Jeff stayed all night, falling asleep only to make love to her again when they woke. If Autumn had thought that the mindless ecstasy she’d felt the first time they’d made love had been a one-time experience, she was proven wrong. It was just as incredible, just as spectacular, the second time. And the third. He left, reluctantly, with long, lingering kisses and murmured promises to see her later.
And then Autumn Sarah Reed, the tough, independent, self-sufficient, liberated woman who never cried, found herself standing in the tub, a steady stream of hot tears mingling with the water from the shower. Because Jeff had made her so very happy. And being that happy terrified her. She could all too easily become addicted to being with Jeff Bradford. And she didn’t believe that such happiness could last. There would come a time when she’d have to pay for her pleasure—and the price just might be higher than anything she’d ever given in the past.
“AUTUMN, ARE YOU SURE this isn’t too much of an inconvenience?”
“Emily, I’m sure. You said the baby-sitter would be here in half a hour, right? And I’m not due at the wedding until half an hour after that. That gives me plenty of time. Besides, I can get ready with Ryan here. He’s no trouble.”
“I really hate to ask this, but I promised Mr. Dawson I’d work tonight to finish up those reports.”
“Emily, stop it. You’ve never asked me to baby-sit before, and I’ve told you several times that I’d be happy to do so. I think I can manage for half an hour. We’ll be fine, won’t we, Ryan?” Autumn smiled at the child in her arms, receiving a broad grin in return. “Tell Mommy bye-bye.”
“Bye-bye,” Ryan echoed obediently.
When Emily had gone, Autumn set Ryan on the floor of her bedroom with a cookie and a toddler’s spill-proof cup of juice, keeping an eye on him as she applied her makeup for the evening. A friend from work was being married that evening, and she felt obligated to go, even though she’d never been too excited about going to weddings.
“Babs, get away from Ryan’s cookie,” Autumn warned automatically, her mind still occupied with her plans for the evening. For some reason she was really dreading this particular wedding. Why was she so sure that she would be haunted by thoughts of Jeff during the solemn ceremony?
She hadn’t seen Jeff all week. And he wasn’t at all happy about it. He’d called every day, only to have her make excuses for why she couldn’t see him for another few days. The truth was she was trying to allow enough time to pass for her to get over the lingering aftereffects of their lovemaking on the night she’d returned to Tampa. Finding herself crying in the shower had been such a shock that she’d decided she’d better wait awhile before seeing him again. Make sure that she had firmly reconstructed the emotional barriers between them that he’d so effectively shattered that night. She would not fall in love with him, she told herself for the thousandth time. She would not allow herself to need him.
She added an extra layer of foundation beneath her eyes to hide the circles that testified to her atypical sleeplessness during the past week. Unfortunately, her body was not as cooperative as her mind in denying her longing for Jeff. Nor was her subconscious. When she’d slept at all, it had only been to dream of him, to replay the most incredible night of her life, to reexperience the feel of him against her, inside her. She cursed under her breath as those thoughts made her hand tremble, smudging her mascara.
She jumped when the telephone rang. She’d told Jeff her plans when he’d called last night to ask her for dinner this evening. He’d responded with growing impatience, demanding to know when he could see her again. Was he calling again already?
Ryan was still working on the cookie as Autumn passed him to answer the extension phone on her bedside table. She patted his sandy head and lifted the receiver. “Hello? Oh, hi, Webb. No, I didn’t think you were Jeff,” she lied. “My voice was not breathless! Stop being such a jerk, Brothers, or you’re going to find yourself sitting alone at this wedding. Right, it starts at—Ryan, no!”
Autumn threw the receiver down and made a lunge for the curious child, moments too late to stop him from pulling her curling iron off her dressing table by the cord and picking it up in one chubby fist—by the wrong end. Ryan screamed and dropped the hot appliance, bursting into tears of pain.
Her stomach contracting, Autumn dropped to her knees on the floor beside him. “Let me see, Ryan.” She spread his clenched fingers and swallowed. The tiny palms and fingers were an angry red, already beginning to blister. “Oh, you poor baby. God, that must hurt.” She pulled the crying child into her arms and rocked him against her shoulder, her own eyes filling with tears of sympathy.
