Hero by Nature

by Wilkins, Gina

  Six weeks earlier he’d looked into emerald green eyes and fallen in love. Now he acknowledged that his love was real, lasting, deep. Forever. He’d found his mate, the other half of himself, and he would do whatever he had to do to make her his. Fight whatever battles were necessary. Even if Autumn herself were the opponent. And she would be.

  Tearing his mouth from hers, he gasped for breath and buried his face in her throat. “I want you,” he muttered. “I didn’t know it was possible to want anyone this much.”

  “Shouldn’t we go someplace more private?” Autumn asked softly, her voice a husky siren’s lure.

  “Yes,” he whispered in response, raising his head to look down at her. He could read her desire for him in her eyes and he shuddered. She wanted him. She didn’t love him—yet—but she wanted him. Maybe—just for tonight—that would be enough. Maybe.

  They talked little during the drive. Jeff guided his silver BMW with one hand, keeping Autumn’s hand in the other. Occasionally he raised her hand to brush her knuckles with his lips. By the time he pulled into her driveway, she was trembling with need for him.

  She didn’t have to ask him in. Without a word he opened his door and climbed out of the car, meeting her on the other side. She could feel the slight unsteadiness in his arm when it slipped around her waist, the hint of vulnerability increasing her own uncharacteristic shyness. It took her three tries to fit the key into the lock of her front door.

  The door had barely closed behind them before she was in his arms again, his mouth slanting hungrily over hers. Rising on her tiptoes to press closer against him, Autumn abandoned herself wholly to sensation, shutting off all thought of consequences. She wanted him. And this time she was going to have him.

  Jeff’s first impulse was to lift her into his arms and carry her into the bedroom. A soft chuckle left his throat as he realized that his fiery love probably wouldn’t appreciate such a gesture. She’d want to walk beside him, if not actually lead him.

  Autumn tilted her head back to look up at him, her eyes quizzical. “You’re laughing?” she inquired curiously, her voice disturbed.

  “I’m happy,” he answered simply, smiling down at her. He wanted so desperately to add that he loved her. But he couldn’t. Not yet. His smile dimmed.

  Autumn lifted a hand to his cheek, her own smile misty. “So am I,” she told him softly. “It’s been a wonderful evening.”

  He caught her hand in his fiercely, gripped by needs too powerful to control. He ached for her, the desire all too close to pain. He could lose himself in her, pretend that she was his for eternity. But, dammit, he didn’t want to have to pretend. He wanted it to be true. “I need you,” he whispered rawly, turning his face into her palm. “God, I need you.”

  As he’d known she would, she interpreted his words to mean that he wanted to make love with her. She could not—or would not—read the deeper meaning hidden within them. Her full red lips curving into a smile that no man could resist, she twined her fingers around his and turned to guide him to her bedroom.

  She snapped on a small bedside lamp, illuminating the room with soft golden light. Jeff’s eyes turned swiftly to examine her bedroom and what he saw made him smile. Like Autumn, her room was an intriguing combination of the defiantly modern and the sweetly old-fashioned. It was perfect for her. Just as she was perfect for him. He turned back to her in time to watch her sweep the borrowed red sweater over her head. Her sultry gaze holding his, she removed the clip from her hair, allowing the wind-tangled auburn tresses to fall around her shoulders. He swallowed hard.

  No one else in the world would have known she was nervous as she reached for the top button of her blouse, Jeff thought in a sudden surge of fierce possessiveness. Surely no one else could have seen beyond that cool, seductive exterior to find the trace of uncertainty in her eyes, in the almost imperceptible tremor of her fingers as they loosened that button and then the next. He took the two steps that separated them and caught her hands in his, raising them tenderly to his lips. And then he finished unbuttoning her blouse, sliding the crisp fabric off her shoulders to expose full, creamy breasts spilling over the lacy top of a scrap of a bra. He groaned and lowered his lips to the tempting, gold-dusted flesh.

  Autumn quivered when his mouth touched her skin. Glorying in her response, Jeff lowered her to the bed, following to stretch out beside her. Still without removing her bra, he cupped one swollen breast in his hand, his lips and teeth tracing the line of lace that covered her. “You’re so beautiful. So very beautiful.” He barely recognized his own voice.

