. We had no idea, otherwise we never would have put you in this situation, would we, Olivia?'

  Olivia shook her head. But Valentine couldn't help wondering if she was telling the truth. Wasn't she supposed to be good friends with Tamara's mother?

  'Are you going to be OK coming to the theatre?' Piers continued. 'I understand if it's too painful for you.'

  'I'll be OK,' Valentine managed, thinking of Lily and Frank. Perhaps if Jack saw her with the couple he'd think less badly of her, remember that he'd once loved her. Perhaps there was a tiny flicker of hope.

  The Royal Exchange was packed. Valentine scanned the rows for Lily and Frank, but couldn't see them anywhere. She hoped the train journey hadn't been too much for Lily; she'd been looking so frail lately. Valentine's party was in the third row from the front. Now she was not only feeling apprehensive about seeing Jack after the play, she was feeling nervous for him. This was a really big deal. She desperately wanted it to go well for him.

  She need not have worried. From the moment Jack appeared as Edmund, bastard son of the Duke of Gloucester, in Act I he was mesmerising. He was sexy, brutal, and persuasive. A man of no conscience, who didn't care what he had to do to get what he wanted. Valentine had thought that she wouldn't be able to see beyond the fact it was Jack, but he played his part so well that she almost forgot she knew him. It was a tour de force and she sensed that this would be the making of him.

  The same could not be said of Tamara as Cordelia. She was toe-curlingly bad, playing her as a simpering girl rather than a strong-minded, principled young woman, and she murdered her wonderful speeches. As Valentine had predicted it was a relief in Act V when Lear carried her lifeless body on stage after she'd been hung; no doubt most of the audience had been itching to strangle her themselves from Act I.

  'An utter triumph!' Piers declared, clapping loudly at the end.

  'Valentine, I know it's awkward but do you think you might be able to introduce Jack to Piers? He would be perfect for his next film,' Olivia whispered, so Piers could not hear. Clearly a woman with an empathy bypass.

  'I'm not at all sure that Jack is even speaking to me,' Valentine said quietly. 'And anyway, won't Tamara wonder why I am with Piers?'

  'Tamara knows about the situation.' She said 'situation' as if the thought of Valentine being related to Piers was distasteful to her. 'Tamara's an old family friend and I trust her completely.'

  Valentine felt a sudden flash of resentment because Piers had been so insistent that she tell no one. Olivia and Piers led the way to the bar, with Valentine trailing behind, accompanied by the still-chinos-wearing Saul. Did he not possess any other trousers?

  'Piers has something in mind for Jack. Tamara has been telling him how talented he is.' He paused. 'And he is. It's a pity you're not still with him; looks like he'll really be going places. It would have been good for your career. Any parts yet or are you still "resting"?' A most vile chinos-wearing traitor!

  She ignored the comment about her work and said sarcastically, 'With your degree of sensitivity you should think about having a relationship column.'

  Saul gazed over her shoulder. 'Actually, I'm too busy writing successful movie scripts.' As they walked up to the bar, Valentine wrung a tiny piece of satisfaction out of the situation by doing the whatever-minger signal behind his back.

  A table had been reserved for Piers and his party, with champagne on ice. 'Jack is exactly what I've been looking for, with that combination of menace and raw sexuality,' Piers said enthusiastically to Valentine. 'He couldn't be more perfect.'

  'No he couldn't,' Valentine replied sadly.

  'Sorry,' Piers said. 'That was tactless of me.'

  At that moment she spotted Lily and Frank and waved. The pair walked slowly over to the table, Lily clinging to Frank as if she could hardly manage to walk. 'Piers, these are my friends Lily and Frank,' she said as the couple finally made it to the table.

  Piers smiled. 'Good to meet you. You'll join us for a glass of champagne?'

  Valentine noticed that Olivia looked slightly peeved by Piers' offer of hospitality and while Piers made polite conversation with the couple she sat in glacial silence, only nodding when Frank told her how much he had loved her performance in one of her films.

  'Oh look!' Lily exclaimed. 'There's Jack! He's coming over!'

  Valentine's heart was racing so fast she felt like the time Lauren had made her take poppers as a dare. His hair was still damp from a shower; he was dressed in jeans and a black T-shirt. He'd had to pump up for the part of Edmund and his body looked fitter, in both senses of the word, than ever. His lovely muscular arms were now even more lovely and muscular. He looked briefly at Valentine, then quickly looked away without acknowledging her. That hurt, but then what did she expect? She watched Lily and Frank congratulating him, Lily doing her usual over-the-top 'You're such a star, darling,' routine, while Jack smiled and shook his head.