Swiftly unplugging the curling iron, she looked around for her shoes, grateful that she still had on jeans and a T-shirt rather than her robe. Her gaze fell on the telephone receiver lying on the floor, and she snatched it up. Webb was yelling her name, trying to find out what had happened.
“Webb, Ryan’s burned his hand,” Autumn told him, raising her voice to be heard over the child’s noisy sobs. “I’m going to take him to Jeff. Wait for me here, okay?”
Almost sick with guilt and concern, Autumn rushed Ryan out to her car. She didn’t have a car seat, of course, but she managed to fasten the seat belt around him, hoping it would be safe enough. He cried most of the way to the clinic, calling for his mother, his hiccuping little sobs wrenching Autumn’s heart.
Ryan stopped crying as Autumn took him out of the car. He placed his arms tightly around her neck and buried his face in her shoulder when she paused in front of the clinic reception desk. “Is Jeff here?” Autumn asked the receptionist. “Dr. Bradford, I mean.”
“Dr. Bradford is just about to leave for the day. Can someone else help you?”
“Autumn?” Jeff stepped out from the shelves of files behind the reception desk. “I thought I heard your voice. What happened?”
“Oh, Jeff.” She’d never been so glad to see anyone in her life. “Ryan burned his hand on my curling iron. It’s badly blistered, and I know it’s painful.”
“Bring him around,” Jeff told her, assuming his professional mien, though his tone was still the quiet, deep one that he seemed to reserve for her. “Sheila, call Kelly and ask her to give me a hand.”
Autumn had seen Jeff at work before, when she’d worked on the clinic lights, but she was struck anew by his gentleness and patience when he treated Ryan. He talked softly to the child as he spread a thick white cream over the burned skin and then wrapped the entire hand, fingers and all, in soft gauze. Ryan took immediate exception to the latter procedure and didn’t hesitate to inform everyone within about a half-mile radius.
“It doesn’t hurt much now,” Jeff assured Autumn with a half smile, glancing up at her pale face. “He’s just mad. Aren’t you, pal?” he asked the screaming toddler.
“There,” Jeff said a few minutes later. “All done.” He picked Ryan up and patted his back, pleased when Ryan stopped crying to curiously investigate the stethoscope dangling from Jeff’s pocket, the bandage already forgotten for the moment. Jeff winked at Autumn as he handed the stethoscope over for inspection. “See? He’s already forgiven me.”
“What did you put on it?” Autumn asked curiously.
“Silvadene Cream. It’s practically a miracle drug with burns. Soothes the pain and promotes healing. In a week to ten days the blisters will be gone and Ryan won’t even have a scar.”
Autumn was preparing to ask another question when she was interrupted by the arrival of Webb and Emily, escorted into the examining room by the young nurse who’d assisted Jeff in treating Ryan. “Is Ryan okay?” Emily asked immediately, rushing to Jeff’s side to examine her son. Ryan dove into his mother’s arms, contentedly submitting himself for her inspection.
“He’s fine,” Jeff assured her, explaining again what he had done and telling her how to care for the hand until the burns were fully healed.
“I’m really sorry this happened, Emily.” Autumn twisted her hands in front of her, feel
ing terrible about the entire situation. “One minute he was quietly eating a cookie, and the next he was pulling the curling iron off my dressing table. I didn’t even see him move.”
“Believe me, Autumn, I understand,” Emily replied reassuringly. “Now you know why I’ve been running myself ragged ever since he learned to walk. He’s so darned fast!”
“They all are,” Jeff agreed with a chuckle. “Take it from an expert in treating bumps and cuts while listening to distraught mothers saying they just took their eyes off the little darlings for a minute.”
“You scared the hell out of me,” Webb informed Autumn with a hand pressed dramatically to the area near his heart. “When you screamed and threw the phone down, I nearly had a heart attack.”