  “Jeff,” she whispered, arching up to him.

  His name on her lips was the most erotic sound he’d ever heard. He had to taste it. “My name,” he muttered roughly. “Say it again.”

  “Jeff,” she moaned as his fingers found her straining nipple through thin lace. “Je—”

  And then his mouth was on hers, his tongue deep inside to claim the sound. Rolling to lie on top of her, he arched into her softness, the clothing between them unwanted barriers to total intimacy. Burying his hands deep in her hair, he kissed her with all the unleashed passion inside him, his control almost completely shattered. And she kissed him back with a heat that equaled his, her silky, work-strong arms going around him to clutch him to her. Her pant-clad legs tangled with his, the feminine juncture of her thighs willingly cradling his straining hardness.

  “How do you do this to me, Autumn Reed?” he whispered between hot, stinging kisses. “What kind of a spell have you cast on me with those green sorceress eyes?”

  Her laugh was thin, breathless. “And I thought I was the one who’d been bewitched,” she accused him, her hands stroking the strong line of his back.

  Holding her still beneath him, Jeff lifted his head and stared down at her. “Tell me you want me, Autumn. I need to hear it.”

  “I want you, Jeff,” she answered without hesitation.

  He groaned and kissed her again, his hand seeking the clasp of her bra. It was enough, he told himself thickly. It was enough—for now. It had to be.

  And then he groaned again when a high-pitched beeping penetrated the thick fog of desire inside his head. Cursing beneath his breath, he forced himself to roll away from her, his hand going to the small plastic box clipped to his belt. “I’m sorry.”

  Her breathing as ragged as his, Autumn struggled upright, pushing her hair out of her face with an unsteady hand. “Don’t apologize. It’s not your fault.”

  Checking the telephone number displayed on the tiny screen of the pager, Jeff nodded toward the extension phone on her bedside table. “May I?”

  “Of course.” Autumn reached self-consciously for her blouse. So this is what it’s like to date a doctor, she thought with an attempt at humor that she didn’t at all feel.

  She couldn’t help hearing Jeff’s end of the conversation as she buttoned her blouse. “What’s up, Julian?” he asked, his voice still husky with passion. “She is? Tonight? Damn. I was hoping she’d make it through Christmas. No, I’m glad you called. I want to be with her mother when it happens. Hang around, will you? I’ll be there soon. Thanks, Julian.”

  Running his hands through his tousled hair, Jeff turned to Autumn when he’d replaced the receiver, and there was sadness in his eyes. “I’ve got to go,” he told her. “I’m losing a patient tonight, a little girl with cystic fibrosis. I want to be there for her mother.”

  “I understand. I’m sorry.” She wanted to reach out to him, to ease the pain she read in him, but she didn’t know how.

  “I’m sorry, too. For everything.” His awkward gesture at the rumpled bed said as much as his words.

  Autumn shrugged, feeling her face grow hot. “I know.”

  Jeff started to turn toward the bedroom door, then he stopped suddenly, as if on impulse, and turned back to her. “Maybe it’s best that this happened tonight. Before we made love.”

  Puzzled, she tilted her head to one side and looked up at him. “Why?”

 
Again he ran his hand through his hair, an a typically nervous gesture from him. “Because I’m not sure I could ever walk away from you if we make love,” he blurted out at length. “Because once we’ve taken that step, I couldn’t bear the thought of another man being with you, touching you. Hell, I can’t bear that thought now. It’s already too late for me. But you’ve been given a reprieve, Autumn. Another chance.”

  “Another chance for what?” she asked warily, moistening suddenly dry lips.

  Moving abruptly, he cradled her face in both his hands, gently forcing her to look up at him. “Another chance to back away from the relationship developing between us before we lose control of it. I’m not talking about sex, Autumn. I won’t deny that I want you, that I want to make love to you more than I’ve ever wanted another woman, but that’s only a part of what I feel for you. I want a future, a commitment. And making love with you will only strengthen those feelings.”