  Then Piers introduced himself, sticking out his hand. 'Piers Hunter. I just wanted to congratulate you on an awesome performance. Won't you join us for a drink?' Piers briefly looked at Valentine as if checking it was OK; well, it was too late now. Jack sat down next to Lily and continued to avoid eye contact with Valentine. She hung her head and picked at her thumbnail. It was very hard holding it together in front of him. Saul poured everyone a glass of champagne, while Piers continued to enthuse about Jack's performance.

  'And of course Tamara was divine too,' Olivia put in. 'I can imagine you would both look fantastic on film together, such chemistry between the pair o
f you.'

  Valentine had a sudden urge to throw her champagne into Olivia's smug face. Why was she being so insensitive?

  Just as Valentine thought things couldn't possibly get any worse, they took a turn for the so much worse as Tamara turned up, put her arms round Jack's neck and kissed him. And this was not a 'well done for your performance' kiss, this was a 'you belong to me' kiss. Just in case anyone was in any doubt that this was what it signalled, after she'd said her hellos to everyone else (a particularly gushing one to Piers), seeing that there was no seat, she slid onto Jack's lap. Her tiny frame was no doubt light as a feather. Valentine looked at Jack disbelievingly, as Tamara whispered something in his ear and giggled. How long had this been going on? Had he been lying about his relationship with her? She looked at Lily, then at Frank, who both looked equally shocked. To pull herself back from the abyss she was hurtling towards she tried her trick of listing everything she had to be thankful for in the world. She had wonderful friends, she had a great relationship with her mum, she had her health, she'd lost weight . . . but it was no good. She felt utterly crushed. Tamara chose this moment to speak to her.

  'So what's new with you, V?'

  Valentine was about to shrug and mutter, 'Nothing,' feeling too dejected even to pretend. But Lily spoke up for her. 'V has got several auditions lined up, one with a very prestigious director.' Valentine appreciated the lie.

  'Oh, what parts?' Tamara replied.

  Lily tapped a finger against her nose. 'All hush hush I'm afraid.'

  'Well now,' Olivia spoke, clearly expecting everyone's attention, 'I suggest dinner – Tamara, Jack? We'd love it if you could join us.' Her invitation was not extended to Lily and Frank.

  'Thanks, but I am taking Lily and Frank out for dinner, as they came all the way up here to see me,' Jack replied.

  Olivia was forced to back-track. 'Well, of course they must come too.'

  'Thank you,' Lily replied graciously, 'but I am going to retire with Frank. The journey has tired me more than I anticipated.' She stood up and swayed slightly. Immediately Frank got up and put his arm round her to steady her.

  'I'll walk out with you,' Valentine said, getting up.

  'Me too,' Jack said.

  Lily seemed very frail as she walked through the bar, leaning heavily on Frank for support.

  'Here, let me take the other side,' Jack said, putting his arm round Lily. 'Thank you, sweetheart,' she said gratefully, adding, 'You were a revelation on stage.'

  'I wasn't Lily, but thank you anyway,' Jack replied.

  'You were and you need to get used to being gracious about your talent.' She paused. 'And I know you might not want to hear this and you'll think that I'm meddling, but I'm old and I'm allowed to, so here goes: Jack, perhaps you need to be a little more forgiving in other areas of your life.' She looked meaningfully at Valentine. Where Angels feared to tread Lily stormed right in.

  Jack caught the look. 'Lily, I know you mean well, but I've always believed that infidelity is a deal-breaker. You can't have a relationship without trust.' Valentine's tiny flicker of hope was extinguished.

  'Oh Jack, I wish you knew what I did about life, then you'd realise that in the grand scheme of things it is something that can be forgiven,' Lily said sadly. She put her hand up to Jack's face. 'Lovely Jack, try to forgive.'

  Jack took her hand and kissed it. 'Lovely Lily, let's get you that taxi.'

  After they had seen Frank and Lily into a taxi, Jack and Valentine stood outside the theatre. The ex and the ex. Jack staring after the departing taxi as if it were a thing of great fascination.

  'Lily was right, you were fantastic,' Valentine said quietly, willing him to look at her. If only he would do that he would surely see how sorry she was.

  But Jack wouldn't look at her. 'Thanks and congratulations on your auditions.'

  'There are no auditions. Lily was just putting a positive spin on my lack of career.'

  'Oh.' A beat, then a muttered, 'So how's it going with him?'

  'If you mean Finn, there is no me and him. I told you, I made a mistake; I wish you would believe me, Jack,' Valentine replied, twisting her diamante bracelet round and round her wrist in anguish. 'I wish you could forgive me.' He still wouldn't look at her.

  'It's a big ask, don't you think?' he said finally. 'How would you feel if you were me?'

  Valentine hung her head. 'Devastated, just like I do.'

  'You threw us away. I don't think I can ever forgive you.'

  Valentine did her best to blink back the hot tears. 'And now you're seeing Tamara?'