“Thanks again for coming after me, Webb,” Emily told him, giving him a smile that brought a flush to his tanned cheeks. “I know it’s not serious, but you were right about me wanting to be here with Ryan. Mr. Dawson said I could finish the reports tomorrow. He’s very understanding about my obligations to Ryan.”
Autumn didn’t ask how Webb had known where to find Emily. She’d suspected that the two had been in close touch for the past few weeks, though neither had been overly talkative on the developing relationship.
“Want to skip the wedding tonight, Autumn?” Webb suggested, glancing down at his casual clothes and her jeans and T-shirt. “We don’t really have time to change now, anyway. I’m sure Carl will understand when we explain what happened.”
Autumn agreed heartily, welcoming the excuse. Webb and Emily took Ryan home a few minutes later, leaving Autumn alone in the examining room with Jeff. She swallowed a lump in her throat and gave him a shaky smile. “Thanks, Jeff.”
“No problem.” He stepped closer to her, dropping his hands on her shoulders. “How are you? You were so pale earlier that I thought I was going to have to treat you as well as Ryan.”
She grimaced. “I just felt so terrible about him hurting himself while I was supposed to be watching him.”
Jeff pulled her the few inches remaining between them and wrapped his arms comfortingly around her. “It wasn’t your fault, honey. I wasn’t exaggerating when I said that accidents like this happen all the time. Actually, you were quite efficient and resourceful. You brought him straight to me without panicking, and you had him calmed down so that we could treat him easily. Until we had to wrap his fingers, of course.”
Autumn managed a chuckle. “He hated that, didn’t he?”
“They all do. Kids don’t like having any part of themselves bound. Too restricting.”
She leaned back in his arms and smiled up at him. “You’re a very good doctor, Jeff Bradford. If I had kids, I’d want you to be the one taking care of them.”
His eyes darkened dramatically. “I fully intend to be the one taking care of your kids, Autumn Reed.” He kissed her before she could respond, the embrace starting out light and comforting but quickly turning to searing passion.
Mindful of their surroundings, she gulped and pushed herself hastily out of his arms, refusing to consider the message he’d not so subtly sent her. “I know you were about to leave,” she told him, preventing herself from babbling only with a great effort, “so I won’t keep you.”
“You don’t really think I’m going to let you go that easily, do you?” he inquired, watching her with amused understanding. “Now that your other plans have been canceled, you have no excuse for not having dinner with me.”
She tried, anyway. “I’m not really dressed to go out.” Her hand swept the air between them, indicating the contrast between her jeans and T-shirt and his dress slacks, shirt and tie.
“We’ll go to my place,” he offered immediately. “I’ll put some steaks on the grill.”
“I’m not sure that’s a good idea,” she demurred, knowing what would happen if they were alone at his house.
“Autumn, I’m offering dinner. I won’t ravish you.” His eyes glinted suddenly with mischief. “Unless you want to be ravished, of course,” he added.
She stifled a sigh, knowing she was going to accept. She’d been such an intelligent person before she’d met Jeff Bradford, she thought. Whatever happened to all that common sense she’d once prided herself on possessing?
Jeff drove his BMW home, and Autumn followed in her Fiero. She talked to him as he started the grill and put the steaks on, explaining that Emily’s baby-sitter had called earlier to say she’d been detained, which was why Autumn had been in charge of Ryan when he’d burned himself. While the steaks were cooking, Jeff excused himself to change out of his work clothes and into jeans. Autumn sat by the pool and sipped a cool drink while he changed. She’d love to swim in that pool, she thought wistfully, but of course she didn’t have a suit with her. She was musing over tantalizing images of skinny-dipping there with Jeff when he rejoined her. If he noticed her heightened color, he wisely made no comment.
After dinner they watched the episode of Jeff’s soap opera that he’d taped earlier that day. Autumn teased him about his absorption in the story, though she secretly found his weakness appealing. Of course, she found everything about him appealing, she admitted reluctantly. And that was the problem.
“I know you don’t like Dr. Noble, but you have to admit the guy’s a pretty good actor,” Jeff was saying when he regained her attention. “I don’t know what his real name is, but he seems ready for feature films to me, though he’s still young.”