  Her heart pounded in her chest, her hands trembled, and she recognized the symptoms of pure fear. This was what she’d tried to avoid from the beginning. Somehow she’d known that Jeff wouldn’t meekly participate in the no-strings-attached affair she’d tried to convince herself she wanted with him. “Then maybe we’d better end it, Jeff. Because I’m not looking for a commitment right now. Believe me, it wouldn’t work. I’m not the right woman for you. For an affair, maybe, some good times. But not for anything more lasting.”

  “You’re wrong,” he told her, his eyes blazing. “You’re exactly the right woman for me. I’ve known from the moment I saw you. And don’t try to convince me that you make a habit of indulging in a string of affairs. I won’t believe you.”

  She lifted her chin in an instinctively defensive gesture at his too-close accusation. “You don’t know that. You couldn’t know.”

  “I know,” he answered simply.

  She jerked away from him, stepping back to put space between them. “Hadn’t you better go to the hospital?”

  “Yes. I wish I could stay so we could talk about this some more, but I can’t. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

  “No,” she said quickly. “Don’t.”

  “Autumn…”

  “Please, Jeff. I need time. I’m not ready for this now.”

  He sighed and nodded. “All right. I shouldn’t have brought up my feelings like this, knowing I didn’t have time to stay and talk it out. But I didn’t want to leave you thinking that all I want from you is an affair.”

  He closed the distance between them again and dropped a brief kiss on her still-swollen lips. “Think about us, Autumn. Think about the feelings that have been there between us from the beginning. More than passion, more than desire. Don’t be afraid of those feelings, honey.”

  Honey. She’d always disliked that endearment, considered it demeaning. So why did the word make her knees go weak when spoken so softly by Jeff? “I…” She what? Wordlessly she stared at him.

  “It’s your move again, Autumn. I’ll be waiting when you’re ready to make it. Good night.” He turned and moved away from her, his long strides quickly crossing the living room to the front door.

  Some impulse made her run after him. “Jeff!”

  He paused, holding the door open. “What is it, Autumn?”

  Stopping only inches from him, she touched his cheek fleetingly. “I’m very sorry about the little girl. I know it hurts you.”

  He caught her hand and pressed a warm kiss into her palm. “Thank you,” he whispered roughly. “Good night, Autumn.”

  “Good night, Jeff.”

  “Damn. Damn, damn, damn.” Autumn dropped onto the couch and buried her face in hands. She’d known. She’d known to stay away from him! And it was her own fault that she hadn’t. She’d called him for that first date.

  From the beginning she’d known the kind of man he was. Warm, sensitive, honorable. Modern in some ways, but not when it came to relationships. The man wanted a wife, a family, and now he’d decided Autumn was the woman he’d been looking for.

  He was so very wrong.

  Her eyes stung with hot tears she refused to shed. She didn’t want to hurt Jeff. She didn’t want to be hurt. Yet both seemed inevitable now. How could she have deluded herself into thinking there was any other possible ending to this thing between them?

  He needed someone to cherish, someone to protect. She needed to take care of herself. He would be the kind of man to love with his entire heart, to center his life on that love. She was terrified of being smothered by that type of love. He needed someone to be there for him when he hurt, someone to come home to when he’d lost one of the patients he cared so deeply about. She didn’t know how to offer that kind of support. She couldn’t even help him tonight when she could see him suffering in front of her. Dammit, she didn’t know how!

  A damp, cold nose pressed against her cheek, and Autumn automatically gathered the small white dog into her arms. “Oh, Babs, I’ve made such a mess of everything,” she whispered sadly. “Such a terrible mess.”

  LONG HOURS LATER Jeff stepped out of his shower and rubbed a towel over his dripping hair. A weary sigh escaped him as he walked nude to his bed after patting most of the water from his body. He was so damn tired. He crawled into the bed and stretched out on his stomach, one arm draped around his pillow. He desperately needed sleep, but it was slow in coming. Part of his mind was still at the hospital, with the little girl who’d died and the family whose grief was so devastating despite the efforts they’d made to prepare themselves for this inevitable event. Yet another part of his mind was with Autumn, hoping that he hadn’t ruined everything with the impulsive declaration of his feelings.