  'Now I am,' he said meaningfully. And he was about to go on when Tamara appeared.

  'There you are!' she said a little huffily, linking her arm through Jack's. 'Olivia was wondering where you'd got to. It's time to go.'

  If there had been any excuse Valentine could have thought of to get out of dinner, any at all, she would have used it. As it was there was nothing she could say. She ended up sitting opposite Jack and Tamara, the latter continuing to mark her possession of Jack – feeding him some of her risotto with her fork (Valentine had a particular loathing for couples who did that), running her hand down his back, smoothing back his hair. She literally could not keep her hands off him. I don't know why she doesn't just fuck him in front of me and get it over and done with, she thought bitterly. Piers meanwhile was talking to Jack about his current project, another of his action blockbusters. Valentine endured the starters and the main course making small talk with Olivia.

  'I see you've lost weight, Valentine,' Olivia commented at one point. 'What diet have you been following?' The I'm-broken-hearted-and-so-miserable-I can't-eat diet, was the correct answer.

  Valentine shrugged. 'I just haven't been very hungry.'

  'Well it suits you,' Olivia said and she nodded approvingly when she noticed that Valentine had barely touched her food.

  Jack continued to ignore her, not even looking at her. By dessert she could bear the situation no longer. She made a feeble excuse about having a migraine – Piers wasn't to know that she didn't get them – and said her goodbyes. Finally Jack looked at her as she got up to go, but his brown eyes were completely unreadable.

  Now she'd seen Jack again she couldn't even hold on to that tiny flicker of hope that he might be able to forgive her. There could be no more fantasies about getting back with him. She looked back to the night she'd slept with Finn and saw it for what it was – a moment of complete madness. She felt at an all-time low, worse than she ever used to when she was having the affair with Finn. Now that seemed like a rehearsal for experiencing pain – this was the real thing.

  Finn was back in London – the audition hadn't gone well; he hadn't got the part. He phoned her a few times trying to persuade her to go out with him; each time she said no. Finally he called round and insisted on taking her out for dinner. She'd run out of excuses for saying no. Finn's treat was oysters at an uber-trendy pub on Westbourne Park Road, which was no treat at all for Valentine, who hated oysters. Even the sight of people eating them made her feel queasy. Finn was in a bad mood after the rejection and spent most of the evening ranting about how unfair it was that he hadn't got the part. He barely asked her anything about herself. How had she never noticed before how incredibly self-obsessed he was?

  'So did you miss me, V?'

  She shrugged.

  'Oh, you're not still hung up on Jack, are you?' He paused. 'You do know he was shagging Tamara before you broke up?'

  'How do you know?' Finn's answer suddenly became very important.

  'She told me. So I don't know why he acted all moral-high-ground with you.'

  'When?' Valentine couldn't let this go.

  'I don't know the exact time and date but I just know that it was before you broke up, after someone's party I think.'

  Valentine felt sick. She remembered Jack going to a birthday party of one of the members of the cast. He had promised to call her afterwards but never had. She'd thought nothing of it at the time. N
or did she stop to think now that Finn might possibly be lying.

  'So are we done talking about him? Those two deserve each other anyway – the high-maintenance princess and the hypocrite.'

  'Funny, that's exactly what he said about us – deserving each other.'

  'Well we do, don't we?' Finn said, oblivious to the bitterness in Valentine's voice.

  He slurped down another oyster. Valentine took a large sip of wine and looked away. Finn had clearly decided the subject of Jack was now closed. 'So when am I going to meet Piers?'

  Valentine shrugged. 'I'm not sure. It's very early days with us getting to know each other. Probably in a couple of months.'

  'A couple of months!' Finn said in outrage. 'I was thinking more like next week! He's your father, V, and I'm your boyfriend!' Was he? That was news to Valentine. 'I should be introduced to him.'

  Valentine didn't point out that he had never been bothered about meeting Chris. 'He's got a really full schedule,' Valentine replied. 'I'm not even sure when I'm seeing him.'

  'Well, perhaps I could come along next time you see him,' Finn persisted.

  'Finn, those meetings are about us trying to establish a bond – you know, father/daughter – trying to get to know each other.' God, he really was insensitive.

  'Well, I can help with that' Finn blustered. 'It would probably make it less intense to have me there.'

  'And this keenness to meet Piers has nothing to do with you hoping he might offer you some movie role?' She was feeling seriously pissed off with Finn now.

  He laughed, but it was hopelessly unconvincing. 'Of course not V, my only concern is you.' He had juice on his chin from the oysters, which Valentine found infuriating.

  She pointed at his mouth. 'You've got something there.'

  Finn absently wiped his mouth with his hand, then leaned towards her. 'Shall we go? You know what a turn on I find oysters.'