“His name’s Lonnie O’Neal, and he’s twenty-nine,” Autumn replied without thinking. “And you can bet he’s got his eye on Hollywood. He’ll jump at the right role when it’s offered. He’s intended to be a star for years, and he hasn’t let anything stand in his way so far. I doubt that he’s changed since I knew him.”
“Since you knew him?” Jeff repeated, turning on the couch to stare at her. “You never told me you knew him.”
She realized what she’d done. Her thoughts had been so caught up in her confused feelings about Jeff that she’d talked without considering her words. “I knew him,” she admitted. “Quite well, actually.”
Jeff’s brows drew sharply downward. “You mean you and he were—”
She shook her head quickly. “Oh, no, not me. Summer. Lonnie and Summer were engaged six years ago. She was crazy about him, though I always thought he was shallow and vain. They were both theater arts majors at UALR—the University of Arkansas at Little Rock—and they planned to become stars together. Then Summer had a motorcycle accident, and Lonnie walked out on her before she even got out of the hospital.”
“He did what?”
“Dumped her,” Autumn answered coldly, surprised that so much anger could remain after such a long time. “Took off for New York while she was still stuck in a wheelchair. Of course, in the long run it was the best thing that ever happened to her. She loves Derek much more than she ever loved Lonnie.”
Jeff reached for the remote control and snapped off the television. “I don’t think I’ll ever watch that show again.”
Autumn shrugged. “You don’t have to go that far. As you said, Lonnie is a very good actor. I’m sure he’ll make a big name for himself in the next few years. He’s already quite popular with the daytime viewers.”
Jeff shook his head emphatically. “I’ll never like him now. I can’t imagine any man walking out on a woman he claims to love when she needs him the most.”
Autumn looked away, knowing full well that Jeff would never walk out on the woman he loved. He would be there by her side, caring for her, encouraging her, supporting her through the hard times. And the woman who loved him would grow to depend on him, need him. Lose herself in him.
“Is that the problem, Autumn?” he asked suddenly, bringing her eyes rapidly back to his face.
“What problem?” she asked, genuinely confused.
“Your fear of commitment. The reason you’re so determinedly independent. Was your sister’s broken engagement so distressing for you that you decided to avoid the same type o
f risk yourself?”
“No, Jeff,” Autumn answered firmly, though she wondered if she had been affected more deeply by Summer’s pain than she’d realized. It had been barely a year later that Autumn had broken her own longstanding engagement. “I was engaged once myself. It didn’t work out because I’m not the type to make that kind of commitment. I started feeling threatened, smothered by the relationship. I have to be in full control of my own life, not answerable to anyone else. I like it that way.”
“You didn’t love him.” There was no question in Jeff’s statement. He looked at her with narrowed eyes, daring her to argue with him.
She shrugged. “I don’t know,” she confessed. “I thought I did at the time, but I was so young. I tried to change for him, be the kind of clinging, dependent woman that he wanted, but I couldn’t do it. He couldn’t understand why a woman would want to be an electrician, why I was fascinated by wiring and meters and cables, when he thought I should be reading recipes and attending Tupperware parties. The day after I broke our engagement was the day I felt free, really free, for the first time in my life. I haven’t allowed myself to be trapped like that again.”
“Love isn’t a trap, Autumn,” Jeff argued quietly. “And a man who truly loves you wouldn’t ask you to change.”
“How did we get on this subject, anyway?” She all but jumped to her feet and pushed her hands into her pockets. “You know, after all that’s happened today, I’m suddenly exhausted. Thanks for dinner, Jeff, but I think I’ll go on home and rest now.”
“Don’t run from me, Autumn.” He rose smoothly and caught her face between his hands, staring intently down at her. “Haven’t you understood yet that I don’t want to change you or tie you down? I love you, Autumn. I want to share my life with you. I want you to share your life with me. I would never ask you to sacrifice your happiness for me.”
“Don’t, Jeff. Please.” She tensed in pure panic at his words, though she’d been expecting them since the night they’d made love. Which was exactly why she’d been avoiding him ever since.
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