  He didn’t regret telling her that he wanted more from her than an affair. He’d never intended to pretend differently. He only hoped he hadn’t frightened her away with the ill-timed admission.

  Drawing in a long, ragged breath, he burrowed more deeply into the pillow and allowed himself to drift into a pleasant fantasy in which Autumn was lying beside him, her fingers stroking his hair, her skin pressed warmly to his. The merest hint of a smile touched his lips at the thought. Someday, he promised himself as consciousness slipped away from him, someday it would happen. Surely he couldn’t need her this much and never be allowed to have her.

  AUTUMN SPENT the next two weeks working until she was nearly exhausted in an attempt to convince herself that she didn’t miss Jeff, didn’t think of him every waking moment. She succeeded only in losing five pounds she hadn’t tried to lose and developing purple circles under her eyes from too many restless nights. As she’d requested, Jeff didn’t call, but she knew that he was waiting for her to call him. A dozen times she found herself standing with her hand on the telephone. She would always stop herself at the last moment from calling him, remembering the intensity in his voice when he’d told her that he wanted more from her than an affair.

  She welcomed the beginning of her Christmas vacation. She had planned to leave Babs in a kennel during her visit to Arkansas, but Emily insisted on keeping the dog. Since Babs knew and liked both Emily and Ryan, Autumn was comfortable with the arrangement, and she left Tampa with a sense of optimism. Surely it would be easier not to think of Jeff when several hundred miles separated them, she thought as she boarded the plane for Little Rock Regional Airport. She hoped to return to Tampa in two weeks completely cured of her infatuation for one nearly irresistible doctor.

  She arrived in Little Rock just after noon on Friday, the week before Christmas, expecting Spring to meet her at the airport as they’d arranged. Instead, she was met by a veritable welcoming committee—Spring, Clay, Summer and Derek. Laughing happily, the three sisters exchanged fervent hugs, all trying to talk at once.

  “What are you all doing here?”

  “We came to meet you, Sis. What else?” Summer replied cheerfully, her brilliant blue eyes dancing with mischief beneath her fringe of honey-brown bangs. “Derek and I arrived yesterday and we spent the night at Spring and Clay’s house. We thought we’
d all drive to Rose Bud together this afternoon. Spring’s closed her office for the rest of the day, and she and Clay can spend the whole weekend with the rest of us in Rose Bud, though she has to work Monday.”

  “But I’ll be back in Rose Bud on the evening of the twenty-third,” Spring put in, a smile in the violet eyes that regarded Autumn through light-framed glasses. “Clay and I have both announced that we’re closing our offices from the twenty-fourth through the twenty-sixth, so we’ll have those three days to spend together, too.”

  “This is great,” Autumn enthused. “Summer, I’m so glad you could make it home this year. We missed you last year.”

  “Derek made sure that nothing kept us away this year. Poor thing’s worked himself half to death during the past few weeks to arrange it.”

  Autumn smiled at the man behind Summer, eyeing his lean yet muscular six-foot frame and dark tan. “You look pretty healthy to me, Derek.”

  Derek Anderson smiled in return, leaning over to kiss her cheek. “You know how Summer exaggerates.”

  “My turn,” another male voice insisted, and then Autumn found herself caught in a hearty embrace and thoroughly kissed.

  “Hi, Clay,” she managed to say when he released her amid the laughter of the others. “I see you haven’t changed a bit.”

  “Nope,” the six-four, sinfully handsome blond replied cheerfully. “Why try to alter perfection?”

  Spring groaned and rolled her eyes at her husband’s immodest quip.

  “It’ll take us a little over an hour to get to Rose Bud,” Clay mused, glancing at his colorful Swatch watch. Then he grinned boyishly at Autumn as they walked toward the parking lot. “That’ll give you plenty of time to tell us all about the new man in your life.”

  Autumn stopped in her tracks, appalled to feel herself blushing—again, dammit. As the others stared at her, she realized that it was the first time her sisters had seen her blush in years. “What…” She stopped and cleared her throat, glaring at Clay. “What new man?”